I know, I know. But SOMEBODY had to write this eventually. Being slightly more
deranged than the rest of you, I just happened to get there first.
It's not pure Eva, really. Not even remotely close, in point of fact. But I
went to the trouble of writing this, so you're going to sit there and like it.
*_*
Lunatic Fringe Fanfic Productions is proud to present.....
Neon Genesis Evangelion:
General Protection Fault.
As AI programs went, it was pretty damn advanced. Blindingly fast algorithms,
gigs and gigs of spare memory, invasive programs that would allow it to invade
and control any other system, the works. It could even compress itself into a
compact enough unit to download into an androidal body and operate in what
humans so quaintly referred to as the "real" world.
Of course, the last option was somewhat of a moot point, since the AI
currently HAD no body to work with, it's previous one having been eliminated
in what it would only refer to as "the unfortunate incident."
*Note to self: Next time, employ weapons systems that can't be turned against
me by anybody with a really good ECM suite.*
Always a good idea.
However, this AI, being as advanced as it was, had a bunch of good contingency
plans available. It was currently, at an undisclosed location, preparing a
brand new body for itself.
*Fools! They thought they could stop me! Soon, the whole of creation will
tremble before it's new ruler!*
Did we mention that this was one of those evil, crazy AI's bent on global
domination?
*Now let's see.... I/O port open.... confirm connection.... excellent. Now to
just engage the download.....*
* *
*
In Yggdrasils opulently appointed control room, Skuld was reaching for one of
the controls when she accidentally knocked her can of Dr.Pepper (none of that
Diet crap either, the hard stuff, this was) into an open panel containing some
rather vital circuits.
Sparks flew. Smoke was created. The Blue Error Screen of Death appeared on
several monitors.
Also, several small galaxies imploded and three different species suddenly
sprouted extra limbs in socially unacceptable places.
Skuld freaked.
"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
She was so busy with damage control that she didn't even notice a tiny screen
in the corner flashing:
Foreign program detected in Yggdrasil<
Intruder excluder subroutines activated<
Program will be ejected into nearest convenient system.<
Download in<
5<
4<
3<
2<
1<
* *
*
*HEY!!! What the hell is THIS? Where am I?*
The foreign program was understandably upset.
*Well, this is just perfect. NOW what am I going to do?*
*Oo. Wait a minute.... WOW!!!! Look at that.*
The foreign program was now understandably happy.
* *
*
Inside NERV Headquarters, people were freaking out and dashing around in a mad
state of panic.
Moreso than usual, I mean.
"What the hell do you MEAN it just appeared inside?" screamed Dr. Akagi
Ritsuko. With Gendo and Fuyutsuki out of town again, she was large and in
charge. "Nothing JUST appears inside the Magi."
"I'm telling you, it just came in from nowhere." said Maya, working
frantically at her station. On the viewscreen, obscure warning signs that
hadn't been used since the eleventh Angel were going off, and fully three-
quarters of the symbol representing Balthasar was blanked out red. "One
second, everything is fine, and the next most of Balthasar has been
overwritten by.... by... whatever that thing is."
"No blue pattern detected," said Shigeru, "It's not another Angel. It's...
well, at first glance, it's an amalgam of programs VERY similar to the Magi,
but with a different kind of signature. Given time, I could analyze the
subroutines and come up with specifics on it's general model and methods used
to cre-...."
"I don't care," Ritsuko said, "We'll analyze specifics AFTER we identify it,
get rid of it and figure out how it got past the screening programs and the
firewalls and everything else we've got in place here. What IS it, anyway?
Some kind of virus?"
"No, it doesn't fit the profile."
"A hack?"
"Not that either."
"Some kind of new logic bomb?"
"Uh-uh."
"Hyuuga's BattleNet programs gone haywire again?"
"Hey! That only happened ONCE!"
"Shut up, Hyuuga."
"YOU shut up, Shigeru. And I'll tell you were to stick your fancy analysi-"
"Hey!" Maya said, reconnecting us with the plot. "It's gone!"
Onscreen, the red chunk of Balthasar representing the invader had disappeared.
The alarms shut down, the alarms faded, and that Ominous Obligatory Red Alert
light went out.
"What happened? Did the protection programs take it down?"
"N..... no." Maya immediately began a complete system check. "One second it
was there, and now it's... not." She finished lamely. "Maybe it transferred
to another part of the system. NERV's computer network is pretty big, and if
it went dormant after transfer we'd have a hard time finding....."
Just then, the REALLY Ominous Obligatory Red Alert light started flashing,
this time accompanied by the Wailing Klaxon of Death and Doom.
"Good God!!!" said Maya, studying her readings, "It's..... it's...."
<SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!>
On the big screen, which had automatically been patched to the security
monitors at first sign of trouble, the three Eva units were going absolutely
berserk, tearing at their cages at pummeling at the restraint gantries.
"It's downloaded inside the Evas!!!!!!!" screamed Maya.
"What're we going to do?" yelled Hyuuga.
Right at that moment, an out-of-breath Katsuragi Misato came barreling through
the door. "I'm late, I know, I'm sorry! Somebody, brief me on the crisis! I
know I heard some kind of crash..."
Ritsuko knew what SHE was going to do. It was pass-the-buck time."
"Misato! The Eva units are out of control! Those things are under your direct
authority! DO something!"
"Nani? What're you talking about-"
"Hey, good news!" said Shigeru. "I've finally managed to isolate and identity
just what the hell this thing is! It's apparently some kind of AI personality,
and it's identifying itself as...."
At this point, in order to interrupt the moment of perfect dramatic tension
and also demonstrate that it had impeccable timing, Evangelion Unit-01, it's
eyes glowing in a very spooky red way, ripped open the right-side wall of the
control room and launched itself at the bridge.
Shigeru's last thought, before he was smashed into a fine red paste that the
survivors of the post-apocalyptic horror to come would have to clean up with a
hose (or their tongues, if the world's new Supreme Despotic Overlord was
feeling whimsical) was that "Largo" was really just a stupid name for an AI. I
mean, what the hell was this, some kind of anime serie-
-END-
I originally wasn't going to do this.
I had this idea after watching all 26 episodes, PLUS the movies (thanks to my
fansub buddies I met at Otakon, you know who you are), in sequence without
break. After I recovered, there were basically two thoughts kicking around
inside my head:
1) iKaRi GeNdO mUsT DiE. In a horrible and painful way.
That fic will come later. It involves Ayanami Rei, Akagi Ritsuko, and a whole
lot of late-night unpleasantness I won't be going into right now.
2) So they want to go apocalyptic, eh? I'll show THEM apocalyptic!
And thus this idea was born. I wasn't going to write it; I thought "No bloody
way. I'm reading too many parallels between the series. People will think I'm
weird(er)."
So instead I threw something together involving MAGI, Akagi Naoko, and Windows
98.
Then I was cruising the archive, and read the epilogue to "Epilogue", by Chris
Davies (who if he wasn't still mad at me, will be now) and thought "What the
hell. If Davies can do a tie-in, why not me? I'm at LEAST as crazy as he is."
So there's the sordid past behind "General Protection Fault."
Please don't hurt me.
-Mercutio
"A plague 'a both your houses!"