In the spirit of c&c, please permit me to do a little on your
recent posting.
At 12:27 PM 8/29/98 PDT, you wrote:
A major problem with too many fanfics are that they stuffed with bloated
dialogue. What makes an exchange between characters 'bloated'? Dialogue
becomes bloated when the author puts in more information than is
necessary for the character to convey a point.
'too many fanfics' comes off as wery weak, and without
authority, and since that's the very core of your discussion,
I think it would be better to flesh this out a bit.
For example, you could discribe where and when you encountered
those stories, eg:
"I examined every 7th Ranma fic in the archive" or
"I have read each fic that was published to the list in
the last week"
Alternately you could find an actual fic with a glaring
example and use it directly.
Also, "Common problem" might better describe the topic than
'major problem'. (But back up your assertion of common
with specifics)
The word 'because' is a prime suspect in this particular literary crime.
"Suspect"? Don't you think that 'Because' is more like a 'witness'?
I still think there's hope for this crime metaphore, but it's
tricky, since the word 'because' is generaly a law abiding
citizen, and the simple presence of 'because' is not a crime
in itself, and of course this crime can exist without 'Because'.
Here is some bad dialogue:
"That's okay, I like to help people, because I'm a helpful person at
heart. Not to mention helping people makes me feel good, but I guess I
would help people anyway even if it didn't feel good, because I belive
in it. Besides, when have I ever not helped you when you needed it?"
Oh yes, now that's bad. Sounds like something Pretty Sammy would
say. Or maybe Mihoshi.
Now let's edit this to make it good:
"That's okay, I like to help people."
Why, how, and how much the character likes to help people is useless
information. Additionally, all that useless information distracts the
reader from the scene, and it losses it's focus.
'useless'? 'Dem's fight'n words.
'Useless' carries cultural bagage (In that it's a put down)
that detracts from the fundamental truth of the sentance.
What if the focus *is* why, how, and how much the character likes to
help people? Even in that case, the first example is wrong because it's
a ridiculously unnatural way for a character to speak (unless you want
to make a character who talks that way); this is how such a situation
should be handled:
"That's okay, I like to help people."
"It's really okay? I mean, it won't be too much trouble?"
"Don't worry about it, I'm a helpful person at heart."
"Thanks--they weren't lying when they said how helpful you are."
"I guess helping people just makes me feel good."
"Phew, that's a relief. I was really nervous about imposing on you so
much--"
"Please, don't worry about it. When have I ever not helped you when you
needed it? Come to me any time."
Well, it's your dialog, but the unidentified helpful person
comes off a bit smug. Perfect, If that's what you have in mind.
As a part of a critical analysis, including snippets of made-up
dialog is perilous, since without enough body around them it's
difficult for the reader to judge if the snippet really works.
I'd suggest you use a 'good' passage from a real story, then
re-write it to get your 'bad' example.
I'll not examine the actual dialog too closely here, since this
isn't C&C on your snippet, but on the artical in general
Remember, the key rule for any dialogue is Short and Sweet. This isn't a
matter of taste, this a rule of story-telling.. The best fanfic authors
don't do it, and neither do any published writers.
'the key rule' Where did that come from? You should cite some
athority beyond yourself when you quote a rule as if it
were a comandment.
'any dialog' Feh. I have a saying about that;
"Always avoid absolutes." Get it? ;)
Stating an absolute like 'any' can alienate the reader, since
it pretty much challenges them to find examples that void your
statement.
Backing off just a little from an absolute to 'most' or
maybe restating it as 'a rule for good dialog' acknowledges
that there are exceptions, so that confrontation with the reader
never develops, yet 'the rule' you then describe can still be
persuasive.
'The best fanfic authors don't do it, and neither do any
published writers.'
Eeww.
Earlier you had some advice about 'Useless information'
I'll just type a line of useless information here while the
irony sinks in.
That sentance does nothing to bolster your case for "short and
sweet', and coming as it does at the very end it serves your
case poorly, for two reasons
1) The first clause is imprecise (Do bad fanfic writers do it?)
and puts you in a position of saying that all the best
fanfic writers get it wrong. Since this is the FFML and not
the badger fanciers mailing list or somesuch , you've just
waved a red flag.
(Btw, if that was your intention, I think you could have done
a much better job of it. Also, you should spend an evening
watching the sun go down from a rooftop, and reflect upon
your actions. It does wonders.)
2) The use of an absolute (any published writers) in the final bit
is again detracting from your credibility, which is too bad,
because there is a real kernal of wisdom in what you are saying.
J.
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