"First Sons"
Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
Jonathan Ng <jonathan@worldy.com>

Interesting start to the story.  You may want to look at linking the opening
parts together a little more smothly as at the start it seemed to be a bunch
of disjointed sceans tossed together.  Towards the end thens started to flow
together better though.

Here's a few things I ran across:

[---->
"That's very nice dear." Her mother's smile was brighter than the
sun, and more friendly as well. "I better get ready for dinner."
<----]

"more frondly as well" just does not seem to fit there to me.  You may want
to try "and friendlier

[---->
"Whoops! We're finished breakfast already. We forgot about you,
Dad. I'm sorry." Miko said with a wink.
<----]

I think you ment "We've finished" there.

Tom

----
Thomas C Kinnen - <tkinnen@creativeanime.com> <tkinnen@livingston.com>
[Test Engineer - Radius ABM] - LUCENT Technologies RABU
<URL:http://www.livingston.com/> * <URL:http://www.lucent.com/dns/>