A new chapter of the first Lemon I ever read!  WAI!

OK, C&C...

1) Of all the chapters of this fic, I liked this one the most.  It had the
most believable character work so far, especially in delaing with Cologne,
Mousse, Shampoo, Hinako, and Gos. (No, I can't spell his name, it's 2 AM.)
2) All that said, something about the final 1/3 or so with Cologne, Hinako
and Gos seemed flat. (Not that way, you ecchi!)  There seemed to be a lack
of...well...reality.  Nothing really sparked my imagination or really got me
into the character's heads.   Gos' self-loathing and all probably did the
best job of really seeming sincere, and even that struck my as being a
little detached.
3) Tarou's bit was good.  Nice to see someone else using him.  (I still lay
claim as the #1 person to ever use him in a long fic. ^_^) Oh, Speaking of
Tarou: WAI!

--
Christopher 'God-Boy' Angel
c_j_angel@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/~ca_godboy
International Man of Megami-sama.