It was all the fault of Japanese society.  Oh sure, it was
easy to say 'If you don't like the way things are, change them,' but
she had tried.  She had tried, very hard, and failed.  Multiple times.

Do your fic a favour and drop the feminist BS. Political activism has no 
place in Ranma.

	The phone clicked in Nabiki's ear suddenly.  She set it back
down in the cradle and stared at it.

You've lost me with this telephone dialogue.

'The phone clicked in Nabiki's ear suddenly' is bad prose. 'The phone 
clicked in Nabiki's ear' is better. 'The phone clicked' would even work.

	Whistling to herself, she cleaned up the remains of her lunch
and left the lounge.

Pulp Fanfiction doesn't work, it never worked, and it never will work. 
There seems to be no premise. Nothing is discovered. Nothing is solved. 
The only part that seemed to lead somewhere was the telephone 
conversation of with Kunou's mother, but it turned out to be a dead end.




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