On Tue, 25 Aug 1998, Thomas C Kinnen wrote:

First off thanks for the time and C&C.

Very good story.  A number of formating issues as I've marked below but part
way through I figured it must be due to something happening in the posting
since they tened to be the same erroes over and over again.  I'm suprised at
a few things though like how did Sylia know who John was when his wife died?
Also taking off he mask was not something I would expect her to do.  Was it
since Holly had worked with Sylia's father?

Re: Sylia's Knowledge of John...
	I don't quite follow.  I had assumed (all puns aside), that
the scene was self-evident.  I'll take a look and see if I can clear
that up.  My assumptions (there's that word again) regarding Sylia
was 1.) Holly had been, however dimly, connected with Dr. Stingray.
2.) Sylia has an encyclopaedic knowledge of her father's work via the
"package" he sent her post mortem.

Re: Revealing [Sylia] her Identity
	This was something of a dramatic liberty I took with the
scene.  I realize it goes against [somewhat] my interpretation of the
character but I felt it was a good tool for the scene.  And yes, one
could interpret all this to mean that Sylia had a turn of heart...
And then, that's a matter easily open to interpretation.

Re: Odd Spaces and Indentation probs.  
	Ahh, unfortunately this was do to a word wrap problem with
pico and my mailer. (The text editor was set to justify words at 70,
pine is set to wrap at 69.)

Also I'm assuming that Priss is out of her suit once she is injured as I
doubt John could cary he in the suit.  I'm gusing they destroyed it as
leaving the remains of the suit around would not be pretty smart.

I would only speculate on the matter [of Priss's suit]; But yes, at
one point John asks "Now how do I get this ... tin can off of you?"
-- although, I must admit I never actually go beyond stating the
ob-injuries Priss sustains...  It would seem to me that this
would be the sort of detail that only a very keen reader would catch.
(I missed it.)

Various comments follow:

I think it would have made more sense when talking about Holly in the first
paragraph to say she was his wife because at first I was going "So why is he
flying out to see her?  Wife, Girlfriend??" (Ok, so it took me this far to
figure the Die Hard cross over.  I'm dense sometimes <G>)...

Heh.  I would have assumed the opening sentence gave it away, but
then, I'm a Bruce Willis fan. <shrugs>

<snip>

Earlier you were putting what the characters though within aspostries like:
'Why is it,' John though, '....' and now you seemed to stop and change the
format.

Noted.

It may be a bit clear if you used something like "carry the one ton crate."
As it is it seems ton is not describing the weight of the creat but the
appearance to me.

Noted.

Thanks again!
----
Sean Erik Page Hayden
http://www.flash.net/~haden <-- Homepage & Wierdness
http://nabiki.newberry.edu/shayden <-- Anime Supers PBeM
El Presidente Norte Americano Brotherhood de la Seans
(Seaners Internationella Broedraskap)