Intersting take on why Akane acts the way she does.  Over all a very good
job.  Here are a few thing I came across when reading I though you might be
interested in.

sighed. <I probably answered my own question. He doesn't want me to
train, he wants me to seduce Akane or somethin'.> He glanced at his
strangely withdrawn fiancee. <It's not like I'd make the moves on
her.>

Akane was lost in thought as she trudged up the mountain alongside
her fiance. She knew very well what her father hoped they would do
during this trip, but she really doubted she could go through with
THAT. She knew of an obstacle that prevented her from being that close

You start out by putting the characters thoughts withing <> but in the
second paragraph you stop.  Latter in the story you start again.  You may
want to be consistant.

"Akane, it's all right. I understand that you didn't want to face it.
When Dr. Tofu compared my curse to being raped, I didn't want to face
my curse. Eventually I was somewhat willing to face my curse, <not
that I had a choice,> you weren't willing to face your past yet. I've
largely come to terms with what I am now, and can help you face your
past."

Here with the thoughts in the middle of the paragraph you don't close out
the spoken dialog with quotes.  It pretty clear that you ment this to be
thought and not spoken but some people may have a problem differentiating.
I would have closed out the quotes and the put the toughs seperate and
reopened them when the spoken dialog continued.


Tom

----
Thomas C Kinnen - <tkinnen@creativeanime.com> <tkinnen@livingston.com>
[Test Engineer - Radius ABM] - LUCENT Technologies RABU
<URL:http://www.livingston.com/> * <URL:http://www.lucent.com/dns/>