this is my first c&c on the ffml, and the most writing i propose to do with
a broken wrist, sooooo here goes!

commentary: i enjoyed this fic very much. i'm a fan of both amg and gaiman's
dreaming /sandman works, but even w/o familiarity w/ the sandman world, i
would have understood and enjoyed the characters because you described them
well and smoothly. by smoothly, i mean you interjected the descriptions into
the prose in a natural-sounding way--the way a completely original work,
characters and all, might do it. bravo. it ain't always easy. a crossover
between these two "worlds" worked well because of the premise behind the
dreaming...especially as the place gods go when they die, the place of
dreams. it was the best place for belldandy to work out why she was mortal
and dying and where she could find help. great use of matthew, by the way,
he was always one of my fave characters. aside from infrequent typos, this
was very well-written and entertaing, except....

criticism: you know what i'm going to say, don't you? i must agree with Chan
about verthandi's change of heart needing more, um, hmmm...here, let me try
to express myself with suggestions: Chan suggested extending the scene at
bell's deathbed. while that should be done (imho), i also think you should
have her contemplate it more after we finally meet her and she and belldandy
confront each other. i think you intend meeting bell in the hall of mirrirs
to have a dramatic impact on verthandi, but it isn't shown very strongly in
the immediate wake of that scene. also, we should care about verthandi's
"passing" as an independent being, even if we, like urd and skuld, don't
like her. i don't think you mean her to be a true villain (like, evil), nor
even a good idea gone awry (in an evil way), but she is the villain. she's
forcing true lovers apart and her interpretation of bell's promise to
keiichi is a literal reading of words alone, utterly missing its true
meaning. you make this point best when verthandi has her change of heart.

sorry, rambled a bit. i think, have verthandi have doubts and think about
them for us after she confronts bell. then when she finally gets a clue (and
a heart) and sacrifices her existance outside of belldandy, it won't seem
quite so sudden, and maybe we might feel a little twinge of regret at her
passing while being glad that bell has been restored to keiichi. ok, a
really little twinge. maybe.

point: a convincing villain is one the reader can identify with at some
level, even if the reader hates him. verthandi is part of bell and as such
should have more redeeming qualities--i mean, that we see in the story
before she up and decides to be noble and sacrifice herself for true love.

again, i enjoyed this story very much and not only look forward to any
rewrites, but to anything new you create! thank you for an involving fic.
and for being the brunt of my first public imho c&c, you daring chappy, you!

kjh