Ranma 1/2 : Redemption Chapter One
Created by Long Ngo
Started June 11, 1998=20
Finished August 22, 1998

Your prose need serious work; they're so cumbersome they're actually 
painful at some points. Read professional fiction and see how the pros 
do it. The most important rule is simply this: Ask yourself if what you 
just written sounded good.

Ryouga created a crater around him by the simply act of clenching both 

ha=

nds
to his side due to the immense power he now wield.  Cocking his head to 

t=

he
Heavens above, Ryouga shouted out his last battle cry, "PERFECT SHI SHI 

H=

OUKOU
DAN!!!"  The energy that he had previously gathered had no real point 

of

release and so started to shoot out of every pore in his body.  Even 

Ryou=

ga's
body could not handle the stress as it exploded, discharging the energy 

i=

n a
dome of destruction.     =20

The perfect form of the Shi Shi Houkoudan can only be precipitated when 
Ryouga becomes so depressed that he throws away his feelings, or his 
'will to live'; doing so also makes him invulnerable to the blast.

I
was going to name this fic BASHING RYOUGA Chapter two but that would be 

g=

iving
it away.  If you ask me why I would say that one day I woke up and felt 

a=

need
to kill Ryouga.  As you can see, Akane did not get Ranma again, 

HAHAHAHAH=

A.

Well, it's nice that the fic has a point. As a character slam, it's 
ultimately powerless because it's so transparent. A more powerful 
character slam can be given by taking the canon characterization, and 
perverting things slowly but surely--adding a a bit of invective here, 
making him a weakling there, throwing in a pinch of stupidity every once 
and a while.


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