I should warn you that this contains offensive 
material. There, my consciense is clear.I should also
note that the idea for this fic is brilliant. 
Thank you very much!

All Ranma characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

Mr. P


 Hello! My name is Joey Paragaparas!
 I came to Japan in during the summer of 1996. My 
brother, Steve, said that he would meet me and Tokyo
and let me stay in a place he had set up. As it turned
out Steve was still in the US and it was all a big joke.
 When I called up he just told me it was my own fault
for believing him. He's a really funny guy.
 So, there I was in Tokyo with absolutely no money
and two suitcases. Seeing as how I didn't speak the language
I did the only rational thing that came to mind. I became a
performance artist.
 For my act I swore in English for five minutes then I peed
on the concrete. Most everybody who saw my act never gave
me any money and just ran away in terror. Nobody appreciates
art.
 Then this one day this crazy ass guy wearing sunglasses and 
a Hawaian shirt asked me if I wanted to become the custodian of
his high school. I readily accepted and thus became the janitor of
Furinkan High School.
 It's a great job. I get to live in a broom closet, I get two meals 
a day and the crazy ass guy told me I only had to be his indentured
servant for twelve years. Hell, the crazy ass guy even taught me how
to understand Japanese which cost me another three years of 
servitude to him. Now, that's what I call a sweet deal.
 And also this was sort of my dream job. You see I love urine. For
me being near toilets is like being in heaven. In one of the suitcases
I have there are several bottles of urine that I have collected over
the years.
 I am a devout follower of the god of urine, Imabigfatdickhead, who
never leaves my thoughts and always gives me comfort in my time of
need. Being a worshiper of Imabigfatdickhead means that you have to
spread the word or in this case urine.
 I spread the urine of Imabigfatdickhead by mopping the floor of the
high school with piss. So, that when the kids walk on the floor they
think they're walking on a clean floor, but they're wrong! They're 
walking on pee! If they are lucky they will be saved and follow
our lord, Imabigfatdickhead.
 Now, I thought that I was just your run of the mill urine worshiping
janitor until something rather extraordinary happened. It was on a 
November day and I was walking down the street when I saw a 
little old lady throwing out some water from a bucket with a ladle.
There was a guy wearing a bandanna and backpack walking down the 
street totally oblivious to his surroundings. This was the perfect 
oppunity to spread the word of Imabigfatdickhead.
 I took out a small bottle of my urine and emptied it into the old
lady's bucket when she wasn't looking. What happened next shocked me
beyond belief. The guy turned into a pig!
 That was when I knew that I had no ordinary urine. I knew that my 
penis had somehow been enchanted by Imabigfatdickhead, but I did not
know why. So, I followed the first one who had been struck by my magical
fluids. 
 The pig man wandered around for several hours, but I never lost track of 
him. Finally he stopped at a house where a girl who went to the school
I worked at picked up the pig man and went into the house. 
 I snuck around the wall of the house until I found a tree on the other
side. I climbed up the wall and hopped onto the tree. From my vantage point
I could gaze into the open window of a bathroom. 
  There was a large bathtub or whatever they're called and this was the 
perfect time for me to test my powers. I managed to step into the bathroom
and stood on the windowsill. I opened my pants and took a long whiz into the
bathtub. After I was done it had a very nice yellowish tint to it.
 Knowing how hard it would be to convince someone to bath in yellow water
I took out my special brand of bubblebath soap. The soap would stay white
and not show any sign that I had urinated into the bathtub or whatever the
hell you call it.
 I jumped out the window back onto the tree. A couple of seconds later a
naked pig tailed girl walked into the bathroom. She looked at the bath
and said something about not wanting to take a bubble bath. She stepped 
into the bathtub and turned into a man! Truly Imabigfatdickhead had blessed
my willy!
 I left the girly man to wash himself in my holy urine and climbed down
the tree. When I got to ground level I saw that the door to the kitchen was
open. In there I saw the girl who had picked up the pig man. The pig man
was sitting on the counter watching the girl making food if you could call
it that.
 The girl picked up the pig man and left the kitchen with the dish she had
just 
made. I rushed into the room and opened the refrigerator. Sitting there were
a couple of cans of beer. I took the cans out and emptied them into the 
sink and proceeded in refilling them. Once I was finished I put the cans
back into the refridgerator. 
 I ran out of the kitchen and waited outside for an hour until I heard
someone 
coming back. It was a young woman wearing an apron. She took the two beers
from 
the refridgerator and left the room. I walked behind the young woman so she 
wouldn't see me. She went into the living room where there was a fat guy
wearing 
a bandana and a long haired guy wearing a mustache playing some weird game
that 
looked a lot like Othello.
 The young woman gave the beer can to the fat guy and the second he opened
it fiz went all over himself. Two seconds later I saw that he had turned
into
a panda! I jumped up and down and yelled that my wanger would help me take
over the world.
 On hindsight I shouldn't have yelled that. When I opened my eyes I saw 
the girl with the pig man, the fat panda guy, the long haired guy, the girly
guy,
the young woman and another girl from Furinkan High were all there staring
at me. I looked at them and told them to bow before their new leader. 
 They didn't so I knew I had to teach them a lesson. I took out my penis and
pissed on them all. I didn't really have enough time to see them change
because
the girl with the pig man knocked me out too fast.
 Three months later I'm still in this hospital bed. I now know why my penile
powers had stopped working. I had become too greedy and abused my gift so 
Imabigfatdickhead punished me for my transgressions. Say could you help me
with this bed pan here. I would really appreciate it. Say! Where are you 
going! Come back here or my god will unleash his wrath on you! 


If any of the urinal information in this fic is incorrect please tell me.

Until I find better things to write about. Ja ne.