To Nick Leifker: Thanks for your comments on this story. I'll reply in
detail to them as soon as RL allows me the time, which will probably be
tomorrow evening.

Meanwhile...

TSchmidt@tcon.net (Thomas Schmidt) wrote:

	When the two of them actually did finally decide that they would
become husband and wife, it wasn't like that. Getting married simply
seemed like the thing to do at the time.

The narration here seems a bit overdone.  I think it takes away from the 
strength of the scene to forecast it this bluntly.  I understand the point 
you're trying to make, but it could be a little more subtle.

I'll see what I can do with it.

           But how? Maybe Ranma had been right. There wasn't 
much Gosunkugi could do to interfere with his wedding. The best 
he could do would be to try to find someone who could.

I'm not sure I understand the purpose of this Gosunkugi scene, other
than to set up his chapter and make us think that Shampoo was informed
by him.  Am I missing something?

Well, he *was* overdue for an appearance, having been missing for the
past four chapters. So, yeah, it was to show how Shamps knew where the
wedding would be, and also just a sort of status report on what Gos has
been up to... after all, he *is* a somewhat important character as far
as HaM goes.

She thought about the man she was marrying. He often insulted
and provoked her; but he didn't deserve the way she sometimes treated
him. Did she unconsciously try to hurt Ranma, to get back at Koichi?

I really doubt it.  I don't find this speculation at all convincing.

Hmm... any particular reason why not? Opinions seem very divided on
this.

"Ranma!" The doors burst open. Shampoo burst in, running toward
the wedding party. "Ranma! You need come quick!"

Don't repeat "burst" like that.

Whoops. Will change.

Shampoo's gazed with eyes that were truly haunted.

What?

Um... it means "Author was in too much of a hurry to get draft
finished." :-)

My impressions:  I still don't care about Koichi, but his scenes seem
less obnoxious than they did before (though that could be my imagination.)
Everything else is clever and entertaining, although I had trouble
accepting your rationalizations through made-up history of Akane's 
behavior, leaving me with the impression that she's a bit simple-minded. 
(It is her introspection we're reading, after all.)

*shrug* Well, in a way, she is.

 This prelude feels
a bit empty, compared to the others -- but I guess that understated 
atmosphere is part of the point.

That, and the fact that the Ranma/Akane wedding has been done in
zillions of other fics. Given that this is *extremely* well-trodden
ground, I felt that the readers would be able to fill in a lot of the
gaps for themselves.

This is a good fic, but I think it would be much weaker as a stand 
alone than as a part of the generally excellent HaM series.

I think you're right -- and the same will no doubt be true for the next
Prelude. Thanks for the compliment, and for the insightful analysis.

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics