I was able to sneak to a computer terminal for a few minutes, so here you
go.  No, I am not yet back on the list (though I hope to change that
soon).  Many pardons if some points been banned/debated to death.


On Wed, 19 Aug 1998, Gary Kleppe wrote:

Oh, and if
anyone has a better idea for a chapter title, lemme know, 'cause I'm not
terribly crazy about this one.

Hmm...this is about Akane growing from her past, right?  I dunno, It's
Been Red, Giving away, or something in that vein.

      "I shall be at your abode in half an hour. I look forward to
meeting with you and Saotome Ranma again after these many years."

<snip>

      The guests would be arriving shortly. Akane began one last check
through the house to see if anything needed to be cleaned. With both of
her sisters having moved away, she was the woman of the house. Though
she was far from the perfect housekeeper that Kasumi had been, she did
her best to keep the place reasonably tidy.

Well, to me, it sounded like Kuno just let them know the situation, but
Akane had already arranged for everyone to gather.  I assume that this is
not the case, and that Kuno is just confirming his arrival time.  How
about having him state "I just wanted to let you know that I shall..."

Also, has he given up his archaic speech patterns, or not?  I thought HaM
1 pretty much stated that he was done with all of that.
 

resentment. Her life had become about as close to predictable and
comfortable as it had ever been before Kuno and Shampoo had shown up to
drag her and Ranma into something that either or both of them might not
even survive.

'had shown up'?  Or just showed up?  Using that tense makes it sound like
she's still talking about the manga years in that sentence.

imaginary scene would end with him telling her it was all a joke and
that he could never love an uncute tomboy like her; but sometimes it
wouldn't.

Is the semicolon being used properly here?

      "Maybe. This time, anyway. I been in love before, y'know. With
Cologne. Ryoga, too.

Maybe you should work in a little more detail as to when these 'happy'
events occured, for the benefit of those who haven't read that far in the
manga, but have heard references.  Koi rod/bracelet pills, right?  I've
heard about it, but haven't gotten to the rod story yet.

      But how? Maybe Ranma had been right. There wasn't much Gosunkugi
could do to interfere with his wedding. The best he could do would be to
try to find someone who could.

So you chose Shampoo.  After all the descriptions of the bombed wedding,
one would think that Gosunkugi would tell someone other than just Shampoo.

	Koichi handed her a business card. "I work for the Tsumaranai
Security Company. For one low price, our company could install our
deluxe model security system in your home. It can give you that early
warning that could save your..."

"Oh, no thanks.  We'll just use Genma's expert Martial Arts perception
skills for that."

	Not that that mattered.

Repetitious 'that' looks funny.  How about 'Not that it mattered?'

	"Love is blind," Akane said quietly to Ranma. "And deaf,
and...."

Heh.

	Whether that was true or not, one thing was finally clear. Ranma
wasn't Koichi. True, he could be insensitive, but she could trust him
when she needed to. Maybe, just maybe, she would find the courage to
show him those sides of her, the ones that had lain dead for far too
long.

This is pretty good.  A realization that doesn't come spontaneously.  I
can't think of how many fics that go 'I hate Ranma.  Oh, wait.  I love
him.'  *Glomp!*  End.

	"I'm sorry," Mousse said proudly, "but I cannot marry you, for
my heart is given to darling Shampoo."

>From a Monty Python sketch?  Or just concieved on your own?

	By the time Mousse's eyes opened and his attention returned to
reality, Shampoo was gone, and the doors to the chapel were wide open.

Ha!




This is interesting.  One would think that the many fiancees of Ramna 
would crash the wedding, but it seems that almost everyone has been
accounted for.  I also liked the pace you set for the wedding.  Ranma's
wedding is an overdone scene, so not bothering to devote half the fic
torwards description was a good move.