However, I think you need to tone down the silliness just a smidge.  

As the

work went on you got more and more..."lateral thinking theatre" and 

it

started to just get a little tiresome.

Lateral Thinking Theatre?

Heh, shows me I should never give C&C when I'm half asleep. ^_^

LTT (Lateral Thinking Theatre) is how I describe my writing style in 
OMB...it doesn't really apply to FS very well, now that I think of it.  
LTT tends to have a lot of personal interjections, tangents, and tirades 
on generally nonrelated topics at times...very train-of-thought.

ANYWAY... 

What I was trying to say is that you're taking the writing style of FS 
to the extreme, especially with Ch 7.  The story has a distinctive 
mixture of the serious and the absurd, much like the original manga, but 
"Python-ish" than Takahashi's style.

Now, I also quite realize this is one of your many writing styles, but I 
still feel that you need to tone down the silliness just a smidge. 

--
Christopher Angel
c_j_angel@hotmail.com
"Damn uppity Vorlons."
	- Proposed line for Babylon 5 arc of God's Toy.

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