<Why am I afraid of waking up?>

<And why is Rod Serling doing a voice-over?> :-)

My wife said the same thing.  Didn't occur to me at all when
I was writing it.  Weird.

"I'm okay, daddy," she managed, this time intelligibly.  "See?"

I think "Daddy" should be capitalized when used as a name (as opposed
to, e.g. "my daddy".)

You're probably right.  I'll fix that.

had no more aerodynamic chance of lifting his ponderous minotaur 
body than a swallow had of carrying a coconut, but those fools 

But what if it were an *African* swallow?

I... I don't know that... WAAAHHH!!

ended up resorting to hauling out the spatula and whapping Ranma 
on the head to stop the arguments.  It wasn't much of a diplomatic 
strategy, but it seemed to work a bit.

Could use the past perfect tense here -- She had eventually resorted
to...

I'll give that another look.

If only the guy wasn't such a complete jerk.

Should be weren't rather than wasn't (subjunctive case)

I trip up on that a lot (you may have noticed).

<You'll get it when it's ready, you stupid cow,> Nabiki snarled 
mentally.  "We'll have it out to you as soon as possible, ma'am."

Nabiki Tendo IS Basil Fawlty!

You notice you've never seen the two of them together... 

<This,> she decided, <is as bad as it will ever get.>

Ack... *never* say something like that. :p

Don't even think it...

Ukyou sat back and regarded the campfire with satisfaction. All 
her chores for setting up camp were done, and she was ready to cook 
as soon as the guys got back from their foraging.  It was a bit 
unsettling to send Tarou and Ranma off into the woods - she was 

I'd use It had been a bit unsettling... here.

You're probably right.

<This is bad,> Ukyou thought, her mind racing.  <This is not good 
at all.>  She still saw Ryouga as her best bet for getting Akane 
out of the picture.  As much as Ukyou bickered and fought with 
Shampoo, she knew that Akane was the real threat to her chances 
of marrying Ranma.  Ukyou had seen Akane show affection for Ryouga - 
she was certain they'd get together, if only the lost boy could get 
over his paralyzing shyness.  This was all part of her ideal picture 
of the future:  she'd end up with Ranma and they'd be happy, Akane 
would end up with Ryouga and they'd be happy, Shampoo would marry 
that weirdo with the glasses and they'd go away, and Kodachi would 
find a good therapist who prescribed Prozac or something.  
Everybody lived happily ever after.

I like this... it's a side of Ukyo that you rarely see in fanfics, yet
it's very IC.

Glad you thought so.  Up to this point, Ukyou had been pretty darned
noble, courageous, and all-around swell.  But she's not perfect, and 
this was a pretty nasty thing to do.

"Sure I do!" Ukyou assured him glibly.  She punched him good-
naturedly in the shoulder.  "I'm a martial artist, and a woman.  
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about here."

This promises much amusement if it's going where I think it is... but
those last lines might be making it a bit too obvious.

It may be a while before I get around to making it all pay off, though.  

The sisters were jarred out of their thoughts by the familiar sound 
of a bicycle bell.  They stopped, then turned as one towards the 
noise.  

"Why there no one head for Shampoo to crash into in this scene?" :)

Gosunkugi was there, but nobody noticed him.

absorbed in their own thoughts, until they finally turned to face 
one another.

"I have to go train." 

"I've got to get to work." 

The sisters parted ways, each one wearing an expression of grim 
determination as she traveled on towards her own personal hell.

Nice scene... definitely adds some depth to Nabiki's character to see
that she has some of the same determination that her sister does.

Yeah, the whole thing with Nabiki and the restaurant occurred to me
rather late in the planning process of the story, but I like how it's gone.
Nabiki was bound to take a fall somewhere, as far as I'm concerned.
You don't build much character by having too easy a time of it.  I think
it was actually in one of your stories where she glibly claimed to know
all there was to know about business (you haven't gotten around to saying
how well she's actually done in that story yet - it seemed like you were
really setting her up with a classic hubris problem).  She made some 
analogy that her acumen in business was somehow comparable to 
Ranma's skill in martial arts... but, of course, she's never gotten in a
"fight."  Rather arrogant.  

Some might argue that Nabiki would pull out well before she got too 
involved or compromised, but I tried to write it so that it was clear that
she found herself on a slippery slope before she knew what was happening.
It's good for her.  The best lessons in life are the hard ones.

"You heard me!  And even if I WASN'T engaged to Ranma, I still 

Should be weren't (but may be Ukyo's mistake rather than yours).

Probably my mistake, but Ukyou's diction is a little rough-edged.  I think
I'll just leave it.

"Oh please.  How naive.  He hasn't even looked at you twice during 
this whole trip except when he wants a second helping at dinner.  

Tense mismatch here... either "hasn't" should be "doesn't," or "he
wants" should be "he's wanted."

Oops.  Tarou, certainly, would be grammatically correct.

a few seconds, and he knew that his only chance against such a foe 
was to use a Perfect Shi-Shi Hokouden.  Ryouga was attempting to 

I think that's spelled "Houkoudan." Of course, if people didn't misspell
this attack, there never would've been "Ryoga Goes To New Jersey"....

Bugger all.  I'll get that fixed up.

Overall, another very good chapter in this series. Keep 'em coming!

Many thanks for spotting my grammar lapses, and for all your comments!