Okay, all my revisions are done.  Here's the final product.


Ranma and Akane and Nabiki

This title is needlessy repetetive.

Ranma and Akane had sex.

This fict starts out with a nice premise, but quickly degenerates into
imitative, repetetive Ranma/Akane lemon/lime drivel.  And maybe
cherry/blackberry drivel as well.  This is a waste of my time to read.

Nabiki gave flowers to beggars.


The prose here are too verbose.  Cut out all of the needless descriptive
words.  For example, do we really need to know who Nabiki gave the flowers
too?  Why can't you just say, "Nabiki gave flowers" and be done with it?

Lawson, biiih!

Now this part has promise.  Unfortunately, the author quickly abandons it
for a cheezy ending.

end.

Too wordy.  The end is implied by the fact that the fic doesn't continue
beyond this point.

Once again, you have foisted upon us a work of no redeeming value.  It
accomplishes nothing, it goes nowhere, and if it did, then it would be in
violation of the original cannon.  I challenge you to point out one scene in
the manga where Nabiki hands out flowers.  And if you do, it only proves
that this is something that any person might do, and not something that
*ONLY* a flower-giving person would do.  Bleah.  Double-bleah.

Now go away, or I shall critique you a second time!  ^_^

Miko, aka "Guy Under The Influence"

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather a scornful tone, "it
means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many
different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master -- that's
all."

(Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking-Glass)

Nausicaa@sprynet.com   Belldandy@angelic.com
Anime rpg at http://come.to/akane/
Fan Fiction at http://listen.to/bell/