Okay. I'm stuck trying to type up CoF and my other projects. Lets
just say... I wrote this at a suggestion of a person (hint, hint), who
said writing spamfics breaks writer's block. Heck. I'm desperate. Let's
just hope it works.
wx721@netcom.com
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Disclaimer: Do not take this fic seriously. Thank you.
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A SI Parody Productions
Written by WX721
BLAH
"Dedicated to all sucky fanfics."
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WX721 blinked.
The last thing he remembered was sitting in front of his terminal, wearily
browsing through the FFML Archives.
Now, he was chained to a metal chair, surrounded by dozens of Sailor
Plutos.
WX721 blinked.
A Sailor Pluto with a punk hairdo and wearing a leather biker outfit
called out to him.
"Yo. How's it chaining?"
WX721 screamed and passed out.
A scantly clad Sailor Pluto pouted her lips and quipped, "Awww. He
fainted. He looks cute."
Rest of the Sailor Plutos chuckled in glee.
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WX721 groaned.
His head hurt.
He opened his eyes and glanced at his surroundings. He was still chained
to the chair, receiving the amused, mischiveous stares from the Sailor
Plutos.
WX721's eyebrow twitched. It was his worst nightmare come true.
The crowd of Sailor Plutos parted as an individual walked toward him.
Yet again, it was a Sailor Pluto, dressed in long, flowing robes.
She addressed him in a regal tone. "You are finally awake, WX721."
"This can't be happening. This can't be happening," he muttered
feverishly.
"Oh, but it IS real."
"W-Where am I?"
"Guess."
WX721 thought for a moment.
"Ooh. I see. I must be in some extra-dimensional pocket that occupies
the space between alternate realities. But how come you--"
"Silence! Your guess is correct. A more apt term is limbo. You are
summoned here today for a 'special treat.'"
WX721 gulped and bigsweated. He suddenly regreted badmouthing the Sailor
Moon series on the FFIRC.
A thin, golden-skinned Sailor Pluto wearing the aromatic, black robe of
Fistandantilus cackled and intoned, "Yesss my dearie! A special treat!"
The regal Sailor Pluto frowned and politely coughed. She continued, "We,
the Council of Multiverse Sailor Plutos, hereby sentence you to torture
for the crime of defaming the canonical universe alpha 001 Sailor Moon!"
In a flash of brilliant light, tiny metallic manipulators appeared and
grabbed WX721's eyelids, widely opening his eyes. A projection screen
materialized in front of him, while his ears were flooded with the
soothing tones of Mozart's Nr. 20 Romance.
"W-What are you doing to me?" demanded WX721.
The punk Sailor Pluto spat and drawled, "O my sisters, a clockwork orange
will--" She spluttered suddenly and smirked. "Whoops. Wrong guy. I
really have to stop drinking the mestos from Korova."
"Silence! Do you want the wrath of the Plagiarism Patrol upon us?"
scolded the regal Sailor Pluto.
In unison, the rest of the Sailor Plutos cried, "Insert the videotape!"
The projection screen flickered.
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"GO GEKIGANGER!"
"GEKIGAN PUNCH!"
"GEKIGAN FLARE!"
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The projection screen blackened. The regal Sailor Pluto rubbed her
temples and shot a whithering glare at the howling crowd.
"Okay. Stop. Who's the wise girl?"
A Sailor Pluto dressed in a bunny suit eeeped.
"So--rry! I couldn't help it!"
She hopped away humming to the theme of Nadesico.
The regal Sailor Pluto growled and shouted, "Play the CORRECT tape!"
WX721 tried to blink, but couldn't due to the tiny clasps grabbing his
eyelids. "Errr... What are you doing?"
The crowd silenced itself.
The projection screen flickered...
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It was a calm, peaceful morning in Nerima, with birds chirping and hopping
on the tree branches.
The tranquility was broken by an unearthly scream.
"RANMA NO BAKA!"
BOOM<
"KAAWAIIKUNEEEEEEE!"
Thanks to Akane's Powerful Kick(tm), Ranma was punted into LEO.
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"AAAACHK!"
Beads of sweat rolled down WX721's face. He realized what it was. The
dreaded generic Ranma fanfic opening! He relapsed into his automatic FFML
mode.
The regal Sailor Pluto blinked when she noticed WX721's frenzied tapping
of his right forefinger. She motioned to a Sailor Pluto dressed in a lab
coat and asked, "What is he doing?"
The lab coat Sailor Pluto thoughtfully placed a finger on her cheek and
replied, "It's a common symptom afflicting the denizens on mailing lists."
She paused for a moment before continuing. "It's called... the Delete
Button Syndrome!"
"Aaaahh." The regal Sailor Pluto smirked. "Well. Well. Well. We will
have to correct this, shouldn't we? WX721, be thankful! We will cure you
of this malady! You will read EVERY FFML post with a smile for eternity!"
WX721 whimpered.
"Next videotape!"
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Ranko sighed in contentment. Her master, the ruler of the Self-Absorbed
universe, the all-powerful-overweight-egotistical Average Otaku Joe had
summoned her to his harem.
She walked into the huge chamber and knelt in front of her master.
"Master, what is your wish?"
Average Otaku Joe roared maniacally. "MWWHAHAHAHA! I LOVE SI FICS!"
"Master?"
"Stand Ranko! We have a special guest today. Master Happosai?"
A small, whithered imp bounced out of the shadows and latched onto Ranko's
bosom.
The imp drooled. "Gwwwaaaa... Girly breasts."
"Oh my! A guest!" exclaimed Ranko.
Average Otaku Joe rubbed his palms. "Excellent! Ranko, be sure to
instruct the slaves Lum and Urd to bring plenty of KY Jelly!"
"Of course Master."
"MWWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
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WX721's body twitched. "Eeerk. Eeerk. Eeerk."
"Urkle?"
"Nah."
"Troll?"
"Hah."
"Next videotape!"
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[Music: Halloween Theme]
"It's been twenty years since their last encounter."
[Messy bloody hacking sounds]
"Now the final showdown."
[A crimson ax]
"Raskolnikov the ax murderer versus Kasumi the ax murderess Part Five!"
"Coming to a FFML near you!"
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WX721 took a deep breath and screeched.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
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WX721 woke up screaming.
After hyperventilating for three minutes, he calmed down. He mopped his
sweaty brow.
"Heheheh... All a dream. All a dream."
Then he noticed something strange.
It was a piece of paper on his bed.
He read it.
"Oh no."
WX721 bigsweated. "It was only a dream. ONLY a dream," he muttered.
"Was it?"
Printed on the paper were the words:
THE TORTURE WILL GO ON.
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This has been a public service announcement brought to you by SI Parody
Productions.