Part 7 of more than 6 parts.

Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko  belldandy@angelic.com
Previous chapters at:
http://members.xoom.com/bellchan/   (simple url:
http://listen.to/bell/)
(my site has moved... update your bookmarks)

Massive thanks to my three prereaders, Gary Kleppe, David Eddy,
and Horold Ancell.  I did not send the final three scenes until much
later, and did not ask for comments back on those, so if you find
any mistakes in them, don�t blame Gary or David.  Harold
commented on the entire section... feel free to blame him.  ^_^

Seriously, this story was greatly improved by the comments I got
back.  Muchas gracias and domo arigato, and thanks to the others
who offered to do the same.

This story will be 8-9 parts total.  I have a good deal of the rest
written, and I'm going to finish this before going back to finish "I
Can See Clearly Now!"  After that I might actually work on "Both
Halves", (never posted to the FFML, but it's on my web page and
people keep asking me to write more), or I might start something
entirely new.  Like every author I have more ideas that I could ever
write, including one massive crossover story that could take
several years to write, and another original-flavor story that my
friend Sky wants me to write.

Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement
intended.  This is a fan work only, not for profit.

Monkey Head Butting
PART SEVEN

     The world spun and tossed Akane about like a ship in a
storm.  Her head was ringing like a school bell.  There was a
growing lump on her forehead, and the realization that her
problems had just become a great deal worse.
     She was in the middle of a field, surrounded by dozens,
perhaps hundreds, of people.  It seemed that half the neighborhood
had gathered to watch the fight, and they were all staring at her,
and she... she was a guy.
     That phrase kept echoing in her head, driving out all other
thought.  She didn't know what to think, or how to feel.
     This must be how Ranma felt, switching genders without
any warning.  How very odd it was, how... terrifying.  For that
matter, she was in Ranma's body, so this was exactly how he felt.
A simple splash of water would make her female again, but that
knowledge wasn't entirely reassuring.
     Her father hovered over her, concern and anger etched in
his face.  Her sister Nabiki was also nearby, and  Ranma's rival,
Mousse, stood in the background.  Right in front of her, sprawled
on the grass, was... well, herself, or her body, at least.  Her eldest
sister Kasumi stared out from Akane's eyes with a stunned
expression, exactly how Akane felt herself.
     "Tell them!" her father wailed.  "Tell them you'll forfeit!"
     "It's okay, sis," Nabiki said.  "I've already collected on all of
the bets.  You can forfeit any time you like; you don't have to go
through with this."
     "Ranma, forfeit?" Mousse said, not grasping the situation.
"Don't make me laugh!"
     "Oh, Father," Kasumi -- the person who looked like Akane
-- said.  "That's not Kasumi -- I mean, that's not me -- I mean..."
     Nabiki's eyes focused on the brooch pinned to Ranma's
shirt.  "Hey!" she exclaimed, and then went silent, glancing back at
Kasumi.  Her eyes narrowed.
     "There's been enough of this foolishness," Soun said.  "I
will not sit by and watch my daughter get hurt."
     "No, Father.  I mean I'm Kasumi!"
     Soun looked at his youngest daughter, not quite
comprehending.  He blinked, then looked back at the young man
who, until recently, had been his future son-in-law.
     "Akane?" he asked, tentatively.
     Akane, now the pig-tailed boy in the Chinese clothing,
nodded.  "Hi, Dad," she -- he -- said.  "We sort of bumped heads,
and..."
     "Ranma!" Mousse yelled.  "I demand that you fight me!"
     "Do you mind?" Akane-kun yelled back.  "This is a private
family discussion!"
     Soun Tendo fainted dead away.
     "Oh!  Poor Father!" Kasumi said, grabbing his hand.  "All
of this confusion is too much for him!"
     A purple blur flew at Akane, and suddenly Shampoo was
wrapped around Akane-kun.  "Ranma okay?" she asked.  "Is only
one punch, yes?  You no lose to Mousse, yes?"
     "Shampoo!" Akane-kun and Mousse cried out, together.
Akane tried to shove the Amazon girl away, while Mousse leapt
forward to embrace her.  From nowhere Shampoo produced a large
brick and careened it off of Mousse's forehead, knocking the boy
back.  Still holding Akane-kun's hand, she locked eyes with him.
     "You beat Mousse now, yes?" she asked.
     Akane-kun stood, shaking Shampoo's hand loose.  He
glanced at his two sisters, then down at himself.  He flexed his
arms experimentally.  He threw a couple of quick punches, then
stared at his hands.
     *I'm much faster,* he thought, *and stronger.  At least, I'm
strong all the time, without being angry...*
     He experimented with a kick, almost losing his balance.
     *My center of gravity's off,* he thought.  *Higher.  I'll have
to remember that.*
     "Come on, Ranma!" Mousse said.  "Stop screwing around!"
     Akane-kun stared at Mousse.  He'd never fought with
Mousse before, but in Mousse's first battle with Ranma, the
Chinese boy had declared Akane as the stakes to be won.  Then, in
his second appearance, he'd mistaken her for a toy stuffed pig, had
kidnapped her, and threatened to turn her into a duck with water
from Yaazuniichuan, the Spring Of Drowned Duck.  Akane hadn't
forgotten that.
     Still, he had no quarrel with Mousse.  Akane rarely held a
grudge, and he'd always felt a bit sorry for the lovesick boy.  But
his constant attacks on Ranma were annoying and disruptive.  If
only he'd stop...
     Once, Akane had suggested to Ranma that he lose on
purpose to get rid of Mousse.  Ranma had had too much pride to
actually do it, but Akane was not too proud.
     "Akane!" her father said, snapping to full consciousness.
"Tell them you'll forfeit!"
     "No, Dad," Akane-kun said, "I don't think I'm going to do
that..."

***

     Nabiki stared at the brooch pinned to Akane-kun's shirt and
bit her tongue.
     It wouldn't do for certain people to know what was causing
the switch.  That could lead to Ranma getting his own body back
and beating the stuffing out of duck-boy.  Nabiki's financial ruin
would then be assured.  No, it was best that Nabiki kept her mouth
shut about that little fact, at least for the moment.
     Nabiki now had a problem.  On a normal day, Akane could
cause a lot of trouble for Mousse.  In Ranma's body, she threatened
to actually beat him.  This was not, in Nabiki's estimation, a
positive development.  She stood to lose a fortune if the fight didn't
end with a Mousse victory.
     She didn't see a way around the predicament, yet.  She
needed to get her hands on that brooch.  In the meantime, she'd
wait and see if Akane's innate sympathy for others worked to her
favor.  If a Mousse victory did not do away with the
Mousse/Shampoo problem, it was a step in the right direction.
Akane should realize that.
     If she didn't... well, Nabiki would have to improvise.

***

     Behind the Nekohanten stand Cologne served up bowls of
steaming ramen to customers.  She wanted to know what was
happening on the field, but Shampoo had run off, and with Mousse
unavailable, Cologne was left to run a very busy booth.
     She'd been suspicious since yesterday, when Kasumi had
shown up acting very strange.  Ranma's actions of late had been
equally odd, according to Shampoo, and Cologne had begun to
think the unthinkable.  Could the Monkey Brooch be involved?
She had not seen or heard of it for nearly 100 years, but more than
one of her tribe's ancient relics had turned up recently in the
possession of that old thief, Happi.  A full account of what he'd
stolen from them had yet to be made.
     Kasumi and Ranma, switching bodies?  It was certainly
possible, as Cologne knew well.  That left only two questions.
What could anyone hope to accomplish with such a bizarre
scheme, and why on earth would Son-In-Law go along with it?

***

     Nabiki led Soun from the field, with Shampoo and the
person everyone took to be Akane trailing.
     Mousse and Ranma's male form once again squared off.
Akane-kun, however, was facing Mousse in battle for the first time
ever.  He flexed his muscles and stood, waiting for Mousse to
strike.
     "Any time," Nabiki called out, after several moments
passed.  "Don't wait on my account.  I'm not going to start the fight
again."
     "Hakuchoken!" Mousse yelled again.  His hands flashed
out, but unlike Kasumi's deer-caught-in-the-headlights act, Akane-
kun easily dodged the blow.  His foot shot out, connecting with
something, and a large swan-shaped training potty went sailing
into the crowd.
     "We'll have no more of that," Akane-kun said with a
satisfied smile.  He was still getting a feel for the balance and
power of this body, but already he felt capable of anything he
wished to attempt.
     "Heh!" Mousse laughed, leaping back.  "That's more like it,
Ranma!"  He adjusted his glasses, and spread his arms.  "Now,
Ranma, prepare to die!"
     Akane-kun crouched, waiting for the attack.  Mousse's arms
moved in a blur, and twin balls on chains flew from his hands.
Akane-kun side-stepped the heavy missiles, tripped, and fell on his
face.
     He bounced back up, just in time to take a massive metal
ball to the gut.  Knocked back, Akane-kun spun about, stumbled,
and plowed into the earth again.
     "How does the dirt tastes this time of year?" Mousse called
out.  A nasty weapon with a three-sided blade thudded into the
ground next to Akane, and he rolled backwards, scrambling to get
to his feet.
     *Okay,* he thought, *I'm not capable of everything I want
to attempt.  Right now I'll settle for staying on my feet....*
     More weapons were flying at him.  He sidestepped again,
managing to keep his balance, and knocked them down.  He
frowned and glanced at his arm, as if it had acted on its own
accord, then he grinned.
     "Care to try that again?" he asked.
     *It has to look good,* Akane-kun thought.  *If Mousse
figures it out, he'll be back to harass Ranma again.  But if he
believes he's really defeated Ranma, that might change things....
     *The question is, can I make this look good?*
     From what he'd seen in the past, Mousse could take a lot of
punishment.  Assuming he could control Ranma's body, he
wouldn't have to hold back much.  If he just fought normally,
without resorting to any special maneuvers, things would work
themselves out.  There would be an even battle, followed by a
mistake or two that would allow Mousse to win.  That would
definitely throw a huge wrench into the whole
Mousse/Shampoo/Ranma equation, which was exactly what Akane
wanted.
     Right now, special maneuvers were definitely out of the
question, anyway.
     Chains flew from Mousse's sleeves and whipped about
Akane-kun's body, surprising him and pinning his arms.  He
twisted and got a hand on the chains, then pulled, as he'd seen
Ranma do in the past.  Mousse was yanked off his feet.  Akane-
kun laughed as Mousse came flying right at him.
     Grinning like a madman, Mousse twisted in the air and
attempted to head-butt Akane-kun.  It was such an odd and
unexpected move that Akane-kun almost didn't recognize it.  At
the last moment he ducked and rolled away, cursing and shaking
loose from the chains.
     *That's right,* he thought, assuming a new stance.
*Mousse is essentially a barbarian.  He'll use any trick at all to win
the fight.*
     As if responding to the thought, Mousse lobbed several
eggs that exploded in a cloud of noxious smoke.  Akane-kun
coughed and stumbled backwards, trying to see, and then shuriken
were flying past his forehead.  He leapt up and back, desperate to
put some space between him and the young hidden-weapons
master.
     *This guy's trying to kill me!* Akane-kun thought.  *This
isn't like any fight I've ever been in... if I keep underestimating
him, I'm dead!*
     Again he assumed a defensive stance.  "I'd better get
serious here," he said, then realized how much of  a Ranma-ism it
was.  *Jeez, five minutes in his body and I start talking like him?  I
hope Ranma gets this switching business figured out, quick!*

***

     Kasumi took a seat on the grassy hillside next to Akane's
friends, Sayuri and Yuka.  Although it felt a little odd to be in her
sister's body, it was definitely a trade up from where she'd been.
She was glad that it was Akane out there facing Mousse, rather
than her.  Akane would know what to do.
     "Now that's the Ranma I know," Yuka said appreciatively.
     Kasumi smiled at Akane's friend.  "Do you really think so?"
she asked.
     "Oh, definitely.  You can't mistake his moves for those of
anyone else," Yuka said.   "I have no idea how Mousse landed that
first blow, but he's not going to land many more at this rate."
     Kasumi smiled and watched the fight develop.  It was true,
Akane looked a lot like Ranma out there.  The combination of her
training and Ranma's strength, speed, and reflexes was a good
match.  She'd have to deal with how his body was balanced, and
how it moved, but a martial artist like Akane would probably pick
that up much faster than Kasumi had.
     "Ranma's so powerful and masculine," Sayuri said.  "I
mean, even when he's a girl, you can tell...."
     "He's definitely not like the other boys at school," Yuka
agreed.
     "The only one who possibly compares to him is that Ryoga,
and with him, you just don't know..."
     "Not dependable," Yuka said.  "He'd never be around when
you needed him."
     "You're really lucky, Akane, having a fianc�e like Ranma."
     "Yeah," Kasumi said with a sigh.  Beside her, Akane's two
friends face-faulted.
     Kasumi stared out at the two figures on the field, allowing
her mind to roam.  What might it be like, if Ranma were to switch
back but she remained as she was, with Akane in her body?  She
would be the same age as Ranma, and wouldn't she then be
Ranma's fianc�e?  What would it be like, she and Ranma,
together?
     Kasumi blushed, embarrassed by her selfish thoughts.
Akane loved Ranma, she knew, and she was pretty sure he loved
her as well.  As for herself, attending school again for a week had
been fun, but high-school kids were too immature for her tastes.
She couldn't see herself going through a full year of high school
again.  She'd be happy to get her own body back.
     Still, she thought, it might be nice, just once, if she were
the one who got kidnapped by some handsome but villainous
scoundrel.  Ranma was always rescuing Akane, and it seemed so
exciting and romantic... but she couldn't quite imagine Tofu doing
the same with her.  When she tried to imagine it, she got a vision
of him, with his glasses all fogged up, dancing around with Betty-
chan, while the villain watched in confusion.
     *If only he were a little bit more like Ranma,* she thought.
*Not a lot, just... a little more arrogant... a little more possessive...
a little less of a clown....*
     "Ranma sure is something else," Yuka said.
     Kasumi nodded, only half listening.

***

     Akane-kun let Mousse attack while he concentrated on
blocking and dodging without tripping.  It was becoming easier as
the fight progressed.  Ranma was fast, and rarely needed to go all-
out against an opponent, and now that speed and power were at
Akane's command.  It was intoxicating, but it was like a driving
student behind the wheel of a race car:  Akane kept over-steering,
and he didn't know how to shift properly.
     He concentrated on how this body felt, how it moved and
responded, and he tried to relax and let the body's instincts surface.
As the fight developed, he got a feel for the body's balance, and for
the speed that was his to command.  He began to not only dodge,
but to dart in and tag Mousse with a punch or two.  He was toying
with Mousse a bit, but that was what people expected Ranma to
do, so Akane-kun continued to do it.  Predictably, it enraged
Mousse.
     "Ranma, you coward!" Mousse yelled.  "Stand still and
fight me like a man!"
     "Why?  So you can slice me open?" Akane-kun shot back.
     "You take me lightly at your peril!" Mousse growled.  He
drew himself up to his full height, adjusted his glasses, and
unleashed an all-out assault.
     Akane-kun's eyes went wide with surprise.  Chained and
bladed weapons came at him from all directions, like hail driven
by the wind.  It was all he could do to weave and dodge, spinning
about like a contortionist in an attempt to avoid them.
     He didn't quite succeed.  One steel ball punched him in the
upper chest, producing a very sharp pain like a knife to the heart.
Akane-kun winced.  Dodging another blow and skipping back out
of the way, he probed the bruise.  His hand encountered the odd
brooch that Kasumi had pinned there earlier this morning.
     *I told her it was dangerous to have something like that on
in a fight,* Akane-kun thought, ripping the brooch free.  He took a
moment to lob it towards the Tendo food stand.
     "Kasumi!" he yelled.  "Catch!"

***

     "Miss Tendo!  You're running a food stand?"
     Ranma, busy grilling another squid, glanced up to see her
two so-called friends, Hiroshi and Daisuke.  "It sure looks like it!"
she said with a smile.  "Can I get you boys anything?"
     "Wow, Miss Tendo!" Daisuke said, "I'd pay for your food
any day!"
     "Two squid please!" Hiroshi said, pulling out a wad of
well-crumpled bills.  "You want anything, Daisuke?"
     Ranma scooped up the squid like a pro and, slicing them
open, laid them on the grill.  Moments later she was handing the
skewered treats to the two boys, when she heard the cry in a voice
as familiar as her own, because it had been her own, up until
several days ago.
     "Kasumi!  Catch!"
     Ranma looked up.  She saw a small piece of metal flying
towards her, and leaned out over the counter to catch it.

     At the same moment Kasumi,  reacting to the sound of her
name, jumped up and ran after the flying brooch.  She watched it
sail past her outstretched fingers, then another hand, as familiar as
her own, because it had been her own, snatched it out of the air.
     There was a loud crack as her head encountered something
hard.  The world seemed to spin and fill with stars.  Kasumi
stumbled back and hit something -- a table -- and she placed a
hand out to steady herself.
     The brooch fell from her hand, unnoticed.

     Ranma stumbled backwards and fell onto the grass.
Moments later Daisuke and Hiroshi were helping her up
     "Are you okay, Akane?" Daisuke asked.
     "You hit your head pretty hard there," Hiroshi added.
     "Akane?" Ranma said, head spinning.  She blinked, looking
at the two boys and wondering how she'd wound up on this side of
the booth.  *I must have tumbled over the counter,* she thought.
Then the name Akane got her attention again.
     Hadn't she seen Akane running towards her, in that brief
second before collision?
     Ranma put a hand to her forehead, realizing several things
at once.  She hadn't been knocked out of the booth; she'd bumped
heads with Akane, and now she was out here, and inside the booth,
Nabiki was steadying someone who looked a lot like Kasumi...

     "Are you okay?" Nabiki asked, grabbing her older sister's
arm to keep her from stumbling.
     It was Kasumi, Nabiki realized, back in her own body once
more.  She glanced to her sister's hands, and then down on the
grass.  She saw the object she was looking for, lying in the shade
beneath the table, next to an open box of skewer sticks.
     Sometimes life is like that.  She'd been desperately trying to
work out how to get her hands on the odd little brooch, and then
fate placed it at her feet.
     "I'm... I'm okay," Kasumi said, hand on her forehead.  "Oh,
my head aches!  I'm getting tired of switching like this...."  She
paused, blinking, and glanced down at herself.  "Oh!  My own
body again!  Well, that's much better, I had no idea I'd be back to
normal so soon!"
     Nabiki bent down and palmed the brooch.  She quietly slid
it into her pocket, then turned back to her older sister.
     "You remember how to grill squid, don't you, Sis?" she
asked.

     Ranma tapped on the counter to get Nabiki and Kasumi's
attention.
     "Akane?" she asked, looking into the eyes of the oldest
Tendo daughter.  "Is that you?"
     "Oh my, Ranma!  You're in Akane's body now!"
     Ranma's eyes went wide as she recognized the tone of the
voice.  "Kasumi?" she asked, not really needing any confirmation.
"Then... who's out there?"
     Ranma turned to view the battle between Mousse and
whoever was in her body at the moment.  She'd been so busy
behind the booth that she hadn't been able to watch the fight, but
the two were going at it like... like... well, it looked like him out
there, battling Mousse!  It certainly wasn't Kasumi.
     "You haven't been keeping up with current events, have
you, Ranma?" Nabiki asked.  "Akane's the one fighting Mousse."
     "I was kind of busy cooking..." Ranma said, her voice
trailing off.  "Wait!  This means that stupid technique thing is
working again!  I can get back into my own body again!"
     Ranma dashed off, in the direction of the field.  Behind the
booth, Nabiki played with the object in her pocket and smiled
enigmatically.

***

     Akane-kun dodged yet another bladed chain -- how many
of them did Mousse have anyway? -- and jumped in to land an
open-palm strike to the chin.  Mousse stumbled back, but
immediately produced a large pole with a goofy-looking duck atop
it.  He thrust it forward, and Akane-kun flipped backwards,
narrowly avoiding the gritty cloud of dust that spewed forth from
the duck's mouth.
     Akane-kun was beginning to feel the ache in his limbs.
*Has it been long enough?* he thought.  *Should I find a way to
lose, now?*
     Then, as if appearing from thin air, Kasumi was there, right
in front of him.  At least, Akane's body was there....
     She grabbed Akane-kun by the shoulders.  "Akane!" she
exclaimed.  "Bump heads with me!"
     "Kasumi?" Akane-kun asked.  "What?"
     "Bump heads with me!  It's me, Ranma!  We can do it!  I
can get back in my body!"
     "Ranma?" Akane asked, confused.  "What are you doing in
my body?"
     Mousse launched another attack.
     "Ranma, you idiot!  Watch out!"
     Akane-kun grabbed Ranma and leapt straight up, narrowly
avoiding a swarm of sharp metal blades slicing through the air,
trailing chain.  The two landed twenty feet away, and Akane-kun
set Ranma down.  He was suddenly aware of how much taller than
Ranma he was, now that they were switched.  It felt unnatural.
     "Ranma," he said, "get out of here or you're gonna get
hurt!"
     "Bump heads with me, Akane!"
     Mousse launched another attack, and again Akane-kun had
to grab Ranma and pull her out of the way.
     "Get out of my way, Ranma!  I'm in the middle of a fight
here, or didn't you notice?"
     "This is my fight!" Ranma growled.  "Switch with me,
Akane!  Let me handle him!"
     "I know what I'm doing, Ranma!"
     "No way, Akane!  you're just gonna screw this up!  Lemme
have my body back!"

***

     On the grassy hill nearby, Ranma and Akane's friends were
watching in growing confusion.  Like everyone else, they were
having difficulty following the fight.
     "What are those two doing?" Sayuri asked.  "Kissing?  In
the middle of a fight?"
     "No," Daisuke said, "it's definitely not that..."
     "What is it, then?" Sayuri asked.  "Is this making any sense
to you?"
     "No," Daisuke replied, "but does it ever?"
     "Still, this all sounds oddly familiar," Yuka said.
     "Familiar, yet oddly different," Hiroshi added.
     "Exactly," Yuka said.  "Why do you suppose that is?"
     "Perhaps because they're saying each other's lines?" Hiroshi
asked.
     "Yeah," they all said, after a moment.  A half-minute
passed in silence as they contemplated this.
     "Why is that, do you think?" Yuka asked.
     "I don't know," Hiroshi said.  "It still isn't making sense to
me."
     "Same here," Yuka said.
     "You know," Sayuri said, "I've heard of people doing that in
therapy.  Marriage counseling and stuff."
     Daisuke considered this.  "I suppose that makes sense," he
said.
     "But in the middle of a battle?" Yuka asked.
     "Well, you've got to consider who we're talking about
here," Hiroshi said.
     "I guess," Yuka said.  "Well, if anyone needs counseling,
it's those two."

***

     Akane-kun was torn.  On the one hand, he very much
wanted to finish what he'd started.  If Ranma finished the fight,
he'd take Mousse apart in his usual fashion, which would solve
nothing.  Mousse would be back within two weeks to do it all
again.
     On the other hand, Akane-kun didn't want to be a boy for
any longer than necessary, even a sex-changing one.  He wanted
his own body back.
     Ranma made the decision for them.  She jumped forward
without warning, and there was a sickening crack that was
becoming a very familiar sound.  Akane and Ranma's heads
collided.
     The two stumbled backwards, stars and bright lights
flashing before their eyes.  Akane-kun shook his head, realizing
that he was still in Ranma's body.
     Ranma glanced down at herself, distraught.  "Why isn't it
working?" she demanded.  "Come on, try again!"
     "No!" Akane said, shoving her back.  "Get off the field,
Ranma!  You're in the way!"
     "Ranma!" Mousse said, "if you can't keep your woman
from interfering..."
     "Hey, butt out, Mousse!" Ranma growled.  "This doesn't
concern you!"
     Ranma again launched herself head-first at Akane-kun,
who dodged easily.  Ranma repeated the maneuver, with Akane-
kun again dodging her.  Akane was dodging Ranma's attacks
almost without thought or effort, which was only making Ranma
more frustrated and angry.
     Mousse was standing in the middle of the field, looking
confused.  Leaping forward, he grabbed Akane and Ranma each by
the scruff of the neck and brought their two heads together with a
loud crack.
     "Hey!" Akane-kun yelled, her head swimming.
     "Is that what you wanted?" the Chinese boy asked.  "I can
do it again if you like."
     "Ranma shook her head, aware that she was still in Akane's
body.  "Why isn't it working?" she yelled.  "Why does it only work
when you don't want it to?"
     Mousse brought their heads together again.  "We can try as
many times as you like," he said.  "What are we trying to
accomplish, anyway?"
     "Knock it off!"  Akane-kun's foot shot out at Mousse's head.
The Chinese boy flipped back, out of the way, and assumed a new
stance.  Akane-kun stumbled backwards, his head still spinning
from the repeated blows.
     "Come on, Ranma," Mousse said.  "Why must it always be
like this?  Just once I'd like to fight you for real, without all of this
extraneous weirdness.  Or are you afraid that you couldn't beat me
in a straight-up fight?"
     "Get real!" Ranma and Akane-kun said at the same time.
Anger flashed in Akane-kun's eyes as he turned on Ranma.  "Get
off the field, _Akane_!" he yelled.  "This is a man-to-man fight!  You
don't belong here!"

***

     Cologne left Shampoo in charge of the ramen stand and
went to check out the competition.  In particular, she wanted to
talk to Kasumi Tendo -- if it was Kasumi Tendo.  She was pretty
certain it wasn't.
     The diminutive Amazon hopped up onto the flimsy counter
of the Tendo food stand and perched next to the squid tank.
     "Kasumi, dear!" she said in a pleasant voice.  "How are you
doing today?"
     "Oh, hello, Cologne!" Kasumi said, flashing one of her
trademark smiles.  "Can I get you anything?"
     "No, dear, thank you.  I was wondering how things were
going over here."
     "Everything's wonderful!" Kasumi said.  "This is really
quite fun, don't you think?"
     Cologne's eyes narrowed.  "Kasumi, dear, where is it?" she
asked.
     Kasumi blinked, confused.  "Where is what, Cologne?"
     "You know what I'm talking about, Son-In-Law.  Where are
you keeping it?"
     "Oh, my, Cologne!  I'm not Ranma, you know."
     Cologne frowned.  "It is an Amazon artifact.  I don't know
how you've gotten it, but it belongs to my people.  Perhaps
Happosai had it?  It doesn't matter; he took many of our treasures,
and it's been missing for quite a long time."
     Kasumi frowned, looking genuinely perplexed.  "I'm afraid
I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about, Cologne," she
said.  "Are you sure you wouldn't like some sushi, or a grilled
squid?"
     Cologne took in the stand and the woman
running most of it.  She certainly sounded like Kasumi, rather than
Son-In-Law.  Still, she could have sworn that just yesterday...
     She paused, cocking her head slightly.  "Kasumi, dear, do
you remember what I taught you yesterday?" she asked.
     Kasumi blinked for just a moment, and then smiled
warmly.  "The Bon-Bon Chicken and the Three-Flavor Soup?" she
said.  "Why, of course I do, Cologne!  How could I forget?"
     "How... how very odd," Cologne muttered.  Then she
smiled.  "Well, that's good, dear," she said.  "I hope those recipes
work out for you!"
     "Thank you again for your help, Cologne!" Kasumi said
with a smile.
     *I could have sworn that it wasn't really Kasumi I taught
yesterday, but... that's definitely Kasumi now, and she remembers
it all.  I'm so seldom wrong....*
     Out of the corner of her eye, Cologne noticed the other
Tendo sister, Nabiki, watching her just a little too carefully.
Cologne took note of it, thanked Kasumi, and hopped back to her
own stand, thinking.
     That was Kasumi over there, now, but it had not been
Kasumi that came to her the day before.  Of that much she was
certain.  Something was up.  She wasn't sure what, exactly, but she
had a good idea of whom to ask.

***

     Ranma was pissed.
     She sat on the grassy hill, watching the fight, muttering
curses to herself.  Why wouldn't the head-butting thing work?
Why?  What were they doing wrong?  Did it only work by
accident, never on purpose?  What kind of a technique was that,
then?
     And why was Akane acting like such a jerk about it?
     Akane was going to screw everything up, Ranma just knew
it.  She had the skill to defeat Mousse, true, and she was in his
body... but she'd find some way to mess it all up.
     But it was his reputation on the line!  Once Mousse had
defeated "Ranma", nobody would ever let him forget it!
     Ranma watched the fight, feeling more angry and helpless
than she'd ever felt in her entire life.

     Akane-kun gritted his teeth.  This fight had gone on long
enough, and he was ready to end it, on his terms.  *On the next
blow from Mousse, I'll just dodge a tad too slowly...*
     A spiked ball on a chain came at him, and he dodged out of
the way.
     *The next blow then,* he decided.  *I'll stumble, just
enough....*
     Mousse charged in, slicing away with twin swords.  Akane-
kun's eyes went wide as he dodged back.  "Hey!  Those are sharp!"
he yelled.
     "You  fight like a girl, Ranma!" Mousse said.  "I don't know
how you defeated me all those other times!"
     Akane-kun didn't even flinch at the taunt.  *This time,* he
thought, readying himself.
     Mousse produced a studded staff and tried a leg-sweep.
Akane-kun leapt over it.  Mousse spun the staff and lunged
forward, jabbing at Akane-kun's midsection.  Akane-kun slid to the
side, grabbed the staff, ripped it from Mousse's hands, and snapped
it in two.
     *Why did I just do that?* Akane-kun asked himself.  *I
want to lose this fight, don't I?*

     "What is she doing?"
     Ranma glanced up.  Nabiki was standing beside her,
watching the fight intensely, a serious frown on her face.
     "That stupid girl!" Nabiki said, more to herself than to
Ranma.  "I don't believe it.  She's actually trying to win.  Doesn't
she get it?  She's going to ruin everything!
     "Akane!" she yelled at the top of her voice.  "You have to
lose!"
     Akane-kun glanced their way, and Nabiki continued.  "You
want to get rid of Mousse, don't you?  Let him win!"
     Ranma's eyes went wide with alarm.  That Akane might
lose, she'd been expecting... but that she might do it on purpose?
That, she hadn't considered... and it made far too much sense.
     Ranma sprang to her feet.  She had to do something to stop
this!  But how to convince Akane to win?

     Akane-kun blocked another attack from Mousse, cursing
himself for doing so.  Why didn't he want to lose?  Was he really as
vain as Ranma himself?  When the shoe was literally on the other
foot, did he have to act just like that arrogant jerk?  Couldn't he
find a way to lose that wouldn't hurt his ego?
     But he knew the answer.  People didn't respect Akane as a
martial artist.  Even Ranma looked down on Akane, when all was
said and done.  To be in this position, and to lose... well, he could
hear Ranma's taunts.
     "Akane, you idiot!  Are you stupid, or do you just look that
way?  What makes you think you can beat Mousse?"
     Akane-kun blinked.  That... that phrase had echoed in her
ears so clearly, it was as if he'd actually heard Ranma say it.
     "Do you hear me, you idiot?  Face facts!  You can't beat
him!"
     Akane-kun glanced at the crowd.  Ranma was standing
front and center, yelling at him at the top of her voice.
     "You couldn't beat Mousse if your life depended on it!"
Ranma screamed.  "You?  A martial artist?  Don't make me laugh!
I've known monkeys who were better martial artists than you, and
better looking to boot!  Even with all that strength and speed, you
aren't half the martial artist I am!  You don't stand a chance!  Just
give up, before you get hurt!"
     The air around Akane-kun began to glow a bright red.
Waves of heat rose from him, as his whole body trembled in anger.
*That stupid, insensitive jerk!* he thought furiously.  *What's his
problem?  He's been training me for the last six months; he knows
how good I am!  Does he have to say that, in front of all these
people?  That idiot!*
     "Macho chick!" Ranma screamed.  "Built like a brick!
Arms like sticks!  Legs too thick!  Talks like a hick!"

     By this point, Akane's friend Yuka, like everyone else, was
thoroughly confused.
     "Since when does Akane insult herself?" she asked.
     "If you ask me," Hiroshi said, "they're carrying this whole
therapy thing way too far."
     "I don't know about that," Midori said.  "Role-playing can
be a useful tool in counseling."
     "Hey!" Hiroshi said, "could it help Kuno, you think?"
     "How do you mean?"
     "You know... have him be the pig-tailed girl, and let Ranma
be the idiot with the wooden sword."
     "I don't know," Yuka said, doubtfully.  "I suppose it couldn't hurt..."

     "RANMA NO BAKA!" Akane-kun yelled.  His voice
echoed down the streets and alleyways of Nerima and off of the
rooftops.
     "All right!" Ranma said to herself.  "That's the Akane I
know!  Nobody does blind, unreasoning anger like her!"
     Nabiki, wisely no longer standing right next to Ranma,
raised an eyebrow.  "Is there a point to this little demonstration?"
she asked icily.  "Or have you completely lost it?"
     Ranma smirked.  "Hey, I know what I'm doing," she said.
"You just watch!"

     Mousse, distracted momentarily by Akane's strange
outburst, shook his head and turned back to face his opponent.  He
gathered himself for a final assault.
     "Enough of this!" he bellowed.  "Just tell your stupid
woman to shut up, and let's finish this fight!"
     Anger flashed in Akane-kun's eyes, anger piled on top of
anger.  "BUTT OUT, Mousse!" Akane-kun growled.  "This doesn't
concern you!!"
     "Yeah!" Ranma yelled from the sidelines.  "Butt out,
Mousse!  Why would Ranma want Shampoo anyway, when he's
got me?  You're such an idiot!  What's that stupid Amazon bimbo
got that I haven't got, huh?"
     Akane-kun's eyes bulged.  He stared at Ranma.  What was
wrong with that idiot?  Had she finally, completely lost it?
     Mousse's face turned bright red.  "Don't be ridiculous!" he
yelled back.  "Shampoo's  twice the woman you are!  Three times!
She's a far better cook, a much better fighter, and better looking to
boot!  Why, you're just a stick-figured, flat-chested..."
     Akane-kun spun,  the fire in his eyes threatening to engulf
the whole field.
     "Oh, I am, am I?" he yelled.
      Mousse tossed several smoke-bombs at Akane-kun and
leapt high into the air.  "This fight is over, Ranma!" he yelled.
"Shampoo will never be yours!  TAKAZUMEKEN!!  Talons Of
The Hawk!!"
     A huge cloud of smoke rolled over the field, but within it
could be seen a human form, glowing with a brilliant red battle
aura.  From the skies Mousse descended, and for a moment one
could almost see a giant hawk, talons extended, swooping down
for the kill.  Below, the figure in red cupped its hands and aimed
them towards the sky.
     Many of the spectators had seen Ryoga Hibiki's Shishi
Hokoudan, a massive chi blast that drew it's energy from his
depression.  They'd also seen Ranma's counter chi-blast technique,
the Moko Takabisha, which was borne of his confidence.  The
maneuver they witnessed now was a familiar one.  They knew
what was coming.
     What they couldn't know was that it wasn't Ranma out
there, but Akane.  His unnamed chi-blast drew energy from his
anger, and he was as angry right now as he'd ever been.
     The blast, larger than any Ranma had ever produced,
exploded upwards like a giant fireball.  It was like hunting ducks
with a rocket-launcher; caught in mid-air, Mousse didn't stand a
chance.  It caught him in the chest and lifted him a good thirty feet
into the air.  As Mousse came down, Akane-kun swooped in,
screaming, "Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken!"  His fists were a blur
as he pummeled Mousse's body with blow after blow.  Mousse
crumpled into a heap.
     Akane stood over the unconscious Chinese boy, breathing
heavily.  *I did it!* he thought happily.  *I've been trying to master
both of those maneuvers for weeks, and suddenly I got them both
right!  I can't believe it!*
     Moments later, Akane-kun began to frown.  *Wait... I
didn't want to... I wasn't supposed to...*
     "Airen!" a girl's voice called out.
     "Ran-chan!" a second girl cried.
     Two girls glomped onto Akane-kun, dragging him to the
ground.
     "That best fight ever, Ranma!  Mousse not challenge you
again for many days!"
     "That was impressive, sugar!  How did you produce such a
massive blast?"
     "Girls," Akane-kun said, trying to pull the two off.  "This
isn't right... Shampoo...  Ukyo... let go of me, please!  Get off of
me!"

     People were crowding around, trying to congratulate him.
His father was there, and Genma Saotome, and his friends from
school.  He tried to stand up, and then two hands reached in and
pulled him from the crowd.
     Akane was brought face to face with... himself.  Herself.
Whatever.
     "Ranma?" Akane asked.
     The girl with the short, dark hair grinned.  "You know I
don't hit girls," she said, low enough for only Akane to hear.  "This
is just for everyone else's benefit, okay?  Just to stay in
character...."
     "What...?"
     "Just WHAT do you think you're DOING?"  Ranma
screamed.  "Making out with those two girls?  How COULD you?"
     "Wha...?" Akane began, thoroughly confused.
     "RANMA NO BAKA!" Ranma yelled.  With a practiced
heave, she launched Akane-kun towards the Tendo Food stand.  It
was only a simple toss, about thirty feet, landing far short of the
stand, in the soft grass.
     Still, Ranma reflected, it felt pretty darn good.

***

     Nabiki was stunned.  She'd lost gambles before, but this...
she'd staked nearly everything she'd had, certain of Mousse victory
and a huge payoff after.
     All.  Down.  The.  Drain.
     She fell to her knees, momentarily lost to the world.  Her
two friends, Midori and Kyoko, hovered nearby, not quite sure
what to say or do.
     "Can we cover all of those bets?" Midori asked.
     "No," Kyoko said.  "You know  that.  She really
overextended herself this time."
     "We have the profits from the food stand, of course."
     "It's not enough.  We won't have enough."
     "She was so sure Mousse would win.  She's almost always
right, you know."
     "Almost always," Kyoko said.  "Well, with Kasumi in
Ranma's body, who could blame her?"
     "So... forgive me if I'm confused, but Kasumi was in
Ranma's body..."
     "...and she switched with Akane, and then switched again
with Ranma."
     "So Kasumi's back in her own body, and Ranma and Akane
are switched."
     "Right.  But Akane, with all of Ranma's strength, speed,
and reflexes..."
     "...a very different proposition from Kasumi."
     "Right."
     "And thus, we lose a bundle."
     *Kami!* Nabiki thought, the panic rising in her breast.  *I'll
be going  through bankruptcy before I'm eighteen!*
     "What a mess," Kyoko said.  "Did we at least figure out
how the transfer works?"
     A spark appeared deep within Nabiki's glassy eyes.  She
fingered the brooch in her pocket, and the gears began to turn
again in her head.  She shook herself, then stood, and looked at her
two companions.
     Okay.  She'd suffered a huge setback.  Time to plan the
next move.
     Nearby, Akane and Ranma were arguing, her sister nearly
in tears.  She almost felt like telling them.  Almost.  She didn't like
to see her sister suffer, or, for the most part, Ranma either.  She
wasn't cruel or heartless.
     But these were the two who had just ruined her.
     "Are you okay, Nabiki?" Midori asked.
     The middle Tendo sister turned away a moment to
compose herself.  When she glanced back, the always-cool, never-
perturbed, always-in-control  Nabiki Tendo was back.
     She smiled.
     "Well," she said.  "Not only did Ranma outmaneuver me,
he out-manipulated Akane.  Quite a trick, don't you think?  I don't
know whether to congratulate him, or to think up an especially
cruel revenge.  He cost me a lot of money."
     Nabiki fingered the device in her pocket.
     Surely Ranma and Akane could survive being each other
for a day or two?  It might even do  them some good.  In the
meantime, Nabiki might be able to salvage something from this
whole fiasco.
     "All may not be lost," Nabiki said.  "Meet my at my house,
later tonight.  I have a plan."

***

     The radio alarm clock on Nabiki's headboard was tuned to
a pop music station.  It was playing just loud enough to mask the
conversation taking place in her room.
     Nabiki sat at her desk.  Her two co-conspirators, Midori
and Kyoko, sat on her bed.  Kyoko was turning over a small metal
object in her hands.  It looked like a brooch, made of pewter,
carved in the shape of a grinning monkey's head.
     "This is what does it?" she asked.  "Are you sure?"
     Nabiki nodded.  "I haven't tried it yet, but I'd bet money on
it."
     "We know where that's gotten you lately," Kyoko said, a
trifle bitterly.  She'd staked a lot of her own money on a Mousse
victory, against her better judgment.
     "How does it work?" Midori asked.
     "As far as I know," Nabiki said, "you bump heads with
someone else while wearing that brooch.  The switch is
instantaneous."
     "As simple as that?"
     "As simple as that," Nabiki said.
     Kyoko stood and pinned the brooch to her blouse.  "Well, if
we're going to do anything with this, we'd better make sure it
works," she said.  "Nabiki?"
     Nabiki nodded.  She got up and positioned herself before
her friend.
     "Anytime you're ready," Nabiki said.
     Kyoko placed her hands on either side of Nabiki's head,
then brought hers forward quickly.  It wasn't a collision of earth-
shattering proportions, but it definitely stung.  Both girls stumbled
back, blinking.  They glanced at each other, and then at
themselves.
     "I don't believe it," Nabiki -- or was it Kyoko? -- said.  "It
really works!  How strange!"
     "Nabiki?" Midori asked.  The middle Tendo sister shook
her head.
     "It's me, Kyoko," she said.
     Midori glanced to Kyoko, who nodded her head.
     "It's me, Nabiki," the girl said.  "Ugh, long hair again.  I
never could stand that."
     "It's not a problem," Kyoko said.  "The boys like it, you
know."
     "Did you two really switch?" Midori asked.  "I don't know
if I believe you or not."
     The girl who was no longer Kyoko gave a very Nabiki-like
stare.  "There's only one way to know for sure, Midori," she said.
     Midori nodded and stood.  One head-bump later, she stared
down at her new body... Kyoko's body.
     "Wow," she said.  "Okay, I believe you know.  How...
weird."
     "Looks like I get the grand tour," Nabiki, now in Midori's
body, said.
     "This is hard on the forehead," Midori said.
     Kyoko was standing in front of the full-length mirror,
staring at her new body.  "I can't get used to this," she said.  "This...
this isn't me.  This is too bizarre to believe!"
     Nabiki sat on the bed.  "Okay, how do we use this?  I have
some ideas, but I want to hear what you two have to say."
     "Um..." Midori said, "could we switch back?  This feels
weird, and watching you in my body really gives me the creeps."
     "Yeah," Kyoko added, "we're not used to all this weirdness
like you are, Nabiki."
     "I'm not used to..." Nabiki said, then shrugged.  "Well,
whatever.  Let's switch back."
     Two head-butts later the girls were back in their own
bodies.  Kyoko again was rolling the brooch around in her hand,
staring at it in fascination.
     "We can use this..." she said, "for a lot of things.  A whole
lot of things."
     "I have one particular use in mind," Nabiki said.
"Remember what Kuno-baby told me the other day?"
     Midori's eyes went wide.  "You mean about arranging a
date with Akane, and you could name your price?"  Kyoko glanced
up quickly, her eyes also getting very big.
     Nabiki nodded.  "I'm ready to name my price," she said.
"Kuno-baby's going to get his date, even if I have to be the one to
do it."

***

     It was late, and the Tendo house was quiet, but in the dojo
the lights were still on, and voices drifted from it, carrying on the
evening breeze.
     "Come on, let's try again!"
     "No!  No more!"
     "Just one more time!  It's got to work!  It's just got to!"
     "Ranma, no!  We've tried seven times already!  My head is
starting to feel like I've gone fifteen rounds with Mohammed Ali.
Enough already!  We obviously don't know how it works!"
     Inside the dojo, Ranma slumped to the floor.  "But I don't
want to be stuck in your body," she said, her voice growing quiet.
     Akane kneeled down opposite her.  "You think I want to be
stuck in yours?" she asked.  "Look, our fathers are still working on
putting that book together.  They'll work it out, eventually."
     "Eventually?" Ranma said.  "Try forever!  Have you seen
how far they've gotten?  They worked on it for a whole two hours,
Akane!  Then they took a break to play some shogi!  If we wait for
them to fix things, we'll never get switched back!"
     Akane frowned.  "Kasumi's back to normal, Ranma.  I'm
sure we'll figure it out.  Maybe not our fathers, but you and I...
Ranma, I don't think there's anything you can't do, when you put
your mind to it, so don't lose hope!  I haven't lost hope in you!"
     Ranma pounded her fist into the floor, leaving a sizable
hole.
     "We're so close, Akane!  You're right; I know we can figure
this out somehow.  It's just so frustrating!  The secret must be right
under our noses...."
     A rustle from the dojo entrance drew their attention.
Nabiki was there, leaning against the door frame, watching them.
Her hands were in her pockets, idly playing with whatever was
there.  Her face held an odd look, somewhere between sorrow and
guilt.  Ranma had never seen Nabiki look like that.
     "Nabiki, is something wrong?" Ranma asked.
     Nabiki's head jerked back, almost as if she'd been slapped.
"N-no," she said, sounding startled.  "I was just... thinking, that's
all.  Thinking about what all of these switches have in common."
She gave a weak smile.  "No offense, Ranma, but you make a
better brother-in-law than a sister."
     "Thanks, Nabiki.  If you think of something, let us know."
     "Don't worry," Nabiki said.  "I will.  You can always count
on me."

***

     Ranma exited the bath and stepped into the family room.
All of the lights were out, save the eerie glow from the television.
The sound was turned down, and Akane, now a red-haired pig-
tailed girl, was flopped belly-first on the floor.  She hugged a
pillow tightly, all of her attention focused on the late-night horror
flick.
     Ranma resisted the urge to yell, "boo!"; it would be too
easy, and Akane was already mad at her as it was.  *As if this is all
my fault,* Ranma thought.
     "Bathroom's free," Ranma said, none too loud.  Akane
looked up and smiled, and Ranma's heart skipped a beat.
     Strange, thought Ranma, how even a simple smile like that
transformed Ranma-chan's face into something unmistakably
Akane-like.  Ranma had never looked like that, under any
circumstances, she was certain..
     Then Akane said, "I hope you kept your eyes closed, you
hentai," and the spell was broken.
     Akane headed for the bath, and Ranma headed upstairs,
grumbling to herself.  In the hallway she paused, momentarily
confused.  For the last several days she'd been sleeping in Kasumi's
room, on a futon, with Kasumi in her own bed.  Mr. Tendo had
insisted that Ranma not sleep with her father while in Kasumi's
body, so that had been the arrangement.  Now that Kasumi was
back in her own body, and Ranma and Akane were switched,
where was Ranma to sleep?  Somehow, she didn't imagine that
Akane would give up her room, nor that the two of them should
share the same room.
     Then again, Kasumi was already in bed, and Ranma didn't
want to wake her.  Sleeping in her father's room would be a
mistake, for which she'd have to answer to Mr. Tendo in the
morning.  Ranma shrugged, heading to Akane's room.  Perhaps,
given that Akane was the boy (at least part of the time), it would
not be a problem.  All Ranma really wanted to do was sleep.
     On Akane's bed there was a black pig with a black and
yellow bandanna around it's neck.  It sat up as the door opened,
squealing in delight.
     Ranma blinked.  Ryoga had not been at the fight today.  He
had no way of knowing who she was.
     "Why, if it isn't P-Chan!" Ranma exclaimed in her best
imitation-Akane voice.  The pig leaped straight for her chest, and
Ranma caught it and held it in a fierce hug.  It was, in fact, a very
fierce hug.
     The pig squealed in alarm, and not a little pain.  Ranma
laughed, and then held the pig out at arm's length by the collar.
     The pig took one look at her face and grunted something
that sounded like "Uh-oh!"
     "Nice try, pig," Ranma said, "but you ain't sleeping in my
bed tonight, got it?"  Ranma threw open the window and held the
pig up to her face.  "Sayonara, Ryoga-chan," she said.  The pig's
eyes went wide with shock.  Ranma laughed and launched P-Chan
into the night.
     That ought to give pig-boy something to think about,
Ranma thought with satisfaction.

END PART SEVEN
***

Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back!  Write
something different!
Enjoy!  And if you don't, write me anyway!

Miko!

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather a scornful tone, "it
means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many
different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master -- that's
all."

(Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking-Glass)

Nausicaa@sprynet.com   Belldandy@angelic.com
Anime rpg at http://come.to/akane/
Fan Fiction at http://listen.to/bell/