--
Sincerely....
Shimitsu Kaoru.
Lost "Dragon-Boy"
of Shimitsu-Ryuu.
Prince of Chaos.
"What makes a curse is simply the view, a blessing to some is a curse
unto you, But acceptance can conquer that fear you hold high, through
acceptance comes peace..... are you willing to try?"
   -Quote from Kaoru Shimitsu.
My Homepage at!
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/4534

How to fix it? Give it a premise. Give it a beginning and an end. Give
the characters a problem that must be solved and that will lead to
character growth. Cut out the filler. Insert meaningful dialogue. In
other words, delete everything you've done and start over.

    I view myself as a rational, and ethical man.... with a somewhat
british attitude towards the "Polite" and "Completely Rude".  My honor
System is one based on Japanese beliefe because, well.. their honor system
Rocked, no offense.
    THIS, however, violates both of those things.  It is irrational that
you should be so blunt, rude, and unproductive in your critique.  It Hardly
helps the Writer any by you being completely negative.
    While others have told you to change your style of critique, I shall
not.  You are obviously not mature enough to give unbiased opinion, or that
is all you have shown us so FAR, to my knowledge.
    You are also not apt to listen to others, as several of us have tried
to persuade you to be a little more productive in your comments, and not to
border on flaming someone.
    All I can suggest is either act maturely, if you are capable of doing
so, or you should leave the list before Tybalt Bann's you.
    This is not meant offensively, but as a serious analysis of what
appears to be a personal problem with anything posted to this list....
    Gomen if this is taken as a flame, but I felt it needed to be said.  I
am open to flamings if you deem I have wronged TGUTB

I'm sorry if I can't come up with something nicer, but I call them like I
see them. This fic is irredeemably Bad--I don't particularly get
enjoyment out of saying that, but I won't lie to you.

    In my view, you have shown no remorse or apology that is sincere enough
to ask forgiveness, so I shall simply ignore you and tell you that you are
NOT forgiven, and that you most blatantly do not mean that you are
sorry.    As for calling it like you see them, that may be the case, but
you seem them in a somewhat overly-biased light.  It throws me into
questioning your age, as I know a few 12 year olds who are as immature with
just as wide vocabularies.    Once again, Gomen to Anyone I have offended.
I do mean that, and I am ready to be flamed.

--
Sincerely....
Shimitsu Kaoru.
Lost "Dragon-Boy"
of Shimitsu-Ryuu.
Prince of Chaos.
"What makes a curse is simply the view, a blessing to some is a curse unto
you, But acceptance can conquer that fear you hold high, through acceptance
comes peace..... are you willing to try?"
   -Quote from Kaoru Shimitsu.
My Homepage at!
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/4534