I guess it's finally my turn to be C&C'd by the GUtB, eh?
This fic begins with an interesting premise, but it degenerates into a
another cheap Ranma/Akane feelings drama. It should have centered on
Kodachi's new environment, how she interacts with the school madness,
and the problems revolving around her being accepted into the Fuurikan
social life.
First thing, this ain't done yet... The Ranma/Akane scene was placed in
there for a reason. Just about every story arc ends with a little
Ranma/Akane "Moment" gradually though, I will phase them out. Falling
in love with someone else takes time.
Most of that was worthless filler. Do we really need to know about how
Kodachi had to rummage around her backpack? Is the schedule important?
Does it matter how quickly she got to class, or that she did or did not
waste any time? Do we need a blow-by-blow description of every action
and thought that passes through her head for just changing classes?
No, we don't need to hear about it. But every time I've written
something that was short and to the point I got accused of simply
dragging the reader along. It makes it seem rushed. I don't like that.
This is scene is utterly pointless.
Thanks, Lawson, for another bizarre characterization. How does this
stuff become canon?
Trust me when I say this. This scene is definitley not pointless. It
has no effect on Fragile Flower. But this scene is crucial in some of
the other episodes. I'm trying to stick to a single continuity
throughout each storyline.
Event 1
Event 2
Event 3
Event 4
Etc.
All happening at around the same time with minor differences to effect
the story. This is at the heart of the story. Happosai's battle with
Ranma, which comes later, will happen in each story but the outcome as
well as the cause will be slightly different as influenced by past
events.
?_?
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Shrine/6648
Brian, singing off...
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