The prose are awfully bloated. Cut out the filler. For instance:

the prose _is_ awfully bloated. 

<snip _very_ descriptive parapgraph>

Most of that was worthless filler. Do we really need to know about how 
Kodachi had to rummage around her backpack? Is the schedule important? 

actually, yes. after reading this one paragraph, I felt I understood the
new Kodachi. 

Does it matter how quickly she got to class, or that she did or did not 
waste any time? Do we need a blow-by-blow description of every action 
and thought that passes through her head for just changing classes?

yeah, if it's how the writer wants to let us get to know the character. 

This is scene is utterly pointless.

to paraphrase one of the original GUtBisms:

You suck, you should stop writing. 

Thanks, Lawson, for another bizarre characterization. How does this 
stuff become canon?

who cares? if you don't like Ice-Queen Nabiki, write the good witch Nabiki,
using her financial wizardry for the benefit of all..  or, write Clueless
Nabiki, a mindles Kasumi-clone with a calculator and an axe. 

and, remove thy stick from thine own excretory orfice, lest it cause ye to
push thy foul effluence upon the works of others. 

0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 0s/2 
While most people are puttering along at 95 or 98 MPH, I have three words
for you.

Warp 4. 
Engage.

=^_^=						-/\/
						Nick Casler
Meow!						caslern@matnet.com