At first, Akane was a bit concerned, but after the first few
exchanges, she found herself relaxing.  It wasn't that the two women
were bad fighters.  On the contrary, they were very good.  More
importantly, the two women obviously had a lot of practice fighting
together as a team.  However, Ranma was definitely  better.  It showed
in the effortless way he evaded their attacks.  

This paragraph feels a bit indescisive (sp?). "He was good. But they
were good. But he was better. But they were pretty good anyway.
But he *WAS* better. But they were still quite good. Even though
he was better."

   As the fight continued, it became apparent that Ranma had the two
women hopelessly outclassed in both the speed and skill department.  

Yes, usually, that's what "definitely being better" means. ^_-;;;

mysterious cat-shaped battle aura,... everything.

Again, ",..." doesn't quite look good.

   Shampoo gaped in shock as she stared at Ranma-chan's new, more
mature form.  Even Cologne looked visibly startled.  After a long
moment, Shampoo cautiously approached, avoiding the puddles of cold
water on the floor.  She stared into Ranma-chan's face and poked at
the young woman's breasts in a state of disbelief.

You know, *especially* if you're going by the anime (red hair),
I highly doubt onna-Ranma's *breasts* would change in going
from girl to young woman. ^_-;;;

   "Then why don't you stay with us... for a little while, at least?"

Good thing for Ranma she brought it up before *he* did. ^_^

Seriously, though - generous nature or no, I still think Akane'd
be a bit paranoid about letting Shampoo in the house. "Maybe she just
claims to let go of Ranma so we'll let her stay in the dojo where
she can get to him easier" is something at least *I* can easily
see her saying (despite considering myself somewhat of an
Akane-fanboy).

At least have her be a bit less cheery and certain about it, some
doubts, even if she *does* give the offer.

   Akane kept thinking about Ranma's fight with Dan Xin and her
goons.  The battle had been normal enough at first, with Ranma
effortlessly dodging the women's attacks.  But as soon as Dan Xin had

Try "the amazon" there.

   Tarou couldn't help but notice the moisture gleaming on her bare
flesh.  The damp tee-shirt had left nothing to the imagination, but
now that her shirt was off, he could see... everything.  He felt a
bead of sweat slide down his neck.

Y'know, Tar� doesn't quite strike me as the type of guy to get
that sort of reaction. ^_-;;;


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@hem2.passagen.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
        "So, they aren't extraterrestials?"
        "Nope, they're manga characters who've lost their hair."
        (the unexpected end of X-files)