C&C for me please.

Part 5, and we still have no idea what Miko's relationship to Ranma is.
I strongly suspect that you are using her solely as a way to bring out a
tough 'No one messes with my family' Ranma.

Or... we could be seeing a relapse of Plum's role from the Saffron arc. An
innocent child, buffeted about by forces beyond her control. And I think
"protect the innocent" is deeply ingrained in whatever credo Ranma happens
to follow. He KNOWS he hasn't had a child yet... or at least, can't remember
having one... so we're given an innocent who is also deluded...

Of course, you realize that this is a ridiculously OOC characterisation
of Ranma. The real Ranma would be screaming denials and hatching every
wild scheme imaginable to get rid of his 'child'.

If said child came with accompanying fianc�e, I could see this. And if the
mysterious figure at the end of the piece is the fianc�e and DOES end up
coming to Nerima, we'll probably see an effort on Ranma's part to at least
give the kid back to its rightful mother. But, as it is, there's no one
around to take her and no one around who thinks she's got anything more than
a delusion about being Ranma's child. (See exceptions below.) And, depending
on which continuity you follow, there is at least one other person out there
who goes by Saotome Ranma... either Kumon Ryu or *shudder* Copycat Ken...

The Kunous have undergone some real rough character assassination--I
mean, Kunou attacking a child? C'mon. That's so far out to left field
that it's hard to get mad at.

Hmm. Consider the following.

1. Tatewaki considers Ranma to be a vile sorcerer, capable of working magics
to ensnare the hearts of women and other fell deeds. Kodachi considers the
pig-tailed girl a seductress who's luring her Ranma-sama away from her.

2. This little girl, calling herself Ranma's child, has been seen in the
company of both Ranma and the pig-tailed girl. Both appear to be very
closely bonded to the child. Now...

3. Tatewaki, being the avid reader of the fantastic that he is, considers
the girl little more than a simulacrum, or perhaps a summoned and
shape-changed demon... in either case, used by the black sorcerer Saotome
Ranma to give the pig-tailed girl what she most desires (namely, a child to
take care of) and ensnare her heart until the end of eternity. And he has no
qualms about attacking demons or magical constructs.

4. Kodachi, being about fifty bricks shy of a load, considers the child to
be born out of wedlock between her Ranma-sama and the pig-tailed girl,
springing from seduction and being used to play on her Ranma-sama's
impeccable sense of honor. After all, someone as good and noble as her
Ranma-sama would have to marry the mother of his child. And Kodachi has very
few qualms about making like an Amazon and destroying that which comes
between her and what she wants.

Tell me that, considering the Kunos' generally twisted worldview, that the
above aren't at least feasible conclusions. It may seem ridiculously easy
(as KaraOhki's Ranma-Shampoo separation was) but is, at the same time,
perfectly reasonable.

Your transparent character slam of Ryouga was more traditional, but no
less tiresome. Was his scene really necessary? Every fanfic writer
should at least try to give the characters they don't like a fair
portrayal, or do what Lawson does: don't write them in at all.

*blink* Who has Lawson not written in to a fic? Admittedly, the preludes to
Thy Inward Love don't involve the whole cast, but they don't have to, being
the character study-type pieces that they are. And Roses of Shadow, while it
was missing a few characters, was missing them due to chronological and not
ideological constraints.

As for this particular Ryoga and this particular scene... he says all he
needs to. Just because the child's older than Ranma's stay in Nerima doesn't
mean that she wasn't the product of something that happened before then that
Ranma simply hasn't told Akane about. *cough*ShampooandKuonjiUkyo*cough* And
with Ryoga's generally narrow view of Ranma, that's not an unreasonable
conclusion for him to make. As for the whole collateral damage thing...
well... Akane. Belt. Haircut. Need I say more? And tell me that Ryoga isn't
going to confront Ranma about something the magnitude of a child out of
wedlock.

And I didn't see one thing above about what this fic really needed... a
good, thorough proofread. Tenses flip-flop a few times, actions are just
done rather than described, spelling, grammar and usage errors shoot
through. Nothing to make the work incomprehensible, but it wasn't easy to
get through it. Of course, it IS a draft.

--G. Falconar, flying a few thousand feet ABOVE the bridge.