(Look! I'm only two days behind now! ^_^)

As usual, I'm not so good at this "opinion" thing. ^_^ It's an
interesting li'l fic, I guess; questions are being answered at
a rate slightly lower than that of the new ones appearing - as
it should be (frustrating for the reader, yes, but just the thing
to keep one hooked).

   (Does she really mean that or is she was just feeling...

Scratch "was"; or possibly "or was she".

here.  Although,... I've been having second thoughts about that

The combination of a comma and "..." looks real bad. Just change
it to "Although ... I've"

   Ranma was now looking very somber himself.  "So you think it
wasn't just a burglar."

"So, you think it wasn't just a burglar?"

   After a brief instant of dizziness, Ranma's thinking processes
were starting to clear up... perhaps becoming a bit TOO clear.  He

IMO, just "started to" would be better than "were starting to".

   Ukyo muttered, "I guess we do the same thing we did last time."
   Ranma said, "What's that?"
   The chef shrugged or tried to.  "We had Sasuke cart her back
home."

Try "We have".

   Ranma, Akane, and Ukyo stared at each other in utter confusion.

Something like the stares my monitor is starting to receieve, then,
eh? ^_^

**********************************************************************
Part 5#:  
**********************************************************************

Err. Really, I must ask, why these? Even if you want to separate the
part into further parts (which I can see no point in doing), 
"Part 5#" looks really stupid.

   "Just some general information.  I think the current head of the
family is the principal at a place called Furinken High School.  He

Furinkan - unless it's Yuri getting it wrong...

   Ukyo patted Yuri on the shoulder and said, "Welcome to Nerima,
honey."

Better without "and said", IMO.
Ukyou patted Yuri on the shoulder. "Welcome to Nerima, honey."

   Sasuke hadn't been available, but Ukyo managed to browbeat one of
the other servants into picking Kodachi up.  A half hour later, Yuri

half an hour

   Ukyo briefly told Akane what happened the previous night.  She
finished by describing the monster.  "It looked like a cat but it was
walking upright on two legs.  It had longish black fur and a weird
smell.  And it had glowing green eyes."

IMO, just "And glowing green eyes..."

   Akane glared at her, then her hostile expression eased slightly. 
"Ranma cares a lot about you.  Don't say something that you'll regret.
Don't hurt him.  He has too much to worry about right now."

Um. Akane telling Ukyou how much Ranma cares for her? Admittedly,
with my hazy memory, I'm not quite sure how much the characters have
changed ... but Akane defending Ranma's feelings for Ukyou doesn't
quite feel right...

   Ranma said irritably, "How could I possibly forget Shampoo, you,
Kodachi, AND my mom all popping up at the same time with those stupid
messages!?   And while I haven't done a great job handling this whole
fiancee thing with you girls, I certainly wouldn't ask all of you to a
meeting without warning each of you guys that the others were coming! 
I know what usually happens when you girls get together!  Just how
stupid do you think I am!?"

Again, I'm wondering just how much they've actually changed.
Ranma acknowledging "this whole fiancee thing"? And his outbreak of
anger doesn't quite feel right here, either, but I can see the
reasons more clearly in that case.

   Seeing their reaction, Ranma managed to shut himself up before he
really got carried away.  (What the hell's the matter with me?)  As
usual, the thought of his romantic entanglements left Ranma feeling
impatient and annoyed.  Usually, he managed to keep those emotions

Try "as always", to avoid overusing "usual".

under wraps because he didn't want to hurt the girls' feelings. 
However, this time, he found he was totally fed up and tired of trying
to be nice. 

Um ... trying to be nice? I'm not so sure that's quite suitable.

   "Oh, I see."  But Ukyo could help but remember her own thoughts

>from the night before.  

"couldn't help but" is the usual version. ;) And the "but" sounds
really bad there, too.

   The Amazon girl started to yank on her hair while muttering,
"Aiyah!  Stupid, pain in butt Mousse!"

While it works with the comma too, the implications are slightly
different than without, and I think "Stupid pain in butt Mousse!!"
is what she's supposed to say here.
    

   "What did you say, Akane?" as Ukyo glanced in her direction.

You're missing the whole action there. Try something like
"Ukyou said as she glanced in ..." ... er, actually I kinda failed
there, not coming up with any good replacement descriptive for
Akane, but you get the idea...

   "It seems pretty obvious that Ranma won.  But I must say he didn't
seem at all happy about the victory."

won, but

   Ukyo's response was automatic. "He doesn't lov...."  Her voice
trailed off.  

IMO, for emphasis, put "Her voice trailed off" on a separate
paragraph.

destruction of my clan, it apparently vanished.  I think something

vanished - I

   Ukyo muttered, "What good are those signs if you don't read
Chinese?"

You know, at this point, I think Yuri would be wondering if
*UKY�* hasn't been there and gotten cursed.

--------------------------------------------

Well, that's a fine mess we're left in. Better hurry up with
the next part!

What? Oh, it's here in my inbox already? Blah. No fun. ^_^


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@hem2.passagen.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
        "So, they aren't extraterrestials?"
        "Nope, they're manga characters who've lost their hair."
        (the unexpected end of X-files)