Standard Disclaimers Apply
==========================

Be it Ever so Humble...
The Making of a Strong Heart

Chapter Seven

She laid her chin in the palm of her hand and scanned the swirling
maelstrom of sight and sound with minute precision.  Her eyes did not lie.
The same fallacy she had caught earlier was still there.

She frowned, and spoke aloud her thoughts.  "This cannot be.  This is not
supposed to happen.  Something's wrong..."

============================================================

At exactly 6:00a.m., the humming started.  It brought her to the edge of
consciousness...a sweet, soft voice, humming a gentle tune she almost
recognized.  It was a humming that made her warm and, for some reason, very
sad, as if she longed desperately for something she could no longer have.
The humming started to fade, and she strained to hear it more...if only if
it was louder...

"Mama?" she called out drowsily.

Then she opened her eyes to a room that wasn't hers.

Damn.  So it wasn't all a dream, then.

Lita sighed and rolled onto her back, flinging one arm over her eyes and
the other reaching out towards the night-table before remembering that her
rose earrings would not be there.  She wasn't an early riser, but something
had awakened her, though now she could barely remember what it was.  It was
something nice, though--something that had faintly tugged at her dreams...

*WHACK* "Hey! Cut it out, old man!"

<Oh yeah.  Him.  What's he doing up so early?>

"I'm doing this for your own good, boy!" *WHAM*

Now that was a voice she hadn't heard.  It didn't sound like Mr. Tendo.
Who was that?

"Ha!" *SMASH* "You have to catch me first!"

<Ranma fighting this early in the morning?  Boy, the day doesn't have to
start for him to get in trouble. At least he's outside instead of running
about in the house.>  She flinched as something crashed below her.  <How do
the others put up with this?>

A soft voice called out from downstairs.  "Ohayo, Ranma-kun.  Did you want
your water now? You haven't changed yet."

"No, but keep it handy because a certain SOMEONE will be needing it soon!"
Ranma growled, his voice traveling from below to outside and raising to a
strong kiya.  A few more thuds followed.

"Very well."  There was a soft clank of a pot being laid on the stove, then
the faint humming started up again.  <Oh, it's Kasumi who's doing that.>
Lita realized with a strange disappointment.  <Ah well.  Still, it's nice
to wake up to that.>

Something bumped against her elbow and Lita suddenly remembered P-chan.
With her eyes still closed, she scooped the piglet closer to her, content
to lie and enjoy the sounds of the Tendo household going through its
morning routine.  Her apartment would always be silent every morning, even
though she lived next to a busy street.  She missed the sounds of talking
and movement coming from the next room; it's been so long since she woken
up to that...

"Sweeeeeto..." P-chan murmured.

Lita's eyes flew open.  Sweeto?

"Sooooo soft!"

P-chan had not spoken last night.  Why did he choose to speak now?  And
when did his hooves turn into squeezing little hands?

Lita shot upright.

A little old man was nestled between her breasts.  At her gasp, he peered
up at her with kawaii-huge eyes.  "My, my, my little Akane.  How much you
have *grown*!!"

"AAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHH!!!"  She snatched the man off her chest and threw him
into the air.  "You PERRRRVERRRRRT!"  As he fell back towards her, she
reared back and gave him a good, hard punch, shooting him up and out...

...through the roof.

"Lita?  Are you alright?"

Lita gawked at the new skylight she created.  <Oh, no! What have I done?!>
She scrambled to her feet and stared at it.  Against  the brilliant
background of blue, a butterfly flew in, checked itself, and flew back out.
 "Oh, no!"

"Hey, Lita?"  The voice was Nabiki's, and it was nearing.  Lita frantically
looked about, still standing on Akane's bed.  Her mind was working
irrationally fast.  <Maybe if  I stuffed something up there, no one would
notice.>

Nabiki was knocking on the door.  "Lita?"

"Um, be right there.  I'm, uh, dressing."  She grabbed a pillow and stuffed
it in the hole, where it hung out like fluffy aluminum siding.  Terrific.
This family accepts her into their midst and she repays their kindness by
smashing a little old man through their missing daughter's roof.  What a
way to start the day.

To be on the safe side, she opened the door a crack.  "Yeah?"

Nabiki, in her bathrobe, peered up at her.  "I heard you yelling up here.
Are you alright?"

"Well, um...er....I was...um...I thought I saw something at the window..."

"Oh?"  Nabiki was nonchalantly trying to see past Lita into the room.

"Yeah, so I shouted, and then it disappeared. I guess it was my imagination."

"Or it could have been Happosai.  He has a habit of sneaking into Akane's
bed."

"Uh, yeah.  Heh-heh.  I think it was him."

Nabiki shrugged.  "If he does that again, just do what Akane does and punch
him through the roof.  That usually does the trick, not to mention it's so
satisfying to hurt him so.  Not that I would know-- I have other means to
keep him away from me."  She smiled mysteriously and walked back to her
room. She paused to grin at Lita before going in. "I don't know how many
times Akane threw him out her room.  We once had to redo her entire ceiling
once.  It's a good thing I have a good deal with the building contractor
here.  It's great for business.  Anyway, the furo's free.  You should use
it before Ranma lands in it or something."

Lita stood there for a moment, then turned around to look at the ceiling.
She could now see the rough spots of countless repatchings.  There was even
a recent spot in the corner that had a couple of boards nailed haphazardly
together.  She turned to say something to Nabiki, but she had already gone
into her bedroom.

<Oh well.  I guess around here something like that would be considered
normal.>

Still, something else nagged at her, something she couldn't place a finger
on but important nonetheless.  She pulled the pillow from the hole and
stared at it, frowning. 
<Something's wrong here...but I don't know what it is...>  She looked
around the room.  <How did that weirdo get in here anyway?  And what
happened to P-chan? Is that what's bugging me?  Somehow, I don't think so.>

Going downstairs, she paused as a voice shouted from outside.  "Is that the
best you can do, boy?!  That was barely a tap!"

"Oh yeah?"  Ranma retorted.  "Then take this!  HI-YA!!!"

Lita peered out the sliding doors in time to see Ranma launch himself
towards an older man in a white gi and glasses.  They exchanged several
blows in mid-air before touching down on opposite sides of the yard.  The
man immediately leapt back up into the air, sweeping a kick towards Ranma,
who nimbly dodged by leaping up at the last second, vaulting over the man's
shoulders, and lashing out with a kick of his own.  The man, however,
caught Ranma's foot and swung him towards the pond.  With an agile twist,
Ranma neatly landed on a rock beside it.  "Nyah!  You're getting old, Pop!"

<Pop? So that's what Ranma's dad looks like when he's not a panda.>

"Heh.  With age comes wisdom, boy!"  Mr. Saotome launched another kick
towards Ranma, who dodged but didn't see the fist as it smashed into his
face.  As he toppled backward, however, he managed to hook his foot around
his father's ankle, tumbling the both of them into the pond.  There was a
few seconds of silence, then with an explosion of water, a huge panda and a
red-haired girl shot out, still exchanging blows before leaping to opposite
sides of the yard again.

Lita's jaw dropped.  <Wow.  They're good.>

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Lita." Kasumi spoke softly behind her.  She gave Lita a
cheery smile.  "I hope you slept well last night."

Lita blinked.  "Uhh, yeah. Ohio go say Mass to you too.  I slept fine,
thanks."  She nodded towards the sparring duo.  "Do they do this every
morning?"

"Just about. They are good, aren't they?"

Lita could only nod.  Just watching them in action made her realize just
how little she knew when it came to fighting.  Even as a guy, Ranma
achieved a fluid grace that she felt she could never attain, no matter how
hard she practiced.  <I bet Akane practices with him a lot.  Who knows,
maybe she's a better fighter than me.>  Her face fell slightly as an image
of Akane fighting with the Sailor Scouts popped into her head.  <Well, at
least they have someone to fill in for me.  I hope she doesn't mind
mini-skirts.>

She suddenly became aware that Kasumi was speaking to her.  She smiled
weakly at her.  "Sorry, I was thinking of something.  What did you say?"

"Well, I'm going to be busy with breakfast, so I was wondering if you would
like to prepare lunch for Ranma and the others.  You seem very
knowledgeable about cooking from what you told me last night."

"Can I?  Really?"  Lita's face lit up.  "Of course!  I'll be honored!  Let
me get washed up real quick..."  She took off towards the bathroom, her
mind so busy flipping through her mental recipe box that she didn't catch
Kasumi's small, satisfied smile as she returned to the kitchen, humming a
slight tune to herself.

A short while later, Lita returned to Akane's room to see a couple of
changes:  The hole in the roof was patched with another pair of boards
(<Wow, they really must be used to this to do patch it up so quick.>)  and
a school uniform similar to what she destroyed yesterday, except several
sizes larger,  was lying on the bed.  Frowning, she scooped it up and took
it downstairs.

Nabiki, Soun Tendo, and Ranma's father, still a panda, were already sitting
down to breakfast.  Lita held out the uniform, "What's this supposed to be?"

"A school uniform."  Nabiki replied blithely.  "What else?"

"Yeah, but what's it doing here?"

Nabiki rolled her eyes.  "Well, you can't very well go to school dressed in
Ranma's shirt and boxers, can you?"

"What?!"

"What do you mean, 'my shirt and boxers'?"  Ranma-chan entered behind Lita
clad in pants and a towel draped around her shoulders.  Soun's chopsticks
missed his mouth by a yard, lodging neatly in the panda's mouth, who
immediately took advantage of the food there.

"I'm talking about this--!"  Lita whirled to shake the uniform in Ranma's
face.  Her eyes bugged out.  "My God...YOU GOT NO SHIRT ON!!"

Ranma blinked, "And?"

Nabiki shook her head as she poured a hissing teapot of water over Ranma.
"And, she is our guest, Ranma.  The least you can do is act civilized for
once.  Then again, with your upbringing, that is a problem for you, isn't it?"

"Hey! That's hot!"

Lita stared as Ranma began toweling off his chest, then shook herself and
tried to remembered what she was yelling about.  "Oh yeah.  Look, when I
agreed to do this dingbat plan of yours, I didn't plan on going to school
in her place.  You said it will only take a couple of hours!"

"And that's how long it will take--to convince Cologne, that is."  Nabiki
pointed out.  "But we need to establish that you *are* Akane, and what
better place to do that than in front of lots of other people, like school?"

Ranma tugged on his school shirt.  "What I want to know is how you were
able to get a school uniform in her size.  I mean, Ukyo's about her size
and she never wears one."

Nabiki smiled.  "That's because (a) she wouldn't be caught dead wearing one
and (b) she doesn't know where to look."

Ranma blanched.  "You mean--?"

Nabiki's smile deepened as she lifted a teacup to her mouth.  "Girls her
size are very rare.  I was lucky to even get that one for a decent price.
Don't worry.  I'm sure you'll find a way to pay me back.  Akane is, after
all, your fiancee, so Lita must look the part."

As a sick look came over Ranma's face, Lita interjected. "But this is
crazy!  How in the world would people think I'm Akane?  I never met this
girl in my life!"

"Are you good with studies and classes?"

"Well, no, but--"

"And you said last night you got into a lot fights with guys at school,
right?"

"Yeah, but still--"

"And we all have seen you have something of a short temper..."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

Nabiki shrugged.  "So what's the worry?"

"What's the worry? Are you blind?"  Lita drew herself to her fullest
height.  "Look at me!  You actually expect people to believe that *I'm*
Akane Tendo?  I look nothing like her, and even if I did I doubt Akane
never stood out in a crowd as much as I do."

Ranma laughed as he sat down and began shoveling breaking in his mouth.
"Oh, that. Don't worry about it. It's okay."

"But what if--"

Ranma pointed at her with his chopsticks.  "Look, don't worry about it,
okay.  Just say that you're Akane Tendo. People may stare and talk, but if
you say you're Akane, they'll believe it.  Trust me.  We know what we're
doing."

It was Lita's turn to look sick.

===========================================================

It was a beautiful day. <Perfect for picnicking.> thought Ukyo Kuonji
walked through the gates of Furikan High with a light heart, a full
lunchbox, and a firm grip on Kick-Ass Spatula(TM).  She had just slammed a
mailbox concealing an over-amorous Tsubasa into the stratosphere, which had
been satisfying to do.  Now, if she could get Ran-chan alone for a few
hours, that would make it a perfect day.

Whistling, she went to her locker to grab her books for her first class.
If she hurried, perhaps she could make it into the classroom before Ranma
got there.  Well, actually, it probably wouldn't have mattered if she got
there early because Ranma was always late, no thanks to that hussy Akane.
It was her fault that he was always late; it never made sense to Ukyo that
he never went off to school without her.  Oh well. That's okay.  Ukyo was
his *cute* fiancee.  Now, to work on becoming his wife...

She slammed her locker door just as a pale, tragic figure slumped by.  It
took her a second to remember his name: Gosunkugi Hikaru.  Strange.  He
looked weirder than usual--his face was a shade whiter than it normally
was, making the rings beneath his eyes stand out like someone drew a black
marker beneath his eyelids.  He held a camera loosely in his hands and he
wandered down the hall as if he was in a shell-shocked daze.

Oh well.  That wasn't going to stop her from having a beautiful morning.
"Yo, Gos!" she called out.  "What's up?  Another one of your spells bit the
dust?"

He turned towards her, blinking rapidly.  Then, he pulled the camera to
himself tightly.  "I'm an idiot." he breathed.

"Nothing new there, pal."

"I thought I knew everything I needed to know about life. So I'm not
martial artist like everyone else. Big deal." He continued, oblivious to
her barb.  "Then *she* entered my life. She was my sunshine in darkness, a
flower in a wasteland, yet she was so unattainable.  I thought, even if I
took a thousand pictures, I could never make her mine.  Yet, I continue to
try and try, hoping against hope..." 

His left eye began to twitch. "But today...I went to capture her essence on
the way to school...she had changed...as if some transformation took place
overnight...such brutal strength...as if she was bursting with beauty...so
tall...so...so..." Suddenly, he howled. "I'LL NEVER WIN HER NOW!!!  DAMN
YOU SAOTOME!!! DAMN YOOOOUUUUU!!!"  He took off down the hall, tears of
rage streaming from his eyes.

Ukyo blinked several times before saying. "Yeah...um...you have a good day
too, Gos."

As she walked into the classroom, she noticed another unusual thing: most
of the students were clumped together, whispering and furtively glancing
about.  She could only catch a few phrases, but they were enough to make
her frown.  "Did you hear about...?"  "Did you see how tall..."  "...bra
size alone doubled..."  "...as if she took some hormone pills..." "...man,
that Saotome gets all the good ones..."

Ukyo was used to rumors regarding Ranma; after all, he *was* the most
talked about boy at school.  However, linking his name up with some female
that wasn't her needed to be investigated.  Casually, she reached over and
grabbed the first male collar she saw, which happened to be Hiroshi's.
"Say, you guys mind telling me what all the fuss is about?"

"K-Kuonji-san!" the unlucky boy stammered. "Umm...you mean you haven't
heard about Ranma?"

"No, I haven't heard." Ukyo narrowed her eyes and pulled the boy closer.
"What about Ranma?"

Hiroshi didn't reply because at the moment, the boy in question stomped in,
steam rising from his clothes and a fuming look on his face.  He turned to
snap at someone outside the door.  "Look, for now on, when I say 'follow
me', don't take it so literally!"

"Well, excuse me!" a husky voice answered back.  "How was I supposed to
know?"  And in walked a tall, young woman who was definitely *not* Akane.
She flipped a wisp of chestnut hair from her face and scowled at Ranma.
"You didn't exactly say 'Stay on the ground.' I thought it was what you did
normally."

"Normally?!" Ranma smacked his forehead, then pointed a finger in her face.
"Well, yeah, of course it's normal. For *me*!"

The girl crossed her arms under her chest, immediately drawing the
attention of every single male in the room.  "Oh, I see what the problem
is, then. You can't handle the fact that anyone else, much less me, has
perfect balance other than you. When I jumped on the fence behind you, you
actually took that as a threat to your perfect male ego!" She poked her
finger in Ranma's chest for emphasis. "So don't--blame--me for losing your
balance and falling into that pond!"  

This little speech drew some applause from the girls in the classroom, at
least from those who weren't green with envy. Ukyo's mind, however, was
still trying to convince Ukyo's eyes to go back into their sockets.  <Who
the heck is she?  Why is she talking to Ran-chan like that?  Where's Akane?>

"This has nothing to do about my ego!  Okay, if you want to walk on the
fence with me, fine.  But don't do it so close! People may get the wrong
idea..."

"Uh, Kuonji-san?  My shirt..."

"What wrong idea? I thought we were supposed to be engaged!  What happened
to all that talk yesterday about me being cute and you being so
weak-willed? If we're engaged, shouldn't we act all lovey-dovey or
something? That's what engaged couples do, right?"

"K-Kuonji-san? I - I ...can't...breathe!"

"No!  I mean...uh..." Ranma glanced nervously about. "Well, that is,
uh...uh..."

The girl suddenly realized that they had an audience.  "Excuse me? We're
having a private discussion!" She snapped, glaring about the room.  

Immediately, the students became very preoccupied, except for Ukyo, who
released her hold on Hiroshi's collar (causing the poor boy to stumble
away, clutching his throat) and reached for her spatula, beyond caring who
this strange girl was.  All she knew was Ranma somehow has gotten yet
*another* fiancee (one who was definitely built, she noted angrily), and
she was going to pound that stupid jackass and that shameless hussy into
the ground until she got answers.  

Ranma gulped and began to back away, babbling, "Ucchan!  Now, Ucchan, let
me explain..." The girl was still glaring at the class, failing to notice
Ukyo's approach.  It was just as well because at that moment, Hinako-sensei
chose to skip in.

"Hello class!  Sorry I'm late! I was busy taking care of a few..." She
stopped and a wary look came on her pert, little face.  "Do I sense a fight
getting ready to take place?  There better not be any *delinquents* in here!"

As one, the class scrambled to their seats, Ukyo reluctantly sheathing her
spatula and giving Ranma a very nasty look before going to her seat.  The
tall girl blinked in confusion until Ranma hurriedly tugged her away,
whispering urgently in her ear.  The girl stared at the little teacher in
disbelief before shrugging and muttering, "Well, I've seen stranger
things." She then walked up the aisle past Ukyo (missing her glare), but
instead of walking out of the classroom, she hesitated, then slid into the
only empty seat that was left.  

Akane's seat.

Ukyo's jaw dropped on her desk.  <Who does this hussy think she is?  First
she proclaims herself Ranma' fiancee, and now she's sitting in Akane's seat
like she belongs here?!  The nerve!  Wait until Akane finds out about this!
Where is she, anyway?>  

"Excellent!"  Hinako-sensei giggled, clapping in glee.  "Now I can take
roll call!"

Fuming, Ukyo could only sit still, consoling herself with visions of Akane
introducing her mallet to the hoity-toity stranger sitting in her seat. For
a girl who comes out of the blue and announces herself as Ranma's fiancee,
however, she certainly didn't seem to be fawning over him at the moment.
Instead of staring at the back of Ranma's head with goo-goo eyes (like Ukyo
had caught herself doing every once in a while), she was staring out the
window. <What does she want with Ran-chan anyway?> Ukyo narrowed her eyes,
trying to read the girl's motives by sheer willpower.

"Kuonji Ukyo?"

"Here."

Earlier, when she had snapped at everyone, the strange girl was in a
fighter's stance.  So she was a fighter as well. Somehow, that didn't
surprise Ukyo.  The question was what style of martial fighting was she in.
 Ukyo couldn't see anything on her that could be used as a weapon.  Maybe
she was one of those who excelled in hidden weapons, like Mousse.   It
didn't matter, though.  No fighting skill will save her butt once Akane
catches her in her seat.  Ukyo may even be nice for once and help Akane
kick her out of town.  If that stupid girl ever shows up, of course.  Where
the heck was she?

"Saotome Ranma?"

"Yo."

Ranma turned to look at the girl, looking worried as Hinako-sensei
continued calling down the row.  Was it because this strange girl was
sitting in Akane's seat a few seats away, or was it because Akane hadn't
showed up yet?  How did he know her anyway?  Could it be that (God-forbid)
maybe he actually had feelings for her?  <You can't have him, you hussy.
He's mine!!!>

 Ranma caught Ukyo glaring at him and appeared to shrink in his seat.  Oh,
yes, he will have a lot of explaining to do when lunchtime comes.  And to
think she actually made lunch for him today!

"Tendo Akane?"

The entire class looked at the door, then turned to stare at the tall girl
who was still looking idly out the window, lightly tracing the desk with
her finger.  Hinako-sensei looked up from her roster and peered across the
room, frowning.

"Tendo Akane?"

Ranma looked nervous.  For some strange reason, instead of staring at the
door where Ukyo expected Akane to show up at any second, he was staring
*very* hard at the girl sitting in Akane's seat.  As if...

"TENDO AKANE?!"

"Wha--?" The girl jerked from her daydreaming, looking confused.  Then she
looked at the diminutive sensei and replied, "Oh, yeah.  Here."

Not even the wind could blow through a silence that thick.

Hinako-sensei picked herself up off the floor and gawked at her.  "You're
Tendo Akane?"

The girl nodded.

"Tendo...Akane?"

The girl nodded again.

Hinako blinked over and over.  She went to stand in front of the girl,
peering up at her.  "Let me get this straight.  *You're* Tendo Akane?"

"Jeez, how many times do I have to say it? Yes, I'm Tendo Akane, or Akane
Tendo or whatever my name is supposed to be.  I'm engaged to that guy over
there and I'm supposed to be the inheritor of the Tendo Martial Arts School
of Indiscriminate Grappling...or something like that.  What, you want a
blood sample or something?"  She scowled about the room, particularly at
Ranma, who had his head on his desk and was groaning softly .  

Ukyo's mind was trying to convince her eyes to go back in their sockets again.

"Don't get smart with me, young lady!" the sensei snapped, recovering her
poise.  "You may be...different today, but I still know a delinquent when I
see one!"

"Umm, Sensei?" All eyes whipped to Ranma, who flinched slightly before
continuing.  "I think I may be able to explain."

Hinako scooted over to him, tapping her little foot sternly. "Well?"

Ranma took a deep breath.  "Well, you see. Do you remember that
'delinquent' you were trying to get yesterday?"

"Yes, I remember.  It was you."

"Uh, yeah, but let's skip that for now. Really. I mean it. Do you remember
when Akane somewhat threw herself in the way?"

"I can barely recall, but I supposed she did."

"Well, Sensei, something...happened.  Some jerk threw some water on her at
the same time, and well, once the smoke cleared, she had changed to what
you see now.  It has the entire family baffled."

Hinako frowned and scampered back to the girl, who looked warily at her.
"Strange.  My 'discipline' should not have this type of effect."

"Gave me quite a shock as well," the girl (Akane???) muttered sullenly.

"And what's worse," Ranma continued. "it gave her amnesia as well.  She
doesn't remember anyone, not her parents, her friends, nothing."

Hinako-sensei cocked her head.  "So what you're saying is that my
Happo-ten-ketsu attack, in combination with water, left you in this, um,
form, with no memory of who you are."  The girl shrugged nonchalantly,
looking nonplused as the teacher peered long and hard at her for a few more
minutes.

Then Hinako-sensei smiled happily.  "Okay!"  She then skipped to the front
of the class.  "Well, now that we established that, take out your English
books and turn to page 257..."

 The girl known as Akane(?!) gaped at the sensei, then looked at Ranma--who
gave her a sly grin and a thumbs-up sign--before shrugging and settled back
to pay attention to the teacher.

<Oh, the heck with this,> Ukyo's mind gave up and went into numb shock
along with her eyes.

That girl was supposed to be Akane?!

Her?!?!?!

That was impossible.  No, that was 'no-way-in-hell' impossible.  Akane?
With a body like *that*?!  Impossible!  Inconceivable! It couldn't be!
That, that amazon could in no way, shape or form be Akane! The real Akane
must be putting up some elaborate joke.  Yes, that's it.  It was all a
joke. Any moment now the real Akane would walk in and pronounce it was all
a big joke on the class, and then everyone will burst into laughter.   Ha,
ha.  So funny.

<So, if that's true, why would Ran-chan go along with it?  And why would he
do it so convincingly?  The real Akane would never think up something as
deceptive as this.  Shampoo, perhaps, but not Akane.  It's as if...as if...>

'Akane' looked utterly bored.  With her chin in her hand, she idly let her
eyes wander across the room until they fell upon Ukyo staring hard at her.
Her green eyes widened, as if she was finally seeing Ukyo for the first
time <Green eyes? Akane doesn't have green eyes!>.  The girl blinked then
tore her eyes away and began to furiously study the book before her.  After
a moment, she risked another glance and hurriedly looked away again, a
slight flush creeping across her face.

<Aha!  For someone who has amnesia, she can't even look at me!> Ukyo
thought fiercely.  <Something must be up.>

She whipped out a sheet of paper and quickly scrawled:

Akane,
	We need to seriously talk.  I'll meet you outside at lunchtime.
							Ukyo

Folding it up, she gave it an expert flip.  It bounced off the girl's head
and into her lap.  She gave a slight yelp and glared around her, causing a
few guys who were ogling her to shrink in their seats.

Hinako-sensei paused from writing on the board.  "That wasn't a
*delinquent* yelping, was it?"

Ukyo immediately put on some semblance of paying attention while watching
'Akane' frown at the note on her lap and pull it open.  A small crease in
her brow appeared as she read, then reread the note, her lips moving
silently.  It appeared she had a little difficulty reading it, for she
actually placed the note on the desk and read each kanji character with her
finger.  She then looked around in confusion, and Ukyo had to wave to catch
her attention.  

<Sheesh, you would think she's carrying the amnesia bit too far.  But then
again, the real Akane was never too bright.  And she did scowl at those
guys a second ago.  Maybe Ran-chan wasn't lying. Maybe that is Akane. But
what's with that body? Akane's body shouldn't have changed so drastically
if the sensei's technique wasn't used on her.  She shouldn't be so built
like that, and so...so cute...too cute if you ask me.  Ranma might think
her cuter than...no! No!  I won't believe it!  That can't be Akane! Look at
her! Wait, she's looking at me. I mean, really looking at me.  What the...>

'Akane' was giving her the strangest look, her eyes shining and wavering.
The very air around her seemed to grow soft and hazy as she sighed and
leaned forward, cupping her chin in her hand.  Ukyo frowned and looked
behind her.  Why was she staring like that? It reminded her of that idiot
Ryoga whenever Akane would come around, that spaced-out, moony expression...

Oh no. No, no, no...

Ukyo wasn't blind.  She knew of all the looks she got from the girls when
she would walk  down the halls. A favorite joke to play on those girls who
first came into the school was to try to set them up on a date with the
mysterious hunk who wore his hair in a long ponytail and carried a huge
spatula.  She even knew that a few girls wished she was a guy. But it was
all harmless fun, and secretly, Ukyo didn't mind (her motto: Strive to be
cute in *all* ways, honey) so long as it didn't get out of hand.  After
all, even though she preferred dressing like a guy at school (force of
habit, she kept telling herself), *everyone* knew that she was a girl.

Which was why the look 'Akane' was giving her was making her very, very
uncomfortable.

"What do you think you're doing?!"  She whispered as loudly as she could.
"Stop that! Don't you know who I..."

Unfortunately, Ranma chose to turn around and gasp less softly, "Hey! Pay
attention!  Are you trying to get yourself kicked out?"

The lovey-dovey expression the girl wore swiftly changed.  "Mind your own
business!"

"Feh. Some thanks I get for helping you out.  Who would've thought I'd get
stuck with a lusty, boy-crazed nympho..."

Fortunately, Ranma didn't go any further. Unfortunately, that was because
the girl had dove from her seat as quick as lightning and reared over
Ranma, planting one foot on his chair so she could pull him close by the
collar and cocking a fist back as she snarled, "WHAT WAS THAT?! WHAT DID
YOU SAY?!"

"Yes." Hinako-sensei said in an oddly-calm voice.  "I'm also interested in
what you have to say.  I'm sure you can say it loud enough for the ENTIRE
CLASS TO HEAR!!!"

The girl froze, fist held in mid-air as she slowly realized that everyone
was staring at her.  She looked at the small sensei, who was tapping her
foot impatiently, and a lame smile came on her face.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Ranma gulped, "Umm...forty-two?"

"HALLWAY!!! NOW!!!"

Ukyo stared as the teenagers trudged out.  In a sense, that wasn't odd.  It
wouldn't be a normal day at Furikan High if Akane and Ranma didn't get in
trouble.  And the girl certainly reacted in a way the real Akane would.
Maybe...maybe she really was Akane.

And that meant trouble. Big, big trouble.

==========================================================

"Thanks a lot. Thanks a whole lot."

Lunchtime had come and Ranma was irked. He didn't know what irked him more:
the fact that he had to stand in the hall when he didn't do anything, or
the fact that it was Lita's fault he was standing in the hall, or the
relative ease Lita was holding her buckets of water or that stupid mooning
look on her face she wore all morning long.  It was almost enough to make
him scream.  "What the heck was all that about anyway?  Do you always go
around with that stupid mooning on your face all day?"

Lita paused in unpacking lunch to glare at him for a moment.  "You must go
through a lot of breath mints." She said flatly.

Ranma blinked.  "What?"

"For all those times you stick your foot in your mouth. A whole lot of
breath mints."

Ranma's face reddened.  "Now look, you're supposed to be..." Suddenly, he
realized that for a light lunch, Lita sure was taking out a lot of bowls
and boxes.  "Ano, Lita, what's all that?"

"This? Oh, it's a little something I whipped up." Lita smiled as she placed
a few last bowls about her.  "Kasumi asked if I could help her with lunch.
Boy, I hope I made enough."

"You made this?"

"Uh-huh!"

"*You*?!"

Lita rolled her eyes.  "Look, this 'you' thing of everyone's is getting old
fast.  What's wrong with showing my appreciation by making lunch for you?"

Ranma stared at the buffet with trepidation. "Uh, nuh-nothing. Nothing at
all."  Other than the fact that Akane never made so much stuff when she
cooked or that her stuff didn't even resemble the food that was spread out
before him now.  Passing Lita off as Akane was looking more outlandish
every minute.

"Hey, Ranchan!"

Ranma groaned. <And things are about to get worse.>

Ukyo, in full boy mode complete with matching spatula, vaulted easily over
the dining students and plopped herself down next to him.  Her face was
deceptively sweet. "Mind if I join you guys? "

"Uh, sure, Ucchan. I don't mind at all.  How about you, A-ka-ne?" He nudged
Lita in the arm, stressing the name carefully.

Lita turned a bright pink and gasped, "Sure."  She waved her hands at the
spread of dishes. "We were just about to have lunch."

Ukyo stared. "Hey, what's all this? Did Kasumi go overboard or something?"
She had addressed the question to Ranma but was intensely staring at Lita,
making her blush deeper.

"Actually, I made it.  Go ahead. Have some. I made enough."

Ukyo blinked. "You made this?"  She stared at the dishes, then reached for
a rice roll and hesitantly munched on it.  Her eyes widened in disbelief.
"This--this is good!"

"Really?!"  Without hesitation, Ranma grabbed a bowl and began scooping up
its contents.  A myriad of tastes danced across his tongue, all adding up
to <Whoa, this is good!  This is really, really good! A fighter and a great
cook!  Hey, I can began to like thi--uh-oh. Don't go there, Ranma.>  

"Of course it's good!  Why wouldn't you think it is?"  Lita asked. Then,
shyly, she dipped her head. "Of course, when I cook, I put a lot of love
into what I am cooking.   Like you said in your note, we do have a lot to
talk about.  I confess that since my, um, accident, I can't remember you,
but maybe this will help us to get reacquainted again."  

Ranma choked on his food. <She's been all googly-eyed today over
*Ucchan*?!  Oh noooooo!!!>

Before he could say anything, however,  Ukyo abruptly stood, her hand going
to the huge spatula strapped behind her back.  "All right," she barked,
"this has gone on far enough! I don't know what kind of a stunt the both of
you are pulling, but it's going to stop right now!  Who are you, impostor,
and what have you done with Akane?!"

Hearing Ukyo demanding the whereabouts of her rival would've made Ranma
crack up if it was for the deadly serious look on her face.  Lita looked at
her, puzzled. "What?  What are you talking about?  You don't like the food?"

"The food is great!  It's too great, in fact!  Akane would never make
anything this good!  Why, she can't even boil water correctly!  Therefore,
you can't be Akane, which means that you're after Ranchan, somehow.  And
you can't have him, because he's mine!"

Lita turned to Ranma, who was waving his hands in a panic.  "Oh, my God."
She said slowly.  "You mean on top of all those other fianc�es, you're
interested in boys, too?!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M A GIRL, DAMMIT!!!"  Ukyo shrieked.

Lita stared. She rubbed her eyes and stared some more. "You're
a...a....guy?! Eeeeeyyyyyeeeewww!  And to think I actually thought you were
a hunk!  What's the big idea dressing like a guy?  You wouldn't happened to
be *those* kind of girls, would you?"

"Those kind of--you take that back!"

"Whoa! Ladies! Ladies!"  Ranma interrupted. "Why don't we sit down and I
can explain everything."

Lita narrowed her eyes. "Ladies?  I don't see any ladies here besides me.
And as you can see," she jutted out her chest. "I'm *all* woman."

The area, which was pretty much clear, suddenly filled up with hundreds of
drooling schoolboys.  Ukyo growled and whipped her spatula towards her.
Swiftly, Ranma quickly placed himself between the two.  "Wait! Wait!  The
both of you are getting carried away!  Sit down and let me explain!
Honest! I can!  Besides, you're drawing attention!"

The girls suddenly noticed their audience and simultaneous snarled, "Do you
MIND?!"  A hundred men scrambled back, reluctant to leave.  Glaring at
Ranma, Ukyo and Lita sat down and immediately turned away from each other.
Ranma sighed.

"Okay, Ukyo. Here's what happened yesterday."  He proceeded to spill out a
tale with a few embellishments that would have made his father proud.  Lita
seemed as just as astonished as Ukyo upon hearing her counterpart's fate.
When he finished, Ukyo studied Lita, though some skepticism still was
apparent on her face.

"So, Ranchan. Let me get this straight.  Due to this weird lightening
bolt/water thing, Akane's body was transformed into the exact opposite of
what it used to be?"

"Yeah."

"And she lost her memory as well?"

"You got it."
              
"And her personality got switched all around too."

"That's as far as we know."  Ranma mentally pleaded with Lita to keep her
mouth shut and let him do all the talking.

Ukyo crossed her arms.  "And you actually expect me to *believe* all this?!"

"Well, um, ah--" Ranma stalled, trying to think of another excuse.
However, his thoughts ceased when a male voice spoke behind him.

"Alas, this tale of woe must be true, for there sits the beautiful flower,
her beauty burst into the peak of its ripeness.  If this foul sorcerer
claims it so--and since he is the main bearer of such news, I have no doubt
that he was the cause of such a metamorphoses--then by all means, a great
curse has been placed on Akane Tendo!"

Ranma groaned as Kuno pushed past him to kneel before a bewildered Lita.
He grabbed her hand and continued feverishly. "But fear not, fair maiden!
For I view this predicament of yours not as a curse, like Saotome--who has
used his devilish tricks no doubt to place you in this situation--but as a
blessing, a grand blessing to those who walks this earth.  Who would
foresee such ravenous beauty, such cunning wit, such stormy eyes, such
melodious speech, would come to us today!  Your love shines just as
brightly in this body as it did in the last, and though the two forms you
wear are as different as the starry night is compared to the cloudless day,
yes, yes! I firmly believe that the same soul exist in both!"

Ranma rolled his eyes. <Oh, this is great. He has trouble believing I and
his 'beloved pig-tailed girl' are the same, but of course he has no
problems at all accepting Lita as Akane.>  Out loud, he said, "Hey Kuno,
just because Akane's in a new body doesn't mean that she doesn't hate your
gu--OOF!"  Ranma's wind went out as his stomach met her fist. 

"Yes! That's right! I *am* Akane Tendo!"

======================================================================

Lita was in ecstasy.  Her disgust upon finding out the cute guy in the
classroom was actually a girl (and what scared her more was that she still
thought that Ukyo made a cute boy--ack!) had been thrown out the window
when this *dreamy* guy had literally thrown himself at her feet and started
spouting poetry.  Whoever Akane was, she sure was popular with the guys.
Surely she wouldn't mind if Lita made sure her reputation remained true.

She giggled and looked shyly away from the handsome young man who had yet
to finish his eloquent ode to her.  "Mina, eat your heart out." She
murmured, imagining the blonde's reaction to her being doted upon.

Meanwhile, Kuno was winding down.  "Yea, verily, the sun doth shine within
your emerald pools, just as surely as its morning rays emerges from behind
such bounteous moun--erk!"

"Give it a rest, Kuno, before you give me indigestion!"  Ranma, her shirt
stained with the cold pop Lita had inadvertedly knocked her into, gave Kuno
a well-placed foot-to-the-head.  Lita opened her mouth to retort, but
instead let out a confused "Huh?" when Kuno picked himself off the ground
and threw his arms around Ranma.

"Ah, my beloved pig-tailed goddess!" He cried.  "Of course, it is natural
for you to display such feelings of inadequateness.  Fear not! For your
beauty invokes a fiery love that will never be quenched in my heart, one
that dear Akane can barely touch."

As Ranma struggled to breathe, Lita got her wits back to gasp, "Hey! What
about me?!"

Without skipping a beat, Kuno released Ranma (dumping her onto the ground,
actually) and swiftly caught up Lita in his arms. "But alas, even the fiery
pig-tailed goddess cannot compare with this robustness, this new vision of
Akane Tendo that fairly burst at the seems with such ripe beauty. Such
loveliness causes me to cast off all old passions and longings and begin
them anew. Oh! Such joy we will find together, Akane Tendo!"

"Hey!!" Lita cried, realizing that this guy wasn't as romantic as she
thought he was. She let out another gasp as Kuno abruptly whirled, spinning
Lita onto the ground, and held his arms towards a rising Ranma.

"But what of the pig-tailed girl? Nay, my love forbids me to cast her away,
for she is the heath that remains lit to warm its master when he returns.
Hers is a comfortable love that is the reliable rock in the storms of
change. Hers is everlasting, ever-enduring."

"And yet," He turned to Lita, also rising to her feet. "Akane Tendo, such
bountiful beauty!"

He looked at Lita, then at Ranma, then at Lita, then at Ranma, and then
utter the phrase that sent beautiful girls into paroxysms of utter boredom.

"ALAS! I CANNOT CHOOSE! THEREFORE, I MUST HAVE BOTH!!!"

His intent of sweeping both his loves into his arms was derailed by two
fists landing simultaneously on each jaw, followed by two feet landing in
his gut.

"Geez, don't you ever get a clue? BEAT IT!!!"

"Why you two-timing, sleazy jerk! GET LOST!!!"

Kuno spun around, his face sporting tell-tale handprints of the two girls.
He smiled widely. "Ah, how they adore me!" He crowed, just before falling
face-first into a convenient bowl of miso soup.

Polite applause scattered across the air as Lita flipped her hair from her
eyes and growled, "God, isn't there *anyone* who classifies as *normal*
here?" 

Then she realized that although the applause had died down, there was still
someone clapping.

A young woman with long blond tresses, dressed in a dark green school
uniform, stood a little aways, clapping steadily. Her green eyes glinted in
appreciation, but it was overshadowed by the growing smirk on her face.

Ranma frowned, then grunted slightly in recognition. "Treika Atsuko. I
shoulda known."

The girl clucked her tongue and sidled up to the tiny group. "Now, now,
Saotome. Is that any way you should talk to your elders? Especially after
you've been discourteous to us?"

As Ranma looked puzzled, Lita turned to Ukyo, who had been watching the
events cross-legged, eating her lunch. "Who's she?"

"Oh, don't tell me you don't remember?" the girl smiled. Lita was suddenly
reminded of those nature films where the subjects had been snakes. "After
all, by forfeit we should have won the little duel we had set up for
yesterday afternoon, but Reikka was so disappointed she didn't get the
chance to beat some manners into you that she sent me here looking for you."

Ranma stared at her blankly, then slapped her forehead. "Oh, crap! The
tournament! I forgot! Hey, look, I was busy, okay?"

"So I hear." Atsuko sniffed. "Chasing women was always your strong suit,
Saotome. But then again, with four fianc�es, honor isn't your highest
priority, isn't it?"

The students 'ooohed' as Ranma clenched her fists. "Look, I keep tellin' ya
I have *three* fianc�es, not four! And besides--"

Lita jumped in. "Hey, who do you think you are, anyway? I don't like it
when people pick on my friends, particularly if one of them is supposed to
be my fianc�!"

"Yeah!" added Ukyo, gripping her spatula behind Lita, not wanting to be
left out. Atsuko ignored her and frowned at Lita.

"And you are?" she drawled.

"I'm Li-uh,"<Whoops, girl. Don't give it away.> "Tendo Akane. What's it to
ya?"

The smaller girl appraised her coolly, making Lita think back to the nature
movies where the snake sized up a helpless fieldmouse.  "Interesting. You
look shorter from further away. I suppose it won't matter though. You'll be
an interesting contestant at the tournament."

"Huh? What tournament?"

Instead of replying, Atsuko scooped up one of the bento boxes from Lita's
spread and began nibbling its contents.  "Mmm. I take it you made this
sashimi, yes?"

"Uhh...yeah, but what does that--"

Atsuko smiled. "Quite tasty, I must say. Too bad it doesn't measure up to
Reikka's, but there's always room for improvement." With a slight shrug,
she dumped the rest of the food onto the ground and casually stepped on it,
slowly grinding it with her heel.  "I'm sure Reikka will be glad to teach
you how to make *real* food, once she finishes trashing you and your
hermaphrodite fianc� over there! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Had it been her hairstyle or her tomboyish attitude, Lita would've waved
the insult off (or so she told herself--in reality, the girl would've been
sporting a nice black eye quicker than you can say 'Tyson'), but the thing
that Lita prided herself on more than anything else, even her fighting
skills, was the fact that she could cook, and not only that, she could cook
*good*.

Nobody insulted Lita Kino's cooking. Nobody.  That was tantamount to
insulting, say, Kasumi Tendo's cooking.  The difference between Kasumi and
Lita was that if it had been Kasumi who was insulted, Atsuko wouldn't have
finished laughing, turned around, and walk straight into a fist.

Too bad Lita wasn't Kasumi.

*POW!*CRUNCH!*WHACK!*THUMP!* "Listen you--"*SMACK!*WRENCH!*WHUMP!*NAB!*"How
dare you!"*WHONK!*BAP!*CLONK!*SLAP!*"Insult me like that, you--!"
*PUNCH!*RIP!*CLOCK!* "YOU WANT A FIGHT?!?!?!"
*SQUEEZE!*DOINK!*TOK!*TOK!*TOK!* "I'll kick your scrawny little--!"
*BOING!*POP!*CRACK!*TWIST!*TEAR!*...and a very high...*KICK!!!!*

"AND YOU TELL THAT REIKKA TRAMP THAT DAMN STRAIGHT I'LL BE AT THAT
TOURNAMENT TO TEACH HER A THING OR TWO!!!" Lita yelled as Atsuka soared
into the atmosphere.

There was a shocked silence, then the entire school erupted into
overwhelming applause, except for Ranma, whose jaw had hit the ground
minutes before and now refused to be put back in its place again, and Ukyo,
who indulged in a very soft, very rare, "Sugoi..."

Lita lowered her foot from where it hovered after it released Atusko's
bottom and huffed, "Ugh! The nerve of her, saying my cooking needs
improvement! I'll improve her face the next time she shows her weasly butt
around...hey, what's with the clapping?"  Bewildered, she looked at the
cheering students, then at the vanishing speck in the sky, and that was
when it hit her.

She had just beaten up and kicked someone high in the air, *without using
the powers of Jupiter*.

That was it. That was what bothered her this morning.  There was no way she
would've punched that old guy through the roof if she was back in her own
world.  She just didn't have the strength there.  Even if she was in her
Jupiter form, the worst she could do was knock him around a bit before
giving him a good shock treatment.  And knowing the shape she was in, she
probably would've been gasping for breath afterwards.  There was always the
need to push herself harder to get results.  There was always room for
improvement.

Until now.  She had just trashed someone, and she wasn't even in a sweat.
Beating that girl up was so effortless, she didn't even think about it. It
just happened. And even the little things she did, like walking on the
fence with Ranma earlier. At home, she would've struggled to keep her
balance, but here, fence-walking was a breeze.  Lita stared at her hands in
wonder.  It was so easy now!  She didn't have to be Sailor Jupiter to
defend herself.  She was now faster. Stronger. *Better*.

"Heck, I'm *better* than better," she whispered, clenching her fists.  "I'm
*invincible*!" A broad grin stretched across her face.  "Those two alien
freaks won't stand a snowball's chance against me! I got power now. Real
power! I can do anything I want and no one can stop me, because I can beat
them to a pulp with just my pinkie finger! No one will be able to stand
against me! I am all-powerful! I am all-mighty!! I RULE!!! BWAHAHAAAAA!
BWAHA, BWAHA, HA, er, Ha...er...um..."

Slowly, Lita realized that her victorious laughter was being overhead by
hundreds of students and teachers, all who were now staring at her silently
with huge eyes.  She regarded them, then slowly turned to see Ranma and
Ukyo doing the same, large sweatdrops hanging on their faces.

There was only one thing she could do.  She put her hand behind her head
and laughed weakly. "Heh, got a little carried away there.  Sorry."

And as the entire school performed one massive facefault, Ukyo turned to
the softly groaning Ranma and said, "Okay. Let me get this straight ONE
MORE TIME..."