Can you honestly tell me you didn't see something like this coming?

?_?


Gemstone productions.  (Someday to be a major motion picture company...
and then RULE THE WORLD!!!!  MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)


Presents....

Cologne and Happosai write a fanfic.
	by Brian

*-*-*-*

"Hey!  I should get top billing!"
"Very well, Happi.  Let's just get this over with so son-in-law, Shampoo
and I can get back to China."
"What about Mousse?"
"I'll let him marry Akane or something.  I don't really care."

*-*-*-*

Happosai and Cologne write a fanfic.
	by Brian

*-*-*-*

*WHACK*
*BOOM*
"We're writing this!  Not you!"
Brian groaned in abject misery at the combined force of two very upset
old people...
*WHACK*
*BOOM*
...make that two very upset, highly experienced martial artists.

*-*-*-*

Happosai and Cologne write a fanfic.

*-*-*-*

"That's better."  The pervert huffed.
Cologne just sighed as Happosai's hands went to the keyboard.

*-*-*-*

	Happisao (who was in no way a self-insertion character) leapt from
rooftop to rooftop, snatching silky darlings from women who were honored
to allow him be the one who stole them.  When there was tell of another
pervert daring to infringe on his territory.  Happisao took pity on the
pretty ladies, all them begging for only him to be allowed to touch such
personal items of theirs.  The Moroboshi lad would pay!

*-*-*-*

*WHACK*
"Hey, why'd you have to go and hit me?"
"This isn't supposed to be a crossover Happi."
Happosai sniffed.  "Okay, fine, have it your way."

*-*-*-*

	After Happisao had dealt with the interloper, an unknown character that
quite obviously wasn't from another anime series.  He leapt back towards
the Tendo Dojo, pretty ladies showering him with their unmentioables. 
By the time he returned, his panty-bag was overflowing with items of
every type imaginable.
	Kasumi greeted him at the door carrying a tray of cookies.  "Oh,
grandfather Happisao!  How wonderful that you should grace us with your
presence this fine afternoon.  Would you care for a cookie."
	"Thanks, Kasumi.  Don't mind if I do."
	After helping himself to all of the cookies.  Happisao headed towards
the dojo, hearing the sound of intense practice coming from inside. 
Opening the door found his finest student, Ranma, hard at work on an
impressive kata.
	"That's very good m'boy."
	Ranma turned to Happisao, "Thank you, Master.  It has always been my
fondest wish to earn your favor.  Is there anything I could do for you?"
	"Why there certainly is, m'boy.  Could you try on this little pink
number for me?"  Happisao held out a small bra of pink lace, three sizes
two small.
	"Of course, Master.  Anything you wish."  Pulling a bucket of cold
water from nowhere, Ranma doused himself, quickly becoming a she. 
Removing her shirt, she reached out and took hold of the small pink
thing that Happisao was holding.  The eighteen inch high pervert ogling
her all the while.
	Ranma put on the bra without complaint and proceeded to model herself
for Happisao.

*-*-*-*

*WHACK*
"What do you think you're doing, Happi?  Now I have to buy myself a new
cane."
Happosai rubbed his sore head.  "I'm just making sure that everybody's
in character."
"I won't have my son-in-law be a transvestite.  And since when are you
nice to him?"
"I always encourage my pupils.  Besides, that isn't me!"
"Nice try."

*-*-*-*

	Ranma ripped the little pink things to shreds as soon as she touched it
and punted Happisao into greater Earth orbit.
	Shampoo's great-grandmother, Calgone (who also was absolutley NOT a
self-insert character), appeared beside him.  "Very good, son-in-law. 
Perhaps you will make a worthy addition to my family after all."
	"I can only hope so, great-grandmother."

*-*-*-*

"Now who's out of character, Cologney?"
*WHACK*
"Oh, shut up."

*-*-*-*

	Ranma was with Akane speaking quietly in the living room of the
Tendo-ke.  "I'm sorry Akane, but I'm going to marry Shampoo.  She's a
better fighter than you, prettier than you,, smarter than you, and just
generally a better choice than you.  Besides, I never liked you anyway."
	"That's okay Ranma, I never liked you either.  Now get out!"
	That said, Akane punted him through the ceiling.  After landing in the
Ucchan, he proceeded to give her the same speech he had just given his
other fiancee.
	"That's okay, Ran-chan.  Shampoo's honor is more important than
anything else anyway.  I'll be happy."

*-*-*-*

"So tell me, Cologney, when you were a little girl.  Did you try and
stay inside the lines or did you just like making pretty pictures?"
*WHACK*
"Ow!"

*-*-*-*

	Ranma married Shampoo, and together they went back to China with
Calgone.  They all lived happily ever after, and Mousse was hit by a
bus.
	Happisao returned to find all the women of Japan waiting for him, and
constructed a personal harem consisting of Akane, Nabiki, Kodachi, Ukyo,
Asuka the white lily, Azusa Shiratori, and an adult-Hinako who would do
nothing more than remain in his bedchamber.  He would've included Mrs.
Saotome, but her will was too strong for her to be written out of
character.  And Kasumi was too nice for him to even consider doing
something like that.

THE END

*-*-*-*

"It's not over yet, Happi."
"It isn't?... but I wrote a Happi ending for everybody.  Why isn't it
the end?"
*WHACK*
"Because I said so."

*-*-*-*

Epilogue:

	With Ranma to strengthen the Amazon bloodline, they eventually evolved
beyond normal humans and took over the Earth.

*-*-*-*

"There, now it's over."
"Did you have a troubled childhood, Cologne?"
*WHACKWHACKWHACK*

*-*-*-*


Author's notes:  C sharp, or B flat.  Other fics are in the works, give
it time.
I'm suffering from a mild form of writer's block that make it so that I
can only write a couple of paragraphs a day for each fic.  Sometimes not
at all.

?_?
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Shrine/6648
Brian, singing off...