Look...

	Perched on a gloomy, storm-swept mountaintop in the 
middle of KawaiiMuck sits the time-worn, artillery-battered, 
tumbledown Keep of the Four Worlds. Owned in the past by 
black sorcerors, demons, and a renegade Prince of Amber, it 
now houses an even more disreputable power - anime fanfic 
writers. They congregate in the central courtyard, around the 
Black Stone Fountain, and gossip on fanfics, plots for fanfics, 
opinions of fanfics...

	They are a cheerful and angsty and rather silly lot, 
really; goodnatured and mostly forgiving of faults.

	They'd never dream of roasting a poorly written fanfic 
over hot coals.

	Unless, of course, the writer of said fanfic had tried to 
do so himself, to a rather good work by a third party.

	Then, of course, he's fair game.

	So the screen is hastily set up, and several folks 
wrestle with the projector, and popcorn is gingerly roasted 
over the flames leaping from the Fount. And as the writers 
come and go, they glance at the film and yell their opinions of 
it.

	They're very enthusiastic about it.

DRAMATIS PERSONA (In order of appearance)
Roddy - Rod M., aka RpM
Mike - Mike Loader
Lara - Lara
Hotaru - Sean Gaffney
Sana - David Tai
Comrade Randolph Carter - John Walter Biles
Birdy - Nick Leifker
Comrade Trisha Lynneva - Foxtrot
Megumi - White Wolf
Autolyca - Jeff Hosmer
Mughi - Zen
Scriv - Scriviner


Roddy says, "Right then, pray for me"

Roddy says, "Let's roll"

Mike says, "Into the abyss..."

Lara lights up the torch.

This is my first fic, so keep that in mind when you start to 
think "This guy writes like an amiture!"

Lara asks, "Ami?  Sailor Mercury?"

Mike says, "Amiture: a long-haired gibbon, frequently seen in 
North Africa."

---Petes-kun

Hotaru asks, "There's two of him?"

Sana says, "Hope not, one was bad enough."

Mike says, "Damn cloning. Should be a law..."

A storm is brewing on a foreboding hill. As lightning strikes 
a light reflects off a rusty old sword drove into the ground 
at the top. The storm grew stronger and almost drowned out 
a voice that can be heard in the distance. "Nothing truly 
dies."

Hotaru says, "It just moves to Miami."

Lara asks, "A sword drove into the ground?  In a 4x4?"

Mike says, "It was a dark and stormy night."

Hotaru says, "Suddenly, a shot rang out."

Mike says, "The maid screamed."

Sana says, "A dog howled."

Ranma 1/2 A Warrior Arises:  Part 1#  Scrap in Nerima!

Lara says, "Crap in Nerima, he means."

Mike says, "A junkyard opens."

Hotaru says, "Death by Dawn.  Electric Boogaloo."

Lara asks, "Wait.. part 1#  What?"

Lara asks, "What is 1#?"

Mike says, "It's some sort of code."

All Ranma 1/2 characters are property of Rumiko 
Takahashi and all characters introduced in this series are 
property of me.

Lara says, "And he's welcome to them."

Roddy says, "I don't think anyone else would want them."

Mike says, "You mean I can't use 'Mav'? Drat."

Mike says, "I was going to make a fortune on little stuffed 
'Maverick' toys, and sell the rights to McDonalds for a Happy 
Meal theme...."

Sana asks, "Isn't Maverick a copyrighted trademark of 
20th Century Fox?"

Comrade Randolph Carter, Keeper of the Silver Key, says, "And 
he was in Top Gun too."

There was a storm that day too, only the storm was coming 

>from a fatal battle about to commence. There were four 

figures standing on a hill, three side by side and one 
standing alone with faith and courage as his aides.

Comrade Randolph Carter asks, "What about Charity and Hope?  
Did they not make his first round draft picks?"

Hotaru says, "They were there on short notice, replacing the 
usual Fear and Loathing, who were vacationing in Las Vegas."

Mike says, "Faith Cormick and Courage Robinson, rent-a-
cops."

Comrade Randolph Carter, Keeper of the Silver Key, asks, "And 
how does a storm come from a battle that hasn't happened 
yet?"

Hotaru says, "It's a pre-storm commentary with Brent 
Musberger."

Mike says, "I blame El Nino."

Comrade Randolph Carter, Keeper of the Silver Key, says, "You 
can't blame El Nino, this is China in 1953. Or did El Nino hop a 
ride with Sailor Pluto?"

Mike says, "Okay, I blame Chairman Mao, then."

"So Maverick you have come like we requested, the final 
confrontation is apon us!" exclaimed one of the three as he 
leaned slightly on his halberd, his tall hat and long flowing 
robes were in the colors of ice and snow.

Roddy says, "Maverick:  I reckon t'kick y'alls asses or my 
name ain't Maverick."

Hotaru asks, "Gandalf?"

Comrade Randolph Carter, Keeper of the Silver Key, says, "It's 
pretty disgusting if this guy comes on request."

Sana asks, "Apon?"

Hotaru says, "Maybe they're rednecks."

Comrade Randolph Carter, Keeper of the Silver Key, asks, "So 
are they volunteering to pay for the final confrontation?"

Roddy says, "first sin of making a new character: giving them 
a super-kewl name. I mean, c'mon, Maverick?"

"How long has it been since you first fought each of us?" 
asked another of the three, this one wearing a cloak 
decorated like a stormy sky, his round straw hat tipped low 
enough for him to see yet his face was hidden by a
shadow.

Hotaru asks, "So he's dressed like The Count on Sesame 
Street?"

Sana says, "A cloak and a straw hat? A very interestin' 
fashion statement."

Comrade Randolph Carter, Keeper of the Silver Key, asks, "And 
how do you tip your hat low enough to see? Nornally, the more 
you tip your hat, the less you can see."

Hotaru says, "Well, he's a stingy tipper."

Comrade Randolph Carter, Keeper of the Silver Key, says, "And 
I hope he is wearing more than just a cloak and a straw hat. 
Although maybe he's an evil flasher."

"You I fought since '49." Maverick the lone warrior replied 
flatly to the cloaked one who's name was Ikazuchi.

Lara says, "And I dun kicked yer butt, I reckon."

Roddy sings o/~ I fought in Fourty-niiiine, it was a very good 
year o/~

Sana asks, "Maverick the lone warrior? What, not gunman?"

Hotaru says, "These are obviously the Tennessee Warriors... 
not a thumb between 'em."

Lara says, "Maverick needs to go back to English 121"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Was that 1949? 1849? How 
about 1749?  Now that was a good year for feuding."

"And you I fought since '50." He said to another of the three 
that floated 3' off the ground, his long hair draped over some 
of his face, his name was  Halcyon.

Roddy asks, "Halcyon, innit a medication that makes ya dull?"

Lara says, "Well it's too late then, since this story is already 
dull."

Hotaru says, "I feel like TAKING Halcyon..."

Sana says, "Alas, the Halcyon days of our youth..."

Lara exclaims, "Halcyon, take me away!"

Roddy exclaims, "I am Halcyon of the Prescription Clan!  Fight 
me or be drowsy!"

Hotaru exclaims, "Three feet off the ground?  Ew, his area is 
right in Maverick's face!"

"And you, since '51 I believe." he said to the last one who 
leaned on his weapon, this one was called Kouri. The lone 
warrior wore a sleeveless black shirt, a red bandanna tied 
around his neck, and a pair of gray pants.

Mike says, "'51. A good year. Fine vintage."

Lara asks, "A bandanna tied around his neck?  Like Liberace?"

Roddy says, "Bandanna from versacci, black shirt by gucci"

Mike says, "He's a Blud."

Hotaru says, "Gotta show off those rippling otaku muscles."

Strapped at his side was a long well crafted samurai sword. 
His face showed the look of fear and determination wrapped 
together. His green eyes burned with hatred for these 
soulless warriors, who didn't care where the blood flowed 
from.

Hotaru says, "Can I get that fear and determination wrapped?  
It's for my sister."

Mike says, "Why sure! Paper or gift bag?"

Roddy says, "just love these GAIJIN KICKS ASS stories, oh 
yes..."

Lara says, "I bet he was really concentrating on that 'long 
samurai sword.' Love among men and all that."

Roddy exclaims, "Go show them heathen china boys how it's 
dun,  yeh!"

"Just give in and make your death painless. You'll never 
defeat us!" Exclaimed Kouri as he started to get up from his 
position.

Lara asks, "He was in the assumed position?"

Mike says, "He had been playing Twister."

Hotaru says, "It already sounds like a bad Japanese dub..."

Roddy <in dubbed voice>  "Your Kung-fu is good... but no match 
against my mighty Gaijin Fist!"

"I agree, I won't win and live." Maverick said as he 
unsheathed his sword, light brightly reflected off it.

Hotaru exclaims, "Eeeeeeewww!!!"

Mike says, ""But he can live and lose!""

Lara says, "Wow.  Please, resheath the sword.  None of that in 
public"

Roddy asks, "How about if we guarantee that he'll die and 
never come back?"

Mike says, "We're not that lucky."

Roddy says, "Blast"

"So then you'll allow us to put you out of your misery?" 
Halcyon questioned as he looked up to get a last look at his 
foe.

Hotaru says, "Yes, Halcyon, take me away."

Roddy asks, "is this supposed to be a joke?"

Roddy says, "yes, take halcyon, end misery, riiiiiiight."

Mike says, "I wish Halcyon would put him outta our misery."

Roddy says, "i could use some halcyon right about now"

Mike asks, "Is one of the other warriors named Prozac?"

"Oh no. I said I won't do it and live. I never said anything 
about not being able to do it and die." Maverick said as he 
stuck his sword deep into the ground, he looked up and they 
saw a grin that would spook the devil himself.

Hotaru says, "He borrowed that grin from DJ Croft."

Lara exclaims, "Boo!"

Mike says, "It's not nice to startle satan."

Lara says, "I wish he would have stuck that sword deep in 
himself.  I kept hoping..."

Roddy exclaims, "But he can't, lara!  He's the guy we're all 
supposed to care about and cheer for!"

Roddy says, "In theory."

"What... Do you mean?" Ikazuchi asked rather annoyed with 
Maverick's arrogance.

Mike says, "Him and us both."

Roddy says, "In the voice credits, Ikazuchi: William Shatner"

Hotaru exclaims, "You...Klingonbastardyou...killedmyson!"

"This." Maverick started to glow brightly and the warriors 
could then tell that his battle aura was rising to great 
proportions.

Hotaru says, "This is getting really lemony..."

Roddy says, "Damn, I'm getting aura envy."

Lara says, "He put in Duracell batteries that morning"

Roddy says, "That's gotta be fake, nobody's aura rises that 
much. Y'know, like in Boogie Nights"

"Death blossom!!!" Maverick yelled as his glowing became 
blinding and his body felt weak. Then Maverick's battle aura 
grew and grew into a large semi-circle of energy that began 
to engulf the hill. The three could do nothing as they were 
like dear caught in headlights. Then suddenly the blast 
collapsed on itself revealing only a barren hill and a sword 
driven into the ground.

Mike says, "Death Blossom. Someone's been watchin' 'Last 
Starfighter' too much."

Lara says, "The glow is willing, the flesh is weak."

Roddy says, "A surprisingly effeminate attack for one with 
such a kickass name as MAVERICK. Perhaps there's a.... softer 
side to the man?"

Lara says, "Hey, he's got Iceman on his rear."

Hotaru says, "Dear?  What are you doing, dear?  I'm out here, 
dear.  You asked me to close the garage 
dAAAAIGIGHGHGGsquish."

China Present day

Hotaru exclaims, "I want my China present!!!"

Hotaru exclaims, "It's that day!"

Lara asks, "Cursed spring water?"

Mike says, "A holiday where everyone exchanges teacups as 
gifts."

"Here sirs, we have come to the cursed hill of Xao Lin." said 
a guide as the two travelers who hired him climbed up the 
hill after him. "There very strange tale about it, happen 
many year ago. One day farmer saw the hill glow brightly and 
when he come here he only found sword. He no take out 
though, he think it cursed." the guide continued as the 
travelers reached the top.

Lara says, "Farmer who?  Just Farmer."

Mike says, ""Legend say man who draw sword from groud 
become true king of England...""

Roddy exclaims, "cue the music!"

"This the sword?" asked one of the men as he bent down and 
examined it.

Hotaru exclaims, "The legendary THIS!"

Mike says, ""No, the OTHER sword stuck in the ground...""

Lara says, "He bent down just *so* to get the guide's manly 
attention."

Roddy says, "this some weird chinese curse variant of the old 
'pull my finger' gag"

"Hey this rust is flaking off! I don't recognize these letters." 
he said as he started to flake off more rust.

Lara says, ""My butt hurts!" he whined."

Mike says, "The rust ain't the only flake in this fic."

"Oh sir don't do that! It..." the guide was interrupted by the 
other man "Yeah we know cursed, you said that about the 
last two places and we're still here." all of a sudden the 
sword became completely clear and stated to shine.

Mike says, "It's a halogen sword."

Hotaru asks, "Think he means shine in Japanese?  Killing off 
our heroes?"

Lara says, "Hopefully."

"Huh, I didn't touch the rest of the rust. And where is the 
light that it's reflecting coming from, the moon's covered 
with clouds." the man inquired as he stepped back from the 
sword, thunder seemed to be his answer.

Hotaru says, "This guy is a grade-A moron."

Lara says, "Ate too many beans for dinner."

Mike exclaims, "It's coming from the MYSTIC ENERGIES! Or a 
passing firefly. One of the two."

"Oh dear."

Mike asks, "Maverick is Kasumi in disguise?"

Japan (two days later)

The passengers on the boat finished gathering their things 
and were getting off. One lone man walking down the ramp 
look at his surroundings with curiosity. He wore a pair of 
brown pants and a large brown jacket. Slung over
his shoulder was a large backpack loaded with travel 
supplies.

Lara says, "Travel supplies, a small makeup case and spare 
socks."

Hotaru says, "This really is more of a fashion show than a 
fic..."

Mike says, "Maverick is modeling a lovely green Dior 
creation..."

"<The world seems different now, slightly anyways.>" he 
thought as he walked down the ramp. He picked up a news 
paper from a pile. The date was what he found quite 
interesting, 1994.

Mike says, "It is a fascinating number, yup."

Hotaru giggles.  "Slightly anyways?  They ARE from 
Tennessee!"

"<So this is Tokyo. Make's me wonder why I left Tailand...>" 
thought Kuroimichi Mizu as he straitened his hat and walked 
off the boat.

Hotaru says, "3 spelling errors in one sentence. x_x"

Lara says, "I reckon you got tired of the pay-for-sex-little 
girls in Thailand and wanted to try Japan out."

Mike says, "Not Thailand, Tailand. The ancestral kingdom of 
David Tai."

Roddy asks, "Tailand?  Maverick from Tailand?"

"<Doubtful there's a big need for freestyle kickboxers... Well 
I can still put my skills to use, though it's not quite legal...>"

Hotaru breaks down giggling.

Mike says, "Oh my."

Lara says, "I don't want to know."

Roddy exclaims, "cue the funky music!".

And with that thought Mizu, ran down the alleyway with 
plans that'll keep him fed for quite some time...

Mike says, "And so Maverick sold his body on the streets of 
Nerima... until one day...."

"OK, so that one ramen and tea." said Shampoo as she laid out 
a bowl of ramen and a cup of tea on the counter.

Hotaru says, "So...I guess it's ramen and tea, then."

Lara asks, "She laid a bowl of ramen???"

Mike says, "Shampoo's a sucker for a sexy soup dish."

"Thanks, man I'm hungry." the customer exclaimed as he 
snatched a pair of chopsticks.

Lara says, "Shampoo and snatch... nevermind."

Birdy says, "Shampoo laying Ramen is weird enough."

Roddy asks, "But aren't ramen noodles... you know... saggy?"

Birdy says, "So.... The customer is eating the ramen Shampoo 
laid.  This is interesting..."

Lara says, "eww"

Birdy says, "Bet it does wonders for customer satisfaction."

Hotaru says, "He'll have to eat four bowls of that ramen to 
get the vitamin nutrition of one bowl of Total."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Yeah, Ramen is high in  
polyunsaturated triglyceridal solonoids."

"That'll be...hey what you doing?!?!" she asked as she saw the 
customer running out of the cafe without paying.

Roddy asks, "Something hentai with soggy ramen noodles?"

Birdy says, "She normally gets paid for laying Ramen."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "He forgot that you have to 
pay to run in the Nekohanten.  Only Walking is free."

Roddy asks, "Okay, who bet on Shampoo getting nailed first?"

"I'll pay my tab next time!" he yelled back as he got out the 
door and shoveled the meal into his mouth.

Hotaru says, "It's Ranma's illegitimate child."

Mike asks, "Genma = Maverick?"

Birdy says, "Let's not go there.  The thought of Ranma 
spawning.... oy."

Roddy says, "wouldn't that be Panderick?  Nevermind."

Sailor Sana notes Maverick's formatting is BAD. x.x

"Hold it right there sonny boy!" proclaimed a small elderly 
lady as she stood in his way.

Mike exclaims, "It's a small elderly lady! Run away!"

Hotaru exclaims, "It's the old lady who pours water!"

Comrade Trisha Lynneva giggles.  "What would she want him 
to hold, huh?"

Birdy exclaims, "Send in the crones!"

"*snicker* You're not going to stop me are you?" he said 
with a smug look on his face. The old lady then swung her 
stick in an ark trying to hit him >in the head, the guy 
narrowly dodged the strike.

Lara asks, "An ark?"

Mike exclaims, "It's Noah's mom!"

Hotaru asks, "Two by two?"

Birdy says, "Gotta be.  They're in the Ark, after all."

Hotaru asks, "Or a two by four?"

"Hah! That all you can do?" he said as he regained his footing 
now standing in a fighting stance, an little hint of mockery 
was in his voice. 

Lara says, "He checked the bottom of his shoe.  "Ewww... I was 
standing in a fighting stance.""

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "A little hint of mockery and a 
big hint of stupidity."

Mike says, "That's it, taunt the unstoppable ghoul."

Birdy says, "Why not?  All-powerful avatars do it all the 
time." 

Roddy exclaims, "MIGHTY MORPHING GAIJIN POWER, 
ACTIVATE!" 

"Oooh, so you want a challenge eh? All right then." she 
chuckled as she also struck a stance.

Comrade Randolph Carter exclaims, "Hey, cruelty to stances 
is ILLEGAL!"

Comrade Randolph Carter sues!

Birdy says, "In 36 states, anyway."

Mike says, "And Puerto Rico."

Roddy exclaims, "Look!  A vogue battle!"

"You ready? Cause here I come!" he yelled as he charged her 
this time with a sword suddenly in his hands. The old lady 
leaped up dodging his charge and then she let loose a flurry 
of strikes from her stick, the man met every strike with a 
parry from his sword, he soon realized that her stick was 
moving faster and faster, soon he couldn't see the stick 
anymore and he only knew when to parry when he heard the 
whooshing noise it made. She then broke off and just hung on 
the top of the stick and examined him.

Birdy exclaims, "Look at how she moves that stick!"

Mike exclaims, "Go, stick woman!"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Better than him striking her 
with his stick."

Comrade Trisha Lynneva says, "I'd hate to get stuck with 
that..."

Comrade Randolph Carter asks, "She broke what off?  His 
head?"

Lara asks, "His manhood?"

Mike says, "His literary abilities."

"Well, aren't you going to attack?" he asked rather annoyed 
that she stood there just staring at him. Soon Shampoo ran 
up to the two stalemated fighters.

Roddy says, "She stared at him.... with looooooooove."

Hotaru asks, ""Will you have sex with me, strange person?""

Comrade Trisha Lynneva asks, "Shampoo:  Hey, anyone gonna 
have some soggy ramen noodles or what?"

Roddy asks, "Okay, who bet on Cologne getting nailed first?"

Mike says, "Stalemated. Cologne. Ayup, it's Munchkin Lad."

"You're good, though I was going a little easy on you..." she 
finally said as she hopped off her stick and stood there on 
the ground.

Mike says, "Cologne takes it niiiice and eaaaasy with 
Mavrick..."

Birdy says, "At least she got the standing on the ground part 
right."

Comrade Trisha Lynneva exclaims, "She could have stood on 
the porch, or the table... or maybe even the ceiling!"

"Well that's what I hoped I'd be." he said, only seaming to 
acknowledge the part about him being good.

Roddy asks, "Egotistical stupid little sod, ain't he?"

Mike says, "He's a tailor, too."

Comrade Randolph Carter asks, "And how many seams does he 
have?  Does he ever come apart at them?"

Birdy says, "Remember: A stitch in time takes up space."

Hotaru says, "Maybe he's planning a power serge..."

Mike says, "*coughoverrelianceonspellcheckfunctioncough*"

"Listen I have a little proposition for you, if you'll accept 
I'll forget about the little food thing." she said as she 
walked closer to him, she now looked like a withered 2' tall 
child closer up.

Lara says, "Guh.. she's propositioning him."

Roddy exclaims, "Cue the sex music!"

Hotaru asks, "How bout a little sugar for Cologne, huh?"

Mike says, "Looks like a child... gah... pedo and elderly imagery 
at once."

Roddy exclaims, ""Give granny a kiss-kiss!""

"Hmmm, what sort of deal?" he said as he followed her 
back to the cafe.

Mike says, "Back to her place. Oh dear."

Lara exclaims, "Not the back room!  With the whips and 
chains!"

Roddy says, "He's following her back to the cafe.  The boy 
must have a oedipal complex"

Hotaru says, "I wonder if Cologne ever gets that...you 
know...not-so-fresh feeling."

 The Tendo household was having dinner, as usual Genma and 
Ranma were eating faster than the rest. Things have seemed 
to calm down after the whole wedding fiasco, Ryouga has 
left on another training trip after five times trying to find 
the door, Cologne seemed to stop scheming to get Ranma to 
marry Shampoo and there hasn't been a visit from the black 
rose in a while.

Hotaru says, "Well, I think he hit every cliche."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "They seemed to calm down.  
Actually, evryone was on the verge of cardiac arrest."

Birdy says, "Black roses coming to visit can be a problem."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Not to mention, most roses 
find it difficult to come visit unless someone carries them."

Hotaru says, "Kodachi had gone to Dallas to proclaim her love 
to Nightelf..."

Comrade Randolph Carter asks, "And was Ryouga training in 
finding the door?"

Hotaru says, "This fanfic dares you to read it."

Everything seemed calm and normal for once. Too bad that 
their time in the eye of the tornado won't last very long.

Roddy exclaims, "Oooooh, foreshadowing!"

Mike says, "Subtle foreshadowing, too. And I thought 
hurricanes were the ones with the eyes..."

Hotaru asks, "Wasn't that a Heavy Metal song?"

Comrade Trisha Lynneva asks, "Or was it the 'eye of the 
tiger'?"

Hotaru sings, ~EEEEEEEEEEYEYEYEYEYEYEEEE...OF THE 
TORNADO!!!

Birdy exclaims, "Auntie em, auntie em, it's a twister, it's a 
twister!!!"

"Aaahh, that was a good meal. I think I'll train a bit now." 
Ranma exclaimed as he got up off the floor and started for 
the sparring room.

Hotaru says, "Gonna get stomach cramps."

Lara exclaims, "Mom told me not to swim after a meal.. she 
never mentioned martial arts!".

Comrade Trisha Lynneva asks, "Sparring room, isn't that 
called a 'dojo'?"

"Why hello there son-in-law." said Cologne as she hopped in 
the room on top of her stick.

Comrade Trisha Lynneva exclaims, "A bouncing Cologne?  Ye 
gods, she'll shake her whole body apart!"

Hotaru says, "Cologne is a toy from Milton-Bradley, let's face 
it."

Birdy exclaims, "It's a pogo-shtick!"

Comrade Trisha Lynneva imagines Colognes 'part' bouncing 
and throws up.

Hotaru says, "Cologne and Mai Shuranui combines in an 
experiment gone horribly wrong..."

"What are you doing here you old ghoul?" Ranma said as he 
spun around to face the 300 year old lady.

Birdy asks, "Gee, you think Cologne's old?"

Comrade Randolph Carter exclaims, "She's looking for more 
vampire blood to keep herself alive!"

Birdy says, "Age before beauty..."

Hotaru says, "She's a pouka."

Comrade Randolph Carter exclaims, "Actually...she's...SAMUEL 
HAIGHT!  And she's come to take your power to become even 
more of a munchkin!"

"Dear Ranma, I challenge you to a fight. Meet me outside the 
dojo at14:00..." Ranma read out loud "Signed Maverick."

Hotaru says, ""Wear something clingy.""

Roddy asks, "'Dear Ranma'?"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "He's gay."

Mike says, "He's come to challenge Ranma for Cologne's hand."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Maybe he just wants to 
challenge Ranma to martial poker."

Lara exclaims, "No poking!"

Birdy says, "At least we know his first name now: "Signed"."

"So who's this Maverick guy?" Akane asked as she got up to 
have a look at the note.

Lara says, ""My gaijin lover, Akane.  I'm sorry.""

Birdy says, ""Didn't the note tell you?  Signed.""

Comrade Randolph Carter says, ""Wasn't he in that Western?" 
Ranma replied."

Roddy says, ""Know the name, Akane.  He's the next in a long 
line of gaijiins to boink Nabiki.""

Mike asks, "Who was that masked twink?"

"I dunno, maybe another guy that has "problems" like Ryoga." 
He said as he handed the note to Akane.

Lara asks, "Problems like Ryoga?  Idiocy?"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Ahh, so Maverick suffers the 
agony of premature grey too."

Comrade Trisha Lynneva says, "Or is it incontinence?  you can 
never tell with Ryouga."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Or perhaps the agony of 
psoriasis."

Mike says, ""But Ryouga started taking Viagra," Akane said. 
"He doesn't have "problems" any more. At least he didn't last 
night. *drool*""

"Hmmm, maybe he just heard of you eh?" Cologne said as she 
still stood there.

Mike says, "Or maybe he writes notes to people he hasn't 
heard of."

Hotaru says, "Yes, it's a big thing:  go to Nerima, challenge  
Ranma."

Mike says, "It's the Nerima Martial artist tour package."

Birdy says, "First person who wins gets to bonk Nabiki"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Triple A put it in their guide 
to vacations in Japan."

"You know who this guy is don't you!" Ranma said as he 
lunged forwards to attack her. She hopped out of the way 
leaving him to fall onto the ground.

Mike says, ""Yes. Your father he is.""

Birdy exclaims, ""No... no... that's not true... that's 
IMPOSSIBLE!""

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "So Cologne finally left 
Ranma."

Mike says, "Yes, she's left him for the young gaijin stud 
Maverick. Will Ranma fight to keep her?"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "It was about time, the way he 
was cheating on her."

Lara asks, "Loser has to boink Cologne?""

"As a matter of fact I did mention your name to him." she 
said as she landed on the ground.

Birdy asks, "She's getting better at this ground thing, isn't 
she?"

Mike says, "Cologne's bragging about her old boyfriends."

Comrade Trisha Lynneva says, ""It was after I screamed out 
your name after I climaxed.""

Roddy says, "Ah, the Evil Scheming Cologne template"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "I mentioned your name.  And 
how you killed his parents."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "And how you shot his dog and 
ate the flesh of the living."

Birdy says, "And stole his pickup truck, too."

Roddy says, "I am Maverick.  You killed mah cows.  Prepare 
t'die"

"He said that you sounded like a great chance to dust off his 
skills. And decided to challenge you." she then hopped closer 
to Ranma.

Mike says, "He had been keeping them in the attic."

Hotaru exclaims, ""Yeah, Ranma's just the easy, light 
pushover a gaijin like me needs!""

Megumi says, "Ranma the dustbuster."

Mike exclaims, "Oooo, fight over who gets Cologne!"

Birdy says, "Hey, the guy really sucks.  He'd be a great vacuum 
cleaner."

"You better save your energy for tomorrow, you'll need it." 
she said as she then hopped out of the house.

Comrade Randolph Carter asks, "Alright, who forgot to use 
Everready on Ranma?"

Comrade Trisha Lynneva leers.  "Ranma, he keeps going, and 
going, and going, and going....."

Mike exclaims, "Cologne's two-timing!"

Roddy says, "Eww, cologne group orgy."

Birdy says, "It's pogo-Cologne again..."

Comrade Trisha Lynneva exclaims, "Bunny hop time!"

"I'll be ready for him you just wait!" Ranma yelled as he saw 
her leave.

Hotaru exclaims, ""And I might have gotten away with it if it 
hadn't been for those pesky kids and that dog!""

Mike says, ""I have to go freshen up!" Ranma squealed."

Comrade Randolph Carter exclaims, ""Wait for me, Cologne!  
I'm sorry!  I didn't mean it!""

Roddy exclaims, "Cue the 70's funky action music!"

Hotaru says, "Bwomp-chicka-bwow-bwow."

"Ranma are you sure you can defeat this Maverick guy?" 
Akane asked in a rather worried tone.

Mike says, ""After all, he _is_ Cologne's gaijin lover...""

Autolyca says, "'Bah, Mel Gibson is no match for me!'"

Hotaru exclaims, ""Of course I can!  I'm Mighty Boy!""

Comrade Randolph Carter exclaims, ""As long as he doesn't 
challenge me to poker, I'll be fine!""

Hotaru exclaims, "Poker?  I hardly know her!"

"Don't sweat it Akane, he's probably just another amateur 
full of hot air." Ranma said but he seemed a little curious of 
how strong this guy is.

Hotaru says, "Your tense is slipping, Pete."

Mike asks, "Can ya feel the suspence? Can ya?"

Megumi exclaims, "We've secretly replaced his hot air with 
helium!"

Comrade Randolph Carter exclaims, ""And since he is full of 
hot air, I can just wait for him to float into the upper 
atmosphere! And then Maverick will explode in the vaccum!""

Mike exclaims, "BWAHAHA!"

"Gee, thanks for the new clothes!" Maverick said to Cologne 
as he straitened the red bandanna tied around his neck.

Mike says, ""It's the least I could do after ripping off your old 
ones in the heat of passion," Cologne simpered."

Hotaru says, "They're very post-coital..."

Comrade Trisha Lynneva says, "Get this guy a straitjacket..."

Mike says, "Red neck bandanna? Gang-banger."

Roddy exclaims, "s'ranna vs. The Crip!"

"Yes, well you didn't look impressive in those dumpy 
clothes." she replied looking back and forth for Ranma. The 
new clothes Maverick wore were dark green pants, a black 
sleeveless shirt that had gold Chinese patterns and trim and
he wore a red bandanna, not the one he used to wear but nice 
none the less. 

Mike says, ""But you sure looked impressive out of them!" 
Cologne leered."

Roddy exclaims, "More fashon show! Chinese patterns by Xian 
Lee!  Bandanna by Gucci!"

Maverick took his sword out of it's scabbard and started 
twirling it around one finger.

Hotaru asks, "Twirling his sword on one finger?"

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Ahh, so now he's Maverick, 
Super Pimp."

Comrade Randolph Carter o/~ "Maaaaverick, he's a bad mutha!"

Hotaru exclaims, "He's a baton twirler!"

Mike says, "Basketball, sword, same principle."

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "You know, Maverick, that's a 
good way to poke an eye out."

Hotaru asks, "Whoops.  Sorry, Cologne, was that your ear?"

"You sure he'll come?" he asked still twirling his sword.

Comrade Trisha Lynneva asks, "Too easy.  Next?"

Mike says, ""He comes when I do him," she responded."

Roddy KAFFS

Roddy says, "Cologne showing off her... marital arts secret 
techniques, I see."

"Talking about me?" Maverick was startled by the new voice 
coming from behind him. He whirled around to see that the 
dojo gates were open and there on the other side stood 
Ranma.

Mike says, ""Yes, we were comparing your prowess in bed.""

Roddy exclaims, "DA-DA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Hotaru exclaims, "But what was Ranma WEARING?!?!  How 
dare he leave that out?!?!"

Comrade Trisha Lynneva says, "Their eyes locked, and they 
instantly jumped into each others' arms, leaving Cologne 
alone and desolate, bereft of her two studly lovers."

"And you must be Maverick." Ranma said back as he walked 
over to size each other up.

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "Then they whipped out their 
rulers and used 'Martial Arts Tailoring' on each other."

Autolyca says, "Samurai Tailor! "How about adding a zipper?""

Comrade Randolph Carter says, "At least they didn't sex each 
other up."

Mike says, "That comes later."

"Now that you've both met let's discuss the terms." Cologne 
said as she hopped over to the two martial artists.

Hotaru says, "Cologne is obviously related to Hippety Hopper."

Mike says, ""Trial marriage, no refunds given.""

"So this was a plan of yours then!" Ranma said rather 
angrily.

Mike exclaims, "Yes, it's all part of her master plan to RULE 
THE WORLD!"

Mughi growfs, <<Narf!>>

"I'll admit that it was my idea to have you two fight, but 
you need the training anyways." she said calmly

Mike says, ""Neither of you has been satisfactory in bed 
lately, and need the workout.""

Lara says, ""I like seeing young men battle, watching their 
muscles ripple, the sweat run down their chests...""

Hotaru says, "Sounds like he's trying to do Tom Swifties but 
not quite making it."

"Now then, Ranma if you lose you must marry my great grand 
daughter..."

Lara says, ""And me.""

Mike says, ""You and Maverick the Gaijin Stud will be my 
personal harem.""

Hotaru says, "Shampoo is presumably the lovely parting 
gifts..."

"Not that again!" Ranma interrupted.

Lara exclaims, ""I'm still sore from last time!""

Mike says, ""I already married and divorced her twice!""

Hotaru asks, ""She's onto her 12th abortion!  Haven't you 
learned enough?""

"And, Maverick will get free meals at the cafe." she 
finished.

Mike says, "Uh-oh... we know all about the ramen they serve 
there..."

Lara says, "No comment."

Hotaru says, "Yeah, some hot Cologne fur pie."

Mughi barfs

Lara ewwws at Hotaru.

"All right, but I won't be held responsible for any low self-
esteem caused." Ranma said smirking at Maverick.

Rod says, ""Because mine's bigger than yours," said Ranma.""

Lara says, "This is just disgusting."

Hotaru says, "It's like Hustler Lite."

Lara says, "After all, Ranma is infinitely more talented with 
his tongue.."

Mike says, "This fic would cause low self-esteem, yes."

"Begin!" Cologne yelled and the fight began. They started to 
circle each other, staring into each other's eyes.

Lara says, ""I love you, Maverick." "I love you, Ranma.""

Hotaru says, "If they start dry humping each other..."

Mike exclaims, "And the battle for Cologne's hand begins! 
FIGHT!"

"Hyaaa!" Maverick cried as he leaped up and went into a 
drop-kick. Ranma jumped out of the way and jumped up again 
as soon as he landed.

DJ Roddy raps o/~ Everybody JUMP JUMP JUMP JUMP! Lemme 
			see ya now JUMP JUMP JUMP JUMP! o/~

Lara says, "And they jumped around like happy bunnies."

Mike says, "I think the ground in the fic is made of rubber, 
what with all the bouncing and hopping."

"Tenchiamiguriken!" Ranma attacked Mav' with a flurry of 
punches, but with equal speed Mav' blocked every punch.

Mike asks, "Tenchiamiguriken? He hits Maverick real fast 
with a Jurai decendant?"

Hotaru asks, "So this isn't Maverick anymore, but Maverick 
Prime?"

Lara says, "Then Ryoko and Aeka ran into the fray."

"Seishou bakufuu!" Maverick said as a burst of ki came from 
his hands from his hand, narrowly missing Ranma.

Hotaru says, "Geshundheit."

Mike exclaims, "Mandatory named generic ki attack!"

Lara asks, "He has hands on his hands?"

Hotaru says, "He's a mutant."

Mike says, "He's a freak of nature."

Hotaru says, "He's strangely arousing."

Mike says, "He's Maverick, the Wonder Gaijin."

"<Geez, this guy is tough! Better use the Saotome school 
final attack.>" Ranma then faked an attack and then broke off 
and ran.

Hotaru says, "Ranma's getting soft."

Mike exclaims, "Wimp! Wimp! He hasn't even taken a punch 
yet!"

Lara asks, "What'd he break off? Maverick's manhood again?"

"<You can run but you can't win.>" Maverick thought as he 
chased after him.

Mike says, "'Run but can't hide,' is the expression. It's hard to 
win if you run away, generally."

Hotaru says, "Mav likes to mix the metaphors."

Lara says, "Shh.. maybe he'll hide and the fic will end."

Mike says, "We ain't that lucky."

When Maverick finally caught up with Ranma he was 
standing on a fence that had a sewer line on the other side. 
Maverick wasted no time for his chance and he took out his 
sword and slashed into the air. Although the fence was out 
of the swords reach it still was cut in two.

Hotaru says, "Because...um..."

Hotaru asks, "Because the author wanted the fence to be cut?"

Mike asks, "A sewer line? Is that like a phone line?"

"<Just as I hoped.>" Ranma thought as he fell into the water. 
Maverick was putting his sword away when all of a sudden a 
red haired girl leaped out of the water.

Hotaru exclaims, "Stop!  in the name of love!"

Lara asks, "He hoped for what?  A guy in a clingy, wet shirt?"

Mike asks, "What, Ranma hoped he'd get dunked in a sewer? 
What kinda tactic is that?"

Mike says, "I don't wanna know why Ranma wants to be female 
with Maverick."

"What the?!" Maverick exclaimed as he now saw a girl in 
Ranma's clothes. He then charged the girl, striking between 
questions

Mike says, "Good tactic, hiding behind questions. They're big 
and heavy, and give excellent cover."

Hotaru says, "Most martial artists are now part of the AFL-
CIO anyway..."

"How'd you do that?" (punch)

Mike says, "A very very fast sex-change operation."

"Answer me!" (kick), little did he realize that he was 
chasing him in a spiral. Ranma then ducked low and gave 
Maverick a strong uppercut.

Lara says, "And I'll raise you a roundkick."

Mike exclaims, "Maverick's chasing his tail!"

Hotaru says, "At least the author has Maverick lose...:-P"

Mike says, "Yes, that is the one good point of the fic. It won't 
last."

"Hiryu shoten ha!" Maverick went soaring into the sky and 
was soon out of view.

Roddy says, "AND STAY OUTTA VIEW!"

Hotaru exclaims, "Bye!  Write if you get a real personality!"

Scriv exclaims, "Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!"

Mike says, "Thank you for flying Ki Blast Airlines."

Scriv says, "It's always a blast to fly with us."

"That'll teach you." said Ranma-chan as she ran back to the 
dojo.

Roddy says, "*bang*pow* I win! Gottago! *Runrunrunrunrun...*"

Mike exclaims, "Hah! What a witty line! 'That'll teach you.'"

Scriv tuts, "Come now, what do you expect?"

Lara says, "Ranma always was a little mentally deficient"

Scriv says, "Even more so here. I think it's the repeated blows 
to the head which did it."

Meanwhile at the dojo Cologne sat there waiting for 
Maverick to return as the victor. Suddenly something fell out 
of the sky and into the koi pond behind her, up floated the 
body of Maverick.

Hotaru says, "The word CROATOAN carved into his chest."

Lara says, "Dressed in a leather gimp suit."

Mike exclaims, "He's dead! Yes!"

"I take it you didn't win." she said dryly as she walked over.

Mike says, "No, I always end my fights by floating dead in 
ponds."

Hotaru says, "Wow, he can't even keep her wet anymore..."

Lara says, "Ewww"

Scriv exclaims, "I knew it! She's a necrophiliac!"

"What happened? One second he was a he and the next he 
was a she?" Maverick said as he ringed his shirt out.

Mike says, "Awwwww, he's alive. Drat."

Hotaru says, "Ring-a-ring-a-rosey..."

Scriv says, "That stain's never going."

"If you stay in Nerima you'll find out." Cologne said as she 
walked away,

Roddy says, "And if you stay long enough, you'll get to boink 
Nabiki!"

Maverick new that she now held a lot of disgust for him.

Hotaru says, ""There goes my only chance of scoring in this 
town...""

Mike says, "Her opinion matching us reviewers for once."

Lara says, "Cologne is going to turn The Mav into a woman."

Mike says, "So tragic, Maverick spurned by his girl..."

"I think I will."

Mike says, ""...change back to AT&T.""

Mike asks, "After all, he's been beaten up and had nookie with 
a 300-year-old woman. Why wouldn't he stay?"

"Supper!" Kasumi called into the dojo where Akane and 
Ranma were doing some more sparring. When Ranma walked 
into the living room his jaw nearly dropped.

Hotaru asks, "Ranma the zombie?"

Lara says, "He forgot to put the screws in it again."

Mike says, "Ranma's going to pieces..."

Lara says, "I would too if I was in this fic"

Sitting there was Maverick.  "Ohiyo."

Mike says, "Iowa."

Hotaru says, "Indiana."

Sailor Sana says, "Idaho."

Mike says, "At least now we know where he comes from."

Lara says, "This is a beyond rookie mistake.  If you can't spell 
it right, don't use it, nimrod."

"What are YOU doing here!?"

Hotaru asks, "Seducing Kasumi?"

Sailor Sana says, "If you don't know, we've got us a problem 
here. x.x"

Lara says, "Mav quickly pulled his hand out of his pants."

Mike says, ""I couldn't stay away. I love you, Ranma!""

"When he got out of the koi pond I offered him to stay for 
dinner." Kasumi blank mindedly said as she continued to set 
the table.

Hotaru says, "Wow, MSTing Doenime has really rubbed off on 
him."

Roddy asks, "blank mindedly?"

Mike says, "Kasumi's erased her mind again."

Hotaru says, "Someone reboot Kasumi from backups."

Sailor Sana asks, "Offered him what, to be dinner?"

Mike says, ""Oh Great Cthulhu, I offer this gaijin freak as your
sacrifice!""

Lara asks, "Did Complete Control Kasumi wander in here?"

Hotaru exclaims, "Hey!"

"Hey no hard feelings eh?" Maverick said as he stuck his 
hand out in Ranma's direction.

Hotaru says, "Oh, I've seen this.  He's got a joybuzzer.  
<snicker>"

Lara says, "No, one of those rubber hands."

Mike says, "He may not have a hard feeling now, but we know 
where his hands were a second ago."

Lara says, "ewww"

"Well, sure. I guess. so why are you here anyways?" Maverick 
picked up his chopsticks as he hungrily looked at the plate of 
rice and fish set in front of him.

Hotaru says, "Naturally, he's an expert with the chopsticks."

Lara says, "No, it just says he picked them up."

Mike says, ""Rice and fish! The San Francisco treat!""

"That's for me to know and for you to forget." Mav' simply 
said and then he started to scarf down the food at an 
alarming rate.

Lara says, "Gee, how witty."

Hotaru says, "Mav is played by David Spade, I see..."

Mike says, "Polite guest, he is. No wonder Cologne broke up 
with him."

'Hungry boy' Mr.Panda's sign read.

Mike says, "Nodoka ain't reading the fic. You can call him 
Genma."

Lara exclaims, "Genma!  Put your pants back on!  He doesn't 
want any of that!"

"What style was that anyways?" Akane asked as Mav' 
stopped to sip his tea.

Mike says, "Early French Pre-Impressionist."

Lara asks, "Tea sipper kung fu?"

Sailor Sana says, "Anything goes super gobbler attack."

Hotaru says, "Betcha he's a slurper. So to speak."

"Well it's a combo of Tenchido and Dragon martial arts. Sort 
of the forgotten arts."

Hotaru says, "The art of wallhanging."

Lara says, "Yeah, he forgot how to do them."

Mike says, "As opposed to the remembered arts, Post-it Note 
Fu."

Sailor Sana says, "Shoulda stayed forgotten."

Hotaru asks, "Dragon martial arts?  Is this Shuriken?"

Mike says, "Dragon sounds all impressive. All gaijin ohio 
studs know it."

"Tenchido?" Ranma asked. Mav' gulped down the rest of his 
meal and tea.

Lara says, "Tenchido - the way of sexless wimp."

Mike says, "Tenchido, the Way of Tenchi."

Hotaru says, "I still wonder about that apostrophe. Is it Mav's 
way of making his name cooler?"

Lara says, "I thought it was laziness.."

Lara says, "And the fact that Maverick is a really dumb name,"

Mike says, "Be hard to have a cooler name than 'Maverick'... 
unless it was 'Bubba' or something..."

"You know "the way of heaven and earth", kinda a mix of 
Kempo and Kendo. It originated in a ancient country that was 
assimilated into Japan a few hundred years ago (about 
900yrs or more), too bad it was nearly forgotten if it wasn't 
for the last samurai of Kishoto."

Hotaru says, "Oh, THAT.  Everyone around here knows that."

Lara says, "Yeah, even Kuno knows that."

Mike asks, "Ancient country... nearly assimilated... Los 
Angeles?"

(note: Mav'' doesn't mention this but Kishoto is the name of 
the small country)

Mike exclaims, "Ooooo, useless footnotes!"

Hotaru says, "Now he's got 2 apostrophes."

Lara says, "He's doubly important"

Mike says, "Pretty soon he'll be Mav''*''"

"How interesting." Kasumi blankly replied as she slowly ate 
her rice, she most likely didn't understand a thing he said 
but it was rude to not say anything.

Lara says, "Kasumi, be rude."

Mike says, "Ayep, too much Doenime."

Hotaru asks, "Is this the anti-Lawson Kasumi?"

Mike says, "This is the anti-neuron Kasumi.,"

Hotaru says, "Kasumi as Mihoshi, I guess."

Lara says, "Maybe she didn't understand because he's a 
babbling idiot."

"So, are you from America?" Soun asked taking his part to 
break the silence.

Mike says, ""Yes, I'm from Ohio.""

Hotaru says, ""I told you, Ohiyo.""

Mike says, "Where men are men, women are women, and 
gaijins are overpowered."

"Well I'm from Canada, most people mistake me for an 
American a lot though.  By the way, Ranma what in the world 
was that you did to look like a girl and confuse me?" This 
question was unexpected and caught Ranma off guard.

Mike says, "Caught off guard, Ranma fell to the floor, lightly 
stunned."

Lara says, "Well, you're an idiot.  You're easily confused."

Mike says, "The Americans in the audience can breathe a sigh 
of relief."

Hotaru says, "Just say you're outdoorsy, that gets rid of the 
stigma of Canadianism."

"Well... You see, there was this place in China..."

Lara asks, "Taco Bell?"

Sailor Sana asks, "Yo querio Middle Kingdom?"

Hotaru sings, "~That's caaaaled...the Riiiising Suuuun...~"

Mike asks, "Disneyworld?"

"...And now me and Pop are stuck with this curse. *hmpf* 
Going to China without knowing how to speak Chinese."

Hotaru says, "Yeah!  Like going to Japan without knowing how 
to speak Japanese...oh, sorry, Mav."

Mike says, "China, land of opportunity. Where every man can 
become a woman, and every gaijin twink can become a gaijin 
twink."

Maverick watched as Ranma and Genma began to fight.

Mike says, "And placed a few bets."

Hotaru says, "Popcorn?" Kasumi asked.

Lara says, ""Blowjob?" Nabiki asked."

"<Gee, and some people call me a "excessive agressor"...>"

Hotaru says, "No, they just call you old Stinkybutt."

Lara says, "No, some people call you names we shouldn't 
repeat."

"So will you be staying in Japan long?" Kasumi asked as she 
put her bowl down.

Hotaru asks, ""Long enough for a quickie against the stove?""

Lara says, ""As long as I can get some action from every 
available girl in the country.""

Mike says, ""Just til I boink Nabiki.,""

Lara says, "In the grand gaijin from Ohiyo tradition"

"I'm not too sure... I guess when I feel that I should get 
going, I will."

Hotaru says, "If he starts to mosey, I'm leaving."

Lara says, ""Well, why don't you get going now?" Kasumi 
suggested."

"Well you can stay here if you like. I'm sure that Ranma and 
Mr.Saotome won't mind sharing the guest room." This got 
Soun a *little* peeved, he didn't want another freeloading, 
blackhole stomached, guest.

Lara says, "Good for you, Soun."

Hotaru says, ""As long as you don't mind Ranma and his 
father's nightly love fests.""

Lara says, "Though I don't know about those three sharing a 
room together."

Lara says, "Yeah, yaoi double feature in there every night."

Sailor Sana asks, "... ... ... just a LITTLE? No Demon Head?"

Mike says, "Offer Maverick one of your daughters, Soun."

Lara says, "Take Nabiki and never show your face here again."

"Er, can't you stay in a vacant lot?" He asked with hope in 
his tone.

Hotaru says, "Yes, surely there must be some gutter you can 
die in."

Lara asks, "SO the rats eat you alive!?!?"

Mike exclaims, "Aw, Soun, you're supposed to love "Mav'"! He's 
the gaijin hero!"

Lara says, "No love!  None!  Yuck."

Hotaru says, "Soun lemons are a rarity for a reason."

"Why father, he's a visitor to our country and that makes 
him a guest to us all. We should be hospitable." Kasumi said 
politely.

Lara says, "How else can we make fun of gaijins if we don't 
actually know any?"

Mike says, "Kasumi works part time at the tourist bureau."

Sailor Sana says, "So show him to an hospice."

Hotaru says, "I'm amazed Kasumi doesn't flaot to the ceiling 
in this fic."

"Well I'm thankful that you're offering me a place to stay. I 
can sleep on the roof if it's allright." Maverick said 
motioning at the ceiling.

Lara says, "..."

Lara says, "That's too stupid to comment on"

Roddy exclaims, "On the roof?  So he can peep on Nabiki!"

"I'll get you a futon Maverick... Oh! I didn't get you last 
name." Kasumi said looking as if she insulted him by not 
asking before.

Lara says, ""I'll get you a futon and a last name.""

Mike asks, ""Would you like a cool gaijin or fake Japanese last 
name?""

"Sorry, it's Kuro."

Lara says, "AIEEE"

Hotaru says, "Fake Japanese, please."

Mike asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

Lara says, "Kuro, yes, a fine Japanese word but not much of a 
name."

Mike asks, "Woss 'Kuro' mean, Lara?"

Lara says, "'Black.'"

Mike asks, "Maverick Black. Gee, cliche or what?"

Roddy says, "Maverick Black, friend of John Shaft and 
Superfly."

Hotaru asks, "So if he changed one letter, Lara would fall for 
him?"

Lara says, "No.  He has to be good looking.. and have a better
personality."

Sailor Sana says, "Maverick Kuro. O.o No doubt right up there 
with names like Angus MacGyver."

Kasumi then left. Maverick glanced at the Tendous and 
Saotomes and decided to himself...This is gonna be a weird 
few days!

Hotaru exclaims, "He's on a collision course with wackiness!"

Mike exclaims, "Oh, the laffs ahead!"

 Korea (same time)

Hotaru says, "Same station."

Lara says, "Same gaijin time, same gaijin station."

Sailor Sana asks, "Which Korea?"

Mike asks, "Yeah, commies or dictatorship?"

Villagers ran in fear as the tall, muscular, aged figure 
walked down the road. His face devoid of all expresions. And 
his eyes staring at some unseen subject. The anceint one has 
come down from the mountain after centuries of seclution in 
his shrine. Though he is only known as 'Anceint one' to the 
younger generations, but to the elders who's ancesters 
before them passed down their knowlege, he is called by his 
Japanese name, Tekkijidai, 'iron age'.

Hotaru says, "Tekkijidai, on his boat, the Kon-Tiki."

Lara asks, "Riki Tiki Tavi?"

Sailor Sana says, "Anceint One, no doubt the brother of the 
Ancient."

Mike says, "His friend, Bronze Age, will be appearing shortly."

Lara says, "And his enemy, Industrial Revolution"

Mike says, "Atomic Age is renting a car for them."

Hotaru says, "Gee, since his face has no expression, guess he 
doesn't need to be interesting..."

"For years I have waited for my chance to challange you, and 
now the time has come... Beware young Kuro! I shall be your 
down fall!"

Hotaru exclaims, "Yes, ever since I saw you in that crib!"

Mike asks, "And who is he saying this to, rabbits? Fleeing 
villagers?"

End of Part 1#

Mike exclaims, "Woohoo!"

Lara exclaims, "HURRAY!"

Mike tosses confetti.

Next part: AWA prt.2# Maverick vs Ryouga: Dragon martial 
arts final attack

Lara exclaims, "Doh!"

Lara asks, "There's another part?"

Mike says, "I hope it's final."

Author's notes:

Lara exclaims, "Booo!!! Hissss!!!!"

Roddy says, "'I will stop writing this story because I know 
it's bad...'"

Finally I'm done! I've been working on this since March. 
(pathetic, ne?) It's a rough start, but after part 3 I'll be 
more "gooved" into the storyline. I'm trying my best to make 
Mav' as un-Godly as possible. I don't want this to end up as 
one of those fics that people avoid like the plague.

Mike says, "God forbid."

Lara says, "Yeah, pathetic"

Hotaru collapses in laughter.

Roddy asks, "Why would they avoid this lovely example of 
gaijin masculinity?"

Lara smirks.

Mike says, "Well, he's ungodly, ayup."

Translations:

Roddy says, "this oughta be good"

Lara asks, "Ohiyo?"

Seishou Bakufuu- Spirit Energy Blast

Sailor Sana says, "Back at you."

Lara exclaims, "Achoo!"

Hotaru says, "He musta stole that from Fushigi Yuugi."

Roddy says, "Butuufingu snakuu."

Mike says, "Such originality."

Tenchido- I said it before "the way of Heaven and Earth"

Mike asks, "Yeah! Why's he always gotta tell us again?"

Lara says, "Way of sexless wimp.. we got it"

Hotaru says, "Second verse, same as the first."

Sailor Sana says, "Tenchi Muyo."

Sailor Sana says, "No need for Heaven and Earth. o.o"

Halcyon- Calmness (it's English BTW)

Hotaru exclaims, "Oh, thank you!  I never knew!"

Lara asks, "Really?  It's not Japanese?"

Roddy says, "It's also a drug, BTW."

Ikazuchi- Thunder

Mike says, "Gesundheit."

Lara asks, "Wonder where he got that one?"

Please give me any C&C, all flames will be taken as 
criticism.

Mike asks, "Flame? This gem of the writer's craft?"

---Petes-kun
Founder of the SCG
Current Emperor of Jurai

Sailor Sana says, "Nope, no Ungodly Ego here, nope."

Hoarder of Ranma hentai! H_H
http://www.angelfire.com/mo/scgcompound/index.html
"POW!!!" -Beastie Boys

Lara exclaims, "THE FIC IS DEAD!  YAY!"

Hotaru exclaims, "WAHOO!!!"

Roddy says, "Quick, I need some Halcyon."

Lara says, "Halcyon, take this fic away"

Hotaru says, "Makes you long for the subtlety and humility of 
Jack Ji."

Mike asks, "Welp, that's a wrap. Let me see if I can summarize 
the plot: Maverick the Ohio Gaijin Stud From Top Gun comes to 
Japan and has sex with Cologne. He fights Ranma for her hand, 
and loses. Kasumi then demonstrates her airheadedness while 
Maverick plots to seduce Ranma. Sound right?"

Lara says, "I dunno.. I wasn't paying that much attention."

Roddy says, "And Soun, hoping for some back door action, 
invites Maverick to stay with them."

Sailor Sana asks, "Yeah. Do we really need to listen to Part 2 
of this dreck?"

Hotaru says, "NO."

Roddy exclaims, "Gooooooooodnite, seeya!"

----------------

This has been a showing of "A Warrior Arises: Scrap in 
Nerima", or "Maverick: Gaijin of Vengance".

Review by the K4W Foundation, in conjunction with BML 
Productions, the Cabal, and the People's Republic of 
Krasnovia.

No wombats were harmed in the making of this MST3k.

Post No Bills.

Fnord.