Kunou's Best Friend 1/6
by Trisha L. Sebastian



[Kunou Tatewaki belomgs to no one; he is his own man.  But the rights to 
his creation belong to Shodokan, Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Communications,
and various other people who decided to jump on the bandwagon.  This is
not being done for profit, otherwise Nabiki'd find out a way to charge
me for writing fanfic.  Ye gods, can you imagine that?]



	I finally decided that I'd had enough when Kunou-sempai made a fool
of himself because his father promised him that he could be the "captain
of honor" and defend the school's honor against Saotome.  Not that being
a "captain of honor" is a bad thing necessarily, but when you want to 
be a captain of honor only to capture the love of a girl who changes
back into a guy... a man can take only so much.  Not to mention the fact
that he decided to drag the whole kendo team into his sick twisted fantasies.
And to top that, we got our butts kicked to high heaven by Saotome.

	Kendo is the greatest art in the world.  It requires split 
second timing, dedication, focus, strengh of spirit and a sound mind and
body.  The form we study also requires a sword, and only the sword.  So if 
your oppenent comes at you from above, flips over your shoulder and stands 
on your head, the only thing you can do is swat at him with your sword.  
I think that kendo is a wonderful art; it's just entirely ineffective when 
it comes to dealing with Saotome (who knows a little bit from every art).  
One minute, he's swinging at you in Okinawan Monkey Fist, the next, he's 
wobbling around, in Drunk-Fu, and before you can blink, he's back to judo
style throws.

	I've got a lot of theories about how to deal with Saotome, but 
does Kunou-sempai listen to me?  No, of course not.  I'm *only* his best
friend from childhood... what do I know?  

	What do I know about his "osage no onna" the love of his life?  
Only the fact that she's really a man, and his mortal enemy to boot.

	What do I know about Tendou Akane, the *other* love of his life?
Only that she's got no interest in guys whatsoever.  Personally, I think 
she might be a lesbian-- which would explain a *lot* about her attraction
to Saotome.

	What do I know about Tendou Nabiki, the Furinkan High School version
of a Mafia godfather?  Only that she's helping to ruin the best kendoist
ever by pandering to his perverse and twisted fantasy.

	I have got to put a stop to this, the only way I know how.  I have
to tell Kunou-sempai the truth about his "pig-tailed girl."


********************


	First, I decided to try and force the truth on him.  After all,
he's a reasonable guy, he'd listen to me, right?  We had just finished
practice and while I was cleaning up, he had gone to meditate in his 
chamber, just outside the gym yard.  I decided to beard the lion in its
den.

	I knocked hesitantly at the door.  "Kunou-sempai?"  There was no
answer.  Taking a deep breath, I slid open the door to find him sitting
on top of a pile of mats in a lotus position in front of two pictures.
His eyes were closed, and every now and then, he'd chuckle to himself,
like he was listening to something that he really liked.  On the left
was Saotome in his girl form, sleeping provocatively on a futon, his tank
top revealing a bit of clevage.  I turned away from that picture in 
disgust.  The other picture was one of Tendou with short hair, breaking
a pile of bricks.  She looked real butch in the photo.  I snorted to myself.
"Kunou-sempai, there is something I need to talk to you about."

	"Why dost thou interrupt the meditation of the righteous?  Speak,
intruder!"

	"Kunou-sempai, it's me," I sighed.

	"Oh, Motoki-kun.  Well, have a seat."  I sat at the base of his pile,
feeling like one of them Zen students in front of his head monk.  "What
is it you'd like to talk about?"

	"It's about your 'pig-tailed girl."

	"Yes, isn't she beautiful?"  His eyes turned to her picture, and I
could see them glaze over with lust.  "Her beauty is beyond compare...
though the robustness of Tendou Akane almost rivals the pig-tailed one's
'healthy' beauty."

	I got mad.  "Listen, sempai, that pig-tailed girl isn't a girl.
It's really Sao--"

	"Enough."  He leaped off the pile and stood in front of me.
"I will not have you sullying her name.  To even suggest that she is
the same creature as that villainous Saotome....."  He drifted off into
another rant, and I just sighed in resignation.  There was no speaking
to the guy once he got on a roll.  I listened politely, then excused myself
when he got a chance to breathe.  This was much harder than I thought.
This would call for some more drastic measures.


*********************


	The next day, when Kunou-sempai was fighting Saotome in front
of school, I heaved a bucket of cold water right at them when Saotome was
closing in to deliver the final blow.  Kunou-sempai stopped short when
he saw Saotome change into his female form.  For a second, I saw a look
on confusion on his face.  Now was my chance to tell him.

	"Saotome turned into that girl!  Don't you see?" I shouted at 
Kunou-sempai.  He seemed shaken.  But then, he grabbed a hold of Saotome, 
squashing his breasts and squeezed him into an embrace, all the while 
exclaiming, "O pig-tailed girl, you have finally broken free from that evil 
conjurer!"  I shook my head in disgust as Saotome broke Kunou-sempai's
hold and kicked him over the wall into the pool.

	I picked up the bucket and was about to go inside when I heard a
voice behind me say, "Not bad, but you're not the first person who's 
tried that.  Better luck next time, ne?"

	I turned around.  "Oh, it's you, Nakamura.  What do you want?"
Nakamura Kiyone was one of Nabiki's underlings who lived down the
street from me.  She and I got along like water and oil.

	"Touchy, touchy, Motoki-chan."  I bristled from the form of 
address.  It seemed as if Nabiki-itis had reached her lieutenants as well.
"Listen, I'm here to help."

	"Yeah, right," I said.  "Pull the other one, it's got bells on."

	"No, seriously."  She placed a hand on my shoulder.  "We've known
each other since grade school, right?"  I nodded.  "And you know I'd never
steer you wrong, right?"  I snorted in reply.  "I'm serious now.  I'm kinda 
getting sick of Kunou's fawning over Saotome, too.  It's rather disgusting,
if you ask me."

	I gave her a speculative glance.  "You really think so?"

	"Yeah, I do."  She gave me a cool glance.  "So, do you want some
help in this?"

	I thought about it for a while.  The direct approach didn't work,
the cold water didn't work, I was out of options.  "Sure."  I stuck out
my hand to shake hers and the deal was done.  "One thing, though.  Does
Nabiki know you're doing this?  She'd really hate it if you cut off
one of her major sources of income."

	She laughed.  "Sure she knows.  She's the one who told me about
your conversation with Kunou yesterday."

	I froze in shock.  She gave me a friendly wave and entered the
building.  I stared after her, wondering if I had done the right thing
by making a deal with a devil.




TO BE CONTINUED......


AUTHOR'S NOTES:

7-26-98:  This starts the third story in a short story arc that will 
eventually end up with six.  The first two stories are "Ukyou's Other
Woman" and "Ranma's Secret Admirer."  If you are interested in either
of these two, write me at: sebast5228@earthlink.net and I can send them
to you.

Oh, and btw, yes, Motoki Kensuke and Nakamura Kiyone are new characters
and they're the same age as Ranma and Co.  As if you couldn't tell.... :)


Trisha L. Sebastian