Jason Liao <jasonl@hun.k12.nj.us> wrote:

	Blahblahblah, IRC blahblahblah, Nekoken blahblahblah, Akane
blahblahblah, even blahblahblah! 

Everybody's got a case of the blahs!

Okay, this is prelude is for Kodachi, right?  So, where is she?  Your
other preludes focus on the thoughts and past experiences (HaM indeed!) of
the characters in question, yet we see only a little of that here.  Most
of the important scenes seem to belong Akane.  *She's* the one who grows
here.

Another good piece of writing, but one would think that Kodachi would
have a little more presence in her prelude. 

A very valid point, but I don't think anything can be done about it.
Kodachi is going to stay somewhat mysterious going into HaM, so I really
can't reveal too much about her at this point. Anyway, Ranma and Akane
are the stars of the series, if not the chapter.

	The Kuno mansion stood on the outskirts of Nerima, as it had for
many generations. Building sections of widely varying size and shape
framed a lushly wooded central coutryard. The mansion was a reminder of

	   ^^^^^^		 ^^^^^^^^^
Courtyard?

One of these days, I'll remember to spell-check....

*clapclapclap*

This is an excellent way of showing her outlook on life without spelling
it out.  Everyone on the FFML who told me that it's too hard, take a
look.

Glad you liked this bit.

	The child-like instructor glared at Akane, taking a coin from
her pocket. "Ms. Tendo, I've told this class what would happen to the
next person who made an outburst."

Question: I thought that Hinako only drained battle-aura.  She may be very
concerned, but she doesn't seem to be in an active Kodachi-pulping mood. 
Would she still be giving off an aura? 

Hmmm... dunno. Good point, though of course Hinako could've been
bluffing, and she does have that other attack that she used against
Ranma in the closet.

	"Yes!" Akane said to Kodachi. "I agree. And I'm NOT going to
lose."

Didn't she say she was determined *not* to agree with Kodachi's terms
during the classroom incident? 

Nope. She sais she was determined not to lose to Kodachi, and that the
sensible thing to do would've been to call the fight off.

	Suddenly, Ranma's eyes opened fully, as he sat straight up.
"I've got it! I know what to do."

Minor nit.  Ranma's eyes opened?  When Akane's the one asleep?  How about
a line with Ranma beginning to drift off?

Hmmm... okay, good idea.

was empty before the half-cup mark was reached. "There isn't enough! How
are we supposed to do this!?"

<snip>

	"AAARRRGH!! How am I supposed to do this?!?" Akane crushed the
now empty box in her fist.

Are you sure you want to ask the (almost) exact same question twice in a
row?

Will think about changing one of them.

	[Konu-Letter]
	your son has not fared better at his kendo.

I thought that he was the undefeated Kendo champion of Furinkan High
(until Ranma came along, that is). 

Presumably he was; but this was earlier, when he was still in middle
school.

Uh-huh.  But how?  I can't think of anything offhand that would help her
improve so quickly over Takewaki, who's been undergoing real combat
training, as opposed to gymnastics.  She evades him without dirty tricks
in the intro.

All I can say is... ohohoHOHOHOHohoho! You'll have to read HaM to find
out what Kodachi's new secret is. (Which means that I'll have to write
it. ^_^) Though there is a clue in one of the other Preludes, so you
might be able to guess.

Thanks for the commentary! Glad you enjoyed the fic.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics