REVIEWER'S NOTE:
The More Things Read features the newcomers from the fanfic series
'The More Things Change'(available at http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/fanfic.htm)
and past reviews are archived at Travis Butler's site,
http://www.tfs.net/~tbutler/FFC/Muho.html
Once upon a time there were these four siblings, who happened to
be martial artists, who also happened to be movie buffs...
One was a rather skinny fellow, looking a lot like Hikaru Gosunkugi,
the other a short-haired girl with a fair tan, the next a sloppily
dressed lad with long hair and eyeglasses, and finally, a rather
cute 12 year old with a hyperactivity problem....
ROLL CALL!
Ryo Muhoshin, snide yet debonaire
Ryoko Muhoshin, a teen girl with flare
Megs Muhoshin, a pervert beyond compare
Kyoko Muhoshin, tiny tot without a care
Ryoko: So, what's up for tonight?
What the hey, I got two hours to kill. Quite literally.
Bring Me The Head Of Ranma Saotome
Ryo: Let the blood flow!
Kyoko: Wai!
Megs: Er...
Ryoko: What?
Megs: You don't think Mike might be... you know...
I mean... Mike wants some head... you know...
Ryoko: Idiot! It's not THAT kind of story!
Megs: Well hey, you never know...
A Hope-They-Don't-Hold-This-Against-Me Production.
Ryo: Attack without fear. Kill without remorse. This
is the proper way of life.
Ryoko: Thank you Mr. Klingon.
Ryo: Klingon? Me? Nono, that's Kyoko.
Kyoko: H'tya Cho!
It was a dark and stormy night. Mike, the shoddily disguised stand-in
for the author, was doing something completely irrevelant to the story.
Megs: Like having se-
*** WHAP ***
Ryoko: This ISN'T a lemon, y'know.
Megs: Oh, sorry. I'm just used to seeing Lara Bartram's
stuff.
Ryo: Let us not speak of that woman again.
There was a flash of light for no good reason.
And the author found himself in Nerima.
Ryoko: Self-insert fic?
Ryo: <pulls out his umbrella) Kill!
"Oh my," Mike mused. "Cool. I can go meet Ranma and Akane,
solve problems, fix relationships, try to sleep with Nabiki..."
Ryoko: That'd be cool.
He reflected on this.
"Nah, I'll just kill them all out of sheer bloody-mindedness."
Ryo & Kyoko: Yaaaaaaay!
Ryoko: You guys are sick.
Kyoko: Ung'fhtha!
DAY ONE
"Hey. You Tendo Nabiki?"
"Sure thing, gaijin. What's on your mind?"
Megs: Sex, baby, sex.
Ryoko: Oh, cut that out.
Megs: No bobbit'in here, baby.
Ryo: Well, it IS Mike Loader...
"Travelers checks got stolen. I need a loan. Big one."
"How much?"
"*whisper*"
"That _is_ a big one.
Megs: Feh, he's lying.
Ryoko: Whassa matter? Loan envy?
Megs: ...
70% interest, componded daily."
"Deal."
***
*ring*
"Nekohanten, is Shampoo."
"Hi! Can I speak to a Khu Lon, please?"
Megs: o/~ Khu-Khu-kachoo missus Saotome, heaven holds
a place for those who pray, heyheyhey,
heyheyhey o/~
"Moment!"
"..."
"Hello?"
"Mrs. Khu Lon? This is, er, Tsen Wu from the Japan-China
Business Beneficial Society. It's my honor and privilege to tell
you that you've just won a free, all expences paid trip to
Tahiti, where you'll be escorted by male underwear model Rip
Thrud."
"Really?"
Ryo: No, really.
"Quite."
"I'd love to, but the restaurant..."
"Indeed. As part of the service, we'll be sending a
replacement worker down to deliver the ticket."
"Well. It has been quiet of late... very well, I accept."
"Wonderful! Our replacement will be down there tomorrow.
Good bye, and congradulations."
"Good bye."
*click*
* * *
"Ryouga Hibiki?"
Ryo: KILL!
"Who are you?"
"A friend. We have a mutual enemy. Saotome."
"Grrr... Ranma...."
"Yes. It's sad how he abuses Akane. She hides the bruises
well, but..."
"HE'S BEEN BEATING HER!"
Ryo: Enough foreplay! Where's the blood?!
"Among other things. It's frustration over the curse, I think."
Megs: (in Dr. Ruth mode) Zzzexual vrustrazshun iz a vary
zerious zing, yez?
"I'LL KILL HIM!"
"Indeed. First, though, wouldn't you like to learn a
devastating new technique?"
"Eh? From who?"
"Me."
"Heh. Heheheheh."
Ryo: Wahahahahahaha!
*BAP*
Ryoko: Don't make fun of Mikey-chan!
"Something amusing?"
Ryo: Mike Loader? Martial arts? What would this be,
martial arts journalism? 'Beware my scathing pen'?
"You don't exactly look like a martial arts sensei."
Ryo: Understatement of the year.
*BAP*
Ryoko: Quit it!
"I'm not. Don't know a thing about hitting people. But I do
have a technique you can learn."
"Okay. Let's hear it."
"This was invented by the mystical sensei RpM, and is known
as the Bakusai-Ten-Satsu."
Ryo: What the.... HEY! HEYHEYHEY! DAMN YOU! DON'T GIVE
AWAY MY TECHNIQUES! RpM-san gave it to ME! MEMEME!
"Don't you mean 'ketsu'?"
"No. See, the reason bones don't explode is because of the
soft flesh in the way. Hit the bone with a needle, though,
bypassing the flesh..."
Ryo: Curse you Mike Loader! You will pay for this!
"Ha. Hehahahahaha! Ranma, tonight you burn in hell!"
"Indeed."
Ryo: And Mike will join him there. Soon.
DAY TWO
"Hi, I'm the replacement. Mrs. Khu Lon?"
"Yes."
"Your ticket. Have a nice flight."
"Thank you, sonny. Shampoo will show you the ropes."
"Indeed."
Ryo: Gullable, isn't she?
* * *
"Aiyah, you shitty worker."
"Sorry. I'm a journalist, not a scullion."
Megs: (in trekkie mode) Dammmit Jim, I'm a journalist, not a
cook!
"You work harder."
Megs: A Mike Loader: Love Slave moment?
Ryo: As if. Everyone knows he's tied up with the infamous
Bartran...
Ryoko: What?!
"Indeed. So, who do you think's going to take advatage of that
magic locket of Saotome's first?"
Megs: o/~ Magic Locket! o/~
"Magic locket?"
Megs: o/~ Of loooooooove! o/~
Kyoko: Sah-hay what?
Megs: o/~ Magic Locket! Of looooove! o/~
Kyoko: Awright!
Ryoko: No singing!
Megs: Sheesh, guess she's not a funk music fan.
Kyoko: Fuu.
"Haven't you heard? Strangest thing, really. Saotome got this
magical locket with the power to resurrect suicides, since a
side effect of it was to cure his curse while he wears it."
"That not sound bad."
"Trouble is, the bearer of the locket must immediately
marry anyone he revives with it."
"Oh. Aiyah! Is true?"
Ryo: Remember, Kyoko-chan, these are the kind of people you
take advantage of when you get older.
Kyoko: 'cuz they're stupid?
Ryo: Very stupid.
"Yup. Don't know who would be stupid enough to risk it aside
from Ukyou."
"What! Spatula Girl kill self?"
"Not yet. She's waiting for the family tanto to arrive. It'll be
at least a day."
"Aiyah! Ranma marry her to save life!"
Ryoko: Y'know, even though she's stereotyped as a bimbo,
I'm amazed how stupid she is here.
Ryo: Never underestimate the stupidity of a woman.
****WHAP****
Ryoko: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!
"Yup. I hear Akane's trying to work up the courage for it as
well..."
"Is horrible!"
"Yeah. Ukyou was worried that you'd steal a march on her
before the tanto arrived, but I told her no-one would risk that
much just for love."
"..."
"Oh my. What are you doing with that knife?"
Ryo: Bloodbloodblood!
Kyoko: Killkillkill!
Ryoko: Oh boy.
"Shampoo have Ranma!"
"Indeed. I can't talk you out of this?"
"No!"
"Oh. Drat. Well, at least write a note I can take to Ranma
explaining things."
"Is good idea. *scribble* Here."
"Thanks. Happy dying."
Ryo: Let's gooooo!
* * *
"let's see. Type note to each of Kunos... Shampoo has vital
information on each of their loves, meet at Nekohanten at one
and one-twenty respectively. Type note to Mousse from
Shampoo. Hrm...
Ryo: Hey! Where's the blood scene?!?!
"Dear Mousse,
The Kunos have dishonored and defiled me. I kill myself in
shame. They will arrive to inflict more horrors upon my body.
If you loved me, as I secretly loved you, send them to hell.
-Shampoo"
"Forge signature from other note, put new note by body,
wait for Mousse."
Ryo: Learning yet?
Kyoko: Yep!
Ryoko: Stop being a bad influence on her, Ryo.
Ryo: (innocent look) Who, me? It's Mike Loader that's
turning her into a psychotic, I say.
* * *
"NO! SHAMPOO!"
"It was horrible, man. I couldn't stop her."
"WHY! WHY?"
"Indeed. I think the Kunos, ah, abused her. Real sickos. Kinky
stuff."
"THEY DIE!"
"Well, it's almost one now..."
"Hark! Blue Thunder demands to see Shampooarrrrrgh."
Ryo: Woohoo! Violence!
"I say. You stuck at least seven knives in his stomach. And is
that a meathook?"
Kyoko: Yaaaaaay!
Ryoko: You guys are sick.
Ryo: Why YES that IS a meathook!
"Yes."
Ryo: Ba-bing!
"How quaint."
Kyoko: Kawaii!
"I think he's dead."
Megs: (in trekkie mode) He's dead, Jim.
"That would be my hypothesis as well. Better move him to
the meat locker before Kodachi shows up."
* * *
"AHAHAhAhahaHA! Where is Shampaaauuugh."
"Indeed. Eight knives this time."
Ryo: (clapping) Very good, nice aim.
Kyoko: Wai!
"And a training toilet."
Kyoko: Waiwaiwai!
"I noticed. Nice touch."
Ryo: *sniffle* Beautiful. (wipes tear from eye)
* * *
"RANMA! DIE!"
"Yo, pig boy."
"Bakusai Ten Satsu!"
"Don't you meanAAAAAUGH! MY ARM! YOU BLEW MY DAMN BONE
UP!"
Ryoko: (staring at Megs) What? What are you laughing at?
Megs: (snickering badly) He blew Ranma's bone, heheheh...
"Hah!"
"I.. my arm... ohh... I might be maimed for life!"
"Hah!"
"WELL, YOU WILL BE TOO! DIE, PIG!"
"Hahuh-oh..."
Ryo: DIERYOUGADIE! DIERYOUGADIE!
* * *
"Hello, police? A Chinese immigrant just went insane and
murdered two people with a knife."
"*What address?*"
Ryo: Again, lovely handiwork here.
Megs: Yeah, all that's left is for him to have sex with
Nabiki.
* * *
"It was horrible, officer. He just snapped."
"Really? I can believe it. We've had complaints before."
"Think it'll be the death penalty?"
"Considering the victim's family, and the fact that he's
Chinese? Almost certainly."
"What a senseless waste of human life."
"Yeah. We already had to take two kids to the hospital. One
had his arm blown upo from the inside, if you can believe it."
"Think they'll live?"
"Yeah, probably."
"Hrm."
Ryo: Ooh, problem.
* * *
"Let's see, what sort of stuff does Cologne have back here...
potions, love serum, instant nannichuan, instant
nyannichuan...hmm... hardly be a SI fic without trying that out.
Universal spice, sleeping drug..."
Megs: And so, Mike Loader went on to immitate the book
"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", embarking on a
ten hour chinese drugfest...
DAY THREE
"Kasumi Tendo?"
"Yes?"
"I'm terribly sorry to hear about what happened to Ranma."
"Oh dear. So sad, that was. I hope he gets better."
"Indeed. Anyway, Mrs. Igawa down at the market said you
were making... hrm, what for dinner?"
"Miso soup."
"Yes, that was it, and she sent me to give you this special
seasoning for it. As a gift in sympathy."
"Oh dear. I don't know..."
"Here, I brought a bit. Taste."
"Mmm. Oh my, that IS good."
"Isn't it?"
"You said you had some for the soup?"
"Here you go."
* * *
"Good soup, oneesan."
"Thank youaaaaaugh*splut*"
"Hey! Kasumi just fell in her soupaaaaugh*splut*"
*splut*splut*splut*
*creeeeeak*
"How incredibly gullible."
Ryo: Hey... HEY! HE JUST POISONED KASUMI!!!
All: HE'S GONNA DIE!
* * *
"zzzzzzhuh? What? Why am I tied up?"
"Hi, Akane."
Ryo: Oh. Just put them to sleep. Okay.
(Collective Muhoshin 4 put away their weapons)
"Who are you?"
"Big fan. We're going to do a little taping session."
"Go to hell."
"See this knife? See Nabiki, here? See her fingers?"
*slice*
"Nine more. Shall we begin?"
Ryo: Oooooohyeah. A little of the ultraviolence.
"You're insane."
"Yeah. Ain't it cool?"
"You also do a horrible Travolta imitation."
"Indeed. Well, no-one's perfect."
Megs: o/~ I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you! o/~
Ryo: Ewww, Grace Jones music?
* * *
"Okay, you have the two tapes. Are we bait for Ranma, now?"
"Don't be silly." *splash*
"What are you doing?"
"Covering you, the others and the house with gasoline."
Ryo: o/~ Come on baby light my fire, come on baby light my
fire, time to set the night on... FIIIIIRE! o/~
* * *
"Yes, 119? I'd like to report a fire... no, it's pretty bad... been
burning at least ten minutes. I think some people were trapped
inside..."
* * *
"Hi, Ranma?"
"Ow. Who are you?"
"No, don't get out of bed, you must be hurt pretty badly."
"Stupid Ryouga."
"Indeed. Ah, Akane Tendo sent you this tape."
"Yeah? What's on it?"
"No idea."
Megs: *click* "Oh yeah, Mikey! Push it! Push it! Oh!
Oh! Yeah! Ye-"
*****WHAP*****
Ryoko: That's disgusting.
*click* "Hi, Ranma. Gee, this is awkward, but... now that
Ryouga finally beat you... I can admit that I love him. And only
him."
"WHAT?"
"*I've... known about him being P-chan. That's why I slept
with him. And, well, I mean slept. It eliminated the need for
birth control."
"Augh."
"*I hope we can still be friends. I'm going to go visit Ryouga
now. I hope he's not too hurt to... perform. Bye!"
"Gee, tough break, man."
"Go away."
"Sure thing."
* * *
"Quick application of instant nyaniichuan... hmm, weird...
exchange trenchcoat for candy-striper's uniform..."
Megs: Mike Loader as a girl... that is... er...
disturbing.
Ryo: Re-defines the phrase 'Mikey-chan', doesn't it?
* * *
"Mr. Saotome?"
"Who cares."
"Your medication, sir."
*Gulp*Glup* "Yeah. Okay."
"Goodnight."
* * *
"Hi. I'm new here, could you direct me to Hibiki Ryouga's
room?"
"Resucitation team to Saotome's room, stat!"
"You're busy. I'll find it myself."
* * *
"Mr. Hibiki?"
"Yeah?"
Ryo: AND NOW YOU DIE!
"An Akane Tendo told me to give you this tape."
"Akane! Here!"
"Enjoy."
"Have we met, miss."
"Indeed. Afraid not. Got to run, bye."
*slam*runrunrunrunrun*
*click* "You bastard, P-chan. I hate you. You filth..."
*runrunrunrunrun*
*BOOM*
Ryo: (standing and applauding) ENCORE! ENCORE!
BRAVISIMO!
Kyoko: Waiwaiwai!
Ryoko: Ryouga died?!?! MIKE NO BAKAAAAAA!!!!
* * *
"Damn. What happened?"
"Must have been some sort of bomb. The survivors say they
heard someone yell something like 'Shishi-hokeyham', and
them, boom."
"Huh. The guy in the room live?"
"Hell no. Half the building fell on him. You know him?"
"Only in passing."
Ryo: And now for a replay of that fun, fun moment. (clicks
on remote)
<footage of building collapsing, sound of Ryouga screaming>
Ryo: (wipes a tear from his eye) And again.
<footage of building collapsing, sound of Ryouga screaming>
Ryo: Oh, so classic. One more time.
<footage of building collapsing, sound of Ryouga screaming>
Ryo: Aaaah. Just onc-
Ryoko: AHEM.
Ryo: Ah. Well then, on with the show.
* * *
Mike frowned. "Well, that's everyone."
"You can end the fic now."
"Hello?"
Ryo: Not yet, Loader. You still have to kill the Sailor
Scouts.
-------------------------------------------------
See? Apply your devious, vicious little minds to your avatar, and you
don't _need_ immence power.
Ryo: Which is why evil always wins over good.
Ryoko: Huh?
Ryo: Because good is stupid.
-Mike Loader
-Not looking forward to the next round of the Revenge Wars.
All: Revenge Wars?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
===================
-rpm