On Mon, 27 Jul 1998, Gary Kleppe wrote:

	Blah blahblah All feedback welcomed and encouraged blah blah
On-list responses preferred blahblahblah previous chapters on website
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html

Hi Gary!

	Blahblahblah, IRC blahblahblah, Nekoken blahblahblah, Akane
blahblahblah, even blahblahblah! 

	Well, enough chit-chat.  Onto the C&C!

		     HEARTS AND MINDS PRELUDE THREE
		       KUNO KODACHI: THE CONTEST

Okay, this is prelude is for Kodachi, right?  So, where is she?  Your
other preludes focus on the thoughts and past experiences (HaM indeed!) of
the characters in question, yet we see only a little of that here.  Most
of the important scenes seem to belong Akane.  *She's* the one who grows
here.

Another good piece of writing, but one would think that Kodachi would
have a little more presence in her prelude. 

	The Kuno mansion stood on the outskirts of Nerima, as it had for
many generations. Building sections of widely varying size and shape
framed a lushly wooded central coutryard. The mansion was a reminder of

	   ^^^^^^		 ^^^^^^^^^
Courtyard?

Lushly?  I think that plain 'lush' works fine.

	Kodachi leapt up onto a taller building, and looked down at the
passers-by on the street below. Many years ago, she had read a story
called "Flatland". It described a people who existed only in a flat,
two-dimensional universe. The people below reminded her of the ones in
that story. They walked along, confined to their two-dimensional
sidewalks and roads, while she was free to go where she wished.

*clapclapclap*

This is an excellent way of showing her outlook on life without spelling
it out.  Everyone on the FFML who told me that it's too hard, take a
look.

	The child-like instructor glared at Akane, taking a coin from
her pocket. "Ms. Tendo, I've told this class what would happen to the
next person who made an outburst."

Question: I thought that Hinako only drained battle-aura.  She may be very
concerned, but she doesn't seem to be in an active Kodachi-pulping mood. 
Would she still be giving off an aura? 

	"Yes!" Akane said to Kodachi. "I agree. And I'm NOT going to
lose."

Didn't she say she was determined *not* to agree with Kodachi's terms
during the classroom incident? 

	Suddenly, Ranma's eyes opened fully, as he sat straight up.
"I've got it! I know what to do."

Minor nit.  Ranma's eyes opened?  When Akane's the one asleep?  How about
a line with Ranma beginning to drift off?

was empty before the half-cup mark was reached. "There isn't enough! How
are we supposed to do this!?"

<snip>

	"AAARRRGH!! How am I supposed to do this?!?" Akane crushed the
now empty box in her fist.

Are you sure you want to ask the (almost) exact same question twice in a
row?

	[Konu-Letter]
	your son has not fared better at his kendo.

I thought that he was the undefeated Kendo champion of Furinkan High
(until Ranma came along, that is). 

	Now she had returned. In the intervening years, she'd acquired
some simply delightful little surprises.

	She almost had to feel sorry for her dear brother. All those
years in training, and she still beat him as if he had been a novice.

Uh-huh.  But how?  I can't think of anything offhand that would help her
improve so quickly over Takewaki, who's been undergoing real combat
training, as opposed to gymnastics.  She evades him without dirty tricks
in the intro.

Maybe she stuck herself in a pit of yowling cats, wrapped in fish
sausages?  (That makes two, Brian...^_^)

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...