This is a quite simple C&C. Just 2 notes and I'll be on my way.

#1 -  All relevant disclaimers apply . Note: This story is loosely based on
a role-playing campaign I am currently running. I am writing this in order
to explain some thing's to my self (and eventually my players) as well as to
explore some idea's that my players slaughtered. Plus, you can't really do
character development in a role-playing game, and I would like to try. I am
doing this for fun, and anybody who doesn't like that can e-mail their
objections to Kami-sama@heaven.gov.

C&C - While I applaud you for writing this fic based on an RPG
campaign(which is almost like a story), the above statement is a bit of a
problem. You see, character development is something which should exist in
all stories(except lemons). Throwing out character development is like
putting a nice large torch to your work and watching it burn. Sooner or
later, the characters will seem hollow and not worth the time of the reader.
I'd like you to take Chris Davies' Together Again saga for example. His
original characters have a lot of development and with that, I feel for them
through their hard times. Last part of this number is this: If you
understand the fact you have no character development, don't include notes
such as this. It came off as arrogant or uncaring to me and that ruins my
want to read any story released by you.

#2 - Quick tip more than C&C. Please don't paste HTML messages or attach
HTML to your letters. I kept having to close the Geocities Popup while I was
selecting your fic.


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We know how to get an internal high
In the centre of the lightning speed waltz
See our soul struggling to survive
As we head down for the self distructive edge

Sayonara to intrusive noise
No more childish play and no more toys
We know how to get eternal life
While we feel and sense mother natures strong might - Information High

-Hayama Akito moeru@intersurf.com


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