THE SCENE: A small house consisting of one room. OKAMI is watching a
small TV. He turns to talk to someone offscreen.
OKAMI: Hey, hurry up. It's starting!
KURT: (Sitting down next to OKAMI) All right! I thought this had gone
off the air.
OKAMI: Nah, it just took a while. Speaking of which, when are you gonig
to start on "Of Wolf and Ranma" Part two?
KURT: Ah, heh heh heh, let's just watch the show, OK?
Around Ukyou's, there was ocne again the large crowd of
people gathered at her okonomiyaki shop. They weren't there
for the food, though they certainly did buy a fair enough
amount to keep her happy. They were there to watch another
installment of "The Real World: Tokyo".
At first, it was a bit annoying having her rivals there
every week, but they _were_ buying stuff from her so that
made things tolerable.
And then the Furinkan High crowd in general started
joining in. Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri, Yuka and all the
others began making it a point to be at Ukyou's every Friday
evening to catch the show.
There were very perilous moments where extreme property
damage risk jumped up, like when that hussy Nuku kissed
Ranma. Ukyou dented her stove in rage, and the others were
in a far more volatile mood.
Nabiki still hadn't found out where Ranma was, and this
was irritating everyone even more.
KURT: The studio must have excellent security. Usually this kind of
stuff is no problem for her.
OKAMI:(Starts looking nervous)
However, nothing could be done until Nabiki came through,
so they had to settle for watching Ranma every week with two
beautiful girls (not as beautiful as them, of course), and
a cute girl that could turn into a sexy woman (not as cute
or sexy as any of them, of course).
KURT and OKAMI: Of course.
"QUIET!" yelled Ukyou. "SHOWTIME!"
KURT: Do we have any popcorn?
OKAMI: We would, but I haven't been able to go job hunting yet,
remember?
KURT: Ahem. Sorry.
==============================================================
http://www.uh.edu/~rpm/sw/index.html
=The [sur]Real World=
Writer: RpM
Story Concept: Isabel A. "Izzy-chan"
Advisory Board: The Fanfic ML
-M- Productions
PART 7
Love Is In The Air
or
That Introspection Thing
==============================================================
[picture of the house from the front, with all seven of the
cast members standing in front of it.]
Voiceover: You've seen them at work
[clip of Ataru zooming down a street, delivering takeout.]
Voiceover: You've seen them at play.
[clip of Ataru bowling, hitting a strike]
Ataru: YES!
Voiceover: You've seen them at home.
[clip of Ranma in the kitchen]
Ranma: Hey man, we're outta soda!
Ataru: <off screen> Go out and buy some more!
Ranma: YOU go get it, ya lazy bum! You were probably the one
that finished it!
Voiceover: You've seen passion.
[clip of Nuku kissing Urd]
[clip of Nuku kissing Kyosuke]
[clip of Nuku kissing Ataru]
[clip of Nuku kissing Washu]
[clip of Nuku kissing Ranma]
OKAMI: Friendly, isn't she?
KURT: You'd know...
OKAMI: What's that supposed to mean?
KURT: (Evile smile) Nothing.
==============================================================
It is said Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
The women in Ucchan's weren't exactly scorned, but their
fury was really close...
"Mark another one," said Hiroshi.
Daisuke went to the nearby chalkboard and put another mark
next to the words 'RANMA OFFENDING ALL THE GIRLS'.
There were plenty of marks there.
OKAMI: Yes, I've noticed he has a tendency to do that.
KURT: You haven't seen anything yet.
==============================================================
Voiceover: You've seen conflict.
[clip of Ataru being punched through a wall by Nuku]
[clip of Ataru hung by his feet from a branch from a tree]
Voiceover: You've even a little of their hidden side.
[clip of Mamoru in a tuxedo, frozen in a block of ice]
Ataru: <off camera> Heya, Tux-boy!
Voiceover: But you haven't seen the world from their point
of view... until tonight.
==================== the interview ========================
scene: an empty room, curtain hanging in the background,
with a single chair in it. Ranma is currently
sitting in it, looking a bit nervous.
Ranma: Um, gosh. <scratches the back of his head nervously>
It's... been kinda neat, I guess. I mean, it's the
first time I've lived without my pop, y'know?
The roommates... the other guys... yeah, I guess
they are kinda weird. But I'm used to weird.
Really.
KURT: That's an understatement, if ever I heard one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Living room. Washu, Ataru, and Ranma are lounging
around.
Ataru: So this Tenchi guy, he's got two girls after him?
A pirate and a princess?
Washu: Mm-hm.
Ataru: That's nothing. I've got... let's see... Oyuki-chan,
Ran-chan <for a moment, Ranma looks somewhat ill>,
Benten-chan, Sakura-chan, Ryuu-chan, Shinobu-chan...
OKAMI: This Ataru guy really gets around.
KURT: Not really. As far as I know, most of these girls hate his guts.
Ranma: Yeah, right.
Ataru: <grinning confidently> You're just jealous.
Ranma: Yeah right. There's nothing you got to be jealous
about.
Ataru: <grinning> It's okay, really. Not everyone can be
as manly as I...
Ranma: <irritated tone> Hey, there's no way you're more of
a man than me.
Ataru: You're the only guy I know that wears rubber gloves
when he washes dishes.
Ranma: Hey! Lemme tell ya, I've got more girls after me
than you'll ever get!
OKAMI: He's probably right, If what I've seen is any indication.
KURT: It is...
Ataru: <smugly> Oh-ho, sounds like a challange to me...
Ranma: Huh?
===========================================================
The girls remembered that episode, and not too fondly.
"He's definitely gonna pay for that," said Ukyou.
Shampoo and Kodachi nodded solemly.
Akane grit her teeth.
"He is just so dead," said Daisuke dryly.
Hiroshi nudged Daisuke. "Hey, tally it up."
Daisuke stood up, went over to the nearby chalkboard, and
put another mark next to the 'RANMA OFFENDS ALL THE GIRLS'
tally.
"How much is that total?" asked Yuka.
Daisuke tallied up the marks. "That makes it... forty."
OKAMI: FORTY!!? Oi, Saotome definately needs to learn to watch his
mouth.
KURT: So why don't you tell him that?
OKAMI: Maybe I will.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Bowling alley. All seven roommates are there,
dressed in traditional 'bowling alley' garb.
Ranma: Hey Nuku, your turn.
Nuku-Nuku: Hai!
<Nuku-Nuku picks up a bowling ball, then looks at the
bowling pins. For a moment there is a short flicker of red
>from one of Nuku's eyes, then she throws the ball down the
alley. It flies straight from her hand to the pins, not
touching the wood, and smashes into the pins. There's a
spectacular crash and some wood chips fly into the air.>
Ranma: Um... Nuku?
Nuku-Nuku: Hm?
Ranma: You don't havta throw it that hard.
Nuku-Nuku: Oooh.
OKAMI: O_O
KURT: Get used to it.
OKAMI: Why? I don't even know this girl.
KURT: Don't be so sure...
OKAMI: Huh?
KURT: (Rolls his eyes and whistles)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: The kitchen. Ranma, Kyosuke, and Ataru are sitting
around the table and looking stressed.
Ranma: What ELSE can go wrong?!?!
<There is a sudden POOF and RANMA becomes a small
disoriented wombat.>
KURT: He should have known better than to ask that.
OKAMI: Yep.
Ataru: Uh oh.
==============================================================
"Yea, others hath done unto him what he had done unto
others," said Kuno.
"Since when did he turn you into a wombat?" asked
Daisuke.
==================== the interview ========================
Ranma: Cranky? I don't get cranky. And no, I don't have
aquapha... aquaf... I ain't afraid of water.
OKAMI: I beg your pardon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Front of house. Ataru is rumpled on the floor,
bits of something plastic are scattered around
him.
Ranma: <from off camera> I said NO SQUIRTGUNS!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Living room. Six of the seven housemates are there,
dressed in beachwear. Ataru is noticably
appreciating Urd-in-a-swimsuit, while Urd
is leaning over Ranma, who is not dressed for
the beach.
Urd: C'mon, don't be such a stick in the mud. <Leans
in seductively> Let's get wet.
Ranma: <blushing slightly> For the last time, no!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Front Hallway. Ataru's looking through the mail.
Ataru: Let's see... fan mail for Urd, fan mail for Urd,
more fan mail for Urd, more.... hrm. What's this?
<lifts up box> "Jusenkyou Products, One <1> bar
Kou-sui soap." What's this fo-
Ranma: <hand emerges from off-screen> Gimmie that!
<grabs box, leaves>
Ataru: Hey, what's with the soa-
Ranma: <from off screen> None'a your business.
Ataru: <blinks and looks off-screen> Jeez, picky about
his soap...
OKAMI: I gotta remember to get some of that.
==================== the interview ========================
Scene: An empty room, curtain hanging in the background,
with a single chair in it. Ataru is sitting in
it, relaxed and calm.
Ataru: Do we get along? Oh yeah, just fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Backyard, facing the back of the house. Suddenly,
there's an explosion of flying wood and debris.
Ataru's face smashes into the camera.
OKAMI:(wincing)Oooh.
KURT: Ah, he's fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Roof-cam. Birds are chirping, a small cloud floats
by, Ataru explodes from the roof and flies
off-camera.
OKAMI: This guys seems to be a stickler for punishment.
KURT: Oh, you noticed?
==================== the interview ========================
Ataru: Ah, the ladies. They're so... different, yet each
beautiful in their own unique way. Like Washu-chan.
One minute, short pest. Next minute, scientist
of love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Kitchen. Ataru is rummaging through the
refrigerator, his face and arms buried in it.
Washu walks in.
Ataru: <Rising from the refrigerator with a glass in hand>
Aaah, fruit juice.
Washu: Hm? <Looks at the glass> Hey, wai-
***POOF***
<Ataru explodes into a million pink bits of sand.>
Washu: *Sigh* Gotta remember not to leave my experiments
in there.
OKAMI: He's not dead, is he?
KURT: Ataru, dead? That's a good one.
==================== the interview ========================
Ataru: And Urd? Ah, if there was a Goddess of Love, she'd
be it. *sigh*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Hallway outside bathroom door.
<Urd emerges, clad in a large white towel that's loosely
wrapped around her. Cleavange and leg show in fan-service
proportions.
OKAMI and KURT: (Smiling stupidly)
Her hair is also wrapped up in a white towel.
She saunters to her room with a slight amused look at the
camera, then closes the door.
<A moment later, Ataru strolls by Urd's room, pauses, takes
a step back, then contemplates the door for a while. With
a lecherous grin he peeks into the keyhole.>
***ZAP**
<Ataru stands, burnt and dazed.>
Ataru: This.... seems all too familiar.
==================== the interview ========================
Ataru: Nuku-chan? Young, peppy, and bouncy! She even
kissed me, y'know? Oh yeah, she's definitely
got a crush for me. <Ataru-esque chuckling>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Front doorway. Nuku is cheerfully on her way out.
Ataru is cheerfully on his way in.
Ataru: <happily> Nuku-chan!
Nuku: <happily> Ataru-kun!
<Nuku suddenly punches Ataru through the roof.>
Nuku: Ara... Nuku-Nuku thought Washu-chan fixed that...
OKAMI: Geez, he didn't even do anything that time.
KURT: THings like that tend to happen to Ataru. (Sigh) Poor bastard...
==================== the interview ========================
Ataru: The guys? They're okay, I guess. Ranma's a little
slow sometimes. Way too easy to fool. A real
grouch, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: All three at the dinner table. There's a single
slice of meat left on a plate at the center. Ranma,
Kyosuke, and Ataru eye each other warily, all with
chopsticks poised to strike.
Ataru: <points dramatically behind Ranma> What's that?!?!
<Ranma and Kyosuke turn to look. Ataru nabs the last piece
with lightning speed.>
OKAMI: C'mon! That's the oldest trick in the book!
KURT: Nevertheless, it works sometimes, especially against the paranoid.
OKAMI: Lucky thing I'm not paranoid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: The same, except with a single slice of sushi left.
Ataru: <points dramatically behind Ranma> Hey, isn't that
one of your fiancees?
Ranma: Aaagh! <turns around quickly.>
<Ataru swipes the sushi.>
KURT: Hey, how'd that guy in the black suit get in here?
OKAMI: WHERE!?(Instantly jumps into a fighting stance)
KURT: (Smiles and shakes his head) Not paranoid indeed...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: The same, except with a can of cola on the table.
Ataru: <points dramaticall behind Ranma> Look out! A
rocket!
Ranma: <scowls at Ataru> I ain't falling for tha-
<Nuku suddenly blazes through the room>
Ranma: -at... um..
<A rocket suddenly blazes through the room, plowing into
Ranma and sending them both out of the room. Ataru
blinks, then looks off-screen to where Ranma and the rocket
flew off. There's a crashing noise, then silence.>
Ataru: <snatching the cola casually> Tried to tell'em.
OKAMI: Of course, another thing that makes this trick effective is that
you can never be sure if the guy's telling the truth or not.
KURT: At least not in anime, you can't.
<Kyouko and Arisa, the agents fro Mishima Heavy Industries,
dressed in powersuits, peek in.>
Arisa: Excuse me, did you see a rocket go by here?
Ataru: <points behind him> Over there.
Kyouko: Ah, the warhead didn't go off. Another dud.
Arisa: Akiko's not gonna be happy about that.
==================== the interview ========================
Ataru: Kyosuke? Only other normal person in the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: kitchen table again, at night. All of the
residents, except 'Tux-boy', are there.
Ranma: No fiancees?
Kyosuke: Um, no.
Ataru: No aliens?
Kyosuke: Nope.
Ranma: No rivals looking to beat you up?
Kyosuke: Not really.
Urd: <Glancing at the camera first with a mischievous
grin, then turning to Kyosuke> No complicated love
triangles?
Kyosuke: <twitches slightly> Aheheh, of course not!
OKAMI: Makes me glad I have an uncomplicated love life.
KURT: (Attempts to look innocent and fails completely)
Nuku-Nuku: Want fish?
Kyosuke: Maybe later.
Washu: Well, seeing as how you appear to be a perfectly
normal, well-adjusted young man, you're either
perfectly normal...
Ataru: Mm-hm.
Washu: Unlike the other boys here.
Ataru & Rama: Hey!
Washu: Or you're a serial killer.
<entire room facefaults except Washu and Nuku>
==================== the interview ========================
Ataru: What, you mean Tux-boy? <scowls> One of those
rich brats. I know the type. They take everything
too seriously.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: Hallway, morning. Ataru and Mamoru are walking by
each other.
Ataru: 'Morning, Tux-boy.
Mamoru: Shut up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: Kitchen. Nuku is cooking at the stove.
Nuku: Good morning, Tux-boy-kun!
Mamoru: Ngg.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: Front door. Urd is walking in, Mamoru is
walking out.
Urd: Hey, Tuxy.
Mamoru: Please, don't call me that.
Urd: <pinches Mamoru on the cheek> But it's so cute!
Just like you. <she winks>
KURT and OKAMI: Ugh.
==================== the interview ========================
SCENE: Mamoru is in the chair this time, looking a little
flustered. One hand covers his eyes and he is
slumped back in irritation.
Mamoru: You just had to show that, didn't you.
KURT and OKAMI: ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Various scenes of Mamoru leaving the house in a hurry>
==================== the interview ========================
Mamoru: What can I say? I've got a busy life, okay?
No, it's none of your business.
OKAMI: Now here's a guy I can relate to.
KURT: Too bad he's from the one of the worst anime worlds in existance.
OKAMI: Yeah, too bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Living room. The phone rings, bringing Ataru into
the scene to answer it.
Ataru: Hello... who? Mamo-what? Oh. Hold on. <puts
phone down> YO! MAMO-CHAN! YOUR KID'S ON THE
PHONE!
Mamoru: <from off-screen> SHUT UP!
Ataru: <looks at the camera and winks> Tux-boy here's one
cradle-rocking cassanova, eh?
Mamoru: <his arm emerges from off-camera and grabs the
phone from Ataru> Give me that!
==================== the interview ========================
Mamoru: My relationship with my girlfriend? That's
private and personal, thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Living room. Light jazz is playing in the
background. Urd is sitting on the couch,
reading through letters. Washu walks by, then
pauses to look over Urd's shoulder.
Washu: Oh, the advice columns?
Urd: Yep.
Washu: Lemme see a few?
Urd: Sure.
==================== the interview ========================
Scene: Urd's now in the chair, smiling happily at the
camera.
Urd: Hi there, everyone! Happy to see me?
<cut to scene outside of studio, where a fairly large crowd
with Urd t-shirts, posters, and signs is standing and
chanting her name>
KURT: Gah. Fan-boys.(Shudder)
Urd: <grins wider> I knew you were. <expression becomes
neutral> Now, let's see... where to start...
ah, the boys. <smiles again> They're a fun little
bunch of neuroses, that bunch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Living room. Ataru is lounging on one couch, laid
down, while Urd is on the other couch sitting
upright. Ataru looks somewhat agitated.
Ataru: Fear of committment?
Urd: Fear of committment.
Ataru: Oh come on!
Urd: Nope. That's exactly what you've got. Massive,
overwhelming fear of committment.
Ataru: No, that's not it. Not at all.
Urd: Okay, let's say you get this harem of yours,
with Lum, Benten, Ran, and all those others.
Ataru: <does that odd laugh of his and grins> Mm-hm?
Urd: Now, tell me you'll be content with it.
Ataru: Of course I'll be content wi-
Urd: Be content with that harem and NO other women.
ONLY that group of girls.
Ataru: Well, hey, I won't <pauses a moment, then looks
doubtful> I mean, hey... <looks somewhat disturbed>
I'm... sure... well...
Urd: See what I mean? Fear of committment.
Ataru: Ah...
KURT: It's kind of surprising he and Ranma don't get along.
OKAMI: Maybe because they're too much alike.
KURT: I'm sure Ranma would LOVE the comparison.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Much like before, except with Ranma, who looks
a bit horrified and a little angry.
Ranma: Uncomfortable with my sexuality?!
Urd: Mm-hm.
Ranma: No way!
Urd: Well, there's the way you're overly macho all the
time, hm?
Ranma: Yeah, so?
Urd: It's as if you're trying to say "I'm a man! Really,
I'm a man!".
Ranma: Well I AM a guy!
Urd: Yes, but you overdo it.
Ranma: I do not!
Urd: It's almost as if... <looks thoughtful> As if
you're hiding something, a side of yourself.
KURT and OKAMI:(Evil chuckling)
Ranma: H-hey, that ain't-
Urd: I dunno, maybe it's not my business, but...
are you... <looks briefly at the camera>
well... you know...
Ranma: What are you... <realizes what she's hinting
at> No way!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Same setup, but with Kyosuke.
Kyouske: <blinking with suprise> Too uptight?
Urd: You've really gotta loosen up.
Kyouske: Really?
Urd: Anyone ever tell you that you're really uptight?
Kyouske: Ah, not really, no.
Urd: You're the oldest child, right?
Kyouske: Well, yeah, but-
Urd: Figures. You feel like you've gotta be
responsible for everything, right? Always
had to watch over your siblings, always
had to make sure things are going okay.
Kyouske: I guess...
Urd: Now, that's not a bad thing. Not really, no.
I mean, not enough young people are responsible,
but there comes a time when you've gotta unwind
a bit. You'll end up with an ulcer at the rate
you're going.
Kyouske: I'm that wound up?
Urd: Mm-hm.
Kyouske: <Silent for a moment> That's all, right?
Urd: Well, there's also your massive fear of
committment <Kyouske's eyes widen in panic>
and the way you get hopelessly tangled up
by indecision <Kyouske smiles nervously>
but we won't go into that now. <Kyouske
sighs in relief>
OKAMI: He seems like a nice guy.
KURT: I wouldn't know. I've never met him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mamoru: Antisocial? <raises an eyebrow>
KURT: And the winner for "Understatement of the Year" goes to...
Urd: Kind of obvious, I think.
Mamoru: I am NOT antisocial.
Urd: You're also quite introverted and have a hard time
expressing your feelings.
Mamoru: I'm just a private person, that's all.
Urd: C'mon, open up a little. Keeping everything
inside isn't healthy, y'know.
<Ataru's head pops into the edge of the screen>
Ataru: Don't forget the Lolita complex. <pops out of
the scene quickly>
KURT and OKAMI: (More Evil Chuckling)
Mamoru: Shut up!
Urd: Oh yeah, the Lolita complex.
Mamoru: Now wait a minute!
Urd: I'm not saying I'm against the relationship. I
think it's rather sweet. But you've gotta admit
she is kind of young.
Mamoru: I don't believe this...
==================== the interview ========================
Urd: The other ladies... they're more normal than the guys.
OKAMI: How's that?
That's about all I can say. Washu? Hrm... real
career-oriented. I don't think she's ever sat back
and done nothing... well... until recently.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Living room. The lights are down, except for the
television. Urd and Washu are on sepearate couches
and with bags of potatoe chips and bottles of sake.
KURT: "Potatoe" chips?
OKAMI: I had no idea RPM was really Dan Quayle. ^_^
Washu: So, this is doing nothing, huh? Seems kinda
pointless.
Urd: Anyone ever tell you you're a workaholic?
Washu: <mouth half-full of potato chips> Mmm, no.
Urd: <blinks, looks at her feet> Eww.
Washu: What?
Urd: I stepped on some weird pink sandy stuff in the
kitchen.
OKAMI: I don't feel so good...
Washu: <grins nervously> Oh, aheh, really?
==================== the interview ========================
Urd: Nuku is... she's energetic, I guess. I don't
think any other word sums her up. No, wait,
cheery kinda does the job too. Always brings her
friends in to play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Kitchen, morning. Urd, Washu, Kyouske, Ataru, and
Ranma are there, eating breakfast peacefully.
In the background, sounds of gunfire can be heard.
Urd: Another couple of minutes, you think?
Ranma: Mmm... maybe sooner.
<They stop to listen to the gunfire for a moment, then
resume eating.>
Kyouske: Um, am I the only one a little worried here?
Ranma: You ever see her fight?
Kyouske: Well, no, but...
Ataru: Trust me, she's not in trouble.
<A small explosion shakes the room. Kyouske is
visibly worried, but the others take it in stride.>
Urd: Must be finished.
Washu: She's getting a little slow.
Urd: Just playing with them, I think.
<Nuku enters, along with a soot-stained and worn looking
Kyouko and Arisa, the two henchwomen of Akiko Natsume,
enter with her looking slightly embarrased.>
Urd: So, have fun?
Nuku: <nods enthusiastically> Mm-hm!
Washu: <gestures to Kyouko and Arisa> Have a seat, join
us for breakfast.
Arisa: I dunno...
Urd: It's not like you haven't before.
Kyouko: Well, okay. Still got any of that special blend
coffee, Washu-san?
Washu: Ahem.
Kyouko: I, er, I mean, Washu-chan?
==================== the interview ========================
Scene: Same setting, only with Washu in the chair
Washu: What do you want me to say? What? The others?
<frowns and rubs chin> Hmm... what is there to
say? They seem like a perfectly normal bunch
to me. Nice people. Ataru... great electricity
conductor, that kid. Ranma's got great reflexes.
Urd, she's great for manipulating male hormone
levels. Nuku's always willing to help out on
my experiments. Nice bunch of people, yes.
KURT: Nice, but completely insane.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Living room. Washu is sitting on the couch
staring at a test tube full of pink sand.
Washu: Hmm, now this I wasn't expecting.
Kyouske: <walking by, pauses and looks at the tube>
Another experiment, Washu-chan?
Washu: <with irritation> It WAS.
Kyouske: What's it supposed to be?
Washu: Well, it used to be Ataru.
Kyouske: What?!
<Mamoru walks by>
Mamoru: See you later, guys. <notices Kyouske's
shocked expression and Washu's tube>
What's that?
Washu: Ataru.
Mamoru: <pauses> Figures. Later, guys. <exit Mamoru>
<Urd strolls by, pauses, frowns and wipes her feet
on the carpet, lifts a leg up to look at the sole of
her foot>
Urd: This stuff just won't come off. <exit Urd>
Washu: <big sweatdrop> Oh boy.
KURT: Ugh.
<Ranma enters the room with a bag of chips and a
drink.>
Ranma: Hey guys, where's the remote?
Washu: By the phone.
Ranma: <pauses, notices Kyouske's shocked state, shrugs,
and gets the television remote control. Sits
down, opens bags of chips, lifts drink to lips>
Washu: <suddenly notices Ranma's drink> Wait, don't
dri-
*** POOF ***
<Ranma explodes into a million pink bits of sand>
Washu: <sighs> Oh my.
Kyouske: ...
KURT: (Hands OKAMI a soda.) Here ya go.
OKAMI: (Nervously) No thanks, I'm not thirsty.
<Nuku enters the room>
Nuku: Hi! <steps forward when a sandy sort of *crunch*
is heard> Hm? <Looks at the floor> What's this
pink stuff?
OKAMI and KURT: (shudder)
==================== the interview ========================
Scene: Nuku sits at the chair this time
Nuku: Nuku-Nuku is so happy to have so many friends!
Nuku has learned a lot. About kissing, and cooking
and friends. Papa-san and Mama-san will be so
proud of me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: Hallway. Ataru and Nuku are cheerily going down one
way, Ranma and Kyouskedown the other. Ranma looks
suspiciously at Ataru.
Ranma: So where are you two goin'?
Nuku: Nuku-Nuku and Ataru are going to take a bath!
OKAMI: Doesn't have much in the way of scruples, does he?
KURT: Not when it comes to women, no.
<Ataru nods vigoriously while Kyouske stares at the two of
them. Ranma, meanwhile, is not amused.>
RANMA: <Grabs Ataru by the ear and drags him away> C'mere,
you!
ATARU: Owowowow! Hey! Cut it out! Find your own bath
partner!
NUKU: Where's
KYOUSKE: Um, Nuku, let me explain something about baths...
==================== the interview ========================
NUKU: <happy smile> Nuku likes them!
<Pauses, listening to a question the tv microphones
don't pick up>
Nuku like them a lot!
<Listens to something inaudible to the camera yet
again, then looks puzzled.>
In other words? Um...
<Nuku sits there, finger over mouth looking
contemplative.>
Um...
<Long pause..........>
KURT: Why bother with an elaborate response when a few words will do the
trick?
==================== the interview ========================
SCENE: Kyouske under the spotlight in the big chair.
Kyouske: <scratches the back of his head, smiles nervously>
Aheh, gosh, what to say? I'll admit, they're kinda
weird....
KURT: And our runner up for "Understatement of the Year"....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: Backyard. Ataru and Kyouske are watching Ranma
violently attack a canvas with a painbrush tainted
with many mixed colors.
Kyouske: <looking a little unsure> Martial Arts
Expressionism?
Ataru: I should be surprised. I'm not surprised, but I
should be.
OKAMI: I find it much too easy to empathize with that statement.
Kyouske: <to Ranma> And you say someone challanged you?
Ranma: Yeah, some guy from some weird art college.
Kyouske: And you don't think this is strange?
Ranma: <shrugs> Not really.
<A door appears from nowhere next to Kyouske. It opens and
Washu leans out from it, holding a telephone.>
Washu: <To Kyouske> Got a phone call.
Kyouske: <blinks at Washu, unnerved slightly> Um, thanks.
<Puts phone to ear> Hello? Oh, hi boss. What?
You want me to cover what? Um... okay.
<hands the phone back to Washu.> Thanks.
Washu: No problem. <Washu closes the door, which vanishes
soon after.>
Kyouske: Looks like I'm covering your match for the paper.
Ranma: Yeah? Hey, that's cool.
Ataru: INCOMING!
<The three boys duck as a missile zooms right over their
heads. A moment later, Nuku runs by happily. A moment
after that, something large, metal, and black streaks
through the scene, leaving a whirlwind in its wake.>
<Kyouske staring off camera to where Nuku left, bewildered>
Ataru: Man, I hate it when they do that.
Ranma: Aw man! They burned my canvas!
OKAMI: I wonder how long it'll be before I'm completely desensitized to
weirdness.
KURT: With what I have planned, it shouldn't take too long.
OKAMI: Aw, man...
<Urd strolls into the scene, slaps Ranma in the rear as she
walks by (getting a startled "HEY!" from Ranma), then
props an arm up on Kyouske's shoulder and leans lazily on
him.>
Urd: Hey, heard you had an assignment from the chief.
Kyouske: How...?
Urd: <smiles> I just know stuff. Mind if I tag along?
Kyouske: Um, sure, no problem.
<Mamoru wanders into the scene, looking on the ground as if
searching for something.>
Mamoru: Hey, has anyone seen a rose lying around here
somewhere?
Urd: Nope.
Ranma: Haven't seen it.
Kyouske: Sorry, no.
Ataru: <whistles for a moment while tucking a rose behind
his back> Nope, can't say I have.
==================== the interview ========================
Kyouske: Kinda weird, but they're really normal people.
What's that? The pink sand thing? Oh, well,
you'd have to ask Washu about that.
==================== the interview ========================
Washu: What? The pink sand thing? Jeez, I'm never going
to live that one down, am I... How'd I fix it?
Well, first I carefully collected the... er... bits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: Washu moving all over the house with what appears
to be an Atomic Vaccum Cleaner.
==================== the interview ========================
Washu: And after that, I sifted through the elements,
determined what went where....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: In Washu's lab. Washu is standing before a dazzling
array of tubes, wires, and beakers. Urd is peeking
over her shoulder.
Urd: So, how do you tell which one is which?
Washu: Well... first of all, there's this...
<Washu puts her hand in a tank full of water and pink
bits. Some pink bits float away immediately from her
hand, others aren't affected at all.>
Washu: If I'd guess, I'd say that's Ataru's bits that
are the ones moving away from my hand.
Urd: Away? A lecher like that? I'd think he'd cling
to you.
Washu: He would, I guess, except he still remembers the
little experiment I did on him a few weeks ago.
Urd: Oh, the one with the metal probes?
KURT:AAAHHH! TOO MUCH INFORMATION! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
Washu: Yep. And there's more. Watch this.
<Washu goes to a vial and turn a dial underneath.>
Washu: Get the water cold enough, and some of the crystals
turn blue. Get it hot enough, and some of the
crystals turn really red. Some, but not all.
Urd: <nodding sagely> I see, I see. But which is which?
Washu: They're the same bits that don't run away from me,
so I'm assuming it's Ranma. I wonder why, though.
OKAMI and KURT: (rolling their eyes and whistling)
Urd: <Shrugs> Mysteries of life. So you're doing all
this <points to the many tubes and vials filled with
pink stuff, and in some cases blue stuff> to sort
out who's who?
Washu: Not really.
Urd: <facefaults> Then what's all this for?!
Washu: <shrugs> Scientific curiosity.
OKAMI: (Facefault) NANI!?
KURT: Ya got me. Scientists give me the creeps.
Urd: And what about sorting those two out?
Washu: Oh, easy. I just run'em through the DNA sifter here
<she pats a machine that resembles a high-tech,
featureless washer> and that's that.
==================== the interview ========================
Washu: Of course, in any procedure, things can go wrong...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE: Two cylinders filled with smoke are at the center of
the dark room (Washu's lab, yet another section)
with Urd and Washu standing nearby.
Washu: Aaaand presto! <presses a button>
<The two cylinders rise, revealing a very dazed Ranma and
a very dazed Ataru.>
Washu: See? Piece of ca-
Ranma: Urd-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
<Ranma *GLOMPS* Urd>
KURT: Oooh, the girls aren't gonna like this.
OKAMI: (shakes his head) not one bit.
Urd: Yow!
***ZAP***
Ranma: <Now fried> U-urd-saaaaan... *thud* <falls over>
Washu: *sigh* Back to the tubes, you two.
--------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS AND LEGAL JARGON
OKAMI: Is that all of it?
KURT: Wait for it....
White Wolf, most recently, and many others who've been
patiently waiting a year for this to come out n.n;;;;
anybody else on the fanfic ML that Rod M. forgot. Don't
mean Rod don't appreciate ya, it's just that there's a lot
of you out there. =)
OWNERSHIP 'n stuff
The Real World is done by some guy at MTV.
Ranma 1/2 & Urusei Yatsura created by Rumiko Takahashi.
Kimagure Orange Road created by Matsumoto Izumi
Sailor Moon created by Takeuchi Naoko.
Tenchi Muyo created by Hiroki Hayashi
All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku created by Takada Yuuzou.
Ah! My Godess! created by Fujishima Kosuke
--------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Nuku is sitting in the chair, still looking
thoughtful.
Nuku: Um....
<camera fades out with Nuku still looking contemplative,
Ataru in tuxedo holding a rose suddenly runs by in the
background, chased by a furious Mamoru.>
Mamoru: GET BACK HERE!
Nuku: Um...
- e n d p a r t 7 ( r e a l l y ) -
KURT and OKAMI: Heheheheheh
Notes and rambling:
Well, this was my first MST, I hope you enjoyed it. Interestingly
enough, The (sur)Real World was the first fanfic I ever read. It
eventually led to reading and ultimately writing anime fanfics. I would
like to thank RPM for writing this thoroughly enjoyable series, and
await the next installment with bated breath. As well as the next
installments of "The Pursuit of Happiness" and "Converging Series"(hint
hint ^_^). To those of you who want to know when part 2 of "Of Wolf and
Ranma" will be here, all I can say at present is that I don't know for
sure. Rest assured, however, that I will be writing more of it at a
future date. In th meanitme, I offer this as a meager substitute. As
usual comments go to kaldar87@hotmail.com.
If my sanity asks, I was never here.
Kurt Markuson.