This started off as a much shorter, one joke story and morphed into what
you see here.  This is the whole story that I wrote in my (heh) spare
time.

Enjoy and tell me what you think!!

Jennifer


It's a Hail of a Story!  
by Jennifer Califf

A short, bald man sat in a huge leather chair staring at a blipping
radar screen.  He reached over his desk to a single red button and
pushed it.  A woman's voice was heard on the intercom.

"Yes, Mr. Plotz?"

The man rubbed his sweaty hands together in trepidation.  

"Nurse, send in the Warners.  I have a job for them."  Suddenly the door
to Mr. Plotz's office burst open and three small figures careened into
the room.  One of them crouched on top of his head, another curled up in
his arms, and the third stood on its head atop the radar screen.

"You rang?"  they all said at once.

"GET OFF ME!!"  Mr. Plotz screamed at the top of his lungs, his arms
flailing about in anger.  

"Awwww."

The two children? who were on Mr. Plotz quickly jumped down and stood in
front of his desk.  The third continued to stand on its head.  

"Get off that!  It's an expensive piece of equipment!"  Mr. Plotz
yelled. 

"Okay," the little doglike boy said, sounding disappointed.  He joined
the other two in front of Mr. Plotz's desk.  Mr. Plotz stood up and
faced the three, regaining his composure.

"There is a reason I have called you three here.  I want you to look at
that screen," he said, pointing to the radar.  The three doglike
children, the Warners, all turned and looked at the radar.  From nowhere
they pulled out popcorn, candy and sodas and all three were suddenly
sitting on pillows on the floor, staring intently at the radar screen.  

"This is boring,"  the girl said.

"Yeah, change the channel!" complained the one who had been standing on
his head.

"Okay!" said the tallest, and pulled out a remote control.  He clicked
and instead of a radar image on the screen there appeared an image of
Godzilla destroying Tokyo.  

"Yippee!!  Go GOJIRA!!" they cheered.  

"CHANGE THAT BACK!!" yelled Mr. Plotz.  He was having serious second
thoughts about this.

After much yelling and monkey-business, the radar was restored and the
three Warners stood again in front of Plotz's desk.  He addressed them
again.

"I have an important job for the three of you," he said, "and I think
that you are the only ones who can do it."

"Wow, we're flattered," quipped the tallest one, while all three
mysteriously became two-dimensional.  Ignoring them, Plotz continued.

"That radar shows the location of the seven mystical Dragon Balls.  I
want you to get them for me."  The tall boy turned to an imaginary
audience, waved, and said, "Goooodnight everybody."

Elsewhere, a small flying car sped along through a desert.  A young boy
with a tail sitting on a small yellow cloud flew alongside the car.

"Are you sure we're going the right way to get the last Dragon Ball?"
asked Yamucha, an incredibly handsome young man with dark hair who was
driving the car.

"Of course I'm sure!  My Dragon Radar says the Dragon Ball is just ahead
of us, and I built it so I know it's right!"  Bulma, a curvaceous young
woman with light bluish-purple hair, sat in the passenger seat.

Son Goku, the young boy on the cloud, looked around in confusion, then
looked up into the sky.

"Hey Bulma, isn't it getting awfully dark?" he asked.  

"Goku is right, it is getting darker," added Yamucha's shape-changing
cat, Puar, "It's spooky, like someone blotted out the sun." 

"I don't like it!" whined Oolong, the shape-changing pervert pig, as he
tried to hide under the seat.

Bulma looked up as well, then grabbed the wheel of the car from Yamucha.

"Yamucha, stop the car!" she yelled.

Yamucha, in a moment of sheer panic, slammed on the brakes as the car
swerved off the road.  It was a good thing too, because at just that
moment a giant black anvil the size of a bus slammed into the road where
they had been driving moments earlier.  Yamucha, Bulma, Puar, and Oolong
were thrown from the car which turned over and rolled to a stop.
Fortunately for Bulma, she landed on top of Yamucha (which was doubly
unfortunate for him when she slapped him for being a pervert).   Goku,
who had watched the entire thing from the safe vantage point of his
cloud (air brakes), jumped off to see if everyone was safe.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked as he went around helping his friends up.
Then he scowled and looked up at the sky. "That's really dangerous,
dropping anvils like that!"  

"That's right, and it's gonna get even more dangerous if you don't hand
over the balls," said a mysterious voice that seemed to come from
everywhere at once.  Actually, when Goku and friends looked around they
noticed several sets of audio speakers and a certain Warner brother with
a microphone who winked and remarked, "Surround sound."

"Wh-who are you?" asked Bulma fearfully.  She held the bag containing
her 5 Dragon Balls tightly.  The little dog-boy pointed to himself.

"I'm Yakko.  He's Wakko," he said, pointing to Goku's cloud.  On it the
was another Warner, this one wearing no pants, who was reclining,
sprawled across the cloud as if it were a hammock.

"Oooh, cushiony softness," he said drowsily.  The hair on Goku's tail
bristled.

"Hey, you, get offa my cloud!" Goku yelled at him.

While Goku tried to shoo Wakko, the third Warner appeared snuggling up
against Yamucha with her arms wrapped tight around Yamucha's neck.  

"And I'm in love.  Helooooo hunk!" she said as she hugged him even
tighter.  Yamucha, meanwhile, was paralyzed with emotion, and that
emotion was fear.  For as long as he could remember he'd had a horrible
fear of women.  He could barely stand to be near them and it had taken
days for him to be able to sit next to Bulma in the car without
fainting.  

"That's Dot," finished Yakko, "and we're the Warner Brothers!"

"And the Warner Sister!" chimed in Dot from her perch on Yamucha's
chest.  Then she added seductively, "I'm the cute one."

"Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. . .." stuttered Yamucha, a look of
sheer terror in his eyes.  

"No time to sing," Yakko said, "although I do love that commercial.
They should have kept the chair."

"Definitely!" chimed in Wakko.  Goku was getting frustrated chasing the
little Warner around, and he pulled out his magic expanding staff.  He
commanded it to grow, and suddenly the stick lengthened from about 2
feet to 20 feet.  Wakko whistled appreciatively.

"Now that's an impressive stick!" he exclaimed.  Goku tried to hit him
with it, but Wakko managed to dodge it and ended up standing on it.  

"What the. . ..?" Goku shook the staff, trying to dislodge the little
Warner, but all to no avail.  Wakko paid no attention to Goku, but
seemed to be examining the staff.  

"I'll be the other guys you meet must all have staff envy," he added.
Goku shook the staff again, and when he looked Wakko had disappeared
from the end of the stick.  

"Where did he go!?" Goku asked and spun around searching for Wakko.  As
Goku turned around Wakko stood right behind him, matching him move for
move.  At last he grabbed Goku by the tail.  "Not fair!!" Goku cried as
he lost consciousness.  

Faster than her eyes could see, Yakko appeared right in front of Bulma.
He leaned in next to her.

"Now who, may I ask, are you?  What's your sign?  Are you single?  Are
you available Saturday night?  Would you like to wear my nightshirt?  Do
you prefer pepperoni or sausage?"

Bulma felt her fear evaporate and turn into rage at this strange little
creature who was coming on to her.  

"Why you little . . .." She tried to push Yakko away but he deftly
avoided her.  The next thing she knew, she was wearing a silk evening
gown and Yakko was wearing a black tuxedo.  

"I love it when the lady decides to lead," he said as he waltzed with
her, "and I'll follow you anywhere," he added smugly.  He spun around
quickly, letting go of Bulma so that she continued to spin until she
landed dizzily on the ground.  

"That's enough!" Puar shouted, hovering in the air next to the still
dazed and always cowardly Oolong.

"Come on, Oolong, we have to do something!"  Oolong looked up at the
cat, then looked at the Warners.

"I'll do something alright," he said, "I'm getting out of here!"  Oolong
turned into a bird and tried to take off, but Puar grabbed him and threw
him back to the ground.  "Oh no you don't!" Puar scolded as the chicken
turned back into a pig.  

"Hey, you guys are pretty good," commented Yakko who had watched the
entire scene.  "You should consider a career in showbiz."   Puar blushed
bright red at the compliment.

"Do you really think so?" he asked, "I mean, I've never had any real
training or experience."

"Forget about it, you're a natural!" Dot added, still clinging to the
now catatonic Yamucha.  "You should stop by the studio some time.
They're always looking to hire funny animals."

Bulma, dressed in her regular clothes again, finally recovered enough to
stand up.  She suddenly realized that something was missing.  She
checked her pockets and looked all around on the ground, but they were
gone.

"The Dragon Balls!" she exclaimed.  Bulma seemed to glow with dark
energy.  Unflinching, she marched up to Yakko and grabbed him by the
front of his pants, hoisting him up so that he was facing her eye to
eye.  

"What did you do with MY Dragon Balls!?"  she demanded.  Even Yakko
seemed to shrink under her heavy glare and he shrugged and pointed back
over his shoulder.  

"We're going to play croquet," he answered.  Behind him Dot and Wakko
had 6 Dragon Balls on the ground and were pulling mallets out of Wakko's
big bag of stuff.  Yamucha and Goku were lying on top of each other.
Goku was slowly recovering.

"I get to be the Lone Star," Dot called, holding the 1-star Dragon Ball
and suddenly sporting a cowboy hat and boots.

"I'd rather play bocce," Wakko said, and tossed a small white ball.

"Wait a minute!" Bulma cried, "How did you get the 1-star Dragon Ball??"

"Oh, that?" Yakko commented, "I took it from Plotz's office.  I thought
it would make a nice paperweight, but it kept rolling around."  

"That's the last Dragon Ball!!" Bulma squealed.

"But I thought there were supposed to be seven Dragon Balls;"  Puar
commented, "they only have six."

"Goku has the 4-star ball, remember?" Bulma answered.

"Are you talking about my granddad again?" Goku asked groggily.

"Goku, let me borrow it please!!" Bulma begged, "I'll give it right
back, I promise!"

"I don't know.  I don't trust these guys."  Goku fingered the little
pouch that held his grandfather's Dragon Ball.  

"Pleeeeeeeease?"  Bulma begged,  "This is our chance to make a wish!!"

"A wish??"  The three Warner sibs all seemed suddenly interested.  

"What kind of wish?" Dot asked.

"Any kind you want!" Bulma answered excitedly, "But we only get one, so
we have to choose carefully."

"Well, I guess you can borrow granddad," Goku said uncertainly and he
took out his grandfather's Dragon Ball.

"That's your grandfather?"  Yakko asked incredulously, "Um, kid, I hate
to tell you this, but you and your granddad don't look anything alike.
Are you sure you're related?"

"What do you mean?" Goku asked.  He stared at the Dragon Ball in his
hand as though he was trying to understand some hidden mystery.

"Never mind that!" Bulma answered, "Just give me the Dragon Ball so we
can summon the Dragon."  She snatched the Dragon Ball out of Goku's hand
and put it with the rest of the Dragon Balls on the ground.  The Dragon
Balls seemed to resonate with some kind of mystical energy.  

"Now what?" Wakko asked.

"Now I say the magic words to summon the Dragon," Bulma replied.  The
three Warners started making suggestions.

"Open sesame?"

"Please and Thank You?"

"Ala-peanut-butter-sandwiches?"

"Moon Crystal Power Make-Up?"  

"PUAR!!" Oolong snapped.  

"Sorry, I couldn't help it."  The cat smiled at the thumbs-up he
received from the Warners.

"NO!" Bulma sighed.  She was starting to get very tired.  

"COME OUT, DRAGON!!!"  Bulma chanted.

"Is that all it was?" Dot asked, disappointed.  

"No creativity," Yakko sympathized.  Wakko belched.

"Sorry," he said as all eyes turned to him.

The day grew dark as black clouds filled the once blue sky.  Lightening
flashed among the clouds and created brilliant arcs, like a metal fork
in a microwave oven.  The wind blew forcefully, almost knocking Bulma
off her feet.  A palm tree appeared and the three Warners clung to it as
they were lifted from the ground by the wind.  Oolong tried to hold onto
Puar who was in danger of being swept away.  However, just as he was
about to let go, Yamucha (once again conscious) grabbed them both and
held one under each arm.

"I've got you!" He shouted against the wind.

"Master Yamucha!!" Puar yelled happily.  Oolong just grunted.  Then,
just as suddenly as it had appeared, the wind disappeared and a huge
green dragon appeared, wrapping itself around the sky.  It was VERY
impressive.

"Wow.  That's really amazing," Goku breathed.

"What an entrance!!" Yakko exclaimed.

"Yeah, that more than made up for the lousy magic words!" Dot added.

"I WILL GRANT YOU ONE WISH!!"  the dragon bellowed and the whole earth
seemed to shake.  

"WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DESIRE!!  ANSWER ME!!!"

"Okay, we only get one wish.  We have to make it a good one," Bulma said
excitedly.  At that moment Goku's stomach growled loudly.

"I'm hungry," Goku said wistfully, "I wish I had all the food I could
eat."

"Yeah!  Me too!" added Wakko.

"NOOOO!!!!" Bulma shouted, but it was too late.  The Dragon's eyes
glowed brightly and it reared its head like a wild stallion.

"YOUR WISH IS GRANTED!!" it intoned, "FAREWELL!!!"  Even more quickly
than it had come, the Dragon disappeared.  The Dragon Balls glowed
brightly and started to rise into the air.  Then they suddenly flew off
in seven different directions, disappearing into the distance.  The
skies cleared and the group of stunned travelers and Warners stood in
eerie silence.  

"Granddad!!"  Goku cried, "What did you do with my Granddad!!" he
demanded, bearing down on Bulma.

"I didn't do anything," she replied, backing away, "and anyway, you
wasted our wish!!  I was going to wish for a cute boyfriend!!"  

"Give me back Granddad!!" Goku insisted.

"Well, that was different," Dot mused as Goku and Bulma continued to
argue in the background.

"Yep, definitely different," Yakko agreed. 

"So what are we going to tell Mr. Plotz?" Wakko asked.

"We'll tell him that a giant dragon appeared and stole them.  It's the
truth so he's got to believe it,"  Yakko answered.

Just then a banana hit Yakko in the head.  He bent down to pick it up
and heard a plopping noise next to him.  It was a grapefruit.  He looked
up in the sky.  

"RUN!!" he shouted and started to sprint.

"What?"  Goku and Bulma both stopped arguing.  Everyone looked up in the
sky in horror.  

"OH, CRAP!!!"  Yamucha, still holding Puar and Oolong, realized that
they wouldn't be able to get away in time.  He noticed the overturned
car and called out to the others, "Quick, get under here!"  

Everyone except Wakko and Goku scrambled to squeeze under the car as the
hail of fruits and vegetables began to pour from the sky.

"Look, it's a Crenshaw melon!" Wakko shouted happily as he swallowed it
whole.  

"FOOD!!" Goku shouted and ran out into the storm.  He opened his mouth
to the sky and caught as much as he could.  He then sat down and started
to eat happily, oblivious to the food bouncing off his hard head.  

And there was much rejoicing.  Well, except among those who were trapped
under the car.  They spent the next two weeks slowly making their way
out of the desert while carrying the car on their backs.  At least they
didn't have to worry about running out of food!


THE END


Epilogue:

It continues to rain food in the desert, and Wakko and Goku are still
there, eating.  

After escaping from the desert, Yamucha renounced women and became a
monk.  He took a vow of silence but broke it three years later when Dot
finally found him.  He now lives at the Happy Hills Sanitarium and Sushi
Bar.  

Puar and Oolong got jobs as part of the Warner Bros. family.  After a
series of guest appearances on Tiny Toon Adventures,

"There you are my furry, funny-looking kitty!  I'm gonna love you and
hug you and squeeze you all to pieces!!  As for you, my stinky little
foul-mouthed, pig-faced man, I'm giving you a bath!!"

they joined the cast of Animaniacs as "Rita and Grunt", replacing Rita
and Runt who mysteriously disappeared somewhere in Germany.

Mr. Plotz is still sitting in his office. 

Bulma used her father's immense wealth to stage a hostile takeover of
Warner Bros. Studios, and now all the employees of the company work
under her. 

"Gooodnight everybody!"

Dragon Ball and characters are copyright Akira Toriyama and Bird Studio.
Animaniacs, Warner Bros., Tiny Toons, and all related characters are
copyright Time-Warner.
This story is copyright me, Jennifer Califf, 1998.  ^_^


jcaliff@nsai-petro.com       http://www.topher.net/~jcaliff/iserlohn.htm

"One of the mammals' evolutionary advantages was that they bore their
young alive.  As research has conclusively shown, animals that bore
their young dead generally got nowhere."
  --  _Science Made Stupid_ by Tom Weller