General comment: please, put a space between paragraph. It makes the
text a whole lot easier to read. Also, run it through a spell checker.
Grammar checkers and OOC checkers would be nice but they don't exist, so
I won't complain on that score.

Everyone seems to speak pretty much the same here. The dialogue seems
pretty flat. Even Shampoo's speech is barely different from the rest.
This is a tough one to get right, but without it, a story will sound
odd, especially if there is a lot of dialogue. Some people speak more
dramatically, some choose more formal words, some use sloppy
English/Japanese, some spray insults everywhere, and so on and so forth.
Even something as subtle as one character saying 'you and I' while
anotehr saying 'you and me' will make a big difference in those
character's presentation.

---
Rhialto

<engage toothpick>

This is my first fic, so keep that in mind when you start to think

"This guy

writes like an amiture!"

amateur

---Petes-kun

===================


A storm is brewing on a foreboding hill. As lightning strikes a light
reflects off a rusty old sword drove into the ground at the top. The

storm

grew stronger and almost drowned out a voice that can be heard in the

distance.

"Nothing truly dies."


Ranma 1/2 A Warrior Arises:  Part 1#  Scrap in Nerima!

By: Peter Detenbeck a.k.a. Petes-kun
_______________________________________________________________________

_____

All Ranma 1/2 characters are property of Rumiko Takahashi and all
characters introduced in this series are property of me.
_______________________________________________________________________

_____

China 1953

There was a storm that day too, only the storm was coming from a fatal
battle about to commence. There were four figures standing on a hill,

three

side by side and one standing alone with faith and courage as his

aides.

"So Maverick you have come like we requested, the final confrontation

is apon

So, Maverick,

us!" exclaimed one of the three as he leaned slightly on his halberd,

his

tall hat and long flowing robes were in the colors of ice and snow.
"How long has it been since you first fought each of us?" asked another

of

the three, this one wearing a cloak decorated like a stormy sky, his

round

straw hat tipped low enough for him to see yet his face was hidden by a
shadow.
"You I fought since '49." Maverick the lone warrior replied flatly to

the

You and I

cloaked one who's name was Ikazuchi.
"And you I fought since '50." He said to another of the three that

floated 3'

off the ground, his long hair draped over some of his face, his name

was

Halcyon.
"And you, since '51 I believe." he said to the last one who leaned on

his

weapon, this one was called Kouri. The lone warrior wore a sleeveless

black

shirt, a red bandanna tied around his neck, and a pair of gray pants.
Strapped at his side was a long well crafted samurai sword. His face

showed

the look of fear and determination wrapped together. His green eyes

burned

with hatred for these soulless warriors, who didn't care where the

blood

flowed from.
"Just give in and make your death painless. You'll never defeat us!"
Exclaimed Kouri as he started to get up from his position.
"I agree, I won't win and live." Maverick said as he unsheathed his

sword,

light brightly reflected off it.

reflecting

"So then you'll allow us to put you out of your misery?" Halcyon

questioned

as he looked up to get a last look at his foe.
"Oh no. I said I won't do it and live. I never said anything about not

being

able to do it and die." Maverick said as he stuck his sword deep into

the

ground, he looked up and they saw a grin that would spook the devil

himself.

"What... Do you mean?" Ikazuchi asked rather annoyed with Maverick's
arrogance.
"This." Maverick started to glow brightly and the warriors could then

tell

that his battle aura was rising to great proportions.
"Death blossom!!!" Maverick yelled as his glowing became blinding and

his

body felt weak. Then Maverick's battle aura grew and grew into a large
semi-circle of energy that began to engulf the hill. The three could do
nothing as they were like dear caught in headlights. Then suddenly the

blast

collapsed on itself revealing only a barren hill and a sword driven

into the

ground.


China Present day

China, present day (comma)

"Here sirs, we have come to the cursed hill of Xao Lin." said a guide
as the two travelers who hired him climbed up the hill after him.
"There very strange tale about it, happen many year ago. One day farmer

saw

the hill glow brightly and when he come here he only found sword. He no

take

out though, he think it cursed." the guide continued as the travelers

reached

the top.
"This the sword?" asked one of the men as he bent down and examined it.
"Hey this rust is flaking off! I don't recognize these letters." he

said as

he started to flake off more rust.
"Oh sir don't do that! It..." the guide was interrupted by the other

man

"Yeah we know cursed, you said that about the last two places and we're
still here." all of a sudden the sword became completely clear and

stated to

shine.
"Huh, I didn't touch the rest of the rust. And where is the light that

it's

reflecting coming from, the moon's covered with clouds." the man

inquired as

he stepped back from the sword, thunder seemed to be his answer.
"Oh dear."

***

Japan (two days later)

The passengers on the boat finished gathering their things and were
getting off. One lone man walking down the ramp look at his

surroundings with

curiosity. He wore a pair of brown pants and a large brown jacket.

Slung over

his shoulder was a large backpack loaded with travel supplies.
"<The world seems different now, slightly anyways.>" he thought as he

walked

down the ramp. He picked up a news paper from a pile. The date was what

he

found quite interesting, 1994.

***

"<So this is Tokyo. Make's me wonder why I left Tailand...>" thought

Thailand

Kuroimichi Mizu as he straitened his hat and walked off the boat.
"<Doubtful there's a big need for freestyle kickboxers... Well I can

still

put my skills to use, though it's not quite legal...>"
And with that thought Mizu, ran down the alleyway with plans that'll

keep him

'that would'. Also, it is bad form to use contractions outside speech
and quoted text.

fed for quite some time...

***

"OK, so that one ramen and tea." said Shampoo as she laid out a bowl
of ramen and a cup of tea on the counter.
"Thanks, man I'm hungry." the customer exclaimed as he snatched a pair

of

chopsticks.
"That'll be...hey what you doing?!?!" she asked as she saw the customer
running out of the cafe without paying.

My, he ate that quickly. You would think either the ramen or the tea
especially would spill, running like that.

"I'll pay my tab next time!" he yelled back as he got out the door and
shoveled the meal into his mouth.
"Hold it right there sonny boy!" proclaimed a small elderly lady as she

stood

in his way.
"*snicker* You're not going to stop me are you?" he said with a smug

look on

his face. The old lady then swung her stick in an ark trying to hit him

in

the head, the guy narrowly dodged the strike.
"Hah! That all you can do?" he said as he regained his footing now

standing

in a fighting stance, an little hint of mockery was in his voice.
"Oooh, so you want a challenge eh? All right then." she chuckled as she

also

struck a stance.
"You ready? Cause here I come!" he yelled as he charged her this time

with a

sword suddenly in his hands. The old lady leaped up dodging his charge

and

then she let loose a flurry of strikes from her stick, the man met

every

strike with a parry from his sword, he soon realized that her stick was
moving faster and faster, soon he couldn't see the stick anymore and he

only

knew when to parry when he heard the whooshing noise it made. She then

broke

off and just hung on the top of the stick and examined him.
"Well, aren't you going to attack?" he asked rather annoyed that she

stood

there just staring at him. Soon Shampoo ran up to the two stalemated

fighters.

"You're good, though I was going a little easy on you..." she finally

said as

You might want to replace 'she' with 'Cologne' here. After mentioning
Shampoo's actions, it confuses the subject.

she hopped off her stick and stood there on the ground.
"Well that's what I hoped I'd be." he said, only seaming to acknowledge

the

seeming

part about him being good.
"Listen I have a little proposition for you, if you'll accept I'll

forget

about the little food thing." she said as she walked closer to him, she

now

looked like a withered 2' tall child closer up.

'foot'. Measurement abbreviations are not appropriate in prose.

"Hmmm, what sort of deal?" he said as he followed her back to the cafe.

***

The Tendo household was having dinner, as usual Genma and Ranma were
eating faster than the rest. Things have seemed to calm down after the

whole

wedding fiasco, Ryouga has left on another training trip after five

times

trying to find the door, Cologne seemed to stop scheming to get Ranma

to

marry Shampoo and there hasn't been a visit from the black rose in a

while.

Everything seemed calm and normal for once. Too bad that their time in

the

eye of the tornado won't last very long.

wouldn't

"Aaahh, that was a good meal. I think I'll train a bit now." Ranma

exclaimed

Ranma normally trains before meals, not after.

as he got up off the floor and started for the sparring room.
"Why hello there son-in-law." said Cologne as she hopped in the room on

top

of her stick.
"What are you doing here you old ghoul?" Ranma said as he spun around

to face

the 300 year old lady.
"A customer was in my cafe today and he asked me to give you this." she

said

as she handed him a piece of paper.
"Dear Ranma, I challenge you to a fight. Meet me outside the dojo at

14:00..."

Ranma read out loud
"Signed Maverick."
"So who's this Maverick guy?" Akane asked as she got up to have a look

at the

note.
"I dunno, maybe another guy that has "problems" like Ryoga." He said as

he

handed the note to Akane.
"Hmmm, maybe he just heard of you eh?" Cologne said as she still stood

there.

"You know who this guy is don't you!" Ranma said as he lunged forwards

to

attack her. She hopped out of the way leaving him to fall onto the

ground.

"As a matter of fact I did mention your name to him." she said as she

landed

on the ground.
"He said that you sounded like a great chance to dust off his skills.

And

decided to challenge you." she then hopped closer to Ranma.
"You better save your energy for tomorrow, you'll need it." she said as

she

then hopped out of the house.
"I'll be ready for him you just wait!" Ranma yelled as he saw her

leave.

"Ranma are you sure you can defeat this Maverick guy?" Akane asked in a
rather worried tone.
"Don't sweat it Akane, he's probably just another amateur full of hot

air."

Ranma said but he seemed a little curious of how strong this guy is.

"Gee, thanks for the new clothes!" Maverick said to Cologne as he
straitened the red bandanna tied around his neck.

Clothes don't seem like the sort of thing Cologne might give out like
that.

"Yes, well you didn't look impressive in those dumpy clothes." she

replied

looking back and forth for Ranma. The new clothes Maverick wore were

dark

green pants, a black sleeveless shirt that had gold Chinese patterns

and trim

and he wore a red bandanna, not the one he used to wear but nice none

the

less. Maverick took his sword out of it's scabbard and started twirling

it

around one finger.
"You sure he'll come?" he asked still twirling his sword.

If it is outside teh dojo, it would be difficult for Ranma not to come.

"Oh don't worry, my son-in-law never gives up a challenge. He'll be

here."

she answered.
"Talking about me?" Maverick was startled by the new voice coming from

behind

him. He whirled around to see that the dojo gates were open and there

on the

other side stood Ranma.
"So you must be Ranma. Not very tuff looking." Maverick said as he

scanned

tough

him from top to bottom. Ranma was a little nervous when he saw what

Maverick

looked like. He had muscles slightly larger than Ranma's, his

appearance

seemed a little tough and grizzled and he stood over 6' tall, much

larger

feet

than Ranma, but then this guy's name sounded American so it was

expected, and

after all Ranma defeated fighters much larger than him before.
"And you must be Maverick." Ranma said back as he walked over to size

each

other up.
"Now that you've both met let's discuss the terms." Cologne said as she
hopped over to the two martial artists.
"So this was a plan of yours then!" Ranma said rather angrily.
"I'll admit that it was my idea to have you two fight, but you need the
training anyways." she said calmly

full stop.

"Now then, Ranma if you lose you must marry my great grand daughter..."
"Not that again!" Ranma interrupted.
"And, Maverick will get free meals at the cafe." she finished.
"All right, but I won't be held responsible for any low self-esteem

caused."

Ranma said smirking at Maverick.
"Begin!" Cologne yelled and the fight began. They started to circle

each

other, staring into each other's eyes.
"Hyaaa!" Maverick cried as he leaped up and went into a drop-kick.

Ranma

jumped out of the way and jumped up again as soon as he landed.
"Tenchiamiguriken!" Ranma attacked Mav' with a flurry of punches, but

with

equal speed Mav' blocked every punch.

Tenshi Amaguriken (spelling)

"Seishou bakufuu!" Maverick said as a burst of ki came from his
hands from his hand, narrowly missing Ranma.
"<Geez, this guy is tough! Better use the Saotome school final

attack.>"

Ranma then faked an attack and then broke off and ran.

The second 'then' is superfluous.

"<You can run but you can't win.>" Maverick thought as he chased after

him.

When Maverick finally caught up with Ranma he was standing on a fence

that

had a sewer line on the other side. Maverick wasted no time for his

chance

and he took out his sword and slashed into the air. Although the fence

was

out of the swords reach it still was cut in two.
"<Just as I hoped.>" Ranma thought as he fell into the water. Maverick

was

putting his sword away when all of a sudden a red haired girl leaped

out of

the water.
"What the?!" Maverick exclaimed as he now saw a girl in Ranma's

clothes.

He then charged the girl, striking between questions
"How'd you do that?" (punch)
"Answer me!"
(kick), little did he realize that he was chasing him in a spiral.

Ranma then

ducked low and gave Maverick a strong uppercut
"Hiryu shoten ha!" Maverick went soaring into the sky and was soon out

of

view.
"That'll teach you." said Ranma-chan as she ran back to the dojo.

Meanwhile at the dojo Cologne sat there waiting for Maverick to
return as the victor. Suddenly something fell out of the sky and into

the koi

pond behind her, up floated the body of Maverick.
"I take it you didn't win." she said dryly as she walked over.
"What happened? One second he was a he and the next he was a she?"

Maverick

said as he ringed his shirt out.

wringed or wrang

"If you stay in Nerima you'll find out." Cologne said as she walked

away,

Maverick new that she now held a lot of disgust for him.
"I think I will."

"Supper!" Kasumi called into the dojo where Akane and Ranma were doing
some more sparring. When Ranma walked into the living room his jaw

nearly

dropped.
"What is it Ranma?" Akane asked as she walked in from behind him.
Sitting there was Maverick.
"Ohiyo."

Ohayou or Ohayo

"What are YOU doing here!?"
"When he got out of the koi pond I offered him to stay for dinner."

Kasumi

blank mindedly said as she continued to set the table.
"Hey no hard feelings eh?" Maverick said as he stuck his hand out in

Ranma's

direction.
"Well, sure. I guess. so why are you here anyways?" Maverick picked up

his

chopsticks as he hungrily looked at the plate of rice and fish set in

front of

him.
"That's for me to know and for you to forget." Mav' simply said and

then he

started to scarf down the food at an alarming rate.
'Hungry boy' Mr.Panda's sign read.

Mr Panda (space)

"What style was that anyways?" Akane asked as Mav' stopped to sip his

tea.

"Well it's a combo of Tenchido and Dragon martial arts. Sort of the

forgotten

arts."
"Tenchido?" Ranma asked. Mav' gulped down the rest of his meal and
tea.

Somehow this doesn't feel right using Mav as a shortened form of his
name. It would not be so jarring if a character had already addresses
him as mav.

"You know "the way of heaven and earth", kinda a mix of Kempo and
Kendo. It originated in a ancient country that was assimilated into

Japan a

few hundred years ago (about 900yrs or more), too bad it was nearly

forgotten

if it wasn't for the last samurai of Kishoto."
(note: Mav'' doesn't mention this but Kishoto is the name of the small

country)

"How interesting." Kasumi blankly replied as she slowly ate her rice,

she

most likely didn't understand a thing he said but it was rude to not

say

anything.

Show, don't tell.

"So, are you from America?" Soun asked
taking his part to break the silence.
"Well I'm from Canada, most people mistake me for an American a lot

though.

By the way, Ranma what in the world was that you did to look like a

girl and

confuse me?" This question was unexpected and caught Ranma off guard.
"Well... You see, there was this place in China..."
"<Of course, China! Why is it always China?>" Maverick thought as
Ranma went through the story of how he and Genma became cursed.
"...And now me and Pop are stuck with this curse. *hmpf* Going to China
without knowing how to speak Chinese."
"You think I was going to waste all that training time to learn!?"

Who said this?

"Well it's all your fault!"
Maverick watched as Ranma and Genma began to fight.
"<Gee, and some people call me a "excessive agressor"...>"
"So will you be staying in Japan long?" Kasumi asked as she put her

bowl down.

"I'm not too sure... I guess when I feel that I should get going, I

will."

"Well you can stay here if you like. I'm sure that Ranma and Mr.Saotome

won't

Mr Saotome (space needed, stop not needed)

mind sharing the guest room." This got Soun a *little* peeved, he

didn't want

another freeloading, blackhole stomached, guest.
"Er, can't you stay in a vacant lot?" He asked with hope in his tone.
"Why father, he's a visitor to our country and that makes him a guest

to us

all. We should be hospitable." Kasumi said politely.

This feels contrived. Kasumi is kind, but not this much.

"Well I'm thankful that you're offering me a place to stay. I can sleep

on

the roof if it's allright." Maverick said motioning at the ceiling.

'alright' or 'all right'

"Allright," said Soun. Then he leaned towards Mav' "But you better not

eat

'alright' or 'all right', and Mav name again.

all our food like someone else.."
"Why Tendo, I had no idea you saw me in that light."
"Ah, Saotome... You know I was only kidding. *heh heh* Right?"
Genma ignored Soun who was trying to apologize.
"I'll get you a futon Maverick... Oh! I didn't get you last name."

Kasumi

said looking as if she insulted him by not asking before.
"Sorry, it's Kuro."

kuro is not a family name. It is a given name. Seeing as you have
researched some pretty obscure stuff, I'm pulling you up on this one.
But what is a Canadian doing with a Japanese given name as his surname
anyway?

Kasumi then left. Maverick glanced at the Tendous and Saotomes and

decided to

himself...
This is gonna be a weird few days!

"This is gonna be a weird few days!"

***

Korea (same time)

Villagers ran in fear as the tall, muscular, aged figure walked down
the road. His face devoid of all expresions. And his eyes staring at

some

expression, and

unseen subject. The anceint one has come down from the mountain after

ancient

centuries of seclution in his shrine. Though he is only known as

seclusion

'Anceint one' to the younger generations, but to the elders who's

ancesters

'Ancient One'

before them passed down their knowlege, he is called by his Japanese

name,

Tekkijidai, 'iron age'.
"For years I have waited for my chance to challange you, and now the

time has

come... Beware young Kuro! I shall be your down fall!"


End of Part 1#

=======================================================================

======

Next part: AWA prt.2# Maverick vs Ryouga: Dragon martial arts final

attack

=======================================================================

======

Author's notes:

Finally I'm done! I've been working on this since March. (pathetic,

ne?)

It's a rough start, but after part 3 I'll be more "gooved" into the

storyline.

I'm trying my best to make Mav' as un-Godly as possible. I don't want

this to

end up as one of those fics that people avoid like the plague.

Translations:

Seishou Bakufuu- Spirit Energy Blast
Tenchido- I said it before "the way of Heaven and Earth"
Halcyon- Calmness (it's English BTW)
Ikazuchi- Thunder
Kuroi- Ice

Please give me any C&C, all flames will be taken as criticism.



---Petes-kun
Founder of the SCG
Current Emperor of Jurai
Hoarder of Ranma hentai! H_H
http://www.angelfire.com/mo/scgcompound/index.html
"POW!!!" -Beastie Boys