Jonathan Ng <jonathan@worldy.com> wrote:
At 02:03 PM 7/20/98 GMT, you wrote:
This is my first time reading and critiquing this part, so I'll fire up the
old critiquing machine and get to work :)
Everyone oughtta have one o' those... :)
The customer finished eating and handed over his payment. "It
was delicious, ma'am. Much better than... that other place." Most of the
customers had learned long ago that mentioning the name of the other
place around Ukyo was a bad idea. "I wish we could afford to eat here
more often, but... damn recession..."
Hmm... Modern events (don't know if Japan's out of it yet, though Asia's
not in its best state right now)
This is seven years after the manga, so it's in the future relative to
reader time. (I once wrote up a timeline for the HaM series; someday
I'll find the bloody thing and post it on my web site.)
To think that she once dreamed that her food would one day be
world famous, that people from all over the world would be
coming here to taste her cooking. There was no way that that was going
to happen now.
Is there evidence from the manga that she wants that (Memory lapse) or it
something you made up?
It's an assumption on my part.
To Gary: Do you approve of genderless titles?
Sure.
Or you just didn't want to
write "hostess" because of the gender implications of the word?
Didn't think about it, really.
Now I forgot HaM's Ryouga prelude, but why is it the _Tendo_ dojo and the
_Hibiki_ Pig Farm? Ranma's not married yet, is he?
Ranma and Akane are married by the time Tatchi returns to Japan; you'll
see the actual wedding in prelude 5. Kuno calls it the Tendo dojo
because he's used to calling it that and he wasn't around for the
wedding. He says "Hibiki Pig Farm" because Shampoo informed him at some
point that Ryoga had become a pig farmer.
Seven years ago, Ucchan's had had all the customers its staff
and facilities could handle. It had been a time of simpler worries and
problems, though they seemed just as serious at the time...
Has Ukyou been keeping in shape? (i.e. training in between her work schedule)
Somewhat... not to the extent that she used to, tho.
"Tomorrow let's eat at the Otaku Bell. The food sucks, but at
Your choice of names scare me, Gary. :)
As well it should! WAHAHAHA! :-P
Pain. The pain was a weight that crushed down on Ukyo as she lie
in her bed, so heavy that she couldn't possibly push it away.
Do you *really* want to use pain that many times, Gary?
Um... it's only twice.
Akane won. Ranma had chosen again. He still liked okonomiyaki
better than Ukyo.
Wise words, Gary :)
Thankyew. ^_^
"You need to find someone else... someone who can love you the
way I can't. Please, Kon-chan... I don't want to see you hurt the way
Kon-chan? *Kon-chan*???
Hey, she's tired and distraught.
Months passed. The unexpected closure of the Nekohanten meant
even more business for Ucchan's. The restaurant's reputation spread far
and wide. Throughout Nerima and its surrounding areas, everyone knew
Ucchan's as a place for excellent food at reasonable prices.
How come that sounds familiar... like a Subway commercial...
Maybe, but in Ukyo's case it's true. :-P
So why doesn't Mikado kiss Azusa, anyway? :)
VERY good question, but one which I can't really get into in this
chapter.
I never knew Nabiki practiced law :)
As you'll see in prelude 9, Nabby is not a lawyer, but she's been to
business school and has therefore taken a course or two in business law.
*Sorry, Ran-chan. But I've learned something important about myself.
Add a star here :)
I was applying the "Same speaker continues into the next paragraph"
quote mark rule (even though they're not exactly quote marks, I think
the principle's the same.)
By all rights I should hate the result that Ukyou's in (Ukyou definitely
deserves better)... but you say it in a way which makes it impossible :)
Well, remember that this is only the second installment out of twenty.
It's still very far from over.
Excellent prelude... keep them coming!
Thanks! I appreciate the commentary.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics