While this started out as an enjoyable story, I have to agree with Philip
Mak on this:

Tone down the antagonism between the characters.  Even in the first few
stories of the original manga, there was enough "moments" between Ranma and
Akane to make it reasonable for Ranma to want to stay at the Tendo-ke.
There's none of that here.

I mean, there's no hint of a romance formaing between Akane and Ranma,
Nabiki is downright driving Ranma away, Kasumi is being surprisingly devious
for no reason, and Soun and Genma are...well..being themselves, 'nuff said.
He has no male friends since they're all hot for her (nice touch this -
right out of UY, very Takahashi-esque, IMO), all the female characters hate
him (once again, nice touch), and now Ryouga's there, and everybody's seen
him as male.

While I do agree that Ranma does have a strong enough sense of honor to stay
for that reason, I can honestly believe that unless he's giving some reason
to stay, he's NOT going to fight Cologne and Shampoo that hard...assuming
their role is similar to the one they have in the original manga.

You've got the feel of the story down rather well.  In fact, IMO, this story
reads a lot like how Ranma 1/2 would have been written by Takahashi if she
had used the same style as in UY.

Just my C&C.

--
Christopher 'God-Boy' Angel
c_j_angel@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/~ca_godboy

"Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as
they occur to you.  The jotting is simplicity itself
-- it is the occurring which is difficult."
                               Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)

"I've got the ideas, I've got the plots, I've got the story.
The WORDS just won't come, damnit!"
                               Christopher Angel (1975-?)