PM Productions Presents
A Phillip Masters Filk
Where Have All the Real Men Gone?
Original Work: Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? by Paula Cole.
(Akane is jogging down the street on a Spring morning. The birds are
chirping, the cicadas drown them out, and everything is normal and
pleasant in Nerima. The music starts up in the background as she
approaches the dojo)
(Scene cuts to Akane looking in at a snoring Ranma)
Akane: Why can't you ever be ready, for a year we're going steady, do
you want life to pass by you again? You revolve around Martial Arts,
your life is full of stops and starts, are you trying to drive me
insane?
(As Akane leans against the doorjam, Genma throws water on his son, and
they both jump from the room. She rolls her eyes as Kasumi comes in
from behind)
Kasumi: I will do the laundry, you go on to school...
(Akane walks to the window and looks out at Genma and Onna-Ranma
fighting above the pond)
Akane: Where is my Don Juan?
Kasumi: Where is my lover's song?
Akane: Where is my happy ending?
K&A: Where have all the real men gone?
(Scene cuts to Ukyou staring at Konatsu working at the counter)
Ukyou: I hired you through pity, though you are quite a worker, you
give me time to rest my feet. You may call me a hypocrite, but I don't
go for crossdressing, could you please admit defeat?
(Ukyou walks out to the counter and takes the spatula from Kontasu)
Ukyou: You go serve the customers, I'll cook all the food.
(Ukyou looks out the window as Onna-Ranma runs by being chased by Ryoga)
Ukyou: Where is my Don Juan? Where is my lover's song? Where is my
happy ending? Where have all the real men gone?
(Shampoo watches as Ranma runs by, being now chased by half of Nerima)
Shampoo: Shampoo is wearing new dress tonight.
(She watches grimly as Mousse attempts to hug her, but catches Happosai
as he's bouncing by instead)
Shampoo: But you don't even know that it's me.
(All the girls are together and staring at the mass carnage following
Ranma, Ryoga, Mousse, and even Dr. Tofu, who is mostly trying to keep
everyone from being hurt too badly)
Akane: I think you'll all agree, our men are our misery, do you think
he'll ever say he loves me?
Ukyou: Perhaps we went too far, but I wish on every star, that a real
man will come to me.
(The dust cloud passes close by them again and Shampoo grabs Mousse from
the fight)
Shampoo: Shampoo take him home.
(Akane yanks Ranma by the pigtail away from Ryoga)
Akane: We're out of here.
(All three girl's voices ring out in chorus as the camera pulls back to
keep them all in shot. Ukyou, lacking anything better to do, begins to
lead Ryoga away by the hand to keep him from getting lost)
Where is my Don Juan?
Where is my lover's song?
Where is my happy ending?
Where have all the real men gone?
(Camera pulls away from the group as the last verse is sung)
Where is my sweet romance?
When will the curse be gone?
Where is my true love?
Where have all the real men gone?
(Camera stops at the midday sun and the scene fades to black)
END
No, I don't do this often... but I've had this idea ever since I heard
this song. Unfortunately, when you want a song you can never find it,
and I didn't want to pay for the album for this one reason alone.
Finally, I was able to borrow it, and this was written, and now I can
rest. *sigh* All comments appreciated.
Thanks for reading,
PMasters (7-17-98)
"I'm only holding back the rain. So many raindrops, so many pains. I
want to find my train someday. As seasons go past the station." - Tokyo
Babylon OVA 1
/ E-mail at: PhilMasters@webtv.net /
Web page pending use of a computer!
"...has anyone ever used something alive for a coat of arms?" - The
Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea (Mishima Yukio, 1965) /
"You see, what you call a cat, we use as armor." - Rune (El-Hazard,
1994)