This has been a long time in the making. Fortunately, the CALF Pro
team (You know...the guys who are supposed to be writing something
called "Otaku Leap" eventually) isn't too terribly disorganized, so
this came together fairly well. Enjoy! C&C can be directed to any/all
of the addresses listed below the title...
[Shot opens on the Lurkerdome.]
In the not too distant future,
In Texas way down there,
There lies a private theatre,
And Lurker lives in there.
[Shot closes on the Lurkerdome, fades through the walls, onto a
picture of Lurker and Hikaru. It holds like that for a second, and
then a big red 'X' appears over it.]
But this story's not about him,
And the girl that lives there too,
It's about him and three guys,
Who were locked up in that zoo.
[The screen is filled with images from our MSTs]
Their names known far and wide,
Their exploits make you laugh,
But from now on they go by
The Production name of CALF!
Roll Call:
Chris!
[Picture of God-boy in his trenchcoat. Green-blue energy swirls
around him, and he's in full armor form.]
Andrew!
[Picture of a blank room. Andrew seems to fade into existence, his
morning star at the ready.]
Lurker!
[Image of Lurker going super-Sayajin]
Flashman!
[Image of Flashman firing off the Flash Blaster]
[Quick short shots of each of their faces, ending with a cow's
face,looking perplexed as the four guys facefault around it.]
If you're wondering where that cow came from,
or other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself "It's an MST,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery CALF Theater 2000!
Mystery CALF Theater 2000 Episode 1:
"Ami-Chan" by: Unknown
MST treatment by:
The Eternal Lost Lurker (EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net)
Christopher James "God-Boy" Angel (c_j_angel@hotmail.com)
The Flashman (MXJK767C@Prodigy.com)
Andrew Huang (alhuang@hcs.harvard.edu)
____________________
From a launch pad in Houston Texas, a purple space station launched
into space, where space stations were intended to be. On that space
station, a man in his early twenties, who looked much like Mirai
Trunks of Dragon Ball Z fame, with his hair a few shades more purple,
awoke as his bed room shook. "What's going on?" he thought,
groggily, "An earthquake? In Texas?"
"Computer," he called out as he stretched and yawned, " what time is
it?"
"The time is 0830 AM," the synthesized voice of the Lurkerdome
computer replied.
"Time to get up," the man thought as he looked out the window, "The
sun looks really nice set against the stars like that..."
Then it hit him.
"STARS?! KUSO!" Then he uttered the phrase which earned him the
name of The Eternal Lost Lurker, "NOW WHERE AM I?!"
He didn't expect an answer, but got one as the computer said, "The
Lurkerdome is in high Earth orbit, as per the 'Eclipse Objective'."
"The what?! Computer, explain."
"Unable to comply. 'Eclipse Objective' is not to be revealed to you
and the three who await you on the bridge."
Lurker frowned at that last piece of information and got out of bed,
put on his purple suede jacket with the "ELL" patches on the sleeves,
and raced for the bridge. "Maybe someone in there has answers..."
he thought.
THE BRIDGE
"I WANT SOME ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM RIGHT *NOW*!" the tallest of
the three, a man who was dressed in green armor with two arm blades
on each of the suit's wrists, exclaimed, "I go to sleep and then wake
up HERE!"
"Don't look at me," a man clad in gold spandex with a blue chest
plate and a golden helmet with a black visor covering his eyes
replied, "The same thing happened to me. AND I WANT SOME ANSWERS
TOO!"
The two then turned to glare at the obviously average human being,
an oriental man with glasses and mussed black hair. The man said as
he raised his hands in the universal hey-don't-kill-me gesture, "Same
here. Please stop looking at me like that."
The three of them were in what looked like the bridge of the
Technodrome from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, with the exception
that the entire place was colored purple. At that point, the door
opened and the Eternal Lost Lurker rushed in. He stopped short as
the three in the room caught sight of him and the spandex wearing one
said, "Maybe this guy has some answers..."
"Hey! How the hell did you three get in here?!"
"... or he might not." the normal man added.
Lurker said, "Computer! Identify source and arrival method of
intruders."
The disembodied voice of the computer responded, "Computation error.
No intruders are present aboard the Lurkerdrome."
Lurker blinked, then glared at the other three. "Okay, who are you
guys, and what are you doing on my ship? I want answers, and I want
them *now*." His eyes began to glow purple.
The masked man and tall one, obviously didn't like being threatened
and stepped forward, however, the normal man jumped in between them
and exclaimed, "WHOA! Let's not fight, please? This is all a
misunderstanding. Maybe we should introduce ourselves first? My
name's Andrew Huang."
After a few moments to take deep breaths and calm down, the group
nodded and the tall man went first, "My name is Christopher James
Angel, God Of Moments."
"GOD-BOY?!" the others exclaimed.
Chris winced and said, "Don't call me 'God-Boy'."
"Sure thing..." the spandex wearer replied, "God-Boy."
Chris towered over him and growled, "And who are you, little man?"
The masked man handed business cards to the others and said, "My
card." Then he muttered under his breath, "Just because I'm five six
and a half, everybody mocks me."
On the card was written,
<FFML SI
FLASHMAN
D.B.T.C>
"FFML?" Lurker asked.
"Free Flow of the Multiverse League." Flashman replied.
"SI?" Chris asked.
"Special Investigator."
"D.B.T.C?" Andrew asked.
"Don't Bend The Card."
The rest of the group sweatdropped.
Suddenly, the main view screen flickered to life and the image of a
man in a lime green lab coat and the face of a mad scientist, looked
down on them. "Greetings," the image said, "My name is Doctor
Clayton Forrester and you are just in time to take part in my latest
experiment."
"And that," the face of a pudgy man with white hair added from the
lower left corner of the screen, "makes you lab rats."
"Frank," Forrester said, "don't interrupt or, as a fellow associate
of the Fraternal Order of Mad Scientists would put it, I shall have
to hurt you."
TV's Frank backed out of the shot as Forrester continued, "Now,
you're probably wondering how I got you up there. Well, you see,
I've recently joined up with this marvelous organization called the
Eclipse Syndicate, and thanks to that alliance, I now have the power
to place anyone and anything I want, into a space station and trap
them there with a null field that takes away all their super powers.
In this case, I hijacked your Lurkerdome, as you so tackily call it,
and decided to see what happens when I show four self-insertion
character who are less than perfect, instead of the annoyingly
perfect ones that clog the multiverse, a very evil thing called bad
fanfiction."
Frank's head entered the shot again and added, "Actually, we're
already showing bad B movies to some boobs on another satellite and
we didn't want to repeat the same experiment."
"FRANK!" Forrester roared, "I shall deal with you later."
Turning back to the screen as Frank slinked away, Forrester
concluded, "Just so you know I'm not joking, I'll be sending up your
first fic right now. It's a wonderfully sultry slop heap of a lemon
called 'Ami-chan' by one who wishes to remain unknown. Enjoy."
The view screen winked off and, after a shocked pause, Andrew said,
"But I don't read lemons."
"You'd better start then," Lurker said, "'Cause I don't think you're
going to be given a choice."
"Ooooooh, no I won't!" Andrew exclaimed.
"Ooooooh, yes you will!" the others said.
"Ooooooh, no I won't!" Andrew repeated.
"Ooooooh, yes you will!" the others repeated, suddenly grabbing
Andrew.
At that point, bright purple lights strobed all over the bridge as
alarm klaxons blared. Lurker looked up, and declared, "WE'VE GOT
LEMON SIIIIIIIIGN!"
[Door C: It's a TV, with Urd sitting atop it in a seductive pose.
You fly through the TV screen, which shatters on contact.]
[Door A: It's EVA Unit 01. It's mouth opens and you fly down it's
throat.]
[Door L: It's a huge stone wall. Son Gohan and Son Goku appear
at your sides, and they KameHameHa a hole in it for you to go
through.]
[Door F: Your way is blocked by a giant monster. A huge robot
steps up and roundhouses the monster, knocking it out of your way.]
[Door Pro: A plain door. Skuld, Nanami, Hikaru, and Usagi appear
to grab you and throw you through it.]
[Inside the theater, Chris, Lurker, and Flashman are all seated
comfortably in the front row, facing the screen. Behind them, Andrew
hangs from the ceiling by his ankles, arms duct-taped to his sides.]
Andrew: [muttering] I told'em I wouldn't do bad lemons. I told'em, so
I did...buggrem.
[The lights dim, and the fanfic rolls...]
Ami's sexual experiences started at the age of
fourteen. After
staying after school very late, she was confronted by two of her
Flashman:(Imitating Janitor) AMI! Remember to lock up when you leave
this time.
classmates.
They were very direct and asked plain out: "May we rape you? We'll
pay!" Ami's
answer was no, but they raped her anyway.
Flashman:(Imitating Ami) I hate when that happens.
Lurker: Ummm...isn't that pretty much the *definition* of rape!?
Chris: You have to give them this much, they asked fisrt.
Lurker: And how many rapists have you met that would do that, hmm?
Andrew: Can I kill them? I'm feeling a bit stressed.
They wrestled her to the ground. Joe fondling her breasts out of the
tight bra,
Kai's finger probing deep into her womb. Joe began to unbuckle his
belt, but as
Lurker: Okay, so Kai rammed his whole arm up Ami's vagina to finger
her womb? This girl has got to have one incredible...
Chris: [*THWAP!*s Lurker] Just *don't* go there.
Lurker: [rubbing his head] I wasn't going to! Honest! Ite...
he did, the buckle hit Ami in the head and knocked her out.
Lurker: If your belt buckle knocks out the girl you're raping, you
might be a redneck.
Chris: Word, the thing's gotta be a lead brick!
When she awoke, she was covered in cum. It was in her mouth, her
eyes, all
over her chest, in her womb, and she could even feel it inside her
butt. As she
Chris: Uhhh....they musta been just a little pent up, ne?
Andrew: Bleargh.
got up to collect her clothes, she felt a strange feeling between
her legs. She
reached into her vagina and pulled out a wad of cash. She counted
it. $50!
Lurker: Whoa...I've heard of easy money, but that's ridiculous...
Flashman: Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, CHING-CHING!
Chris: She should charge more.
Andrew: Mastercard or Visa? Ah, too bad I only have a Discover card.
[pause]
Andrew: ...there's a bad joke in there somewhere, I'm sure.
This gave her an idea, which she formulated as she pulled her
panties and
bra on. As she slipped into her skirt and what was left of her
shirt. First off,
she would have to buy a new school uniform.
Lurker: And of course, the fact that two guys just raped her never
enters her mind...she's in the Kasumi zone...
Chris: Indeed. Taking this awfully well, isn't she?
Flashman: I think she forgot to wear her face mask in chemistry.
Andrew: I think she licked the spoon, too.
Lurker: She licked *something*, anyway...
The next day she approached Joe and Kai with this proposal: "I will
let
you and any of your friends rape me after school on whatever day you
want." But
this was her condition: she would charge $50 per person per orgasm.
Chris: You have now entered...the Twilight Zone. I'm sorry, but NO
FREAKING WAY!
Lurker: Agreed. I mean...per orgasm? Realistically, that's going to
be one per person....she needs to charge about four times that.
Chris: [growls, reaches for the *THWAP!* stick] That's not what I
meant!
She also
reserved the right to charge extra for various reasons (i.e. if they
wanted to
ruin her school uniform, or cause pain to her (like pummeling her
with fists or
fucking her when she wasn't wet), etc.) They agreed and met her
after school in
the darkened hallways.
Lurker: Ami has just turned into everyone's worst nightmare--the
whore versions of Nabiki and Nanami combined.
Chris: NOT an image I needed, thankyouverymuch.
Andrew: ...NANAMI! GET ME OUTTA HERE! PLEASE! WAAAAH!!!!!
There were five of them the first night. At first, she only saw
Joe. He
Flashman:(Imitating Ami) Yooooo JOE!
Chris: [pulls out the *THWAP!* stick] Don't make me use this!
Lurker: [grabs the stick and *THWAP!*s Flashman]
ran up and grabbed her arms, forcing her against the wall. He took
out a knife
and began to cut each button off of her school uniform. Threatening
that he
would kill her if she screamed. Ami, of course, knew this was all
done to
increase his pleasure, so she went along with it. Joe pulled her
shirt back
roughly and looked in dismay at her plain cotton bra.
Lurker: Oh yeah. I'd be disappointed too if I were staring right at
Ami's semi-bare chest.
Chris: Nah, he was hoping this time she'd have a D cup.
Lurker: Honey, I Blew Up The Boobs?
Flashman:(Drooling) Female... flesh...
Chris: [Smacks his forehead, and hands Flashman a napkin] Control
yourself, lad. Sheesh. Now if it was Makoto that's be a different
story. [pause] Hey, she's got more 'talent'.
Lurker: [dryly] And here I thought God-boy liked Rei's talents the
best...
Chris: [sighs] For the record: Makoto (hey, I like tall chicks), then
Rei, then Ami, then Setsuna (Heeellloooo NURSE!), then Minako.
Andrew: *gurgle* Helb...by nose is bleedig, an I gan't mobve.
"What is this crap", he screamed. He punched her in the stomach.
Flashman:(Recovered) At that point, Ami realized the relationship
wasn't working. (Turns to God-Boy) And for your information, Ami
takes fourth behind Usagi [I like pettite], Makoto [and the other way
isn't bad either] and Setsuna [I'll agree with you there].
Lurker: Guys...now is not the time...
Ami fell
to the floor. "I was expecting some sexy lingerie, bitch!" He kicked
her in the
stomach again. Ami felt as if she were going to throw up. She now
felt a second
Lurker: I feel like *I'm* going to throw up...
Chris: I do believe, this is the stupidest thing I have ever read.
person come up behind her and begin to lift her skirt up. "Same at
this end",
she heard Kai say. He kicked her right in the pussy. Now she lay
flat on the
Lurker: Hey! No fair! Cruelty to animals!
Ura: MROWR! HISS!
Andrew: Whe'd you ged here? An somebody gibve me a dissue already. Or
at leasd, cud me down.
ground. The cold marble stone pressing against her semi-exposed
chest. She was
in immense pain. A third person turned her over. "Who gives a shit",
he said,
"it comes off anyway". And he ripped her bra off. This man was the
Chris: As much as I'd hate to agree with ANYTHING in this fic, I do
believe that what's IN the apparel is more importent than the apparel
itself. What can I say? Happosai I ain't.
Lurker: Yeah...for one thing, you're about what, five feet too tall?
Flashman: Yeah, and you're a couple hundred years too young.
Chris: And I have standards.
Andrew: Well, I donb't gnow about you, bud I find a bartially
undressed female do be seggsier than a gombledely nagked one.
[The others stare at him.]
Andrew: Whad? An somebody gibve me a damn dissue, already.
first one
that night to show any of his skin. He pulled his penis out, waiting
a few
seconds before it became erect. Then he stuck it between her breasts
and began
moving it back and forth. She felt others, sloppily removing her
panties and
tearing out pubic hair with it. She stifled a scream.
Flashman: Well, I'm NOT. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
Andrew: [bugeyed] Owch.
Lurker: Ummm...I think this is taking it a bit far...
Chris: [rolls his eyes] See that faint speck in the distance WAAAAAAY
behind us? That was the line, we crossed it a WHILE ago.
Lurker: Oooohhhh, *that's* what that was...I thought it was
Munihousen...
Flashman: What depresses me though is that Munihousen is still a LONG
way in FRONT of us.
Chris: Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
"What the fuck??!", said an unknown fourth person, "Why isn't she
shaved?"
Flashman: O_o Ami's the bearded lady?!
Lurker: Don't you know? That would cost an extra 20 bucks! Pubic hair
doesn't grow on trees, y'know!
Then she felt the cold metal of a knife slide in between the lips of
her sex.
This feeling scared her and she arched her back. The man on top of
her pushed
her back down with immense strength and continued his journey toward
orgasm. She
narrowly escaped being cut by the knife. "Next time, bitch", she
heard from the
vicinity of her legs, this was a fifth person, "You better be
shaved." The man
Chris: I can't stand a woman with chest hair!
on top of her was beginning to move quicker and quicker. Then he
stopped...waiting for something. Ami waited too. Then he slapped
Flashman: ALRIGHT! The author's got writers block! Maybe this thing
will end soon!
Lurker: Well, we can dream, anyway...
her. "Open your
mouth, you cunt!" She obeyed. The man began his pleasure again. At
the same
Flashman: Shoot.
Lurker: Make up your mind! Do you want her to open her mouth or her
cunt?
Andrew: Bleargh. Again.
time, she felt someone enter her between the legs. 'Not wet...extra
money', she
thought. Then she felt something warm enter her mouth and realised
that one of
her 'assailants' had his penis in her mouth. He already had a little
Flashman: I never realized how appropriate those first three letters
in "assailants" were until now...
Chris: [*THWAP!*s Flashman]
Andrew: I said, somebody ged me down. I wan' do hid him doo.
bit of cum
on the tip from his excitement between her breasts. Finally, he came
into her
mouth. Ami nearly threw up the moment her tongue came in contact
with it, but
Lurker: I nearly threw up the moment my eyes came in contact with
this lemon...
Flashman: It could be worse... This could be "Mako-chan".
Chris: Nah, it'd be better. After all, she's got more..
[Chris is drowned out as the others *THWAP!* the living daylights out
of
him]
held on. She choked both from the cum and the penis hitting the back
of her
throat. Her eyes were watering. The man finally pulled his penis out
of her
mouth. Then he dried it off on her shirt and walked away.
Flashman:(Deadpan) He's such a caring soul.
Now the man inside of her pussy gave her an instruction:
"Struggle", was
all he said. She maneuvered to try to get his penis out of her, but
he grabbed
her waist and held on. Ami began to squirm. The man tried to hold
her by the
waist but couldn't. He grabbed her hands and pushed them to the
floor. All the
while, he was moving in and out of her. She tried struggling harder
and he
slapped her. He continuously slapped her until she stopped
struggling. This was
Lurker: Is this making sense to anyone else?
Chris: They MUST be contortionists, that's all I can tell.
Lurker: That, or relatives of Stretch Armstrong...
Flashman: Or related to Doctor Octopus...
Andrew: Whad aboud EBA-03?
Chris: It's a Twin Angels fic!
Lurker: Ugh. At least there aren't any tentacles in this...
fine with him, he grabbed her breasts with both hands and began
squeezing them
and using them as a purchase with which to thrust himself inside of
her harder.
Lurker: Owch. That's gotta hurt.
Flashman:(Sarcastic) And what gave you THAT idea?
Andrew: [twitch] Suddenly, I'm in da mood for some milg. Ackg. My
brain is startig to meld.
Every time he thrusted, she would arch her back, as if in pain.
Because frankly,
she was. But the arching seemed to increase his enjoyment even more.
He came
inside of her, she could feel his body shaking with the pleasure of
his orgasm.
Then he pulled it out and walked away.
Chris: I bet he gets a lot of second dates.
Flashman: That's two...
Joe was next. He sat down at her head and told her to turn over.
She did
and found herself staring right at his penis. "Suck it", he said.
Flashman: Are you ready... Break it down! (Sings the Degeneration X
Theme.)
Lurker: [looks at Flashman like he's lost it.]
Andrew: Isn'd id a liddle lade for dat?
She hesitantly
took his piece of warm flesh into her mouth and was about to begin
when she was
startled by a strange feeling. It was a penis in her butt!
Startlement quickly
Lurker: <gasp!> Oh no! It's a penis in her butt!
Chris: I think there were Tibettan monks who saw that coming.
Lurker: Tibetan monks saw the penis in her butt coming? @_@
turned into anguish as the man moved into her narrowest passage and
began taking
Lurker: He moved into her nostril? Ugh...kinda gives a whole new
meaning to "up your nose"...
Chris: [*THAWP!*s Lurker]
Lurker: Itai! Cut that out!
Flashman: [LEO Punts Lurker]
Lurker: Kusottare...
Andrew: Gud me down! I wanna hid him doo!
his pleasure. She tried to ignore it as much as she could and took
Joe's penis
Lurker: Oh yeah...just ignore having a penis in your butt...not
difficult at all...
Chris: What, was this written by Space Moose?
Flashman: More like The Hentai Man.
Lurker: Nah...Hentai Man's got more class than this. ...not MUCH,
mind you...
Andrew: Agdually, thad's nod hard do beliebe.
into her mouth. She sucked it and moved it about with her tongue.
As the pain
in her rear became more accute, it became more apparent in her face,
which was
already red. She couldn't breath well with the penis in her throat.
And every
Lurker: Yeah, I guess that *might* obstruct the air passages...>_<
time it hit the back of her throat, she gagged. The pain and the
gagging made
Lurker: I'm gagging just from reading this piece of...
Flashman: LURKER! Let's not sink to the authors level... please?
Chris: Too late.
Andrew: I don'd thing id's possible to singk thad low. Not withoud
an exgavation drill.
tears begin to roll down her face. She heard Joe say: "Good. Good."
The tears
obviously pleased him, so she stopped trying to shut out the pain
and let it all
hit her. More tears ran in torrents down her face. The man behind
her finished
and left his cum inside her butt to slowly dribble out. She couldn't
help but
think: "How the hell is he going to get rid of the smell??!" But not
for long as
Lurker: 'Scuse me....<goes offscreen to retch>
Chris: Must...find...D...key....
Flashman:(Weakly) You smell what The Rock's cookin? UGH! Even
saying it, I felt dirty.
Andrew: Arghlgl.
Joe's thrusts were becoming faster and harder and pretty hard to
stand. It was s
struggle just breathing now. His penis seemed to fill her whole
mouth. So she
Lurker: Gee, I wonder why...
Flashman: I hope this isn't a self-insertation... PLEASE don't let it
be a self-insertation!
Lurker: Yeah...last thing we need is another Shakari, obsessed with
a twelve-millimeter penis...
Chris: [Opens his mouth to speak, then closes it with a snap, then
mutters.] NOT gonna go there...
was relieved when she felt more warm cum squirt into her mouth. Joe
was moaning.
Lurker: I'd be moaning too, if I were cast in this fic...moaning in
agony...
Andrew: I would habe gilled myself by now.
Then he pulled it out and let more cum squirt out into her eye. She
cringed, but
Lurker: O_o That must be a sight...
Andrew: Thad's some aim.
Flashman:(Imitating Ami's Mother) I always told you you'd put your
eye out with one of those. (Pause) Oh god... WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
ME?! (Slaps himself)
Joe didn't mind, because he was already done. He had a bit of a
stunned look on
his face and he was shivering. 'I must have been good.', she
thought. Joe
Lurker: Considering you didn't do anything but lay there like a
sheep?
Chris: To quote a phrase: "How to have a good orgasm..." Did you
really need the 'good' in that title?
Flashman: Well, playing a perfect victim needs it's own style. Just
ask Naru.
eventually pulled his pants up and walked off.
Flashman: I'm sensing a theme here...
Lurker: Naw, y'think?
All that was left now, was Kai. He said to her: "Just rest...I'll
do all
the work." Then he sat on top of her stomach and began to
masterbate. He derived
Lurker: Why not? Everyone else has...
Chris: Integrals! He derived integrals! Yeah, that's it.
Andrew: If I eber find the author, I'm going to differentiate his
ass.
Flashman: I was hoping for something more like morals.
Lurker: Morals? In THIS fic? <snortsnickerBWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!>
visual pleasure from the state her body was in. Bruises on her
breasts from
violent hands. Her shirt half hanging off her arms, the buttons
strewn all over
the hallway. The tears and cum all over her face and dribbling out
her mouth.
The pool of cum that had gathered around her legs from when it
dribbled out. Her
skirt pushed up around her waist to allow access to her pussy. He
drew on
thoughts from the previous night: Ami's unconcious body covered in
cum. His cum.
Lurker: Fresh tart with frosting. Yum.
Flashman:(Singing to the tune of "Come With Me") Cum from me...
Lurker: [BAPBAPBAPBAPs Flashman]
[Andrew's eye twitches.]
And blood that had trickled out of her pussy--obviously, it had been
her first
time. Then he thought about the whole situation...the reason he had
picked her
out of all the other girls in the school. Sure, she was beautiful,
sure she she
great hips and breasts. He looked at her breasts and a shot of
pleasure ran
through him. But the single most exciting thing was that he was
raping the
smartest girl in school. The appeal of someone totally innocent--he
Chris: Yeah, that's what *I* think about when I'm looking for a girl
to date. "Hey, look at the brains on that one!"
Flashman: Smart is sexy. That's why Ami's considered the sexiest
Senshi in countless fan polls.
Chris: [snorts] Bah. Shy is sexy, smart is intimidating. If Makoto
had Ami-level shyness, she'd have 10x as many fans. And if Ami had
Rei's personality, she'd have WAY less fans.
Andrew: Well, I sdill likge Asuga bedder than Ayanami.
was almost
sure that she never thought about self pleasure. All this became too
much for
Lurker: ...no. I won't even go there.
Flashman:[Putting Flash Blaster back in holster] Good..
him to stand and he ejaculated all over her. 'Wow!', he thought,
'there must be
a couple spoonfuls there!' He got up and began to walk away. Then he
remembered
Lurker: Thank you, that's a *lot* more than we needed to know...>_<
Chris: [Holds up his hand] All those who could have gone without
seeing that, raise your hand.
All except Andrew:[Raising hands] YO!
Andrew: [swinging back and forth like a pendulum] GED ME DOWN! Oh,
an' 'yo'. NOW GED ME DOWN!
something. He walked back and stuffed money into her pussy--in later
ventures,
this became the formal was of giving her her payment. When Ami
finally found
Lurker: Kinda makes you wonder what they do about making change...
Chris: [smacks his forehead]
Flashman:(Facefaults) LURKER!
enough strength to sit up, she found that she ached all over. The
boys had been
VERY rough that night. She reached between her legs and pulled out a
wet wad of
cash. $700! She put her clothes on-or what was left of them-and
walked out of
Chris: And now, a word from out sponsor: [Holds up a sign]
USE A CONDOM
Chris: For those of you who are left, back to
the....thing-that's-too-bad-to-be-called-a-fic.
the school. She rode the subway home. She was alone on the train
except for a
dirty old man who also raped her. I mean...can you blame him? You're
alone on
Lurker: You can pretty much blame *any* rapist...
Chris: What is this, La Blue Girl?
Lurker: Looks more like La Blue Hair from here...
Flashman: DAMNIT! HAPPOSAI! YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!!!
the train at night, a lonely old man, there's a pretty, young school
girl with
only part of her shirt on and her breasts all but hanging out all
over the
place. What would you do? He didn't pay her, but he didn't steal her
money,
Lurker: Oh, well that makes it just hunky-dory then. >_<
Flashman: Didn't steal her money? Well then... DAMNIT! GRANDPA
HINO! YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!
Chris: What is this, Taboo Sailor Moon style?
Andrew: I'd pugke, bud I'd choke on id.
either. So she went home and went to bed. She woke up the next
morning and could
barely move, she was so sore. So the boys went to her house after
school and
carried out their sexual activities there. She went through this
just about
everyday of her high school life. But by her own accord. Many times
they had
told her: If you want us to stop doing this to you, we will. But she
never asked
them to. I mean...how else was she going to put herself through
college?
Lurker: Gee...I dunno. I mean, her mom's a doctor...doctors sure
can't afford to put a kid through college, right? -_-;;
[The lights come up. Chris, Flashman, and Lurker stand, and stagger
out of the theater.]
"That...was painful," Lurker said.
"Yeah..." Chris agreed. "I hope like hell we never have to go
through anything like that again."
"I have a bad feeling we probably will," Flashman commented.
"Not if I can get control of the Lurkerdrome back from that jackass
in the green lab coat," Lurker said as they emerged into the bridge.
"My mother built this damned place, I should be able to get it back
under my...control...what the HELL?"
The others began to ask what prompted Lurker's outburst, but it
became unneccessary as they stepped out onto the bridge. In the
middle of the main control console stood a large, fat brown cow, with
a familiar black-and-white emblem on its flank. It stared at them
blankly.
"What the hell is a cow doing on my bridge?" Lurker demanded.
"Ah, but it's not your bridge anymore," the voice of Dr. F rang out
from the main speakers. The viewscreen lit up, revealing the visage
of the mad scientist. The breast pocket of his lab coat now sported
the insignia of the Eclipse Syndicate. "Don't even think about trying
to regain control of the station, 'Lost Lurker'," he said. "Any
attempt at tampering with the control systems will prompt CyberCALF,"
he gestured to the cow, "to detonate the 50-megaton nuclear warhead
contained in its stomach." He smiled nastily. "Compliments of Blade
Bot."
"Kusottare..." Lurker growled, clenching his fists. "Forrester, as
soon as I get out of here..."
"That won't be happening anytime soon," Forrester laughed. The
viewscreen went blank.
"Well this is just great," Chris said.
"We'll find a way out of here," Lurker said. "I'm not about to let
some crackpot take over my home without a fight." He paused. "We
could be here a while...there are some spare rooms on the habitat
level I'm not using. Make yourselves at home. Don't touch the red
door," he warned.
As the other two made their way to the lift, Flashman said, "You
know...I can't help but think we forgot something..."
In the theater, Andrew swung frantically from side to side,
struggling with the duct tape pinning his arms. "GEEEEEEEED MEEEEEE
DOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWN!"
*****
Disclaimers: We don't know who wrote "Ami-chan," and frankly we don't
care. We just hope the person never writes another fanfic as long as
he lives.
Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, etc.,
and all other characters and names mentioned are copyrighted property
where applicable.
The "Shakari" reference referred to a recent MST by Megane 6.7
(fcasper@yesic.com), the true master of fanfic MSTs. If you haven't
read his hilarious works, shame on you. ^_^