Okay, here's the scoop. I posted this before, but apparently a lotta 
people can't read MIME compression, which is, basically, the only way 
you can attach something with hotmail. So, I'm cutting this up by 
chapter and sending it via the Glorious Copy/Paste Method(TM). So if you 
_did_ get this okay, well, then there's at least five messages for you 
to delete. I think I might repost my other stuff later, but I haven't 
got any complaints about those. Anyway, on with the show!

        Through the heavy rain and dense foliage one might, perhaps, be 
able to perceive the two figures, who resolutely trekked through such an 
environment. Both were in possession of ragged cloaks that did little to 
keep off the relentless downpour, but concealed most of their physical 
attributes, save for some thoroughly soaked strands of auburn hair 
sticking out of the taller of the two�s hood and some black ones from 
the shooter one�s.
	�We _have_ to find some shelter!� exclaimed the shorter one, wrapping 
the damp cloth tighter around his frail body. �I�m going to drown out 
here!�
	�Bitch, bitch, bitch!� replied the taller one. �It�s not like you�re 
going to die! What do you want to do? Dig a hole?!�
	The smaller one merely grumbled in reply. Their journey went on 
silently for a quarter of an hour, until the taller one caught sight of 
a rather large tree.
	�Hey!� he cried. �I think there�s an opening in that thing!�
	The two inspected the massive plant more closely, and discovered that 
there was, indeed, an opening underneath one humongus root.
	�See? You can always leave everything to me!� declared the taller 
figure.
	The smaller one merely shrugged his shoulders, and proceeded to squeeze 
underneath the new found shelter. Immediately, he found himself in 
free-fall and landed sharply after a ten foot drop.
	�Hey!� cried his companion from above. �What happened?!�
	�Itei... There�s a pit or something in here!� he called out. �It�s 
pretty deep! Watch yourself!�
	�Hold on, I�m coming down!�
	The smaller figure did not look up long before the blurry silhouette of 
the taller began to rapidly grow in size and crash merely inches in 
front of him.
	�Y-y-you almost hit me...� panted the smaller figure.
	�Heh, heh... gomen, gomen...� apologized the taller one, with a smile.
	No sooner had they removed their wet cloaks, than the taller noticed a 
substantial hole on one side of their shelter.
	�Look, it�s a tunnel!� he pointed out, excitedly. �Hey, let�s go 
explore it!�
	�And why would we want to do that?� asked the smaller one.
	�It�ll probably take forever for the rain to die down! If we just sit 
around here, we�ll die of boredom!�
	The smaller one seemed to contemplate this for a few moments, before 
finally giving in.
	�You�ll run off, whether I go or not,� he reasoned. �And probably get 
yourself killed, to boot.�
	�Yeah, that�s the spirit!� encouraged his whimsical compatriot and 
soon, the two were pawing their way through the black entrance.
	As they continued on, the space widened, and the ground began to make 
crunching and snapping sounds underneath their feet.
	�Uhg! What are we stepping on?� wondered the taller one.
	�Why don�t we light a torch and find out?� suggested the shorter. �It�s 
pretty stupid of us to walk around blindly, anyway.�
	�Well, this is interesting, coming from �Mr. Stingy,�� declared the 
taller, who pulled out a torch from his belt and lit it, anyway.
	The new light, revealed to them the substance which had caused so many 
alarming noises. Festooned all over the ground, were white bones of 
various shapes, and of uniformly small sizes.
	�Oh, yuck,� exclaimed the taller figure.
	The smaller covered his mouth in repulsion. �These are... children�s... 
bones...� he gasped.
	It was then, that a soft tune emitted from the depths beyond. �Hey, 
let�s go... Come on, let�s go... Come along with me...� the voice of a 
young women, lightly sang. The voice was then replaced by the crunching 
sounds of heavy footfalls, upon the bone laden ground. A huge creature, 
covered in shadow, could be made out before them. Coming ever closer, 
the ground shaking with every footstep. The two found themselves unable 
to move, glued by utter shock. The creature stepped into the light, the 
shadows receding, and revealing it. It was a huge, hairy beast. With 
perfectly round eyes, that stared from either side of it�s massive 
skull, and a mouth as wide as it was, stuck in a friendly grin. It�s fur 
was grey, save for the belly, which was spotted, like an owl�s. It 
smiled, revealing rows of teeth as big as card tables and let a pleasant 
growl through them. Standing on its hind legs, it did a little pirouette 
and then held out it�s right paw, motioning with it encouragingly. The 
two figures merely stared, both rooted firmly into place. The creature 
motioned again and growled a little impatiently. The two continued to 
stand transfixed. The creature stared at them for some time, it�s paw 
still outstretched. The two refused to budge. The creature sighed, 
dropped it�s paw, and opened it�s jaws in a malevolent snarl. It rushed 
towards the two figures, who immediately snapped out of their reverie, 
and fled, screaming back up the tunnel.
	�Grrooooowwwwlll!� bellowed the creature.
	�Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!� they replied.
	Upon reaching the tunnel exit, they began to desperately scramble up 
the walls of the pit, hoping against hope, that their minor lead in 
distance would buy them time to escape. The taller made it out easily 
enough, but he had to reach his hand down to his smaller companion, who 
had difficulty with the arduous physical demands of the climb. At the 
moment the shorter one was pulled out, the creature burst into vision. 
The two ran immediately, not seeing it easily leap out of the pit. They 
ran and ran, ignoring the splatter of water on their heads, and the 
sting of thorned plants at their sides. They attempted to enter deeper 
and deeper under the cover of thick, green plants and trees. The 
creature abruptly paused in it�s pursuit, and began bounding up the 
branches of a tall tree, until it reached the very top. There, it sucked 
in copious amounts of air, puffing itself up to comical proportions, and 
let it all out with an earth-shattering scream. Immediately, a monstrous 
apparition leapt out of nowhere. It�s head and tail were decidedly 
feline, but it�s body was the shape of a fleshy buss. A myriad of little 
legs propelled it forward, on it�s face lay a disturbing grin, and light 
poured from it�s piercing eyes. The abomination tracked the two hapless 
travelers with ease, rapidly approaching them with it�s superior speed. 
The two reached a shallow lake and splashed through it, while gasping 
and wheezing, exhaustion weighing upon them, like a hundred tiny hand 
pulling them down. The shorter, in particular, was completely drained, 
and he nearly collapsed, hanging on to his companion for support. 
Sensing the hopelessness of continued flight, the taller moved them 
underneath a large, dead log on the far shore, hoping that this petty 
concealment would save them from a viscous death or worse. The cat thing 
bounded to the other end of the lake, suddenly confused by the lack of 
their tracks. It slowly turned it�s head, the light from it�s eyes 
illuminating all it fell on, like twin search lights, as the thing 
sought for it�s prey. It passed the log, but then quickly doubled back 
to it, a menacing �Meeooowlll,� arising from it�s throat. It began to 
carefully walk towards the log, crushing unlucky tadpoles, and single 
celled organisms underfoot. The shorter figure desperately repressed his 
need to gasp and clutched tightly at his frozen companion, both with 
eyes wide with pure fear. Suddenly, a shadow flew from out of the bushes 
to the left of the monster, and into the air. The cat thing lunged 
towards it, it�s mighty jaws wide and slavering, but the small figure 
fell upon it with the deadly whistle of a sword in motion, and neatly 
sliced it�s soft throat. The thing screamed in pain and anger, spurting 
forth a fountain of blood, and fell with a mighty splash, destined to 
scream no more. The shadowy figure landed gracefully, with a minor 
splash, and immediately righted itself up. It lifted it�s nose, as if to 
detect some scent on the air.
	�I know you�re out here,� it growled, �Gosunkugi Hikaru!�
	Lightning flashed, revealing the proud, handsome face of Kuno Tatewaki.

Five Inches From Oblivion

Written by Aaron Shattuck

Edited by Chippy the Transvestite Gnome

�Ranma 1/2� is the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shonen Sunday, and Viz 
�We don�t need to translate that accurately!� Communications.

�My Neighbor Totoro� is the property of Miyazaki Hayao, Studio Ghibli, 
and Fox �What�s a subtitle?� Video.

Everything I made up is mine. No permission was given, whatsoever, for 
anything I used from them, but it�s not like I�m making a cent off this, 
anyway.

Oh, anything written under �< >� means that it�s English, with a heavy 
Japanese accent. I just like the sound of English with a heavy Japanese 
accent, okay?


Chapter One: The Pain Never Ends

	Gosunkugi Hikaru stood on the small bridge, breathing in the night air. 
This had a calming effect on him, which was essential, if he were to 
execute his decision correctly. By his feet, lay a huge, weighted ball. 
In turn, attached to this ball, was a length of chain that ended at his 
left ankle. He stared at the watery depths below, wondering just how 
long it would take him to suffocate down there, hoping it wouldn�t be 
too painful.
	Gosunkugi was fed up. There wasn�t one moment in his life he could 
recall with fondness. Perhaps in his early, early childhood, he had been 
happy, but those days were lost to him. A gray mist lay over them, and 
all he could see was an endless expanse of longing and suffering. People 
were the worst, the lot of them! With the exception of maybe his parents 
and, of course, his goddess Akane, there wasn�t one person who seemed to 
have a smattering of humanity in them. They were all viscous creatures, 
who delighted in torturing and ridiculing him. Only her, his sweet 
goddess, ever seemed to be possessed of some kindness. She was far too 
great a creature, for him to soil with his filthy hands. So he had 
contented himself in worshipping her from afar, in the intense joy of 
merely seeing her live. And then an awful thing happened. Not only a 
horrible person, but the very worst of all people, had become bonded 
with his goddess. She was to marry the meanest, stupidest, most 
egotistical bully on the face of the planet. There was no doubt in his 
mind, that the marriage would happen. It was a horrible, inevitable 
thing. Like a volcano about to erupt. Certainly, the ceremony had been 
cut off abruptly, by those rampaging psychos, but he could tell that 
this was only a temporary solace. His goddess� heart had been bewitched 
by the devil himself, and there was nothing he could do to free her. So 
here he was. No more pain, no more angst and loathing. He wouldn�t have 
to hate anymore, he wouldn�t have to love anymore. It would just... end. 
He gently tapped the weighted ball with his foot. It didn�t move an 
inch. He gave it a swift kick, and immediately clutched his foot in 
pain, cursing all the while. Finally, he was able to gradually push it 
to the edge. Just one more tap and...

	Happosai bound through the air, a sack containing his ill-gotten gain, 
bulging behind him. He felt elated. He was a god! Why, he could even 
leap across that river! After backing up a bit, he rushed to the edge of 
the bank and leapt. Soaring through the air, he was about to cackle, 
when suddenly a sharp pain exploded in his skull. Briefly, he saw 
vibrant colors bursting like fireworks, and then it all went black.

	Gosunkugi carefully opened his eyes, which had been screwed shut, to 
discover that, indeed, as he hypothesized, he was alive and in no way, 
underneath the water. After a brief moment of reflection, he came upon a 
conclusion. He had forgotten to actually tie the chain to his leg! He 
had _failed_ again!
	Heartbroken, Gosunkugi wandered off. Never noticing the red tint a 
portion of the water had taken.

	Gosunkugi walked aimlessly through the streets of Nerima, wishing he 
could disappear into the blackness. He continued to wander, until he was 
no longer certain of where he was, exactly. Panicking, he began to dart 
his head around, which caused his eyes to fall on an interesting sight. 
On the side of the street, was a small stand marked �Genuine Magical 
Artifacts! (Satisfaction Guaranteed!)� It�s surface was cluttered with 
various books, vials of different colored liquid and strange objects. 
Sitting behind it was a tall, casually dressed young man, with 
reddish-brown hair, the back of which, was tied in a small pony tail, 
and the fron portion falling over a thin brown head-band. Noticing 
Gosunkugi�s glance, he smiled and waved encouragingly to the boy. 
Hesitantly, Gosunkugi walked over to him.
	�Hey, kid! You look like you�re in the market for a gen-uine magical 
artifact, yes?!�
	�Well...�
	�Now don�t be shy! We have the best, guaranteed! Anything your heart 
desires! Any one of these fabulous objects can improve your life 
immensely! Ac-tualize it! No other store in the country can boast that!�
	�Um... Okay...,� Gosunkugi conceded.
	Gosunkugi began to rummage through the many objects that lay on the 
table. There must be at least one of them, that would solve all his 
difficulties, he mused.
	�Take your time, take your time,� soothed the young proprietor.
	Finally, Gosunkugi found a book titled �Destroy Your Enemies And Make 
The One You Desire Fall In Love With You, In Twelve Easy Steps.� 
Joyfully, he showed the book to the shopkeeper.
	�I�ll take this!� he beamed.
	�Excellent choice, sir... That�ll be Twenty-thousand yen.�
	Gosunkugi immediately deflated.
	�It�s... that expensive?�
	�Ah... A pauper, eh? Tell you what, how much you got?�
	Gosunkugi fished through his pockets and was able to discover a hundred 
yen bill and nine ten yen pieces, which he produced, with a pathetic 
look on his face.
	�That�s all, huh?� sighed the shopkeeper, in sympathy. �Look,� he 
produced a small ball, with a white cloth draped over it, and a face 
drawn on the cloth, attached to a string, �This is actually two-hundred 
yen, but I�ll sell it to you at discount, because I like your face!�
	Gosunkugi stared blankly at the object.
	�It�s a ghost,� explained the young man. �See?� 
	He tapped it and it began to moan. �Wooooooo! Woooooooo!� it went.
	Utterly crushed, Gosunkugi agreed to take it, and he plodded away, not 
even registering the salesman�s friendly �good-bye.� After some 
distance, a dark shadow began to grow behind him. Happosai, looking none 
the worst for wear, stalked towards the crestfallen youth, menacingly. 
He had discovered, �Property of Gosunkugi Hikaru� on the weighted ball. 
Gosunkugi lightly tapped his ghost and it began to moan.

	�Yeesh, what a depressing kid,� mused the young man, behind the 
�Genuine Magical Artifacts� counter. �Poor guy... Least I made a sale!�
	�That�s him, officer!� exclaimed a man pointing to him from across the 
street, accompanied by a police man. �That�s the guy who stole that 
stuff from my joke shop!�
	The young man grinned. It seemed it was time to close up shop...

	Through the air flew three hideous spirits. They had left the warm 
confines of their dark realm, in order to confirm a distress call from 
what seemed to be one of their brethren.
	�Where could he be?� wondered the slightly less repulsive of the three.
	�Probably just some wight brat playing pranks again,� suggested the 
most abhorrent amongst them.
	�Wait! Look over there!� cried the less disgusting than the second, but 
more than the first of the ghastly trio.

	Happosai lunged at the unsuspecting Gosunkugi, fully ready to wreak 
serious and permanent physical damage to his emaciated body. Suddenly, 
he felt himself violent pulled upward.
	�You sure he�s on of us?� asked the least horrifying spirit, as they 
held the surprised martial artist in the air.
	�Has to be,� confirmed the most repugnant one. �Look how ugly he is!�
	With this decision, they raced off with their rescued comrade, to their 
warm, dark realm beyond the reach of mortals.
	Gosunkugi tapped the ghost toy lightly again, and got no response.
	�I guess the battery�s dead,� he thought, on the verge of tears.


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