HARD TO SAY GOODBYE 

~By K-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com

*Ranma 1/2 characters are copywrited to the ingenius of Rumiko Takahashi
and company. I _own nothing_ on these characters or their "unusual"
situations. Ranma 1/2 characters used without permission.*
~Be warned, this will be a sadfic but as for a bitter ending? You'll just
have to find out... ^_~ 
~I'm taking this from the manga, so no Sasuke in this one.~
~I recommend reading the first six chapters before reading this one. Or
getting a detailed synopsis. It will be pretty confusing, otherwise.~
~I'm changing my pseudonym as other K-chan's seem to be appearing. From now
on, it's Kayu-chan.~


Chapter 7: Trapped In My Heart

       She never thought it possible but the truth was that she was lonely.
Sitting on the sofa, flicking between TV channels, the house seemed so
quiet. She had spent most of the day looking for her sister, asking those
in her class for any information, searching Nerima, phoning numbers in
Nabiki's journal. Nabiki's journal had been left in her bag and Akane felt
that she had no choice but to look. Her older sister wouldn't leave private
information lying around unguarded. 
      Ranma was still out searching with his dad, even though it was
obvious that he wasn't the closest person to her sister - especially after
being her temporary fiancee. If only he could be as nice and caring like
this more often... 
      Kasumi was forced to comfort her stricken dad in his room, as he'd
overreacted a little to the news of Nabiki's disappearance. An odd thought
entered Akane's mind: the most able person to coordinate a search would
have been Nabiki. But she didn't feel like laughing at that irony, it
remained bitter in its taste.
       Tired out by stress, worry and work, all Akane felt like doing was
listening to see if the phone rang. Of course it stayed agonisingly silent
and inactive. Oooh, why couldn't she have Ranma's endurance, his speed, his
instincts?! Then she could still be searching! She found it hard to admit
but Ranma was a much better martial artist than her. As if she hadn't felt
insecure about enough in her life before he came, then he took away her
satisfaction in being one of the best martial artists in town. Not to
mention his more beautiful fiancees and admirers who could cook and fight
better than her.   
        Yet, for some strange reason, Akane would be sad to see him go and
recent events were beginning to bring certain things into focus...
       'Brrriiinng!' 'Brrrriinnng!' 
       The phone! Akane leapt off her seat and dived for the phone in the
hall. Nabiki! Oh, please let it be her! Please!
       "Good evening, this is Nerima General," the male voice on the phone
greeted politely.
       "G-good evening," Akane stammered, her face paling with fear. "Tendo
r-residence here. How may I h-help you?" She clenched her free fist,
draining all her energy into keeping her voice steady. And failing
miserably. Please don't let this be about-
       "Is Mr. Tendo available? It's quite urgent," he asked, his formal
tone breaking slightly with apprehension. 
       If she gave the phone over to Dad, neither she nor Kasumi would be
able to get a word out of him, especially if it was what she thought it
was... What she was praying it not to be... "I'm afraid he's unavailable.
But Nabiki is my older sister," she blurted out bravely, not quite knowing
what to expect back, butterflies flapped in her stomach and her hands began
to shake. 
      There was silence on the line, drawing out the tension for both
parties. The hospital man didn't seem to know how to reply or whether to.
       "She's been missing all day and it isn't like her so I thought...
that maybe you'd called because..." Akane trailed off.
      "Well, since you are part of her immediate family," the hospital man
replied, pausing for a second. "Your sister was brought in with serious
injuries. It would be best if you and your family came to the hospital as
soon as you can so that the doctors can tell you more."
       "Is she...?" She scrunched her fist up even tighter, sobs beginning
to choke her throat.
       "The sooner you can get here, the better it would be; I'm afraid
can't tell you more than that at this juncture." 
       "Oh, Nabiki!" Akane gasped and dropped the phone in disbelief, tears
streamed down her face. "Oh, no!! No!!"
       'Click.'
      "Hey, I'm back, every- "Ranma started to announce as he entered the
house, only to see Akane standing beside the phone, crying. "Akane?! What's
wrong?!" He dashed over to her side and his heart broke when she looked up
at him with tears her grief-stricken face and torrents of tears  flowed
down her cheeks.
      "N-N...Nabiki! Sh-she," Akane stuttered, "she... oh, I..." Suddenly
she rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Ranma's waist, crying into
his shoulder. Unsure of what to do as his cheeks flustered red with
nervousness, he tentatively wrapped his arms round her and wondered what'd
happened.
      "Wh-what's up?" he gently asked, barely able to keep his voice steady
and his heart rate from beating over a hundred or two.
      Akane lifted her head from his shoulder but was unable to meet his
curious gaze. "I just answered the phone...and...and I found out that
she... Nabiki... she's seriously injured and in hospital and..." she sobbed
as she continued, "they couldn't tell me that she was going to be all
right...they couldn't tell me that..." She raised her head to finally meet
his eyes, leaving her emotions unguarded. "Oh Ranma, what if she doesn't
make it?! What if she..." 
      Unconsciously drawing her closer to him, Ranma took another painful
look at Akane's saddened face and wondered if there was more to Nabiki than
he thought, something Akane knew that he'd missed. "Akane... do Kasumi and
Mr. Tendo know 'bout this, yet?"
       "Know what?" another female voice pitched in. 
       Akane and Ranma withdrew from each other quickly, embarrassed at
being caught in such a compromising position. Neither wanted anyone to know
that there was anything between them, _not_ that there was. Both of them
were glad that it was only Kasumi standing nearby.
       "I heard Akane crying. What's the matter?"
       Ranma decided to speak, his heartbeat gradually falling back to
normal but his palms sweaty with anxiety at what he was about to say,
"Kasumi, Akane had a phonecall from a hospital... Nabiki's badly injured.
We don't know how bad."
      "Oh, no!" Kasumi gasped, putting her hand to her face, which
flickered with shock and distress. After a short silence that seemed to
drag on forever, in which Kasumi seemed to be battling with her emotions,
she calmly said: "I'll tell Daddy to get ready to go to the hospital...
Ranma?"
      "Yeah?"
      "Could you take Akane ahead and we'll meet you there."
      "But, big sister, I- "
      Kasumi looked at her younger sister, melancholy in her eyes, and
firmly replied, "Please, Akane. It'll take time to get Daddy ready, call
Nodoka at her sister's house, leave a note for Mr. Saotome and lock up.
Someone should be there with her and I'd feel less worried if Ranma
accompanied you. Do you understand why, now?" Left unsaid was the answers
but it was painfully clear to Akane. Too painful.
      The feisty, young schoolgirl offered no more protests and silently
put on her shoes and coat as Kasumi walked back to her father's room.
"Let's go, Ranma."

* * * * 
      
       The broad, brawny hospital building stretched out over the urban
terrain and the windows plastered to its sides added to the city's
illuminance of the midnight sky. An occasional ambulance tore in and out of
the hospital grounds.
       Slowing down as they arrived at the glazed, glassy entrance that
beckoned them in out of the cold, the pair stopped just short of the door.
Ranma was prepared to go in but Akane, standing close beside him, seemed
more hesitant as she faintly remembered the last time she came here, after
mom had... had... Hopefully, this time it would not turn out the same way.
She prayed it wouldn't.    
      Ranma noticed her disturbed face, her beautiful but sad eyes staring
at the hospital doors and her breath only just brushing against the frosty
air. Dark strands of her hair gently flickered in the breeze. If only he
could do something, say something, that would help her get through this...
     Hesitantly, he reached out his hand and nervously stroked her cold
hand, slipping his fingers round hers. His cheeks flushed but he didn't
know why, he didn't care why. "You wanna go in, now?"
      She looked up at him suddenly and smiled sadly, whispering, "Yes and
...thanks, Ranma." 
      
* * * *

     In a small room in the Emergency ward, an anxious teenager sat on a
chair and his arm was leant over the small table. A young female doctor,
barely out of internship, was trying to stitch up the wounds on his arm but
a restive Tatewaki kept fidgeting and demanding to know about Nabiki's
process.
      "Look, would you just hold still and let me do this hand," the
impatient Dr. Gomi snapped. "You keep insisting that you're fine but your
head and back need attending to, despite your protests. At least let me
finish your arm!"
      "But I need to know if she's in a satisfactory way!" Tatewaki
protested, holding a cloth to his badly cut cheek. "For my wounds do not
matter, only hers! She was in a grave condition and I- "  
     "-I'll go check for you after I finish this. Okay?" Dr. Gomi sighed in
defeat.
     "Cannot you go, now?"
     The doctor took note of the young man's worried, troubled face and she
realised that he would not rest until he knew that his friend was all
right. Another approach was needed... "You are injured, perhaps not as
seriously as your friend but you're still in pretty bad shape. You'll be no
good to your friend hobbling around, bleeding all over the place. We need
to wash and disinfect your wounds and cover them up before we can even let
you near another patient. I'm sure she'd like to see you well and if the
cuts aren't treated, they will get worse."
      "You are right, I can be of little use to anyone in such a state."
Tatewaki gave in and didn't protest as Dr. Gomi continued to stitch his
arm. Yet that brooding look lingered on his face.
      "I know the doctors and nurses here. Your friend's got one of the
best medical teams around - they don't give up that easily. I wouldn't tell
you that if it wasn't true."
      "Thank you for saying that." His sooty face brightened a little with
hope but still lay in guilt and worry. 

* * * *

      "Excuse me, Dr. Sekoi?"
      "Yes?" The doctor turned around to see a cute teenage girl looking up
at him hopefully.
      "I was told to ask you about a Nabiki Tendo's condition," the teenage
girl announced.
      "And who might you be?" he asked her.
      "I'm Akane Tendo," the girl said, "and I want to know about my older
sister." A determined look took hold of Akane's face, but he could see fear
in her wide eyes. "No matter what the answer is, I need to know..." 
       Dr. Sekoi glanced at the teenage boy standing beside Akane, holding
her hand protectively. "And are you family?" he asked the boy, not really
expecting a positive answer.
      Akane squeezed Ranma's hand harder and answered the doctor fiercely,
"His name is Ranma and he's my fianc�. I want him to know, as well."
     Ranma shrugged and said, "You'd better listen to her, you'll regret it
if you don't. Believe me, I know the price." Surprisingly, Akane did not
hit him for this comment and just stood staring at the doctor with her
deep, vulnerable eyes, hitting his conscience till it broke.
      "All right, I'll tell you... but follow me." He guided them down a
corridor. The hospital was relatively quiet but still a few people
lingered, creating a small bustle of activity in Emergency. The harsh
lights beat down on the three as their slow footsteps echoed in the
corridors.
      The old doctor examined pieces of paper on his clipboard and locked
eyes with Akane, not given to cowardice and detachment with patients. "Miss
Tendo, your sister was involved in a fire. Fortunately, she was rescued
before suffering any burns." The doctor's heart broke as hope lit on the
girl's face, this was the part of the job he hated the most. "But... she
inhaled much smoke and with the injuries she gained beforehand...."
      "Injuries from what?" Akane asked fearfully. This couldn't get any
worse, could it?
      "It seems that, before the fire, she'd fallen through some rotted
wood into a basement of some kind and suffered a broken leg, bruised ribs
and head injuries." Dr. Sekoi took in a breath before he continued, "Then,
for a reason we have not discovered yet, a fire started in the grounds of
the ruins where she had gone, and it reached the basement."
       "Is she...? Is she...?" Akane couldn't continue, she couldn't say
that stupid word!
       "What she's tryin' to say is..." Ranma suddenly spoke up, his
attention taken away from the almost hypnotic rhythm of echoing footsteps,
"did Nabiki make it?"  
      "Yes, she is still alive... but because of the smoke and the head
injuries, I'm afraid to say..."  
      "Say... w-what?" Akane's voice broke with emotion.
      "She is in a coma and it's hard to tell if she'll ever come out of
it," the doctor declared, unable to keep eye contact with the fallen face
of Akane any longer. "Her condition is stable but the next twenty-four
hours are critical."
      Instead of breaking into tears, Akane quietly asked, "Can I see her?"
      Relieved, in a way, to not have to see the poor girl cry, Sekoi
answered, "Yes, you may. I'll just show you to her room in Intensive Care."
     
* * * *

      A while later...
      Tatewaki paced up and down the corridors, at long last free to search
for Nabiki, sure that she was still alive. He wouldn't believe otherwise.
That stubborn woman doctor had finally finished stitching his wounds and
made him have a quick wash. Once that was done, he politely thanked her for
her help and promptly left. He couldn't wait for her to find information;
he had to see for himself.
     He ignored the eerieness of the quieter corridors and pushed any
memories about the last time he'd been here to the back of his head. Nabiki
was the priority - her injuries were all his fault and he needed to make
amends. How could he have been so stupid in the first place?!
      Eventually, he found the Intensive Care department and gazed in the
half-shuttered windows of patients' rooms. Oh, let her be here, let her be
alive! If she wasn't, then... then... oh, gods, no.
      'Creeaak...'
      "I'll just get you all something to drink."
      Tatewaki stopped still as the familiar face a few feet in front of
him closed a door behind her, her calm face changing subtly to one of
sadness. Her long hair slipped forward as her head tipped slightly to face
the ground, tears falling from her face and her body trembled slightly. So,
the Tendo's were here. How could he forget about her family, just because
he had none? The oldest sister seemed so unhappy - Nabiki must be in grave
health.
       "This all my fault," Tatewaki whispered to himself as he watched the
eldest Tendo sister break down quietly, every tear a stab in his heart and
every tremble a twist of the knife in his soul. "I did all this, I caused
all this pain... how could I cause all this suffering to relieve my own?
Never, again." 
       Kasumi stopped crying, dabbed away her tears and walked towards him.
He couldn't think of anything to say to her, he couldn't think...
      "I am sorry, Kasumi Tendo, for all the grave sufferings that have
been brought upon your family, " he finally said, only to notice that she
had walked straight past him, apparently in a world of her own. 
       Starting to walk forward, his steps faltered in hesitancy as he went
past the closed door and approached the half-shuttered window. Through that
half-shuttered window lay the injured form of the girl who he once hated
because she refused to pander to his self-delusions. And now he realised
how completely wrong those delusions were. It was so obvious that he was a
nothing and always had been. How could he face those who knew of this
truth? How could he let anyone see him like this?
       Abruptly twisting around, Tatewaki strode down the hallway,
resolving to come back soon. The harsh lights reflected many shadows upon
his emotionally pained, distorted face. Surprisingly, no tears flowed from
his face. It was if he was unable to cry anymore, too many tears already
lost. The echoes of his quick but intense steps reminded him of his
existence, though that was at odds with his self-perception as nothing.
       A beautiful, young woman slid over to his side. "Excuse me," she
purred. "I wondered if you ha- "
      "Have nothing? Are nothing?" he burst out. "Have little reason to
live except to atone for the sins I have committed, to help the one who I
injured through my own miserable mistakes? Yes, you are perfectly correct
in your assumptions and I will bother you with my presence no more!" He
marched past the stunned woman.
       " -d any change for the vending machine?" she finished, wide-eyed.
What did she say wrong? 

* * * *

      There were five people in the small room that Nabiki lay in; a white
sheet covered her body but not her face. The other people in the room were
very grateful for that. The monitors in the room beeped and beeped, the
tubes protruding from her nose hushed in and out silently and subtly, her
eyes remained closed and the mascara on her eyelashes was surprisingly
unsmudged. The two girls gently holding each one of her still hands wished
that the rest of her would recover as well - the mascara seemed to boast
its perfection, its intactness, to them.
      "C'mon, Sis, wake up," Akane pleaded while sitting in a plastic chair
beside Nabiki's bed, squeezing her older sister's pale hand with her own
nervous, sweaty palm. "Who's gonna make sarcastic remarks about Ranma, eh?"
The sixteen-year-old greeted the silence with trembling tears. Ranma, who
was standing behind her, flinched and looked away as his fiancee continued,
"I... I can't do that all by myself; there's too much to make fun of.
Wh-who's going to h... help me?" No reply, just terrible silence.
      Kasumi, sitting on the other side of the bed, holding Nabiki's other
hand more gently, gave Akane a comforting look and glanced up to Ranma
seriously, as if she expected him to help. What did she want him to say? To
do? As if Akane crying hadn't made him nervous and off-guard enough. 
      "I guess that Ryoga could help you insult me, if you want," Ranma
said innocently to Akane. She stopped crying and sat silently. Soun,
leaning over the metal pole at the end of the bed, stopped crying as well
and fixed Ranma with a murderous gaze for being so careless. He opened his
mouth to castigate the young Saotome when strange noises came from Akane,
who started to shudder.
       "Akane?" Ranma asked worriedly, moving closer towards her.
       "I..." 'choke' "should've known" 'giggle' "that you'd say something"
'ha-ha' "stupid like that," Akane laughed and cried, a mixture of happiness
and sadness. 
        "..." was the only reply Ranma could sum up. He was happy to see
Akane laugh but offended by her words.
        A smile perked up Soun's sad, drooping moustache for a few moments.
Kasumi smiled inwardly for a moment, wondering if Ranma had meant what he
said or had been hoping that it would give Akane a laugh. Whatever his
intentions, for a moment the atmosphere had been lightened. Now, it fell
back into awkward silence, only the beeping of strange machines
interrupting it.
       Akane, her short hair flicking in her face as her head drooped
forward, stared sorrowfully at Nabiki's face. Oh, please wake up, Nabiki...
please... Huh? Was that a squeeze? She looked over at her and Nabiki's
hands, hoping that it was no fluke. She gulped, trying to hold back her
emotion in case it was a one-off, and listened to her own heart thumping
madly away against her ribs. Just one more time, please don't leave us...
      Nothing.
      No!
      Still nothing.
      Not fair!
      Her eyes welled with, as yet, unshed tears.
      "Not f-fair..." she sobbed.
      "Hey, don't cry, li'l sis, you've know about Ranma's stupidity for a
long time," a throaty, bunged-up voice quipped. "It's just something you'll
have to learn to live with."
      Everyone snapped to attention as a new but familiar voice spoke.
Their eyes became instantly fixed on Nabiki's conscious form, her eyes open
and fighting to stay that way.
      "Nabiki!" Akane cried, hugging her sister fiercely.
      "Th-that I am... Could you ease up on that hug, now?" Nabiki choked
weakly, wincing inwardly as the painful injuries were exasberated further.
Why did she have to have martial artists as family? Akane, meanwhile,
grinned sheepishly and moved back to her seat.
      Soun started crying tears of happiness and moved round to beside
Kasumi. He was about to hug her when a slightly embarrassed but happy Akane
held out her hands to stop him. A happy Kasumi gently forced him back a few
inches. "My daughter!" he cried ecstatically to Nabiki.
      "I guess I'm that, too," the middle daughter replied, secretly
wishing that her dad wouldn't shout so loudly; her headache was just
getting worse.
      "You're alive!!" he continued happily. "Alive!"
      "I noticed," Nabiki groaned, trying not to show how much pain she was
in. All she felt like doing was collapsing back into unconsciousness. It
had been odd - unable to move, unable to speak but able to hear all that
was said around her. For the past few minutes, anyhow. It had been
frightening, too and she'd only just managed to fight back and gain control
of her body. Now, all she wanted was sleep... but, no! That wouldn't do!
She might never wake up, again.       Suddenly, Dr. Sekoi came into the
room. Everyone moved out of his way as he started to examine Nabiki. Time
to ask some questions to keep awake... "So, anyone know why I'm here?"
      "Well," Akane spoke first. "The doctor said you were rescued from a
fire."
      That sounded familiar...

* * * *

      The dark of night was started to fade as early morning approached.
Yet, it still dominated the sky like a great power in the last years of its
reign...
      Tatewaki, still in his messy funeral suit,  leapt out of his seat in
the main reception's waiting area, and paced down the winding corridors
towards Intensive Care. There was much he had to say to Nabiki's family, to
Nabiki... if she was a... awake, that is. He'd found out about her
condition from that bossy female doctor who'd attended to his minor wounds.
A coma, he still could not believe he'd put Nabiki in a coma.
      But time for thinking was up. Although, he had decided not to tell
anyone that it was he who started the fire - they would not let him help
Nabiki, otherwise. That was how he was going to help, to make amends; he
would take the burden of care off her family. Try to be more than the
nothing he was.
      Striding down the familiar corridor, he reached the door of the room
that he knew she was in and knocked twice. Tatewaki opened the door with a
little hesitancy but tried to keep his confident posture intact. It was
disturbingly easy to do that.
      "I give you my hu- " he started, only to realise that the room held
only a female nurse and an unmoving Nabiki. Where were the Tendos? How odd.
       Slowly, he moved over towards Nabiki's bed and stood over her pale,
quiet face. So,she hasn't woken up, yet. His confident facade began to
crumble as his shoulders slumped forward. "Oh, Nabiki-san, please wake up,
please..."
      "Sir, she- " the female nurse tried to speak, from the other side of
the bed, while adjusting some of the tubes connected to Nabiki.
      "Please, let me continue," Tatewaki interrupted her, "I have much to
say. I just hope she can hear me..."
      "But- "
      "I am so sorry for what I have done to you." Tatewaki gazed down at
Nabiki, concentrating hard. "I do not know what I was thinking. I am
eternally in your debt for how you have helped me over these past few
weeks. I have come to realise that I was undeserving of your attention, of
anyone's attention..." His eyes seemed to darken as he continued, "This
should never have happened! I am less than nothing,a nobody, a laughing
stock deservedly so! Please wake up, you should not die for my stupid
mistakes, not like my family did! No!"
      "So, the great Tatewaki Kuno has discovered that he's only human."
Nabiki's eyes opened and he gasped in surprise.
      "Nabiki, you're... alive!" he cried in relief. "Nurse, she's- "
      "I know!" the nurse snapped. "That's what I've been trying to tell
you! She woke up a while ago."
      "I was just resting my eyes," Nabiki answered, her throat still sore
and painful. "Nice speech."
      "I.. I..." Tatewaki wasn't sure what to say.
      She fixed him with a bitter, chilly stare. "Now, get out," she coolly
ordered in a low but firm voice.
      "What? But I have to help- "
      "Get out. I don't need your help." Her icy gaze continued to bore
into Tatewaki's conscience. "Now leave and don't come back."
      "You don't understand, I'm sorry, I have to help you!" he protested,
clearly shaken by her words.
      "If you don't, I'll call security." Her voice was steady but tinged
with the slightest hint of anger. "I know all about what happened, I know
it was you and I never want to see you again. Can you grasp that concept?"
      "But, Nabiki-san, I feel I- "
      "Nurse," Nabiki called to the other female. "Could you- "
      "All right," Tatewaki said in a quiet, resigned and uncharacteristic
voice. "I'll leave." He reluctantly started to shift towards the door in
both shock and understanding of her words. Looking back to her, he saw
Nabiki was looking away from him, refusing to make any more eye contact.
"Nabiki..."
      He received no reply.
      "I think you better leave," the nurse whispered to him. "She's been
through a lot, that's all."
      Kuno stared at Nabiki sadly and regretfully, wanting to think of
something to say that would amend all that has happened. But he couldn't.
"You are right, I shall leave." He turned back to the door and slowly
stepped through it and headed for the exit - he was lost, once again.
Trapped in the guilt his conscience created for him.     
   
          
End of chapter 7...
C&C happily received. Any help with the hospital bits would be nice. If you
post any public comments, please post them to me as well since I'm forced
to unsub from the FFML for a hopefully short time. Take into account that
this is a rough draft and only I have "pre-read" it. And I'm no good at
being objective with my own work. ^_^