Excellent fic! I'd like to see a lot more of it... just a few
suggestions... keep the "lingo typing" down a bit... if I remember
correctly, Spider only actually did that to Fast Eddie. A few more...

On Wed, 8 Jul 1998, Ryan Norman wrote:

[snip!]

	Oh look, one of the new people have decided to toast.  Watch closely:

	A young boy wearing a brown and orange bandana, brown shirt, brown
pants, strange black shoes and a backpack walked up to the chalk-line.
 He lifted his glass up, which was a strange little thimble-like
thing, and shouted:  "To Curses!" gulped the drink down, and threw the
glass at the fireplace.
	It shattered against the brick with such force that a few pieces of
brick chipped.  
	A moment later, most everyone else in the bar raised their glasses,
said "To Curses!" drank their glasses dry, then lobbed them in after
the boy.

If Ryouga didn't know where he was, how would he know how to make a toast?
And wouldn't he ask where he was -first-?

	"Jusenkyo?  Where the hell's that?" Jake Stonebender asked.
	"It's in China," the boy replied.  He looked around at the people for
a moment, noticing something wrong with their appearances for the
first time.  "Where am I?"
	"A long way from China, that's for sure," Mike replied, his big meaty
hands cleaning one of the few unbroken returned glasses.  "You're in
Suffolk County, New Jersey."

Ack! I assure you, sir, I most certainly do -not- live in New Jersey.
Suffolk County is on Long Island in New York.

	"I've never been to the US before..." the boy mused.  Suddenly he
jumped up off the ground.  "Then how is it you're speaking Japanese?"
	"We're not.  To us it sounds like you're speakin' English.  A friend
of ours named Mickey Finn gave us all kinds of interesting gizmos for
problems like these." Long Drink replied.

I find this one a bit -too- unbelievable... just doesn't set right with
me. But, I suppose it's neccesary.

	"Who was cursed wit' blowin' up de world?  Yep.  He's better now. 
Poor guy.  Being an alien an' all sure makes life tough on him," the
piano player, Fast Eddie, pointed out.

This is canon lingo-speech...

	"Nutin much.  A little bit of drinkin, a little bit of punning, and,
every once-in-a-while, a little bit of soul-mendin," Jake noted.

This is not. Jake, as far as I know, would -not- say "nuttin". :)

I don't have too many other qualms with this fic... except that it could
use just a -teaspoon- more WAFF. ;)

- Adam Conover


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