Arrg!  I need a title!
Arrg!  Why do I keep coming up with more ideas!


                               Ranma 1/2:
                           The Princess Bride

                             by Josh Green


[Opening shot: a rustic setting.  Female Ranma is present, wearing a
demure dress.]

Narrator: Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Nerima.
          Her fav-

Ranma: Hold it!  There ain't no way you're going to call me 'Buttercup!'

[Screen fades to black.]

[Fade in.  Same setting, Akane is present.  The dress doesn't seem to
fit her as well.]

Narrator: Buttercup was raised on a small farm-

Ranma: [Off screen.]  Her?!  'Buttercup?'  [Starts laughing.]

Akane: [Pulls a mallet from nowhere and runs off screen.]  Die, Ranma!

[Fade out.]

[Fade in.  Akane, Ukyou, Kodachi, Shampoo, and Kasumi are present.  All
are wearing identical dresses.]

Narrator: Buttercup... oh, nuts.

[The girls noticed each other and begin talking at the same time.]

Akane: That jerk!  I bet this is Ranma's fault.

Kodachi: You will not take the spotlight from me, little girls!
         Ohohoho...

Kasumi: Oh, my!  I'm not supposed to be in this scene.

Shampoo: Aiya!  This Shampoo's big debut!  I not let you mess up!

Ukyou: Alright, who's the jackass that caused this mess?

[Fade out.]

[Fade in.  Akane is present, wearing a similar dress to earlier but it
seems to fit her now.  She's smiling at the camera.]

Narrator: Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Nerima.

Buttercup (Akane): [Growling through her smile]  Not a word, Ranma.

Narrator: Her favorite past-times were riding her horse and tormenting
          the farm boy that worked there.  His name was Westley.  But
          she never called him that.

[Scene: a small stable on the farm.  Ranma is chopping wood.  Buttercup
rides in and dismounts.]

Narrator: Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley
          around.

[Buttercup tries to catch Ranma's attention, but he totally ignores
her until she's right in his face.]

Buttercup: Baka!  Varnish my horse's saddle.  I want to see my face
           shining in it by morning.

Westley (Ranma): Kawaiikune!  [Sticks out his tongue.]

Narrator: 'Kawaiikune' was all he ever said to her.

[Buttercup stomps off.]

[Scene: a small kitchen.  Buttercup is hacking at a large salad with a
cleaver.  Westley walks past the door.]

Buttercup: Baka!

[Westley pokes his head inside the kitchen and glares at Buttercup.]

Buttercup: Fetch me that pitcher.  [Pointing to a rack above her.]

[Westley walks in, grabs a pitcher -- but not the one she was pointing
at --  and hands it to her.]

Westley: Kawaiikune.

Narrator: That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying
          'kawaiikune' what he meant was, 'I love you.'  And even more
          amazing was that she realized she truly loved him back.

[Buttercup and Westley turn their heads to stare at the camera.]

Buttercup: Oh, come on!  You've got to be kidding.

Westley: Yeah, right.  I just got the stupid pitcher for her because a
         clumsy tomboy like her would probably wreck the kitchen if she
         tried to get it by herself.

[Buttercup smashes the pitcher over Westley's head.]

[Scene: Buttercup and Westley standing near the border of the farm.
Both look very nervous.]

Narrator: Westley had no money for marriage so he packed his few
          belongings and left the farm to seek his fortune across the
          sea.  It was a very emotional time for Buttercup.

[Buttercup and Westley hesitate, then Buttercup gives Westley a big
smile.]

Buttercup: Well, so long!

[Westley picks up a large backpack, waving to Buttercup with one hand.]

Westley: Right!  See ya!

[Buttercup and Westley turn away from each other and their shoulders
slump slightly.  Westley trudges off.]

Narrator: Westley didn't reach his destination.  His ship was attacked
          by the Dread Space Pirate Ryouko-

Buttercup: [Coming out of her stupor.]  _Space_ Pirate!?

Narrator: Alright, alright.  His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate
          Ryouko, who never left male captives alive.

[Scene: Buttercup sitting in a small, dark room.  She quickly hides an
onion behind her back.]

Narrator: When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered, she
          went into her room and shut the door, and for days she neither
          slept nor ate.

Buttercup: [Slowly crying.]  I will never love again.

                                 *****

Notes: OK, anyone want me to continue this?  If not, I probably won't.
       Would Ranma end up with a bunch of girls chasing him?  You bet.
       How would it happen?  That would be telling.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Josh Green, aka Pi -- SORT@BUCKET.UALR.EDU
       http://bucket.ualr.edu/~sort/fanfic/
---------------------------------------------------------------------------