This is Callahan's Place.  Sure its a bar, but its a special bar.
Drinks here are only fifty cents.  Miracles (Mike's special of the
house) cost a bit more.  
	Now ol' Mike only accepts ones around here.  If you have a five or
ten, go out, take a right, and you'll be at a deli.  The guy there'll
trade you ones for what you got.  Then come on back.
	Now, you've got your dollar, like I said, drinks are fifty cents, the
special, now, is a dollar.  Not just a dollar but that's all the money
it costs.  You just get drinks, there's an old cigar box by the front
door filled with quarters on the way out.  Just take what you're owed
when you leave.  Mike doesn't keep an eagle eye on the box, but if
you're caught taking more 'n you deserve you'll be ejected.  And the
door won't be opened first.
	You want to know about the special?  Simple.  Just take your drink,
walk up to the white chalk-line, propose a toast, drink it down, and
toss the glass into the fireplace.
	You say that's crazy?  You don't know Mike too well then.  But don't
worry, before the nights out, you will.
	Now, about the toast�  Some people go up and jokingly toast about
World Peace, good will toward men and all that, but most don't.  When
a person goes up, they usually toast about what's wrong with them.

	Oh look, one of the new people have decided to toast.  Watch closely:

	A young boy wearing a brown and orange bandana, brown shirt, brown
pants, strange black shoes and a backpack walked up to the chalk-line.
 He lifted his glass up, which was a strange little thimble-like
thing, and shouted:  "To Curses!" gulped the drink down, and threw the
glass at the fireplace.
	It shattered against the brick with such force that a few pieces of
brick chipped.  
	A moment later, most everyone else in the bar raised their glasses,
said "To Curses!" drank their glasses dry, then lobbed them in after
the boy.

	The boy looked around for a moment, surprised at the open-heartedness
of the people, then sank to his knees, his eyes welling up with tears.
 "I hate my life," he shouted aloud.
	This started things going.  Long Drink immediately replied, "I hate
mine too.  Most everyone does."
	The boy was once again shocked, he turned and looked at Long Drink,
"But I'm cursed," he said, "A real, honest to God magical curse.
	Long Drink just replied, without missing a beat, "We've had a couple
in here like that before.  Rachel was cursed with a really long-life;
Mickey Finn was cursed with the prospect of destroying the Earth, a lot
of us are cursed."
	"But does your curse turn you into a little black pig?" the boy shot
back.
	"No," Long Drink replied, a blank expression on his face.
	"Well that just happens to be mine�" the boy stated, "It's been mine
ever since I fell in that spring in Jusenkyo..."
	"Jusenkyo?  Where the hell's that?" Jake Stonebender asked.
	"It's in China," the boy replied.  He looked around at the people for
a moment, noticing something wrong with their appearances for the
first time.  "Where am I?"
	"A long way from China, that's for sure," Mike replied, his big meaty
hands cleaning one of the few unbroken returned glasses.  "You're in
Suffolk County, New Jersey."
	"Where's New Jersey?"
	"Boy, you are lost.  New Jersey's in the good ol' US of A," Mike said.
	"I've never been to the US before..." the boy mused.  Suddenly he
jumped up off the ground.  "Then how is it you're speaking Japanese?"
	"We're not.  To us it sounds like you're speakin' English.  A friend
of ours named Mickey Finn gave us all kinds of interesting gizmos for
problems like these." Long Drink replied.
	"Isn't he the one..." the boy began.
	"Who was cursed wit' blowin' up de world?  Yep.  He's better now. 
Poor guy.  Being an alien an' all sure makes life tough on him," the
piano player, Fast Eddie, pointed out.
	"He's an alien?"
	"Yeah.  Ain't it wierd?  A bar saves the Earth from destruction."
	"How straaange�" the boy murmered.  He started to think about this
for a moment, but only burst out screaming:  "What's going on here!?"
	"Nutin much.  A little bit of drinkin, a little bit of punning, and,
every once-in-a-while, a little bit of soul-mendin," Jake noted.
	"Yeah, well my soul has been torn up for a lot longer than the two
years I've had this curse."
	"Didn't say it can happen overnight, son," Doc Webster replied.  "The
big ones take awhile�  Usually."
	"Yeah, well I've got my share of big ones�" the boy said angrily.
	"Then pull up a seat, grab yourself a mug, and tell us all about it,"
Jake said, pulling an old seat and a mug of ale out for the boy.
	The boy stood still, with a shocked expression on his face that was
rather common to newcomers at Callahans.  He didn't quite recover, but
sat down and took the drink anyway.  "Well�" he began, taking a sip
from the glass, "there's a whole bunch of these cursed springs in
Jusenkyo.  When someone or something falls in there and drowns, the
next person who falls in is cursed to become that thing."
	"Well, ya don't look like a pig ta me right now," Eddie pointed out.
	"Depends upon your definition of 'pig'," Mary pointed out.  With
that, everyone toasted their new glasses and tossed them into the
fireplace.  Almost as soon as they went in, new glasses were in their
hands, courtesy of the speed of Mike and his assistant Tom Hauptman.
	"No, you see.  It only turns me into a pig when I'm splashed with
cold water.  I turn back when I'm splashed with hot water."
	"So you got one of dem transformation curses on yah?" Eddie asked.
	"Yeah.  I guess you could call it that."
	"I see people every day who are worse pigs and they stay human, too!"
the barrel-shaped Doc Webster interceded, receiving a barrage of
laughter from the crowd.
	"But there's a problem�"
	"You mean being cursed isn't the worst of it?" Jake asked.
	"No�  You see�  I'm in love with a girl!  And she doesn't even know
it.  Or know about the curse," the boy replied, burying his head in
his hands, tears streaming from his face.
	"Oh, I see..." Jake replied dumbfoundedly, "So tell her.  Tell her
everything."
	"No!  I can't bring myself to tell her.  She's already promised to
someone else.  Besides� I'm her pet!" he said, expecting a mass
face-faulting.
	Not a person in the room reacted strangely.  They just listened
intently, drinking their assorted liquors.
	"What?" the boy angrily cried out, smashing a table to splinters with
his clenched fist.
	"We've had worse people here before, Mr...  What is your name
anyway?" Long-drink asked, reaching his hand toward the boy.
	"Ryouga...  Ryouga Habiki," the boy answered, grabbing Long-drinks
hand and standing up.
	"Good ta meet ya, Ryouga," Long Drink said, shaking Ryouga's strong
hand, "My name's Long Drink."
	"Long Drink?"
	"Because I'm�"
	"�A Long Drink of water!!!" the entire room shouted out in unison,
once again bombarding the fireplace with glass.
	"Okay�  I think I better be going�" Ryouga said hesitantly.
	"If that's the way you feel, be our guest," Mike said politely.
	Ryouga looked about with fear, but soon realized his fears were
unjustified.  No one was mad.  They were happy.  For once in his life,
a roomful of people have been happy.  He sat back down, mumbling: "I
think I like it here."
	"Well, glad to have you here.  What'll it be?" Tom asked a
split-second before Mike.
	Ryouga looked down at the smashed table and realized the shattered
glass lining the floor was his mug.  He looked back at Tom with guilt
in his eyes and spoke:  "I'm sorry."
	"Don't be.  Tables are almost as cheep as glasses," Mike replied
calmly, "So what'll it be?"
	"Uhm� Sake."
	"Whatever it is, boy, it's on the house cause I ain't never heard of
it."
	"Well, it's�  It's rice wine."
	Mike thought for a moment, his meaty fingers pounding against his
chin in contemplation.  After a moment, though he announced:  "I'll be
back in an hour, guys.  Don't destroy the place while I'm gone."

	During those hours, and more afterwards, Ryouga told his story: 
About Ranma Saotome, the boy-girl.  About his sense of direction. 
About the constant fighting, challenges and the intricate web of
events tying him to these incidents.  The whole time, the room just
listened intently, never interupting, never questioning.  And as the
clock struck Seven A.M. his story was finished.
	"�And that's how it goes," Ryouga finished.  He still couldn't believ
he lucked into a place like this.
	"So you're really strong�" one inhabitant noted.
	"And you get lost easily�" joined in a second.
	"Not to mention you're a pig�" a third pointed out.
	"That sums it up," Ryouga answered with a shrug.
	"Well, I don't know about some of your other problems, but the next
time you try to get somewhere, look up and watch where you walk.  You
seem ta slump when you walk," Mike noted as he smoked one of his nasty
cigars.
	"I'll try that.  Thanks," Ryouga replied.  And with that he rushed
out the door and away.  Before anyone could even respond.

	Well, Ryouga came back a week later, with a coupla friends in tow. 
But that's for a good Tall Tale on Wednesday.
	





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