(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in
3....2....1....just kidding.)

        Hey there, everyone.  I'd just like to say that in this
series, I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments.  I don't, in any way, 
mean offense to any of the authors or
original show Mystery Science Theater 3000, who have spent
hours on end working to make this idea possible to form in
my head.
        My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have
to use Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma
1/2.
        WARNING: There are extensive rants.  Mainly about what is said 
by the story characters.
        2nd Warning: My MSTing of this story has extreme violence 
towards a certain charater.  Sorry, Choe, but Peter gets ripped.
        Please don't sue me!
        Enjoy! ^_^;

(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)

There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into
space...

(Hey!  You can't do this!  I know people!  REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)

Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!

Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...

[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth.  This is
the Satelite of Anime.  We enter...]
        [A-kun and Ifurita are Poker.  Strip poker.  A-kun is losing and 
is down to his boxers.]

A-kun: Damn it!  Four entire games and all I keep getting are this 
stupid 'Dead's Man Hand'.  Every single time, too!  I hate strip poker!

Ifurita: Don't blame me.

A-kun: I want YOU to lose!

        [Ami and Ranma arrive on the bridge.]

Ranma: Ami, I understand your point about the U.S.'s unfair censorship 
and I agree with you, Ranma 1/2 SHOULD come on right before Sailor Moon.  
But, you have to remember that the USA channel just cancelled Sailor 
Moon.

Ami: And that's the reason I HAVE to do this.  A-kun, can you take us 
over the USA broadcasting stations?

A-kun [getting his clothes back on]: Why?

Ami: They just cancelled Sailor Moon for the second time.

A-kun: Done and done.  But what are you going to do?

Ami: One moment.  Ifurita, can I see your Power Key Staff?

Ifurita: Sure, here you go.

        [Ifurita tosses her Power Key Staff to Ami.  Ami transforms into 
Sailor Mercury just before catching the staff.  She does some 
calculations on her computer and walks over to an Access Port.]

Sailor Mercury: ABSOLUTE ZERO BLAST!!!

        [Numerous blasts fly through the staff and annihilate the USA 
broadcasting station.]

Sailor Mercury: That'll teach 'em for replacing us with that stupid 
'Webster'.

        [Sailor Mercury changes back and tosses the staff back to 
Ifurita.]

Ami: Thanks.

Ifurita: One question: How the hell did you manage to use my staff?

Ami: I managed to lock down the form of energy that can go through and 
altered my powers to imitate it for a short while.

Ifurita: Sounds reasonable.

Ranma: Sounds like BS, but it'll work.

        [The MADs light begins flashing.]

A-kun: Damn, Tori Spelling and C-ko are calling.

[Deep Throat 4]

Dr. Matheus: [bored tone] Hello, A-kun.  I'm feeling depressed today.

[SOA]

A-kun: Really?

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: [bored tone] Yeah...[normal tone] NOT!  Don't ever think 
that the idea of having your mind snap like a twig doesn't motivate me 
to continue.  Your latest story is a parody of the Crys Saga and 
Misadventures of the Foreign Exchange Student.  It's by Jang Choe/Bile 
Studios.  Enjoy!

        [Nothing happens.]

Dr. Matheus: Send them the fanfic, Danny Boy!

Danny Boy: Yes, Dr. Matheus.

[SOA]

A-kun: [frowning] I'll have to do something about him when I get back...

        [The sirens begin flashing]

Ifurita: Never mind that!!

All: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIGN!!!!!

        [They hurry to their access ports as Cambot floats forward 
through the now open dogbone.]
        [Door 6: It's a stapler on a rampage.  You wait a minute until 
it's out of staples, then toss it into a vaporizer.]
        [Door 5: It's John Agar again.  You draw your phaser and 
vaporize him.]
        [Door 4: It's A-kun showering.  You don't know what he looks 
like, so you don't know how sick you're getting.]
        [Door 3: It's an Acme Bomb.  The fuse runs out and the bomb 
fails to explode.  You're about to walk past when it explodes.  You 
aren't injured.]
        [Door 2: It WAS a horde of demons, but they were blown away by 
the bomb.]
        [Door 1: It's a vault door.  It opens for you.]
        [Ifurita enters first, followed by Ami, A-kun and Ranma.  They 
sit in that order.]

From: Yinyang@altered.com

Ranma: Then it wouldn't be a yin-yang, now would it?

Ifurita: No, the yin-yang altered the com.

All: Aaaah....

    Authors pre-notes:  I fumed at Pearson Mui for writing 
"Misadventures
of the Foreign Exchange Student."

A-kun: That's DISGUSTING!

Ami: What is?

A-kun: Read that! He farted at Pearson Mui for writing that story-

Ami: A-KUN!

Ranma: Must have taken a lot of beans-

Ami: RANMA!

A-kun: I guess you've taken it upon yourself to be the regulator?

Ami: I guess I have.

 I hate that Pat Lee character.

A-kun: Duh, he's like my Shin Saotome character.  He's made 
super-powerful just as a splurge of ego.

 No offense to Pearson if he is reading this. Anyway, I >thought The 

Crys Saga

wasn't that bad,

Ranma: Crys Saga?  Not that bad?  Hoo boy, we're in for it.

A-kun: No kidding.

Ifurita: What's wrong with it?

Ranma: 'Crys' is an SPB with HPP and generally KA.  THEN, he runs a 
bunch of SPLs which are DJ and very S.

Ami: What did you say?

A-kun: I'll translate.  'Crys' is an Super-Powered Being with 
High-Powered Psionics and generally Kicks Ass.  THEN, he runs a bunch of 
Stupid Plot Lines which are DisJointed and very Stupid.  At least the 
original anyway.  I haven't seen the rewrite.

so I decided to read some more of this authors-in
their-own-fanfics type of adventures.

A-kun: Ahem.

        [A-kun raises a sign "Read Roku-Bun No San".]

So I picked up Misadventures and
read it; I hate Misadventures, the characters in fact.

Ifurita: I had a comment.....but I forgot it.  Sorry.

 The story was
good, but I hate those two flawless, know-it-all characters >(Beth, and 

Pat

Lee).

A-kun: Well at least they had some cute ideas.  The 'Nuke' attack was a 
tad ridiculous, but otherwise, it was....a standard self-insertion.  
Minus the fact that he didn't get involved with any of the characters.

So, I thought, "Oh I can make someone more perfect, >powerful, and
omniscient."

A-kun: Oh yeah?!  Can he read MY thoughts?

Ifurita: You want donuts, right?

A-kun [startled]: IFURITA!  How did YOU know?!

Ifurita: You're reaching down to grab the box now.  By the way, Ami got 
the last Evanjellydonut.  {We're not worthy!  We're not worthy!-Plug #2}

        [A-kun fumes.  Then uses a fan to blow the stench towards the 
screen in hopes that the fanfic will burn away to hell.  Then, he claps 
his hands on the Evanjellydonut just as Ami is about to bite it.  
*FRAAAAAAPP*  The Evanjelly hits the screen and looks disgusting as the 
light hits it.  The fanfic looks even worse (As if THAT's possible).]

So here it is.  You can say it's a parody of Crys Saga and
Misadventures, or you can think if this as one of "those >type"  

fanfics;

Ranma: Those type fanfics?  What, can't he spell 'Self-insertion'?

A-kun: Maybe it's a LEMONY Evanjellydonut....[drools]  
Mmmmmm...Evanjellydonut......oooooh, sprinkles!

I
don't care.

Ifurita: What a surprise.  Neither do we.

 It's going to have this extremely powerful, know it all
character, bad writing, commercial breaks, and other >cliches.

A-kun: Explains why Dr. Matheus sent it to us.

 I want you
to read this and think, "Man, this guy is too dang perfect!  
I hate him!" 

A-kun: But we could never think that about you, Choe.

Ranma: Choe?  Perfect?  Get real.

Read it and enjoy. 

Ifurita: Or read it and hurl.

Ranma 1/2 and other related characters- 1996 Rumiko
Takahashi/Shougkukan  Inc./Kitty/Fuji  TV

Dragonball Z and other related characters- 1996 Akira
Toriyama/Shueisha  Inc./Bird Studios.

El Hazard the Magnificent World - (C) Hiroki Hayashi/1996 

Ifurita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

Ranma: QUICK, AMI!!  GIVE HER THE SEDATIVE!!!

        [Ami pulls out three bottles "Jack Daniels", "Sake Concentrate" 
and "A-kun's personal stuff.  Warning: Do not feed to gremlins before or 
AFTER midnight.  Warning: Do not attempt to do more than sniff the 
bottle if you are not of Author-class or above".  Ami pours all three 
down Ifurita's throat.  It barely calms Ifurita down.]

Peter Con -1996 Jang Choe/Bile Studios all rights deserved

A-kun: Yeah, but we ain't going to let you have them.

other characters - (C) their respective creators

Ami: Oh kami-sama, I love Other Characters on All My Children.

Used without permission.

A-kun: How'd he know?

---- Begin Peter's Journey----

Ranma: [Bellowing] TURN TAPE OVER!!!
     

    [Peter Con,

A-kun: Hey, I think I went to that convention.  You had to walk around 
in underwear while women fondled your butt.

Ami: %Peter Con. Peter Con. All I want to do is Peter Con-% BLEAH!!!

a incredibly handsome,

Ami: Man, is he exaggerating or what?  Peter looks like the Hunchback 
from Notre Dame.

Ifurita: [slightly drunk] BEFORE the plastic surgery.

Asian descendant,

Ranma: Look, sucking down Sake for forty hours a day DOESN'T make you of 
Asian 'descendant'.

young
man in his teens and his two friends are driving in a blue >Volvo,

Ifurita: Try an AMC Gremlin.  The kind that has the really GOOD AM radio 
and the one working blinker.

A-kun: Not to mention it's Lime Green.

heading towards their school.  It is 3:00 in the morning.]

Ami: Man, I thought _I_ was obsessed with studying.

Ranma: No, no.  They're just going to use the internet to look at porn.

A-kun: Ranma, pictures of Riverdance don't count as porn.

Peter [slightly annoyed]:  Man, I said I don't want to go!

Ami: Yeah right.  He's probably the one who planned all this.

Ranma: Yeah, he's just making sure his protests are on tape so he can 
blame it on them.

Friend #1 [to Peter]: Look, we're doing this for you.

A-kun and Ranma: BLEAH!!!

Ifurita: Some friends!  Taking him to school, what sadistic S.O.B.s!

Ami: What?  No name?

You basically have
no life!

Ranma: [Friend #1] So we're going to kill you.  It's that simple.  Don't 
worry, it'll look cool when we're done hanging your intestines over the 
doors.

        [Ami, Ifurita and A-kun move away from Ranma.]

You have to loosen up a little, and besides, we'll become 

ACs: ZETRA-WOMEN!!

A-kun: POWER RANGERS!!

ACs: GAH!

rich
when we tell everyone about these ruins. 

Ifurita: Ruins?  Nani?

Ami: Hmmm, I wonder how much power it would take to destroy a bad 
fanfic....

A-kun: I'll tell you right now that it has to be greater than a simple 
flame.

Ami: So we're looking at deity-class powers.

A-kun: And above.

Friend #2: Those ruins will be named after me.

Friend #1: You're crazy, dumbass, it will be named after >me! 

Ranma: Why am I suddenly imagining Friend #1 and Friend #2 as Beavis and 
Butthead respectively?

Ifurita: Because they are?

Friend #2: Oh my goodness, I found it first.

A-kun: 'Oh my goodness'?  What?  Is Belldandy suddenly Friend #2?

Friend #1: Shut up, I did.

Ami: [Butthead] Shut up, Ass-munch.

Peter [sighs]: Who wants to go see some stupid ruins >anyways?

Ifurita: KICK HIS ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

Friend #1 [ignoring Peter, he parks the car.]: Here we are, 
now lets

Ami: go rob that bank!

A-kun: go kill that fanfic author!

go in and see if it has any treasures.

Ami: Lara Croft and Indiana Jones, these people aren't.

    [They get off their car and find their way inside the >school.

Ranma: Wait a minute, they attend this school every weekday and they 
STILL don't know the way in?  What morons!

 They
carefully guide themselves

Ifurita: [Friend #1 to Friend #1] Now me, over here are the locker 
rooms.  If you'll look to the left, you'll see a bunch of doors...

Ami: [Peter to Peter] Me, be careful.  God knows how many people are 
plotting my death.  Uh...I mean....OUR death....  yeah......WATCH OUT 
FOR THOSE GUYVERS!!!

        [Guyver 1 and Guyver 3 use their Megasmashers to blow Peter and 
his friends to atoms.  The end.]

All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!!!

in the dark through the dark side of the gym
where no one ever ventures,

        [A-kun sighs and recreates the characters.  But, now they look 
like the 3 Stooges.  Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk-nyuk.]

Ami: Then what the hell are these idiots doing here?

Ranma [Obi-Wan Kenobi]: Luke....stay away from the Dark Side of the 
Gym...

and they finally get through to the ruins
underneath the school.

Ifurita: Where upon they stumble into a sacred ceremony and are 
sacrificed to the Otaku's Evil Goddess 'Xian Pu'.  Also known as 
Umberlee 'The Bitch Queen', Tiamat 'The Bitch Queen', and Tahkisis 'The 
Bitch Queen'.

Ami: And Leona Helmsley 'The Empress Bitch'.

A-kun: They find the Teamsters' secret hideout and are sent to 'Sleep 
with Hoffa'.

TharzZzDunN: [TharzZzDunN appears] No, no, they stumble over the last 
known location of Gendo Ikari and Ryoji Kaji's remains.  (Stored in 
separate thimbles.) [TharzZzDunN vanishes.]

When they turn the corner, they see some other guy
already down there.]

A-kun: Man, this Some Other Guy appears a lot in fanfics.

Ranma: Yeah, he's really talented.  I've worked with him before.

Ami: And he's a fantastic kisser!

Ifurita: Tell me about it, we didn't leave my dressing room for six 
weeks.

        [Ranma and A-kun frown deeply and begin plotting the death of 
Mr. Some Other Guy....]

Friend #1: Hey! Who the hell are you? 

Jinnai: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Jinnai >Katsuhiko, the 

student

Ami: [rolling her eyes in disgust] Ooooooh, I've never seen a _STUDENT_ 
before.

body president of Shininime High school,

A-kun: Well, since you're in America, that means as much as a turd in a 
compost heap.

Ranma: Or a raccoon in a hard hat.

and I came here to claim these
ruins as mine. 

A-kun: And that claim is as valid as 10-321's claim to be a better long 
distance service.

Peter: Shininime? Isn't that the school in El Hazard? 

A-kun: Shininime?  No, no.  A much BETTER MISspelling is 
Shininininininininininininininininime Hig-he Sh-cool.

TharzZzDunN: [Appears again] Cha-cha-cha! [disappears into a pool of 
gravy]

Friend #1 [to Peter]: Man, you watch too much anime! 

Peter [angry]: Punk! You watch them too! 

A-kun: Ah, Friend #1 is Punk!

Ranma: [Peter]  Hello...my name is Peter....and I'm an otaku.

Ami, Ifurita and A-kun: [other otaku] Hello Peter.

Friend #2: You guys are all sorry, I have a life.

Ami: Watching Baywatch instead of Sailor Moon, Ranma 1/2 or El Hazard is 
NOT an improvement.

A-kun: Though Pamela Anderson looks....[drools]....it's still no 
improvement.  In fact, if you think about it, all Anime is fifty times 
better than most live-action garbage.

Ranma: So, would you rather watch Gatchaman or Power Rangers?

A-kun: Power Rangers, at least THEY have opponents that come up with 
mildly comprehensible plot lines.  Besides, watching people running 
around in spandex is better than watching people running around in 
stupid bird-costumes.

Ifurita: Hey, can we get back to the fanfic?  It may be deep hurting, 
but you guys are just ranting.

I don't watch them at
all.

All: What a loser.

Friend #1 [to friend #2]: Shut up! All you watch is that >Ultimate 

Fighting

stuff. 

All: Huh?

A-kun: ULTIMATE Fighting?  They don't even TOUCH spells, ki or psionics.  
I don't consider it ULTIMATE Fighting.  Maybe 
Stupidly-Barbaric-Beat-The-Crap-Out-Of-Your-Opponent Fighting, but no 
way are they even close to ULTIMATE Fighting.

Ami: Not to mention they don't even TRY to pull people from other 
dimensions or the future or the past.

Ranma: So it's agreed.  Ultimate Fighting should never be discussed ever 
again.

Peter [Ignoring his "friends"]: How in the world did you >get here, 

Jinnai? 

Ifurita: He's not even trying to figure out WHY Jinnai is at his school 
declaring his ownership over the ruins?  What a moron!

Jinnai [Scratches head]: Ya know, I have no idea.  One >minute I'm in 

some

weird world leading some bugrums, and the next minute, I'm >here and I 

...

        [Jinnai and Peter are vaporized.]

A-kun: [blowing smoke from the barrel of his Death Ray Cannon (tm)] Take 
THAT, ya bad 'fic!

    [All of a sudden, a bright light shines, and everybody >is frozen. 

Ami: QUICK!  Stuff them in the meat locker!  They can be next week's 
mysterious meat.

Ranma: With it's own gravy.

Except of course, Peter.]

A-kun: Ah, I take it the Medusa is going to savor- [notices the look 
Ifurita is giving him] sorry.

Peter:  Huhn? everybody is fro . . . [Thinking]

All: [in unison] Not in this life time.

This is so much like El
Hazard . . . I bet some girl is gonna come out of nowhere >and take me 

to

some weird place. 

        [Kei and Yuri step out of the darkness.]

Kei: Come on, Zen needs a room-mate.

        [Peter's head explodes.]

Yuri: What the hell?

        [Ranma and A-kun begin laughing like Beavis and Butthead as 
Ifurita lowers her Power Key Staff.]

 [As Peter predicted, a girl does come appear out of >nowhere; well, 

she

comes out of some weird pillar like thingy.]

        [Sighing, A-kun reforms Peter's head.]

Girl From Nowhere: HEY!  You still have to pay me, Choe!  Don't think 
you're getting off easy!

Girl out of some weird pillar like thingy: You have to pay me too!

Ifurita: Oh Peter . . . I have finally . . .

Ifurita: Killed you.

        [Peter's head explodes (again).]

found you. [collapses on

Ifurita: The floor if _I_ have any say in this.

Ami: Sadly, you don't.

        [A-kun sighs again and reforms Peter's head, but it looks like 
like someone from Gatchaman. (oooooh, specific, huh?)]

Peter]

Ranma: Not Peter per se, but rather Peter's corpse, nowhere near his 
genitals, arms, legs, stumped neck or his torso.

Peter [catches her calmly]:

        [Peter goes into heart spasms and dies.]

 Who are you? [of course he knows who she is,
but he still acts surprised by the similarity between this >and his 3rd
favorite anime.]

Ifurita: 3RD FAVORITE?!?!?!  THAT'S IT!!!

        [Peter dies 64,325,432 times before Ifurita calms down enough 
for the fanfic to continue.  Mind you, A-kun no longer has the energy 
(nor wishes to use the energy) to restore Peter's body.  Therefore, you 
have to think of Peter minus his head, upper left thigh and waist, most 
of his right arm (there's a stump) and both feet.  What remains is 
heavily burned and hovering.]

Ifurita:  Oh, I must use the rest . . . of my

Ifurita: . . . and by 'my', I mean 'your' . . . 

strength to take you to El
Hazard . . . but I don't know . . . if I have enough power. 

Ifurita:. . . or if you have a big enough ego . . . or credit limit . . 
. or enough credibility . . . [realizes something] For what you've done 
to this fanfic's credibility I oughta take you up to a height of 30,000 
feet and drop you.

Peter: Why must I go to El Hazard? 

A-kun: You're the know-it-all.  You tell us.

        [For some reason, the Gilligan's Island opening theme is playing 
repeatedly and Peter begins to resemble Gilligan.]

Ifurita:  Because Makoto is

Ifurita: way cooler than you

in . . . 

A-kun: Operation Condor with Jackie Chan.

danger and you are . . . 

Ifurita: the biggest flaming twit I could find that won't do a damn 
thing.

the only one
to save him . . . now I must send you . . . 

Peter: Okay. 

A-kun: You know, for all his faults, he doesn't have an extreme ego and 
name things that aren't really his after himself.
    

    [A huge beam of light crashes down on Peter's city and 
engulfs it. 

A-kun: I sit corrected and unphased by that fact.

Peter is flying through the Universe and lands suddenly in 

Ranma: a cow pie.

the wonderful
land of . . .]

Ranma: El Hazard, right?

A-kun: Oh come on now.  You don't think he'll do something stupid and 
toss Peter to Ranma 1/2 or Sailor Moon or something stupid like that, do 
you?

Peter [Wakes up]:  Ohhh, where am . . . [looks at his >hands,

Ami: That should be 'hand'.  After all, Ifurita blew the other one to 
atoms.

then his
whole body] AHHHHHHH! I'm two dimensional! Am . . . Am .  . >. I in El
Hazard? [Looks around] No, doesn't look like it, looks like >. . . 

Japan

Ranma: See?

A-kun: [sighing] Sorry.  I should have known.

TharzZzDunN: [popping out of nowhere] Maybe we'll be lucky enough to see 
Peter tangle with the Overfiend. [disappears back into nowhere]

Ifurita: [growling] I don't think we'd ever want to see that.

Overfiend: [Appearing] Not to mention I don't want to even touch him! 
[disappears]

. . . I've seen it a lot of times . . . but where? 

        [The MAT 2K crew pales.]

Ami: He wouldn't...

Ranma: No way...

Ifurita: Not even Choe...

    [All of a sudden, a foot crashes on Peters face and >five seconds
later, another foot stomps on his mug

Ami: [Peter] THAT WAS MY ONLY MUG!!  I'M TOO POOR AND INCREDIBLY STUPID 
TO BUY ANOTHER EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!!!

but the latter foot is smaller.]

A-kun: He did it.

Akane [chasing Ranma with her hammer from you- know- >where]:  Ranma! 

you

jerk! [Turns around] Oh no, I hit someone! 

        [Ami sighes in relief, Ranma and Ifurita growl angrily at being 
used as plot-devices and A-kun sits quietly, knowing not to make a sound 
or the two deadly ACs would kill him.  TharzZzDunN hums quietly like a 
well tuned barrel of Deadheads!]

Peter [With a foot mark on his face but not affected by the >stomp]:  

Hmmm,

did I just hear "Ranma"? 

Ranma: If you did, it'll be before Choe adds "DON'T KILL ME!!!".

Akane [looks down toward Peter who is laying on the >ground]: I'm 

sorry, I

didn't see you there. 

Ami: Akane apologizing, this is already OOC.

Ifurita: No, that Akane would notice or care is OOC.

A-kun: You two don't like Akane very much, do you?

Ranma: Make that three people who don't like Akane.

A-kun: Four and it should be Akane stopping from chasing Ranma is OOC.

Ami: I hate her because of the way she treats Ranchan.

Ranma: I hate her because of the way she treats me.

Ifurita: I hate care she's a baby that hasn't learned to grow up.  Even 
Princess Fatora did THAT.

A-kun: And I hate her because she keeps claiming she's a martial artist 
and insists that she can handle things of Ranma's calliber, yet has done 
nothing to keep up with Ranma's training or techniques whatsoever.

All: So we all hate Akane.

Ranma-girl: Of course, you were too busy charging through >like a fat 

hippo

. . .

Ranma: This is so degrading.  Ranma-*GIRL*?  Geez, why not offend the 
female gender more and say Ranma-*Weaker And Stupider Sex*?

Akane: Stupid! [Hits Ranma with her magic mallet,

Ami: It's not magic.

A-kun: Answers, Dr. Ami!

Ami: Tricorder readings aren't giving specifics, but it is NOT magical 
in any manner.

and Ranma flies off in
that weird body position.

TharzZzDunN: [Pops out of Thin Air] Ah, the Kama Sutra, so many are the 
bitter-sweet memories of tomorrow. [Fades into a box of Pop Tarts.]

Ranma: And when did I change back?

Ifurita: Come on, learn more about the Takahashi universe, THEN write 
about it.

 You know, he has his arms over his head with
two finger sticking out and his legs are bowed.]

A-kun: That's the Takahashi Trademark.

Peter: That's okay Akane, um . . . that happens a lot in >your stories. 

Ami: You know, I think if you gave Peter a secret, he'd practically be 
spewing it out to anyone who might even care.

Ifurita: And he'd most likely be shot within a few seconds.

Akane: HUH!? How did you know my name? 

Peter [thinks]:

All: [in unison] Not likely in any life time.

This is pretty, freaking weird, but now I think about my
situation . . . this could be fun! [Speaking] I just do. 

A-kun: No, it's more like "I'm an idiot from another universe come here 
to make everything okay, baby-cakes.", where upon the instant he 
finished that sentence, he'd be killed.

Akane:  Are you a stalker or something? 

All: [in unison and shocked] How did you know?

Peter:  No, I'm not. [Evil grin ] Who'd wanna stalk you, >you macho 

chick? 

Ami: You know, in many universes, Akane isn't as restrained as she 
normally seems.

Ranma: 'Bitter End' by Zen proved that. [shudders]

Ifurita: Or 'Paint it Black'. [all shudder]

Akane:  What did you say?

Ranma: HE SAID- oh, nevermind.

 Macho chick?! [Takes out Mallet]

        [Gun shots are heard.]

Mallet: AAAAAAAH!!! [falls over dead]

Akane: Whoops, wrong mallet.  And wrong version of 'Takes out'.

Peter [bored]:  Oh . . . no, [yawns]

        [Peter's skull is crushed.]

All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!

    [Akane hits Peter on top of the head with her mallet, 
but Peter

A-kun: Having no head or brains...

Ranma: ...and never possessing the latter...

just
stands there like nothing happened.  The mallet, however, >shatters 

into

pieces.]

Ifurita: How can something shatter into Pieces?  Isn't that a 
constellation?

Ami: No, wrong pieces.  Remember how that window broke when we tried 
playing baseball?

Ifurita: Oh.  Sorry.

Peter:  You always hit strangers, Akane Tendo? 

A-kun: Evil, sadistic and overly powerful strangers?  Of course.  Taking 
on something everyone but her knows can kill her?  She'll be the first 
to attack.  Differences in power levels greater than the gap between 
first generation Zoanoids and the Gunbuster?  Oh heavens, she'll be in 
that fight faster than you can even begin to use energy to comprehend 
the battle.

Akane [obviously surprise]:  No . . . Except that you're >the only one 

that

called me "macho chick." 

All: Huh?

Ami: Ranma, I never believed you before about Akane being that dumb, but 
I believe you now.

Peter:  Ranma has. 

A-kun: [Akane] But I hate you more.

Akane:  Are you a god or something? 

All: [in unison] We hope not or we're all in trouble.

Peter [raises eyebrow]:  What?!  Don't you ever say that >blasphemous 

thing

again!

Ranma: [Peter] I'm nowhere near as cool as them.  In fact, on the 
cool-o-meter, take the maximum coolness factor possible and invert it 
and you've got me...plus a buttered slice of toast.

[Calms down] Then again, now that I think about it, >without us you
won't survive. 

        [The MAT 2K crew look around.]

Ifurita: What's with this "Us" stuff?

Akane:  Huh? 

Ami: Exactly.

Peter:  See, you need us three dimensional people to buy >your stories.  

If

we don't, you won't be successful and fade away into >obscurity.  But 

if

you guys are successful, you will spin off into TV series, >maybe a 

Movie,

OAV's, terrible video games, and heck, a bunch of fanboys >will even 

write

stories about you.

A-kun: You die.  The instant I get my hands to a keyboard, you die.

You will also be remembered also, or until the next
good Manga comes out. 

Akane:  What? 

Ami: Are you stupid or something?

Ifurita: [Akane] Ma mama always said "Stupid is as stupid does."

Peter:  Be quiet.  The opening theme is about to come on, >along with 

the

title. 

Akane [Clueless]:  

A-kun: As always.

What theme?!

    [Opening theme: _Everything You Know is Wrong_ by >"Weird Al" 

Yankovic

(Go get that tape if you want to know what it sounds like)]

Ifurita: "Weird Al" must have been thinking of Peter or reading this 
story when he wrote the song.

Ami: [disgusted] Weird Al must be spinning in his shorts in a pool of 
gravy with TharzZzDunN.

All: [Singing]%I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane%
                        %with a rabid wolverine in my underwear%
                        %when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat%
                        %popped right up and cupped his hands%
                          %across my eyes%
                        %I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?%
                        %Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?%
                        %Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or 
Steve?%
                        %I probably would've gone on guessing%
                        %but about that time we crashed into the truck%
                        %And as I'm laying there bleeding on the 
asphalt%
                        %finally I recognize the face of my hibachi 
dealer%
                        %who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me%

                        %Everything you know is

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