(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in 
3....2....1....just kidding.)

        Hey there, everyone.  I'd just like to say that in this series, 
I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments.  I don't, in any way, mean 
offense to any of the authors or original show Mystery Science Theater 
3000, who have spent hours on end working to make this idea possible to 
form in my head.
        My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have to use 
Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma 1/2.
        Please don't sue me!
        Enjoy! ^_^;

(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)

There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into space...

(Hey!  You can't do this!  I know people!  REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!  
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)

Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!

Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...

[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth.  This is the Satelite 
of Anime.  We enter...]
        [There's a brown haired young man who looks like he really 
shouldn't be in high school.  He turns to Cambot and us.]

A-kun: Oh, hi!  I'm A-kun!  Welcome to the Satellite of Anime.  And with 
me just recently added to the population are Ranma Saotome from Ranma 
1/2, Ami Mizuno from Sailor Moon, the great and dangerous Demon-God 
Ifurita who is *KIND* and *COURTEOUS* to the person who summoned her...

Ifurita: (rolling her eyes) Bite me.  (smiling in a less than friendly 
manner) Makoto likes S&M and eventually, you will too.

A-kun: (Bigsweating as he continues)...and of course, Cambot from MST 
3K, which is a very fine show, I might add.

Ranma: Suck up.

        [A red light begins flashing on a panel near A-kun.]

A-kun: Hush now.  Laverne and Shirley are calling.

[Deep Throat 4]

        [A black-haired guy in a lab coat is standing in front of the 
camera.  Nearby a taller guy with brown hair is wearing a black 
jumpsuit.  These are A-kun's brothers.]

Black-haired guy: Hello *LOSERS*.  I hope you've got your invention for 
the exchange.

[SOA]

A-kun: Well, I knew this would turn into some sort of copy of MST 3K, so 
I prepared my invention ahead of time.  Dr. Matheus, I'll let you go 
first, just so I can blow you out of the water!  
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

        [The anime characters look at A-kun and begin getting Anime 
Sweatdrops (tm).]

[Deep Throat 4]

Dr. Matheus: Hmph!  TV's Danny Boy, get our invention.

TV's Danny Boy: Yes, Dr. Matheus.

        [Danny goes over to a cart and wheels it in front of the camera.  
It has what looks like a dummy of Makoto Mizuhara (from El Hazard).]

Dr. Matheus: This is a more advanced version of your standard electric 
chair.  You see, many criminals do horrendous crimes and let's face it, 
lethal injection and such just don't do it anymore.

[SOA]

Ami: So your machine kills them more effienciently?

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Hell no.  It's WORSE!  They're forced to read Ratliff 
stories until they die!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

        [The dummy of Makoto explodes violently.]

Dr. Matheus: What do you think, A-kun?

[SOA]

A-kun: I think you made a mistake about having the dummy look like 
Makoto Mizuhara.

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Why's that?

[SOA]

        [Ifurita is standing at a gun port.]

Ifurita: RED LIGHTNING!!!!

        [Thousands of blasts fly at Earth, blasting at the protective 
shielding over DP4.]

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Nice try, Ifurita, but the shielding over Deep Throat 4 is 
great enough to withstand ANY attack from an AC.

[SOA]

Ranma: A what?

A-kun: AC means Anime Character.

Ranma: Oh.

A-kun: But that doesn't mean my WOMBAT CANNON won't work!

        [The Wombat Cannon, which A-kun swiped from John Walter Biles' 
room, fires, causing the shields around DP4 to shudder underneath the 
terrific blast.]

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Nice try, but we knew you'd take the Wombat Cannon, so 
we've made the shields able to withstand that blast too.  That's my 
other latest invention.  The Ifurita Shield System(tm).  It can 
withstand any attack and will adapt so similar attacks will be useless.

[SOA]

A-kun: DAMN!  Oh well.  Your shield system will show one flaw sooner or 
later.

Ranma: Man, Biles is gonna kick your @$$ for swiping his Wombat Cannon.

A-kun: I know, but I just had to try for Ifurita's sake.

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Well, boobies, what's your invention?

[SOA]

A-kun: My invention is based on a tricorder from Star Trek.  You often 
see episodes where the idiots have nothing but their useless tricorder.  
Well, my Swiss Army Tricorder will not only act also as a phaser, but it 
will also act as a food replicator, a shield, a pocket knife, a pair of 
speedos, a toaster, a slicer, a dicer, a chopper and a hopper and it's 
ALL available for who?  You.  At a low, low price of 4 easy payments of 
$999,999,999,999.93 a minute plus interest per second late on every 
payment.  Residents of New Jersey must pay an additional $6.95 for S&H 
(Shipping and Handling for those who don't know).

        [Ranma presses a button on the tricorder and it turns into a 
pair of speedos.  He walks off with them.]

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Hey, these speedos are quite comfortable.

        [Dr. Matheus is wearing the speedos and is tugging at them.  
Suddenly, it changes color and explodes.]

[SOA]

A-kun: [grinning] I forgot to mention that if you tug them, they 
explode.

Ami: That wasn't very nice.

Ifurita: Thanks A-kun.

A-kun: No problem.  Anything to get back at them.

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: <COUGH> Your fanfic, booby, is a 'fic known as "Scoop of 
the Day" by...I think it's Raphael See, but I'm not sure....anyway, 
enjoy!

[SOA]

        [Ranma walks back onto the bridge smoking as the blast from his 
speedos had mildly singed him.  Suddenly, the red light begins flashing 
and alarms and klaxons go off.]

A-kun: OH NO!  WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!

        [Cambot begins zooming forward as the ACs and A-kun run to their 
access ports.  The dog-bone door opens for Cambot.]
        [Door 1: It's a wall of dogs.  You throw a stick and they all 
run to retrieve it save one dog which you step over.  Before you leave, 
it says "Yo quiero Taco Bell." and stares at you intently.]
        [Door 2: It's a revolving door.  You have to take off your skis 
so you can enter.]
        [Door 3: It's a bunch of water.  It collapses to the ground as 
you walk through.]
        [Door 4: It's a shower curtain.  You rip it back and see Ifurita 
showering.  Sure, you get slapped, but it was worth it.]
        [Door 5: It's a bunch of graduates howling over a kegger.  You 
navigate your way through their decaying corpses.]
        [Door 6: It's a vault door and opens for you.]

        [Ifurita enters first, then Ami, then A-kun, then
Ranma.  They sit in the same order.]

From: raphael@asu.edu
Subject: [RANMA][Fanfic] Scoop of the Day - Part 1

A-kun: EGADS!  There's more than ONE?!

   Okay, here's my first attempt at a fanfiction ever!

All [in a monotone voice]: We know.

Please feel free
to comment, criticize, kill, clean, or correct to your
heart's content.

A-kun: Heh heh heh... he'll wish he had never typed that!

Scoop of the Day

Ami: I think I'd rather stick to just plain chocolate, thank you very 
much...

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic

Ranma: WHOO!!!  YOU GO, BOY!  Let's do the Wave!

Disclaimer: Ranma and company are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi (like
I'd be able to come up with anything that crazy on my >own!).

A-kun: Yeah, who are YOU to play god?

Ifurita: Well...

A-kun: Shush.

This fanfic
was written because I didn't have anything better to do and
because I
like Ranma 1/2.

Ranma: What?!  People do this on a WHIM?!

A-kun: Why do you think I write this junk?

No profit was gained from this writing,

Ranma: WHAT?!?!  I ALWAYS make a profit on starring in fanfics, so you'd 
BETTER make money or I'll take it out of your hide!

A-kun: That's a bit cruel, Ranma.

Ranma: Well, after Ms. Takahashi-sama quit writing, I'm been out of a 
job.  I NEED every paycheck!

no glory was won,

A-kun: Kuno would pause right about here and wonder why he was writing 
this if it wasn't for glory?

Ami: So would we.

and no animals were harmed in the production of this story.

Ranma: We'll fix that, here P-chan....

Special thanks to Mike. W. Loader for his ideas and >support, and for
convincing me that my idea wasn't so dumb after all.

A-kun: Mike shouldn't have done that...

Ami: That's not very nice, A-kun.

Ifurita: We. should. destroy. this. Mike. W. Loader. for. his. dumb. 
ideas.

A-kun: HEY!  When did you get so witty?

Ifurita: Heh.  It's part of my new programming.

WARNING!!! In the following story, you will see none of the
below:
      *Lemon scenes

All save Ami: DAMN!

Ami: Oh good.

        [The others stare at her as if she's mad.]

A-kun: I think we can fix that anyway...

      *Angst

Ranma: Ah, Ryoga ain't in it.

      *Resolved relationships

A-kun: Well, at least he had the right idea.

        [Ranma grumbles out some dirty insults.  A-kun began wondering 
if he got the RIGHT Ranma...]

      *Crossovers

Ami: Ah, a PURE anim-....er, mang-....er, Fanfic.

A-kun: What a dork!  Crossovers have the most fun in them!  Not to 
mention everyone'll read a crossover just to see what the plot is...

Ranma: That explains why no one reads your stuff.

A-kun: HEY!

   Okay, on with the show!

Ami: Okay, now hit 'Stop'!

Chapter One: Here's Noriko

Ifurita: And Here's Ifurita.  What's your point?

      Noriko Hirauchi held her head in her hands

A-kun: Ewww!  I hate horror movies.  Just think of how bloody that room 
must be...

Ami and Ranma [Shivering]: STOP THAT!

A-kun: Heh heh heh.

and sighed as she
looked at the chaos around her.

Ami: Yeah, it's all over the place.  Chaos!  How many times do I have to 
tell you not to drool in here!

A-kun: I'm sure he wasn't drooling...

Ami: A-KUN!  Stop that sentence RIGHT THERE!

      The journalism room of Furinkan High was always in some
state of
disorder, but this afternoon, entropy levels were at an >all-time high.

A-kun [spasming]: ACK!  ACK! ACK!  ACK!!!!

Ami: I don't think it's real entropy, A-kun. (For those less familiar 
with the word Entropy, it means the end/death of all things like energy, 
time, light, darkness, Akane's cooking, etc.  Wait, no, Akane's cooking 
can withstand it.)

A-kun: Oh, then why even mention it?

It was deadline day, and just about everyone in the room
scrambled about,

A-kun: No, I like my rooms unscrambled thank you.

Ami: That was pretty lame, A-kun.  Even *I* know that.

each dealing with their own little crises. The guy in the
corner --yes,
that one--

Ami: No, not him. Him.  No, next to him.  No, you're thinking of that 
other guy...

he had lost the floppy that contained the article that was >due
today. The girl over there with the ribbon in her hair

Ifurita: Could you be a LITTLE more vague, please?

-- she was
supposed to have met the principal this afternoon to
interview him about
his latest truancy policy, but he was currently >unavailable, something
that had to do with a pineapple bomb going haywire and him
going to the
infirmary.

Ranma: And this is a bad thing?

And the guy way in the back sprawled on the
floor, well,

A-kun: He was just peeing on the floor.

Ami: He was just licking up his ice cream that fell on the floor.

Ranma: He was petting his pet invisible spider...

Ifurita [Swatting at seemingly nothing]: <SWAT> Must... <SWAT> 
destroy... <SWAT> the... <SWAT> invisible... <SWAT> spiders! <SWAT>

one of the teachers had caught him sneaking around the >faculty lounge 

trying

to overhear the latest details on the bomb explosion and
decided to drain
him of his chi, yammering something about "delinquency."

Ami [rolling her eyes]: Gee, who could the teacher be?

Ranma: Do you know?  Can you PLEASE tell me?

        [Ami groans.]

      And so on and so forth.

Ifurita: SALLY FORTH!!!  I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!

Ami: No, not her.

Ifurita: Oh.

And Noriko was responsible for
them all.

ALL: <GASP!>

Ami: You're the second gunman on the grassy knoll?

A-kun: You're the one who swiped my pencil in the third grade?

Ifurita: You're responsible for my imprisonment?

Ranma: You're responsible for Jusenkyo and everything that's gone wrong 
in my life?

"Hey, where's that story on last week's softball game!?" >she hollered,
trying to make herself heard in the already maddening >noise.

        [The MAT 2K crew look at each other and then look at 
themselves.]

Ifurita: I don't feel maddened.

Ranma: Yeah, I don't even see Madden.

        [A-kun and Ami sigh and roll their eyes at Ranma's comment.]

      "Sorry, chief, the printer in here went blooey and I
had to go to
another room to get it out!" A sheet of paper was thrust in
her face.

Ranma: KABLAM!  No, I know, it went WOOZZLEWUZZLE!  No... I've got it!  
ZORK!  No, ah, it just went CORNHOLE!

"Here you are!"

Ami: No, I'm over here.

      Noriko glanced over it quickly to make sure it was an
article
about softball and not last night's math homework.

Ranma: Yes, they were still trying to figure out why I got 73 out of 7 + 
3.

The printer was
broken?

Ranma: No, I told you, it went GOOSENUBBLE!  No, it was more like 
GERKINSTEIN!  Maybe HOOPLOMPLE!

Well, she could deal with that later. "Hey, what
about those
photos I asked for?" No response. "Hey! Gosunkugi! Drop >that stupid 

doll

and get over here!"

Ranma: She relies on Gosunkugi?  The guy who kept taking my picture over 
and over trying to figure out my weakness?  The same guy who once spent 
three rolls of film on Akane in one hour?

Ami: Yep, it's him.

Ranma: EGADS!

        [A-kun looks at him funny.]

      A rather sheepish, baggy-eyed freshman quickly made his
way over
to Noriko's desk.

Ifurita: His eyes were in the shape of bags?

A-kun: Shush.

"Sorry, here they are," he mumbled as he
handed an
envelope over. Noriko opened it and examined its contents.

Ami: THESE ARE OF ME IN THE SHOWER!

A-kun: Now look who's being a pervert.

Ah, here was a
good photo of the team captain (Akane, wasn't it?) catching
a pop fly.

A-kun: Akane's the captain of the team?  Which team?  And why is she 
suddenly in Xanth?

Ranma: Xanth?

A-kun: Read Piers Anthony sometime.  He's really good. And yes, that's a 
shameless plug.

And another of Akane at bat. And Akane sitting in the
dugout. And Akane
chasing some pig-tailed girl with a bat, and Akane getting
some water,

Ranma [Singing]: Memories...blahblahblahblah...Memories... 
blahblahblahblah...Memories...

A-kun: You don't know the song, do you?

Ranma: Nope.

and waitaminute were these all pictures of...

A-kun: Gosunkugi!  Will you stop taking pictures of your tatoos?

        [Ifurita is standing before a mirror with a camera.]

A-kun: Ifurita, stop that.

      "Gosunkugi no BAKA!!" Noriko shouted. "You wasted an
entire roll
taking pictures of AKANE??"

A-kun: YEAH! And there all clean, too!  WE NEED SMUT, YOU DAMNED FOOL!  
WE'RE A TABLOID, FOR KAMI-SAMA'S SAKE!

      Gosunkugi blanched. "S-s-sorry! Th-that's the roll I
bought for
myself. H-here're the real pictures!" He quickly shoved an
identical
envelope across the table.

Ami [with a serious tone]: Open it and you'll never be able to look at 
peanut butter the same way twice.

Noriko snatched it up and quickly looked
inside.

Ifurita: THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE!!!

      "Okay, that's better. I'd better not catch you wasting
our film,
you know! That film costs money, and we're rather tight on
funds!"

Ranma [with a lecherous look in his eyes] [as Noriko]: And we're all in 
tights.  Especially me!

        [Ami whaps him.]

      "H-h-hai, Noriko-san! Gomen!" Gosunkugi quickly
scurried away.

Ami: Okay, who wants it?

Ifurita: I'll do it.  AHEM!  Squeak, squeak.

      Noriko sighed once more. The chaos seemed to have
dropped to
manageable levels; the guy had found his floppy 

Ami and Ifurita: What?  Floppy what?!

A-kun: As in a disk.

Ifurita: I'm sure Ami-chan and I would LOVE to see Ranma-kun's disk as 
well as yours.

        [A-kun begins sweating.  Ranma pales as he thinks of what Akane 
would do to him.]

in the computer's drive,

Ifurita: OH! OH!

A-kun: STOP THAT!  Yeesh, and I thought I was the pervert...

the girl had managed to contact the principal on the phone,

Ranma: This is a *GOOD* thing?!?

and the guy
on the floor was even starting to come around.

Ami: WOOOHOOOO!!!!

Ranma: [eyes twitching] Eh.....

Sometimes her crew was a
bit tough to work with, but they always managed to pull
through somehow.

A-kun [in a speaker voice]: Welcome to McDonald's.  What <White Noise 
(tm)> today?

Ranma: I'd like a Whopper and some Crazy Bread.

A-kun: Let me just <WN>.  That'll be <WN> please <WN> around <WN> second 
window.

      Noriko allowed a brief wave of pride to wash over her.

Ifurita: Is it anything like oil?

Ami: Yes, but it's twice as tough to get rid of if it stains your skirt.

Her crew.

A-kun: ARRR!!  It's me shitmates! {Heh,heh,heheh, heh, poop!} Darn 
TharzZzDunN.  That was him talking!

Her paper.

Ranma: Her pencil.

Ifurita: Her pride-stained skirt.

Ami: Her hair.

A-kun: Her left hand.  Which incidentally was currently...

Ami: Stop that line of thought right there, bucko!

After all, she was editor-in-chief of the
Furinkan Informer,

Ranma: Never heard of it.  And I starred in this thing, too.

and had single-handedly rescued the paper from the rut of
mediocrity it
was stuck in when she had arrived at Furinkan just a little
over a year
and a half ago.

Ami: And something changed?

To be editor-in-chief as a sophomore, that
was
unthinkable.

A-kun: Then don't think of it.

And to be editor-in-chief practically
immediately as a
newcomer to Furinkan, that was even more unthinkable.

Ranma: Then just think about it less then being editor-in-chief as a 
sophomore.  It's not shameful to have a dream.

A-kun: Especially if it's dirty and you tell us about it!

But, after a
stellar first year as a reporter (getting the scoop on the
Oni invasion
was a plus),

A-kun: HEY!  I thought there wasn't any crossovers in here!  And yes, 
mentionings count.  After all, I've read so-called 'Crossovers' with 
Ranma and Sailor Moon where Ranma and co. only got mentionings.

Ifurita: Then, that means the other things he promised wouldn't be in 
here, are, in fact, in here.

        [They all realized this and began focusing intently on the 
story.]

everyone on the paper had agreed that editor-
in-chief was
where Noriko Hirauchi belonged.

Ami: Well, why isn't she at Editor-in-chief?  And where is that? I've 
heard of goofy names for cities, but this one takes the cake.

Ranma: Cake?!  WHERE?!

A-kun: I believe it's some sort of position.

Ami: Ah.

Ranma: Nevermind that, where's the cake?!

      "Hey, chief! Got the layout for next week's edition
right here!"
Noriko broke out of her reverie and directed her attention
towards
Suzuki, the layout editor.

Ifurita: Wait, that was supposed to be a reverie?

Suzuki waved a sheaf of paper.

A-kun: Man, this is a sheaf load of paper.

Ami: Maybe that's what on it too, sheaf.

Ifurita: I usually put sheaf in a compost heap.

Ranma: One moment guys, I REALLY gotta go sheaf.

"It's a real
beaut, too! Okay, we've got the normal header for the front
page, and the
top headline is--"

Ranma [as he heads out]: "Ranma goes to Sheaf"?

Ami: "Sheaf, your enemy".

Ifurita: "Sheaf, it's what's for dinner and it's all Americans eat".

A-kun: "This paper is a load of sheaf!"

      "Let me guess," Noriko interrupted. "'Student Brawl
Causes Damage
to School: Disagreement between martial artists becomes out
of hand,U"
she recited with an almost bored look on her face.
      Suzuki looked crestfallen. "You already took a look at
the
layout, chief?"

A-kun: Damn!  And here I wasted all this time putting it on *SHEAF* 
paper!  Do you know how expensive *SHEAF* paper is?!

      "No, but that's what the headline has been for the last
four
editions of the Informer!" Noriko said, frustrated. "It's
gotten so that
nothing short of Nerima sinking into the ocean will even
make the
students turn their heads!"

Ifurita [as Suzuki]: Wait, Porn does it too!

Ami: And so do bondage pictures of me!

A-kun: Ah-HA!  So you *ARE* wrong, Noriko Hirauchi!

      "Well, chief, it is rather important news," Suzuki
remarked,
somewhat annoyed.

A-kun: No it isn't.  News that the school was burning down, now THAT is 
important.

Ami: News on how to fight giant killer gummy jellyfish with a bullwhip 
and a chair, now THAT is important.

Ifurita: News on how I scored with Makoto before I was called here, now 
THAT is important.

Ami: But martial artists?  Bah, that's useless important news.

      "Yeah, it was news the first time, all right, but then
the
incidents kept occurring over and over again!" Noriko shook
her head in
frustration.

A-kun:..and over and over and over and over and over and over and over 
and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over 
and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over 
and over and over again!  And I haven't even counted a third of the 
fights!

        [Ranma returns.]

Ranma: Ahhh....

"Why can't this be a normal high school like
everywhere
else? Somewhere where fights don't occur every single darn
day and you
don't have to worry about losing your head as you walk to
your next
class.

A-kun: Would you rather live in Tomobiki?  Or Shinjuku?  Or Quagmire 
High? Or Angel Grove?  Or Tokyo 3?  Or Tsunami High?  Or any other 
universe's death trap of a school?  Trust me, lady, you're at the safest 
school in the world.  After all, where else does something happen on a 
time table that's easy to follow?

It's all those darn martial artists!" Noriko spat out the >word 

"artists."

Ranma: HEY!!!  See, it's not martial artists, it's normal artists!

"Some 'art,' breaking everything in sight! In
fact--"

Ifurita: Mona Lisa!  You put those desks back the way they were!

A-kun: David!  Bad sculpture!  You broke the toilet, you fix it!

Ami: All right, mister Van Gogh's ear, you'll just be paying for those 
windows you just broke!

Ranma: All right you little abstract art, you!  You'll be reinstalling 
that carpeting and insulation...

      Just then, Mr. Watanabe, the advisor,

Ifurita: YEAH!  GO, GO, GO!

Ami: Huh?

A-kun: A Watanabe was involved in the production of El Hazard.  I think 
he was the Music Director or something.

Ranma: Man, that's obscure.

poked his head into the
doorway. "Noriko, could I talk to you for a moment?" He
gestured towards
his office.

Ifurita: HA-HA!  You're BUSTED!

A-kun: Maybe I should look into her programming and see what else Makoto 
tampered around with...

      Mr. Watanabe calmly sat down in his chair and studied
the
standing, slightly nervous Noriko in front of him. She was >a cute 

enough

girl, slightly short for her age, with shoulder-length wavy
brown hair
and round glasses that made her already large eyes appear
even larger
than they were, creating an impression of eager, although
somewhat
untried, intelligence.

Ranma: At last!  We finally know what she looks like!  Yeesh, Raphael, 
until now, she was just an amorphous blob!

TharzZzDunN: [popping in] And something's changed? [popped out]

Watanabe-sensei drew a breath inward,
realizing

A-kun: He just let one rip.

what he had to say to Noriko would not be pleasant. Still,
although she
didn't look it, Noriko was a tough girl,

Ifurita: No, she isn't.  I kicked her around the room when we fought.

Ranma: Save for A-kun, I'm sure you've kicked us all around.

and would probably be able to
take the news well.
      "Noriko, I couldn't help but overhearing what you were
saying
about the martial artists in our school," Mr. Watanabe said
carefully,

Ami: Careful.....careful......

fingering a letter opener in the shape of a small katana.

Ifurita: If that isn't useless...

      "Hai, sensei," Noriko said, looking at the ground.
      With lightning speed,

A-kun: Mr. Watanbe let another one rip!

Mr. Watanabe hurled the letter

Ifurita: That he wanted her to open for him, since he was so dorky he 
couldn't open it himself.

opener in
Noriko's direction. Before Noriko could even gasp in
surprise, her
reflexes took over her body and Noriko caught the blade 

        [The MAT 2K began laughing.]

Ranma: BLADE?!?!

Ami: I couldn't cut butter with that thing!

A-kun: I couldn't even open a letter with that thing!

Ifurita: It's so useless that it wasn't even destroyed when I blasted 
it!

just centimeters

>from her face. "What did you that for?? You could have been

killed!"

All: HUH?!

Ami: Okay, so...I'm assuming it's....Noriko talking, so why is she 
concerned about Mr. Watanabe?

Ranma: Maybe she'd kick his @$$ if it actually hit her.

A-kun: I'd believe it.

      Mr. Watanabe's smile was wan. "No, I couldn't have, and
you know
it as much as I do." He readjusted himself in his chair.

Ranma: One moment, guys.  I do this.

        [Ranma walks over to the projector and begins making shadow 
figures.  First, a butterfly.  Then, a bunny.  Then, a dog.  Finally, he 
made an Eva and Angel and had them fight briefly.]

Ami: Well, that's more interesting than the story right now.

Ifurita: I'm curious as to what lame excuse Raphael's going to make 
about the *SPECTACULAR* Noriko, who can catch *DEADLY* letter openers?

A-kun: Well, you just know it'll be a stupid one.

"Noriko, I know
you didn't mean what you were saying in there about martial
arts." A
statement, not a question.

A-kun: A lame plot device, not a good one.

Ranma: Wait a minute!  Everyone in Nerima that has Martial Arts training 
has formed at least six love triangles!

Ami: No kidding.

      Noriko was indignant. "Not mean it? Of course I did!
They cause
nothing but trouble, and damage, and..." Noriko trailed off
at the sight
of the stern look that had replaced her sensei's smile.

        [Ranma glares at Noriko.]

Ifurita: And the stern look from the aquatransexual made her wet 
herself.

      "Noriko, you couldn't have caught that letter opener
and still
think that you don't want anything to do with the martial
arts. And I
thought I had taught you so well." Mr. Watanabe waved his
hand,

Ranma: In a vain attempt to clear the air after he let so many rip!

dismissing his last thought.

A-kun: Yeah, just chalk that little act up on the insanity chart.

Ami: No kidding.  Just because I know fifty-two ways to kill someone 
without using my hands doesn't mean I want to use them anytime soon.

Ifurita: Just because I'm the ultimate weapon, that doesn't mean I'm 
going to use a handgun.

"Anyway, that's not the reason

Ranma: Good, because if you were going to go into a whole stupid 
discussion about how seeing martial arts make someone a martial artist, 
then that means any idiot who watches Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan and 
starts doing their moves can call themselves a martial artist.

I brought you
in here. I went to the faculty meeting today at the >hospital since
Principal Kuno couldn't make it to school this afternoon."
      "Oh? What happened?"

Ami: Well, first, there was a huge explosion that formed stars and 
such...

A-kun: No, not THAT far back, Ami.

Ami: Oh, okay.  Okay, first I woke up today....

      "As you know, maintenance costs for Furinkan this year
have been,
shall we say, somewhat higher than they have been in the
past." Mr.
Watanabe pulled out a packet and handed it to Noriko. "Now,
what you are
about to look at must not leave this office."

Ranma: Ever.  Not you, not me, not the spider, not even the door can 
leave!

      Noriko scanned the page of numbers. "It looks like a
budget for

A-kun: Microsoft!  Those jerks aren't paying taxes!

Ami: The U.S. government. [Pause] Gee, it's kidda small...

Ranma: HEY!  I was swimming recently!

next year," she remarked. "Maintenance costs, improvements,
funds to
various programs: rugby, gymnastics, Hawaii Club, softball,
yearbook...hey! Where's journalism's funds?"

Ifurita: Where's the U.S. Government's funds?

Ami: Where's the funds for idiotic movies with lame and unrealistic 
romances?

Ranma: Where's the funds for D.

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