Subject: Re: [FFML] Writing Practice (Was Evaluating Stories)
From: David Lerman
Date: 7/7/1998, 1:20 AM
To: Joseph Palmer <jpalmer@best.com>, "Miko" <nausicaa@sprynet.com>, <ffml@fanfic.com>

At 10:19 PM 7/6/98 -0700, Joseph Palmer wrote:

>From "Monkey Head Butting"
__________________________________________

"Oh!  What's this?"

Kasumi set her laundry basket down on the grass and picked up the strange
object lying at the edge of the stone path.  She turned it over.  It was a
metal broach of some sort, of a dull gray metal, perhaps pewter.  It was
covered in dirt, but from what she could see of it, the front depicted a
rather amusing little monkey's face.

"How cute!" she exclaimed.

	I think this is a really good opening.
	The first line of dialog says a lot in just three little words,
	and contains surprise, curiosity, and an inferance that there is
	the object of those emotions within view of the speaker.

	I like the mix of the sentances too, one long, one short, a medium
	and another long. This really breaks up the cadence that can creep
	into a paragraph.

  Joseph's point about cadence demonstrates that writing to be read is
distinct from writing to be spoken.  Great speeches are similar to poetry.
They use rhythm and meter to affect the listener.  However, the same
speeches rarely read as good as they sound.  Speaking one's writing aloud
is a useful technique for spotting errors such as missing words (and I
would urge some of the writers to try it), but the writer shouldn't confuse
the speaking of the work with the reading of it.

                                                       dml