Eeeeeew! It might be 'artistic', but it starts the story
on a -stutter-, and I think it could be improved. Anyone
Want to take a hack at it? Or volunteer their own?

J.

Well I guess I could volunteer...

 My fic is Ranma 1/2 A Chinese Ghost Story.

In each of the chapters for ACGS, I always tried to stick to one 
reoccuring theme or symbols, wind, storms, dreams, forests and leaves 
etc. I don't know what others might think about it, I just use it as a 
solid base to start from, setting the mood and atmosphere for the story 
and building on it as I go on. 

An example taken from ACGS CH4 : 

And the wind continued on...

Farther still�

Deeper into the undergrowth�

While the leaves tumbled with the dust that rose softly, willingly, off 
of the cold hard ground... 

Continuing on into the shadows of the woods...

Over gently flowing waters and streams...

Pass the stoic faces of worn out rocks. Run smooth by time...

Caressing the flowers hanging from the trees. Ripping off their soft 
scented petals from their fragile bodies, to move. And flow, 
unwillingly, with the passing current of the wind...

Their excitement, rising as the distance slowly ticked away...

Travelling deeper into the night...

Darting over, large stone steps, of an otherwise, almost empty and dark 
grey temple. 

Past the shadows of the stone pagodas, that lined a small and quiet 
pool. Guarding its corners like stone statues, as the waters in the pool 
stirred and tossed, in soft gentle waves. Reflecting back the light from 
the silent moon above...    

And just as suddenly, the calm is disturbed... 

The surface broken by the touch of a single leaf that sent out ripples 
spreading out from its body. While Lotus petals, soft and white as snow, 
rocked in the motions of the clear dark sparkling water.  Letting the 
tides wash over them, and settle. Till finally the surface is again, 
still, and flowing freely.  

And once again, the calm silence of the night, resumes...

(End example)

I know there are a lot of problems with the above lines besides from 
grammar and all. There are just a lot of ideas I wish to put forward in 
so few lines that I pretty much rely on the imagination of the reader. 

Well that's about it. 

Sincerely 
~Kahlil Noriega 


Oh yeah, ACGS Ch5 is going on pretty well, i might post it up very soon. 
Though I might require a few pre-readers to edit it before I finally 
post it on the FFML. Any help you could provide I'll gladly accept. 
Again Thanks in advance.


Ranma 1/2 A Chinese Ghost Story
http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/temple/9371

Email
becknkal@addax.bc.ca




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