At 12:10 AM 7/3/98 -0400, you wrote:

Nice start, but you have some major OOC brewing. Ukyou is FAR too close to
Ranma in this story. If she ever tried to do half the things she did in
this story, either Ranma would lamely back away from her or Akane would
step in the way.

First of all Ukyou is my favorate fiancee of Ranma's. She is the only one
who treats him with at least a little respect. She treats him better than
Akane or any of the others.

This story gave the strong sense that Ukyou is closer to Ranma than Akane,
which is false given both the anime and manga series. Not that you
couldn't change the status by the end of the fict, but it can't be like
that from the begining. Akane is shown repeated to be Ranma's 'best
friend' and only a friend to Ukyou (though she sees it as more).

I personally think Ranma really likes Ukyou better, but plays lip service
to what Genma and Soun.

Suggestions for change:
When Ranma beats the crap out of Ryoga, Akane would be upset. You need to
either have Akane hit him or have Akane be too concerned about Ryoga and
see Ranma's guilty expression.

I hate Akane more than anything possible.

In the bathroom scene, Ukyou would NOT be alone with Ranma. Akane would
either stay or drag Ukyou off. Ranma might be concerned enough about the
tail to not notice his state of undress, but I doubt it. He would lamely
try to get her to leave until Akane returns noting Ukyou hadn't followed.

In my opinion sence she always says she doesn't want to be engaged to
Ranma. She and Ranma came up with a plan to fool the two old men sense she
actually likes Kuno.

Akane would be likely to jump at Ranma as well as Ukyou in the scene he
'died.' You can have her be too late and not near enough when it happened,
but she would try.

Dull the sense of Ukyou having a strong relationship with Ranma. Have her
want to be the 'good, cute fiancee' that wants to help him, but Ranma and
Akane will both be in her way of doing that. Because she is a fiancee,
Ranma's relationship with her never had a chance to develope a strong base
with everything else happening (his love for Akane never helped either).

Note: I'm not saying you can't do a Ranma-Ukyou pairing, it's just that
you'll have to do some work in getting it to happen. Ranma at best see
Ukyou as a sister during the Ranma 1/2 series, and you'll have to convince
Ranma (and the reader) she can be more than that.


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