Drafting the synopsis and pre-write guide to our new Patlabor project, Andy
saw one of those Buddy Lee commercials and came up with an incredible--in my
opinion--trailer idea for our Kungfoolery series. Here ya' go...
-The Reverend Prez
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[Single violin string resonating. The screen fades in from black to the
first scene. Several well-dressed men sit at a v-shaped table in a softly
illuminated room surrounded by stainless steel walls. At the head of the
table, one of the men begins speaking. Throughout his dialogue, the camera
pans across the faces of the men and women seated at the table as well as
catches a wide variety of shot's of the head guy's face...]
<Guy at the Head of the Table>: "Gentlemen. We're faced with a very severe
set of circumstances. Less than half an hour ago, the President of the
Russian Federation suffered a severe heart attack. His physicians says the
outlook is very...grim. The President of the United States, in conjunction
with the Prime Ministers of Britain and Japan, have already moved to throw
their support behind...
[The camera and audio fade to black momentarily, and the man's voice
reappears as an narrative. A brilliant flash of light reveals the photograph
of a beautiful woman, mid-30s, with black hair. That photograph is clipped
to a dossier labelled State Department. The camera pans over the various
pictures included in the dossier as well as key portions of text.]
"...Finance Minister Natalya Kamarova has justly earned the respect of the
West over the past ten years--first as a GOSPLAN representative working in
London and Bonn, and then as the economic engineer of Russia's rebounding
economy. As of late, she is favored to secure the Free Democratic support in
the Duma, and she is expected to retain most of her predecessor's cabinet.
She is the voice of stability over there...which makes her opposition an even
greater concern to us..."
[The camera flashes to a photograph of an older man with greying sideburns
and a strong Jaw. His eyes are narrow and beady, and his face is cast in a
taut frown. Similar camera angles as mentioned before.]
"...Minister of the Interior Nikolay Illych Valadin. A former hardliner
in the old regime, he was brought in during the Yeltsin years to reign in the
remnants of the extreme left. He complied, naturally; his brief candidacy on
the Politburo was never realized under Gorbachev. He's been an outspoken
opponent of neo-perestroika since it was the original perestroika, and his
ties with the Communist Party are quite public. The former President had
approved of his appointment to the Cabinet for the same reason Yeltsin and
Gorbachev held onto him...he's a political gold mine if you use him right."
[The camera flips back to the head man and the people at the table. He looks
just past the camera, an ominous expression resting on his face. The
audience can hear random mumbling before various "shhhhes" quite the crowd.]
<Random People>: "My God!"
"Russia's destablizing."
"Well, here's to another fifty years."
"Valadin? Why not just conjure up Brezhnev's ghost?"
[The head man taps his notebook against the table, gaining the rest of the
board's attention.]
<Guy at the Head of the Table>: "Less than twenty minutes ago, the Prime
Minister of Japan contacted the President of the United States. A joint PSID
and CIA operation has confirmed that the Defense Ministry is leaning towards
Valadin at this point. This situation has just gone FUBAR, ladies and
gentlemen....If he takes Kamarova down, then Russia will present a security
risk to Japan of the likes that hasn't been seen since 1945...."
[The camera locks onto a picture of Kamarova and Valadin at some sort of
formal function before fading to black. When the picture returns, the violin
stretching out that single, ominous note is joined in by a surmounting rumble
of low strings. This time, the camera is panning through Tokyo--Shinjuku's
towers dominate the background...the narrator's voice takes over...]
<Narrator>: At the end of the 20th century, the world stands at the bring of
a Second Cold War...
[The camera instantly flashes to a two second scene depicting Yumuo Takajima,
student and primary character of Nokomoh High, engaged in a wildly chaotic
fight scene. The scene resolves back to the skyline vista.]
<Narrator>: ...as tensions run high, the only way to diffuse this time bomb...
[Another insta-flash, this time Hibiki Chobusake slapping Fei Jieshi across
the face and then back to the skyline...]
...before it explodes...
[Insta-flash to Prez Li back-fisting a nameless goon in the face, following
up with a swift mule kick to the gut. Back to skyline]
...is...
[Insta-flash back to the stainless steel boardroom. The gazes of the board
members lock anxiously of their leader. The head guy stands up as the camera
zooms for a close up of his lips...]
<Guy at the Head of the Table>: The Prime Minister of Japan has requested we
activate Project Raven immediately...
[fade to black...and then an insta-flash to a rapid cycle of fight scenes.
The violins, by this point, are in full effect--joined in with the fierce
accompaniment of brass and percussion. That "Duh...duh...duh...
duhduhdhu...Duh" rumbling builds up as the scenes flash across the screen.
You know, that score from the Aliens movies, everytime they reach a climactic
action scene.]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: ATSUI ASAMIZU
[Flash camera to a sharp angle, up-looking aspect of Atsui, who leaps into
the air, flips forward in a switch-blade fashion, and whips her left leg
swiftly down on Yumuo in an axe-like motion]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: YUMUO TAKAJIMA
[Yumuo's nose suddenly bursts into rivers of blood as he lands squarely in
the breasts of Soonji Hwang. Soonji promptly crescent kicks him aside,
whipping out her Ribbon's of Death; one strikes the camera lens, and it
flashes back to the black screen.]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: PREZ LI
[The Black screen forms into an Afro, and eventually Prez Li. The camera
pulls back and jumps up to a high-angle, down-looking aspect as three thugs
leap towards Prez--now the center of action. He leaps to meet them, and
quick flash to the black screen.]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: "KAIN" MIKIYASU ISHIDA
[Instaflash to a jungle setting. Kain rips across the screen firing an M-
16A1 with one hand an a M1911A1 with the other. Flashburst from the
automatic pistol caught by the camera, and switch back to Black..]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: In an AMDG Production
[Various fight scenes, Jenna Matsuidara versus Soonji Hwang; Kyoko Kitsune
versus Hibiki Chosokube; Prez Li versus Ono Takajima; Yumuo Takajima versus
his father, Otomo...etc. Switch to Black]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: And Featuring The Most Hardcore...
[Switch Nabiki Tendou whipping around, with camera looking up from the waste-
line while pulling back. Return to black...]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: ...The Most Dangerous...
[Camera flashes to Akane and Ranma, sparring in the dojo...]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: ...and The Most Primal...
[Center shot of Genma as a Panda. Mousse, in duck-mode, flaps haplessly as
Genma slowly crushes him in his paw. Return to black]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: ...Badasses from Ranma 1/2...
[Another assortment of extremely violent fighting scenes. Kodachi and Ukyou
versus Kim Hwang; Tatewaki Kunou versus Kain. Return to Black.]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: NOKOMOH HIGH
Happosai and Cologne versus Fu Man Shoot! I'm Gonna Get You Sucka and Master
Jubei; some rapid fight scenes in succession. Return to Black.]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: RAVEN'S DEW
[Flash to some more rapid fight scenes; Akane versus Atsui; Ranma and Ryouga
vs. Yumuo and Ono.]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: And....RANMA 1/2: RAVENWORLD
[Fade to black...then the music approaches its climax as the fighting scenes
are recycled with new footage. Flash to Atsui and Yumuo running away from a
tidal wave of Pavement racing behind them on the Kasuga-Dori. Hibiki slams
her mother's Suburu into the side of an apartment. Fei Jieshi runs across
the Sears Tower observatory deck and leaps off, while a helicopter mounted
camera follows his descent. Kyoko tears past the Bullet Train on bear feet.
Conclude with the Hentai Squadron launching a volley of missiles at a the Big
Sony Screen in Shinjuku just as the sun sets and in tandem with the climax of
the background score. Fade to Black...]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: THE KUNGFOOLERY SAGA...
[Materialize to a scene with female Ranma and Kasumi. Camera takes first-
person aspect from Ranma's perspective. He's tide down onto the kitchen
table and Kasumi's standing over him, holding a frying pan...]
Kasumi: <sweetly> "Ranma, you shouldn't treat Akane like that..." <face
swiftly contorts into an expression right out of the Excorcist; voice raises
sharply into a demonic screech.> "BITCH!"
[Kasumi leaps on top of Ran-chan whips the frying pan across her face,
striking the first-person camera aspect. The screen goes black with the
impact...]
<Text materializes on a Black Screen>: Read It...
[Fade out]
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-----The Representative of the Everlasting Funk-------
--<Presley H. Cannady II>--<cannady@magiccarpet.com>
"Do not encamp on entrapping terrain. Unite with your
allies on focal terrain. Do not remain on isolated
terrain. Make strategic plans for encircled terrain.
On fatal terrain you must do battle...."
-- Wu Sun-tzu, fourth century B.C.E.
----<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/1731/index.html>
----<http://members.tripod.com/~revprez/index.html>--