The basic problem I have with this fic is the characterization of Madoka
<SLAP> ... I mean Ayukawa-san.  She is too schoolgirlish.  Where is Madoka
the Pick, the juvenile delinquent who smokes and has the worst reputation
in the school?  Madoka Ayukawa is one of the most complex and developed
characters in all of manga or anime.  She is whimsical and capricious.  She
is too flat in this fic. <SLAP, "HENTAI!">  I mean the characterization is
too flat.  

There is also the problem of the timeline.  As she is in high school, her
fighting skills shoud already be well developed.  In the anime and in the
manga, she and Kyosuke are still in junior high school when they meet.  

                                                        dml